The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
by Marissa Davis
Summary: I had a secret. A secret that no one knew about. As far as everyone was concerned I had the perfect life, but there was a lot that people don't know about me. It didn't help that upon realizing who the love of my life was it only got worse. Brathan Leyton
1. Chapter 1

**Hey so I had this thought about a new story!! Basically it's going to be a Brathan because they are my obsession!! Anyway it's going to be different than my other Brathan stories, it is going to take place at the beginning of season one.**

**I am changing a few things this story is going to be dark and angsty, but still romantic and fluffy too. Nathan's life at home is a lot less than perfect, not only is his mother a pill popping junkie who is in rehab, but his father is brutally abusive to him as well, but Nathan just acts like nothing is wrong and covers up the bruises and the pain, and acts like he did in early season one; mean, cocky, a player all of that until one girl Brooke Davis notices that something is off and takes a better look at her best friends boyfriend and realizes that there is a lot more to him than he leads on. **

**They have known each other forever, but have never really been friends until he started to date Peyton. Soon Nathan starts to fall hard for her even though he is dating Peyton, but it is obvious that she is in love with his brother Lucas. **

**Nathan doesn't feel like life is worth living since his life is a living hell and he feels like no one cares about him, and now he starts to feel like Brooke is the only one that can save him.**

**Will she realize how she feels before its too late? Can she get past the façade he puts up every day and make him let her in? Will she be strong enough to find out his secret and save his life? Please review and tell me if this sounds like a good story idea and I will write the complete fic!!**

**Hey and also check out my two other fics: In Our Own Way We Always Have Been, which hasn't been updated in awhile I thought I was done with it, but I might star updating it again and The Kiss and Our Past, which still gets updated all the time!! **

**xoxo Summer Davis**


	2. Slipping Away

**Hey I was sooo excited to see how many reviews I already had for this I am going to start right away with the first official chapter so thank you so much to those of you who reviewed: RedMagic, MrsAmyScott, Pembroker, Jasper41164, SMNSoftballstar, and last but not least one of my most faithful reviewers xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx I dedicate this to you thank you so much for your kind words!!!**

_Beep, Beep_

I reached over to hit my alarm, but it wouldn't shut off and I was getting pissed. I finally got fed up with it and picked it up and threw it against the wall and it shattered and fell to the floor. I realized as soon as I did that, that it was a mistake I could hear loud footsteps coming up the stairs and towards my room. My heart started to beat in a panic, but before I could react my door flung open and my worst nightmare walked in.

I immediately rose out of bed as he walked past me glaring and walked over and picked up the remaining pieces of the alarm. He turned around and threw it right at my face, but luckily my basketball reflexes kicked in and I ducked at the last second.

_I'm slippin' away  
In every way_

"Nathan!" He roared. His eyes were red with rage, I was terrified but I didn't show it that would only make things worse.

"Dad." I said calmly.

"Do you want to explain to me what happened?" He asked expectedly.

"I was ju-." I started, but Dan throwing a right hook right into my jaw cut me off. I fell to the floor, but because of experience I knew not to stay there long so I got up as quick as I could still trying not to show fear.

He grabbed the front of my shirt and threw me against the wall and put his iron fists around my neck and yelled, "Nathan you need to work on your temper a little bit we can't just throw things around like they don't matter and what if a neighbors heard you?" After he said that he jerked me forward and punched me again but instead of falling down I fell against the wall catching my self on my desk.

_I can't stay (and I don't know why) awake  
I'm slippin' (and I don't know why) away_

He grabbed my shirt again and asked harshly, "Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I could barely choke out my neck was red and I was still trying to catch my breath.

Apparently my answer wasn't good enough because he grabbed the back of my head and pulled my hair and threw me to the floor and kicked me in the stomach and shouted," Yes what? Do you know who your talking to?" He put his face right next to mine so I could feel his breath on my face as I stuttered, "Y-yes s-sir."

"That's right." He said smugly as he backed up. "Now get ready for school you don't want to be late." And with that he walked out of my room and went to work.

I stayed on the floor for a couple of minutes trying to remember to breathe, but my neck and stomach were aching. I finally found enough strength to get up walk across the hall into the bathroom.

_I'm trying to make it through each day  
I'm fallin apart now in every way_

The hot water felt good on my aching muscles and my face that would probably and a shiner or a black eye now. I groaned in frustration thinking if I hadn't thrown that fucking alarm he wouldn't have been so pissed, but then again he probably would have found another reason…'he always does' I thought miserably.

I stepped out of the shower to examine my self. My neck was red and my stomach was beginning to bruise a little, today wasn't as bad as most, but then again it was only morning. My face was beginning to develop a bruise right next to my eye and my jaw was sore.

I sighed and went back to my room to get dressed. Nothing special just a plain red t-shirt and a black Ravens hoody with semi dark jeans and my tennis shoes.

After I walked down stairs to the kitchen passing on the way down our _family _portrait. See I am Nathan Scott and if you asked anyone I was the luckiest guy in Tree Hill. I was the most popular guy in school the one all of the girls would die to sleep with and the one all of the guys want to be friends with.

_I'm findin' it harder to get by  
There's a hole in my heart_

I am captain of the varsity basketball team and was the son of Dan Scott the mayor of Tree Hill. I couldn't believe he tried to play the whole family man act he was anything but. He always came home drunk and he had no problem letting out all of his anger out on me.

Then there was my mom. She only married my dad because she got pregnant with me in college. Deb Scott was supposed to love her life being one of the richest women in this town, but she hates Dan almost as much as I do. He made her start hating herself so she took pills to make herself feel better, but one day she took too many and almost died. I couldn't blame her for wanting to get out of this hellhole of a life.

_And, I don't know why  
Now I've come to realize_

I went to the fridge and pulled out water and chugged most of it, but I also took a couple aspirin for the pain from this morning. Then I headed out the door for school. As soon I pulled into the parking lot everyone turned to look at me I just smirked in response to all of the attention and the irony behind it. These people weren't my real friends just people who wanted popularity and get invited to all of the right parties.

I acted like I didn't mind, but I am the king of this school and I actually kind of like it because at home I sure as hell don't feel important at all.

I pulled into my usual spot and as soon as I got out my best friend Tim greeted me.

"Nate my man wassup!" He said eagerly looking around obviously liking the attention that _I _was getting. I just rolled my eyes and replied monotone, "Nothing just getting ready for another day in this crap ass school." Then I walked away without another word to him.

_I'm slippin' away_

I walked in not noticing as much as some people might how every girl I looked at either winked at me or almost passed out if I smiled at her or whatever. I just walked to my locker, but someone ran into my shoulder as I passed them and I winced as I walked passed them. He was probably a freshman and when I looked at him with hatred in my eyes he looked like he was about to cry and ran off too afraid to even apologize to me.

Normally I wouldn't care, but Dan didn't think I had enough practice at my actual practice so everyday we have our own practices and Dan pushes me so hard sometimes I just want to kill him, but I learned the hard way that if I complain or don't meet the requirements then its hell to pay.

_I'm trying to make it through each day  
I'm fallin apart now in every way_

I shivered thinking about looking into his eyes while he is beating my ass I know it just makes it worse but I can't help it. My thoughts were interrupted by my _girlfriend _Peyton Sawyer walking up to me and kissing me on the lips. She was smiling for a change and I didn't know why and I really didn't care. So I just turned to put the rest of my books into my locker.

_I'm findin' it harder to get by  
There's a hole in my heart_

"You forgot didn't you?" She asked clearly pissed.

I looked at her in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"My birthday Nathan that's what I'm talking about!" She nearly yelled and now everyone was staring at us.

"Shut the hell up and keep your voice down I didn't forget I was just busy last night that's all." I said lying but then again Dan's practice last night was harder than usual he made me run 5 miles and do 500 pushups that's why I am so sore.

_And, I don't know why  
Now I've come to realize_

"You know what whatever Nathan Brooke is taking me out tonight anyway I was going to invite you but if your too _busy _then just call me later I guess." She said irritated and walked off.

I just sighed again in frustration and slammed my locker shut and walked to my first hour with Tim by my side.

_I'm slippin' away_

**TBC**

**Hey I hoped that you like it please review!!! That song is Slipping Away by Sum 41 ok once again please review thanks so much!!!**

**Summer Davis**


	3. Blurry

**Hey thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!! I am so excited about this story that I can't stop updating I really hope that you like it!! Once again this is for xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx!!!**

_I just sighed again in frustration and slammed my locker shut and walked to my first hour with Tim by my side._

_I'm slippin' away_

The day was passing by slow, but the truth is I don't mind being at school. I hate doing the work, but it beats being at home with Dan. I sighed louder than I intended during Algebra 2 thinking about _him_. I looked right next to me and Tim looked back almost concerned and whispered, "Hey man what happened to your face?"

_Everything's so blurry  
and everyone's so fake_

I immediately lied and said just naturally enough," Nothing just fell getting out of the shower this morning." I was good at lying and since I had every one in this school wrapped around my finger they believed every thing I said. It was almost too easy to keep them all in the dark.

_And everybody's empty  
and everything is so messed up_

He just shrugged and turned back to the teacher. I sighed again but more quietly.

Finally it was lunch I just sat with my friends from the team at the same table we sit in every day. You would think that some senior would own this school not a junior, but that's not the case not when you're me.

Peyton was sitting across the room with her best friends, Bevin, Theresa, and some girl that Lucas is always hanging out with Haley I think? Someone was missing from their usual group, but for some reason I couldn't think of who it was.

_Pre-occupied without you  
I cannot live at all_

Tim and Vegas were talking about the after game party on Friday and I was pretending to listen. Its like all that people care about is sex and drinking and after awhile they both get boring. Not that I don't like sex or anything but damn if you keep having meaningless sex all the time like I do then it can get old.

Just then I almost felt the need to look up again and when I did I saw who was missing from the table that Peyton was sitting at…Brooke Davis was what was missing. She walked into the cafeteria a smile on her lips showing off her dimples, shaking her hips showing off her amazing body and she had this confidence about her that just made her even sexier.

_My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl_

But that's all that she was to me just my _girlfriend's _best friend and probably the most popular girl in school. Sure I had known her all my life but we were never friends although we had always hung out with the same people we have never had one meaningful conversation. I looked at the rest of them I had never had a real conversation with any of those girls not even really Peyton herself.

I looked at each of them in their designer clothes all except for the one girl Haley I was almost positive and of course Peyton wearing a black Beatles band t-shirt. They were all laughing at something but the way Brooke smiled when she laughed just kept my eyes glued.

_You could be my someone  
you could be my scene_

Tim hit my shoulder and I had to refocus my attention into their pointless conversation about how many girls they had all slept with. Every time we talked about this I always won, because that is what I do. I sleep with girls almost every weekend while I'm drunk then I rarely ever talk to them again.

It probably isn't the most gentleman thing to do, but I honestly don't care about any of them. I really don't care about anything anymore. The closest thing I ever cared about is basketball, but Dan always controls everything I do on the court even if he isn't the coach. Basketball has been my life since I was basically born in fact that is the only reason I think Dan never killed me one of the times he was drunk and pissed about something beating the hell out of me.

_You know that I'll protect you  
from all of the obscene_

The bell rang and as we passed by there table Brooke got my attention, "Hey Scott." I turned around and nodded," Davis." I acknowledged. That was how if we talked always greeted each other.

_I wonder what you're doing  
imagine where you are_

"Since today is P. Sawyer's birthday I am taking her out to my favorite club and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?" She asked me with a grin. I just smirked and replied cockily, "Naw we don't need every girl in the club drooling over me and taking away any attention from Peyton." The guys behind me laughed, and Peyton turned around and glared at me and said, "Go to hell Nathan I don't want you there anyway!" She got up and stalked out of the cafeteria. The other girls were obviously on her side and got up to follow her out and glared also.

_There's oceans in between us  
but that's not very far_

"You know Scott she puts up with a lot of crap from you, but you really don't have to be such an ass all the time especially on her birthday!" Brooke hissed as she got up to find Peyton.

"Wow Nate only you could talk to anyone like that and not get your ass beat." Tim said laughing while clapping my still sore shoulder I didn't let it show that it hurt I just kind of scoffed and walked out with them following behind me.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it in my face  
this pain you gave to me_

The rest of the day was slow, but finally I had to go to practice. The locker room was its usual place for the guys to talk abut what girls were sleeping with whom and whom they couldn't wait to sleep with. It was basically the way guys' gossip. I shook my head at them. Every one was so fake and shallow nothing mattered to any of them.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it my face_

None of them had to be the best or it could ultimately lead to a trip to the hospital. None of them were the mayor's son and always had to keep up appearances like I do. Always smiling never showing any signs of weakness or pain. Yep that was my life and when ever any of the other guys complained about being grounded or just anything I wanted to punch him and tell what it was like for me, but that would only result in me getting my ass kicked and at least 1,000 suicides.

_Everyone is changing  
there's no one left that's real_

Whitey called us out to do laps and everyone groaned and I couldn't help but think that these little punks have it so easy and they didn't even know it. We started jogging and my stomach was still sore from this morning and so were the muscles in my back.

_To make up your own ending  
and let me know just how you feel_

"Scott pick up the pace both of you Scott's need to be leading this exercise not be in the back!" Whitey yelled at Lucas and me. We looked at each other and ran faster ahead of everyone else. Whitey is always harder on us than every one else. Story of my life. But since Lucas joined the team Whitey has been on his back more and off of mine.

_Cause I am lost without you  
I cannot live at all_

It helps that I don't have to be on Lucas' back 24/7. Ever since that stupid one on one game at the river court that he only won by one point things have actually been a little bit better between us. Not completely fine or anything just better because we figure if we are going to be on the same team and we are clearly the two best players that we should at least tolerate each other on the court.

"What the hell is his problem today?" Lucas asked frustrated as we ran in front of every one else.

"I don't know he's just being harder on us because he's getting old and this is probably his last season to coach." I said not really caring about why Whitey was being extra hard on us. I stopped caring about stupid things like that a long time ago. He shrugged like he agreed. We were the leaders of this team.

_My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl_

The cheerleaders walked into the gym to practice and of course all of the guys just about passed out looking at their tight tank tops and short cheerleading shorts. I will be the first to admit that seeing Peyton jump around in an outfit like that is one reason why we were together and one reason why I liked her being on the squad.

We started to do lat ups like we do every day and I couldn't help but notice Lucas look at Peyton while they were stretching and she was looking at him back smiling. He smiled at her like she was the only one in the room. She never smiled at me like that and it didn't actually bother me like it should. Whatever if Peyton wants to screw Lucas let her I don't care. I went in and made probably my millionth lay up in my lifetime and Lucas got the rebound I glared at him like any good boyfriend would if they saw some guy checking out their girlfriend. He looked away guiltily and passed the ball to Tim.

_You could be my someone  
you could be my scene_

I glanced up and saw Brooke bend over to get her water and I smirked and whistled. She turned around and looked at me in disgust and I just winked back. She rolled her eyes and I went to grab a rebound and jogged past her dribbling and whispered, "You know Davis you look good in those shorts."

_You know that I will save you  
from all of the unclean_

Brooke just scowled me and said, "Fuck you Scott!"

_I wonder what you're doing  
I wonder where you are_

"In your dreams baby." I replied smoothly. She just walked away and I smirked in triumph.

_There's oceans in between us  
but that's not very far_

Lucas saw us and just looked pissed. I don't think he liked me talking to Brooke, but whatever I could do what I want. I shook my head and kept practicing, but my back and shoulders were killing me and it was getting harder to keep up and look like I was fine.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it in my face  
this pain you gave to me_

"Scott what's the matter with you? Can't you keep up with these ladies or were you up too late partying?" Whitey yelled as we ran the plays to our offense.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it my face_

"I'm fine coach!" I yelled back trying to stifle a wince.

He saw the pain in my face at the last second as I turned around and he actually asked, "Hey Nathan are you okay?" He asked me concerned.

_Nobody told me what you thought  
nobody told me what to say_

I turned around frustrated and yelled, "I'm fine coach just back the hell off!"

_Everyone showed you where to turn  
told you when to runaway_

Apparently that was wrong because he didn't look happy.

"Oh you want to give me some attitude Scott fine then how about you run just as much as you run your mouth!" Whitey yelled pissed.

_Nobody told you where to hide  
nobody told you what to say_

I sighed knowing what was probably coming which would ultimately get back to my dad and he wouldn't be happy.

_Everyone showed you where to turn  
showed you when to runaway_

"How about you go to the other side of the gym and show off those muscles like your attitude and do 100 push ups." I groaned in frustration and walked over to where he pointed.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it in my face  
this pain you gave to me_

As I was walking everyone was staring at me. It really wasn't much different than me just walking down the hallway but at the moment it was annoying. I looked at Lucas and he smiled in sympathy I just kind of managed a grin back at him. Tim looked mad and Peyton looked kind of surprised but she also looked like she didn't give a damn whether or not I ran until I got sick or did enough push ups until my arms fell off.

_Can you take it all away  
can you take it all away  
well ya shoved it my face_

The last person I saw out of the corner of my eye was Brooke. She didn't look like she felt sorry for me or that she was mad or glad that I was getting punished, she looked like she understood and when I realized that I turned my head and we locked eyes.

This pain you gave to me 

My blood started to heat up a little bit and I didn't want to look away. I was still holding her gaze while I got down and started to do my push ups not even keeping track of how many I was doing. Whiteys whistle starting up practice again startled us both and we looked away awkwardly.

_You take it all  
you take it all away...  
This pain you gave to me_

I finally finished as practice was finishing and I hurried into the locker room to shower and get the hell out of there. I didn't talk to anyone and they all looked at me like I was insane I finished getting cleaned up and ran out of that school and I didn't want to go home either I just kept driving and thinking about a certain brunette with the most beautiful hazel eyes that are officially burned into my mind forever.

_You take it all away  
this pain you gave to me  
Take it all away  
this pain you gave to me_

**I hope you guys loved it please review!!!! Oh and I hope you got the double meaning for when Nathan thought Brooke Davis was what was missing!! It comes into play later in the story!**


	4. Somewhere I Belong

**Hey sorry it has been so long since I last updated!!! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews they make me so happy!! Anyway the song in the last chapter was Blurry by Puddle of Mudd and I hope you enjoy this chapter!!**

_I finished getting cleaned up and ran out of that school and I didn't want to go home either I just kept driving and thinking about a certain brunette with the most beautiful hazel eyes that are officially burned into my mind forever._

_You take it all away  
this pain you gave to me  
Take it all away  
this pain you gave to me_

I drove around town for a while just calming down and thinking. I didn't want to go home because it would not be pleasant when Dan finds out I snapped at coach. I finally decided to pull into the river court and sat in my car for a couple of minutes before getting out and walking over to the pick nick table and sitting on it.

_When this began  
I had nothing to say  
and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me_

My mind flashed back to the first time Dan ever hit me when I was 12 years old.

_Flashback_

_I was outside on the driveway and my dad was making me shoot 50 free throws before I could go play with my friends. I had made 45 and I was really tired I had been out here for hours._

"_Keep going Nathan you're almost done." Dan said. I felt relief go through me knowing I wasn't going to be out here all night. I had made 48 now and I shot my next one too quickly and it rimmed out of the hoop and bounced over to my dad._

_He picked it up and threw it back at me with a lot of force that I barely caught it. He walked over to me and stood right in front of me._

_I was confused  
and I'd let it all out to find  
that I'm not the only person with these things in mind  
Inside of me_

"_Nathan what the hell was that?" Dan yelled angrily at me. I shrugged a little scared and started to say that I just missed one. I didn't think it was that big of a deal._

"_It just rimmed out." I said softly._

"_Yes it did now you have to start over and make 100 more before you can go anywhere!" He said and started to walk back to where he was._

"_But dad its Tim's birthday!" I tried to reason with him. Tim was my best friend._

"_What did you just say?" He asked as he walked back over to stand right in front of me towering over me is more like it._

_I was scared and he knew it. _

_When all the vacancy the words revealed  
is the only real thing that I've got left to feel  
nothing to loose_

_He just looked at me with disgust before slapping me right across the face. I was stunned and trying really hard not to cry. I couldn't look away from his face. He bent down and grabbed my face with one hand and put his finger right in front of my face._

"_Now you listen to me I don't care if it's Tim's birthday or if it's your birthday you will make 100 more free throws before I will even consider letting you go anywhere do you understand me?" He yelled at me._

_I was too scared and I just nodded, but as I would soon learn if I didn't say what he wanted it just made things worse. He threw me down to the ground and I scraped my arms on the pavement._

_Just stuck, hollow and alone  
and the fault is my own and the fault is my own_

_Dan kneeled down and punched me once in the face before grabbing me by my hair and dragging me to the free throw line._

"_Now make your shots Nathan we don't have all day." He said._

_My hands were shaking and my face was throbbing I felt like crying and I let a few tears fall on my cheeks but I wiped them away quickly so he wouldn't see. I made my free throws, but by then it was to late to go to Tim's party so I called and apologized and we were able to hang out the next day._

_My dad didn't even apologize to me or say anything he acted like he didn't do anything. We ate in silence since my mom was out of town on business. My face was red and my arms had scrapes on them. I would lie if anyone asked what was wrong. Little did I know that I would be a pro at lying and acting like nothing was wrong at least in front of everyone else._

_I took a shower and went upstairs to go to bed. I laid there trying to figure out why my dad did that. He had never touched me before he seemed so mad. I just hoped that it was a one-time thing. That thought was enough to get me to fall asleep, but I knew deep down that it was just wishful thinking and I was right. More tears fell down my face as I slept trying to escape the fear of __**him**_

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till its gone  
I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like I'm close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong_

_Present_

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I hated thinking about that day. It was one of the worst days of my life. It started this hellhole of a life that I was living. Sometimes I thought about ending all of it. The beatings, the verbal abuse, the pressure and pain just take a bottle of pills like my mom and I could escape everything.

I'm not saying I wouldn't be missed like I said earlier I owned this place, but no one knew. No one understood. I put my hands in my face thinking about killing myself was stupid. I could never go through with that and I only had two years left at home then I could get out forever. Leave Tree Hill and never come back. That was the only thing that kept me alive at this point knowing I could get out when Dan wasn't around and make sure he would never find me.

_And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
I was confused_

I stood up and lifted my shirt and looked at the scars on it. There were only a few from not wearing a shirt when Dan came home or when he threw a bottle of whiskey at me and it broke on my rib cage.

I was now looking at the bruises. They were quite noticeable not as bad as other times but bad enough. That was one reason I was so quick in the showers after practice so no one would see and the look I gave everyone said don't even think about talking to me or even looking at me.

My mind flashed to another part of practice after Whitey yelled at me to do those push ups when I was looking at Brooke. What the hell was that? I didn't know but looking at her for some reason made it a little bit better. She looked like she understood but how would she know?

I shook my head still looking at my stomach. I hadn't looked at my face since this morning I wondered what it looked like, but I could tell anyone else what I told Tim about falling out of the shower.

I was still holding my shirt up letting the wind blow against it. I was so sore and the cool breeze felt good on my aching body. My thoughts went back to Brooke. God she is beautiful, but I always knew that. Why was I all of a sudden noticing her now? Maybe I liked the way she stood up to me in the lunch room no one ever has the balls to say anything mean to me or tell me off.

_Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
So what am I_

I could see why she and Peyton are best friends I mean they both have tempers and are strong. I will admit that the thing I like about Peyton she is strong and doesn't take any shit from anyone, well except me. But Brooke doesn't take any of my crap and I kind of liked that. I smirked thinking about that. I looked back down and got lost in the different colors of my stomach.

They weren't a deep purple, they were more blue and yellow. Most people think that if you fall down in a game and get a nice bruise that they are cool and show it off. I would beat everyone in that category, but no one would ever know why. I was so lost in thought I didn't hear anyone drive up or get out of the car or even walk up to me.

My shirt was still up and only when I heard a gasp did I look up to see the girl that had consumed my thoughts only a few minutes ago.

_What do I have but negativity  
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me_

Brooke stood in front of me with her eyes wide and her mouth open slightly surprised looking.

"Nathan what happened?" She asked concerned and walked right in front of me.

I immediately let go of the bottom of my shirt and backed up my eyes were guarded and I was pissed at my self for not noticing she was there. But I also noticed that she called me Nathan, which she hasn't done in years.

"Nothing." My voice was hard and I was trying to get her to leave or stop asking questions.

She obviously didn't believe me. "That's not nothing let me see." She said reaching for my shirt and I backed up again. She did look genuinely concerned, but no I wouldn't let her know anything.

_Nothing to loose  
nothing to gain, hollow and alone  
and the fault is my own and the fault is my own_

"Davis get the hell away from me!" I yelled and I could tell that my sudden raise of voice surprised her but this wasn't any of her business.

Her own eyes grew darker and I could tell that she was mad now.

"No Scott those bruises were bad now let me see I'm trying to help you here not like you deserve it!" She yelled almost as loudly as I did. She reached for my shirt again.

"Brooke stop it okay I'm fine this morning I fell getting out of the shower and now I'm all banged up." I lied hoping she would drop this and believe me.

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain til its gone  
I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like Im close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong_

"Bull shit Scott you can't get that badly hurt just by falling!" She yelled knowingly.

"Yes you can I did now will you just leave me alone! What are you even doing here?" I yelled again this girl knew how to push my buttons without even trying.

"I come here sometimes when no one else is here to think is that alright with you Scott?" She asked sarcastically.

"Well someone else is here, me so can you please just leave and come back I was trying to think myself!" I said once again trying to get her to leave.

"Oh well that's a shock you actually thinking for yourself I'm surprised Tim or Vegas isn't here just telling you what to say!" She fired back angrily.

"Shut the fuck up Davis I can't help it if they follow me everywhere and at least I'm not some stupid slut!" I yelled at her knowing that was a low blow but didn't care.

"Oh your not fooling anyone Scott everyone knows that you cheat on Peyton constantly and I don't even know why she wastes her time with an ass hole like you! She deserves so much better and it's no wonder she is with Lucas all of the time he would treat her right!" Brooke yelled back and now I was seriously pissed off. Who did she think she was?

_I will never know  
myself until I do this on my own  
and I will never feel  
anything else, until my wounds are healed_

"No your just pissed because Lucas doesn't give you the time of day that you are used to because he has way better taste and wants more than a dumb trashy one night stand!" I yelled and now we were about nose to nose. I saw fire in her eyes as she slapped me hard across the face.

_I will never be anything  
till I break away from me  
I will break away  
I'll find myself today_

I was more than familiar with that move and I reacted the same way I always do. I just stood there motionless and no expression on my face waiting for the rest. I could tell that she was surprised when I didn't react. I was like a statue. Our faces were still inches a part, but I think that she was almost scared that I wasn't moving. My memory of the day on the driveway was still fresh in my mind and my eyes grew very dark.

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
What I thought was never real  
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long  
Erase all the pain till it's gone  
I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
Like Im close to something real  
I want to find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong_

It took me another minute to realize that noting else was coming and I blinked back into reality and looked at her for a second. The fire was gone now it was replaced with something like sympathy but not quite. I know she doesn't feel completely bad about slapping me, but I think that my reaction freaked her out.

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong_

"Sorry." I mumbled as I walked right past her just barely making contact with her as I did. But when I did I felt something I had never felt before it was like a spark. I kept walking without turning to look at her until I was in my car.

_I wanna heal  
I wanna feel  
I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong_

As I started the car she was staring at me with a look of confusion and curiosity. 'Just great' I thought if she starts asking more questions then I am going to keep lying to her and for some reason it's harder to lie to her. I pulled out and sped away I looked at the clock and it was almost 6:30. Dan would be pissed that I haven't checked in and now I am late for our practice. I rolled down the window to get some air on my cheek that was now burning from her hand. She is a lot stronger than I thought. She slapped the hell out of me. Thinking about that as messed up, as it was I smiled. She stood up to me again. This girl was something else and I liked it.

_Somewhere I belong_

**Hey so I hope that you loved it and please review I would appreciate it so much!! The more reviews the faster the update thanks so much and that song is Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park they will probably have a lot of songs in this story!!**


	5. Author's Note

**If you read the Kiss and Our Past I have alredy posted this...**

**Hey so I am so sorry that this is not a chapter! I am also really sorry about not updating in a really long time I have been really sick and I still am so please be patient with me.**

**I just want to thank all of the most amazing reviewers in the world you guys are the best!! I should have a new chapter up really soon I promise!! I hope you continue to read and enjoy it!**

**Xoxo Summer Davis**


	6. Crawling

**Hey first I want to apologize for not updating faster I am so sorry!! I also want to thank everyone for reviewing you are the best people ever!! So this is definitely for Brucas True Love, ParadiseLost23, Pembroker…you always leave great reviews!! Along with Princetongirl and Naley4ever323 and x.kaytee.x thanks so much! And Red Magic you have amazing stories and fics too!! BrathanBrucasBaleyBreyton thank you so much!! Gregcam03 of course always love reading your reviews!! B.P.Davis thanks so much I really appreciate all of your kind words!! Tomarindo you leave some of the absolute best reviews ever thank you so much they are a huge reason why I even bother writing in the first place!!! And last but not least xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx you know this is for you!!! All of you review every chapter and I really appreciate it!!**

_She stood up to me again. This girl was something else and I liked it._

_Somewhere I belong_

I drove straight home praying that he wouldn't be mad. He would be pissed about practice, but it's not like I necessarily need to practice, as cocky as it is I am the best besides Lucas…I guess we're tied. I sighed as I pulled into the driveway. I didn't see his car he most likely parked it in the garage. I took the key out of the ignition and went inside prepared for what ever came my way.

I walked through the front door and didn't hear anything. It was absolutely silent. I looked around and no one was home. A huge wave of relief washed over me because I had a little more time before facing the wrath of Dan.

I was still really pissed off about Brooke and everything that happened today. I mean yeah I admit I like the fact that she is tough enough to stand up to me, but all she does is yell at me and then she actually slapped me. I am just shocked still about that. My cheek still hurt.

Then there was Peyton and yes maybe I forgot about her birthday but I have bigger problems to worry about, like how not to get my ass kicked by my over bearing, lying, cruel bastard of a father. I do feel a little bad though I should probably call her and get her a really nice present to make up for it. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with a girlfriend it's not like I love her or anything. _Love_ doesn't exist. Plain and simple it's not real and anyone who says differently is lying.

They say everyone is meant to be loved, but not me. I have gone seventeen years without love and I don't mind. I don't love anything and nothing loves me it's as easy as that, but I of course have to go on pretending that everything is just perfect which it isn't.

I dragged myself upstairs to my room and took off my sweatshirt and jeans so I was just standing there in my boxers and t-shirt. I looked in the mirror and my face was a little bit swollen around my jaw and I had a bruise right next to my eye. 'Perfect.' I thought sarcastically. It will go away though the _physical_ pain always does. I grabbed a pair of Ravens basketball training shorts and slipped off my shirt and put my tennis shoes back on.

I only really didn't wear a shirt unless I was showering or alone. No one can see while I'm alone or showering it was safe. I made my way to our personal gym in the basement. I walked over to the refrigerator and drank about half of my water before putting it back down and turning towards the black punching bag. About 10 feet away from the bag is a pair of red gloves and a pair of black gloves to wear. Next to that is white wrap to also wear to protect my hands.

I don't usually wear gloves unless Dan tells me to and only sometimes I'll wear the wrap. I glanced toward my hands that were shaking with anticipation for the first hit on the bag. I always became anxious before hitting the bag. My hands were covered with scars from times I haven't worn anything on them. They were a safety hazard, but I didn't care. I walked over to the stereo and hit the power then play button waiting for the first song to come on.

I recognized the sounds of Linkin Park. I liked this music a lot, it wasn't what everyone listened to and sometimes it was depressing but it was good to work out to.

_Crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal_

I took a very deep and steady breath before clenching my fists and putting all of my weight into the first punch.

_fear is how I fall  
confusing what is real_

I hit it harder than I ever hit anything else. It was my outlet and I loved it. I mean all of it the adrenaline, the music, the sweat, and the pure freedom. The freedom from basketball, from Dan, the pressure, the fake mask of who I really am, everything.

_there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
consuming/confusing  
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
controlling/I can't seem_

Beads of sweat poured down my face onto my neck and chest. I could feel it on my back. The music was blaring from the speakers 'Keep hitting, just keep hitting.' I told myself. Whenever I am by myself even though that doesn't happen very often I love it and hate it at the same time. It's better because then I don't have to pretend anymore for anyone, but worse because then all I do is think.

_to find myself again  
my walls are closing in  
_

"_Nathan hustle up!"_

"_Don't even come home if you don't score at least 30 points tonight!"_

"_I swear to god if you don't win tonight it will be the last thing that you ever do!"_

I hit harder as the blood was starting to trickle from my knuckles. This bag had more blood stains on it because it was a couple of years old and just one more secret was I am down here almost everyday and never do I "protect" my hands. What like the punching bag is going to hurt me?

_Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take_

I pictured him on it. I do to this bag what I wish I could do to him. _More sweat, more blood_ none of it mattered. Nothing mattered, nothing ever did exept basketball. That is all I have ever known it has been my life since I was born. I hope that he doesn't come back tonight I hope he never comes back. If he died tonight I wouldn't care it would almost make up for all of the times that I almost died because of that inconsiderate jerk.

_I've felt this way before  
so insecure_

Flashback

"_Nathan don't you dare walk away from me!"_

_I stopped dead in my tracks. I knew that voice this wouldn't end well for me. Most 15 year olds were pretty naïve, but not me._

"_Yes?" I asked trying to stay calm._

"_What the hell do you call what I just witnessed out there?" He roared at me._

"_Nothing dad we won by 3." I said really trying to figure out why he was so mad._

"_Yes Nathan only 3 they could have come back and won and you would have lost!" He stopped suddenly and I was waiting for him to keep yelling when instead he just picked me up by my hair and threw me into the wall. I hit it hard and I hit my head. I fell onto the ground and struggled to get up. I didn't get the chance before he kicked me in the ribs. I doubled over in excruciating pain gasping for air._

_Crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal_

'Hit! Hit!_ More sweat, more blood. _Don't feel the pain. Don't feel anything!'

"_Get up you no good piece of shit!" He yelled at me as he kicked me again in the stomach I fell again. I lifted my head up and he kicked me right into the face. I yelped in pain struggling to breathe. I had silent tears pouring out of my eyes._

_Fear is how I fall  
confusing what is real_

"_Dad stop!" I barely got out as I rolled onto my side facing him._

_He just growled and picked me up by the front of my shirt my nose was bleeding and I was almost positive I wasn't breathing at all. He punched me right into my already throbbing face and threw me back onto the ground, but I hit the corner of the coffee table in the family room and it sliced right through my temple. He just laughed triumphly and stomped on my stomach again hard before the blood over my eyes faded into blackness._

_Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
distracting/reacting  
_

'Don't hold back! Harder, faster, be the best, hit!' _Music, adrenaline, pressure, pain, freedom, sweat, blood, tears. _'Play through the pain. _More blood, more sweat.' _

_Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
it's haunting how I can't seem..._

"_Nathan I feel like you don't even care half the time!" Peyton yelled._

"_I'm sick of this we're done!" _

"_I'm only giving you one more chance then we're over for good!"_

'Deep breaths. Hit, punch, harder _Not good enough!'_

_To find myself again  
my walls are closing in_

"_Nathan the whole town is going to be watching. Don't screw this up!"_

_"Harder Nathan don't make me come over there and show you how to run a proper suicide!" The threat in his voice obviously present._

"_If you let Lucas come in and steal everything from you don't expect to wake up for a few weeks you worthless mistake!"_

_Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take_

'Just keep going! Don't let him take it! Be the best! No pain, be tough! No weakness, hit! _More blood, more tears.'  
_

_I've felt this way before  
so insecure__  
_

I didn't know it, but tears had found their way down my cheeks. I couldn't even feel it. My fists were probably hurting, my knuckles may be broken, but I didn't know and even worse than that I didn't care.

_Crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal_

I went on like that for another good fifteen minutes. I never stopped. Not once to wipe the tears from my face or the sweat on my forehead. The blood was running down my arms from my hands. The more I hit the bag the more stains were there permanently. Finally I stopped though I was in my own world while I was down here. Mostly oblivious to the outside, but I did notice that it had been a long time so I quit.

_Fear is how I fall  
confusing what is real_

I was still in my daze. I walked over and turned off the stereo with the words still playing through my mind over and over again. I finished the rest of my water without really tasting it. I stumbled upstairs to the bathroom sweat dripping off of every inch of my body mixing and tasting with the combination of my blood and tears.

_Crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal_

My shower was long. I was washing away all of the memories and the pain. I looked down and at the bottom of the shower floor was a mixture of red liquid and soap. My hands were swelling and bruising and I could feel my face heat up thinking about what drives me to do this everyday. It's my only escape from reality from all of it, although while I'm doing it I just end up thinking about everything that I try to escape.

_Fear is how I fall  
confusing confusing what is real_

I finished up showering and threw on some sweats. My eyes were clouded over with too many memories and pain; past, present, and the pain I knew would come maybe today maybe tomorrow I was never sure, but I knew it would come. But today I was determined to be free for just a little longer.

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface_

I made a somewhat random decision to leave, which normally I would be way to afraid to do because of my dad, but he still wasn't home so I saw my chance to go. I wrote a note saying I went for a run and was going to the gym and would be back later. I wasn't going to the gym I went for a little drive before ending up at a place I hadn't expected.

_Consuming/confusing what is real_

I pulled up to a smaller house not at all in my neighborhood, but I saw a few lights on. I parked a little bit away and made a slow walk to his door. I was still hurting from the morning, but I just blocked it out. I walked up the stairs and stood outside the door debating whether I should leave and go home and face Dan now or wait and have one night to feel maybe a little bit _safe_ and just get it worse tomorrow. I sighed and raised my bloody, swollen fist and knocked and waited.

_This lack of self-control I fear is never ending_

I heard some movement and then footsteps coming toward me. The door opened and revealed my surprised looking older brother Lucas.

"Hey." He said somewhat unsure and he looked behind me to see if anyone else was with me.

"Hey." I said in a hoarse voice. I think all of the panting mixed with crying made my voice raspy.

Lucas noticed it too but didn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" He asked me concerned. My eyes were at my feet, but I looked up and met his gaze so he could see it in my eyes that I was _not _okay but wouldn't say anything.

He nodded in understanding and asked, "Do you want to stay here?" He looked at my bag and back up to my gray cloudy eyes.

I nodded and he turned around and walked into his room and I followed closing the door behind me quietly, I wasn't sure if his mom was still awake.

"My mom is asleep, but she wouldn't mind even if she wasn't." He said answering my silent thought. I just nodded and stood there not really knowing what to do. He looked around also not really knowing what to do. We aren't that close but for some reason I felt like no matter how much we might not like each other he would let me stay here. Also this is one of the last places Dan would look for me even though he wouldn't look.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" He asked to be polite and concerned.

"Yeah kind of." I admitted quietly.

"Ok I'll be right back." He said and walked out.

I waited and sat on the edge of his queen size bed. I was feeling all sorts of weird feelings right now. Emptiness was the main one but that was always there. Right now I was feeling a little angry and sad so both of those combined sort of makes out to depressed. Lucas was really nice to do this and it wasn't like I deserved it. But honestly if the roles were reversed, and he showed up out of the blue I would be doing the same thing for him.

He came back in with bottled water and a coke in one hand and a plate with a sandwich on the other. I looked up at him with still eyes too dark for healthy and silently made the decision that Lucas wasn't a bad guy and maybe getting along off of the court would be good too.

"I wasn't sure what you would want so I kind just went with what I would want." He said grinning.

I matched his grin identically with one of my own as he handed me the plate and set the drinks on the bedside table. I looked at the food and drinks and was all of a sudden overcome with something I hadn't really felt much of before, gratitude? Appreciation? Respect? I wasn't sure, but I thought about it as I ate my sandwich, which is my favorite and my guess it is his favorite too.

Lucas lay down on the left side of the bed and started reading as I finished my sandwich. It tasted good. He was already dressed to sleep in some sweats of his own and a plain black t-shirt. He saw that I was finished and grabbed the plate and empty coke can and walked out again to put that stuff in the kitchen. I took off my sweatshirt and put it on my bag and stood up waiting for him to come back and tell me where to sleep.

He walked back in with some pills. I wasn't sure what they were for but he held out his hand for me to take them. I grabbed them and saw that it was Advil. I looked up at him confused.

"Your face and hands look like they have seen better days and they look like they hurt like hell so if you take this now in the morning it should feel better." He said sincerely.

I took the pills silently and chased them down with some water, but I was once again feeling grateful and cared for. I wasn't used to it and I liked it, and I made sure my brother knew I was grateful and without thinking I just walked about two steps over to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly, ignoring the pain piercing through my body. It didn't matter this was more important.

At first I think he was in shock because he didn't do anything. He just stood there probably confused, but then I said something he might not have expected.

"Thank you." I said gratefully in a hoarse voice. I really wasn't used to this and the sudden emotion sort of made my throat close up.

"Your welcome, but Nate it's just a sandwich and some pills." He answered and I could hear the smirk and amusement in his voice.

"Not just for that, for _everything_." I responded quietly.

I felt him relax and slowly he wrapped his arms around me to return my thank you/I'm sorry for being such a dick to you my whole life hug.

"Your welcome, anytime." Lucas said a little hoarse as well I think that his throat started to close up too.

If anyone saw this right now they would think here are two guys who love and care about each other. If they saw who the two guys were then they probably wouldn't know what to think. We were supposed to hate each other not be hanging out and hugging.

Right now we might not love each other, I didn't love anything and nothing loved me, but after this I definitely think I might have started to know what it was like to maybe care about something other than being the best. Lucas is a good person and I need to remember that.

We pulled away after a minute and I felt a little embarrassed I normally don't hug other guys and I figured that Lucas didn't either. I looked up at him and started to explain, but the look in his eyes told me that it was okay and he understood. 'Did Lucas know?' I thought. Did he know why I needed to take those pills for the pain I endure on my self and what _our_ father inflicts on me?

He couldn't I cover it up everyday; I lie and make up excuses. No he didn't know he couldn't. I nodded and smiled a little his once again matched mine as if he were my twin. We just made a silent agreement; a solid promise to look out for one another and have each other's backs from now on. Words weren't used. They weren't needed now it was like a bond was formed. And for tonight that was the only thing that made me feel safe and cared for.

We both got into bed. Lucas on one side me on the other, not touching there was plenty of room for both of us. After a little I could tell that Lucas was asleep, and for a second I wondered if Dan was worried about where I was right now. I knew he wasn't he didn't care as long as I was good enough to play and meet his standards he didn't care. I was however in a mindset of complete and utter fear for the next day. I tried blocking those thoughts out and relaxing enough to get some sleep.

The song that played while I hit the bag was stuck in my head, and how true it was. The words played over and over again in my head all night.

_Controlling/confusing what is real_

**Hey so I hope that you all enjoyed it, and if anyone was confused about the part when he was hitting the punching bag it went in and out from flash backs with Dan and Peyton to him hitting it and his thoughts. If you have questions feel free to ask and the song was Crawling by Linkin Park they are my favorite band so of course their songs are going to in this a lot, but I will change it up once things start to finally look up for Nathan. I hope everyone liked the brotherly love at the end, and I know that Nathan probably would never have done that in early season one, but I like it when they get along, but don't worry I won't have them completely AU they are good now but it might not last or maybe it might you will just have to keep reading to find out! Lastly I'm sorry about complete lack of Brathan in this chapter, but don't worry there will plenty of angsty Nathan and Brooke next chapter when they talk about their little chat at the river court!! So please review I would love you all forever!! Thanks so much!!**

**Summer**


	7. Make This Go On Forever

**Hey thanks for all of the wonderful reviews they make my day! So a special thanks goes out to Kelsey, Tomarindo, and yes of course xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx you know you're my favorite!! So thanks again and I hope you enjoy!! Also just throwing it out there again I updated The Kiss and Our Past also check out Sorry my latest installment in my Brathan obsession it's a one shot!!**

_I knew he wasn't he didn't care as long as I was good enough to play and meet his standards he didn't care. I was however in a mindset of complete and utter fear for the next day. I tried blocking those thoughts out and relaxing enough to get some sleep._

_The song that played while I hit the bag was stuck in my head, and how true it was. The words played over and over again in my head all night._

_Controlling/confusing what is real_

I woke up at about 5:30 the sun was just starting to come up and I could see it through the window. For a second I wasn't sure where I was. I looked around the room and then finally to the person next to me and I suddenly remembered the huge favor Lucas did for me last night. He was lying straight on his back sleeping pretty peacefully and I smirked. I didn't want to wake him up and have a probably awkward start to the morning. Last night we did seem to sort of have a breakthrough in our relationship.

He is a good guy and we seem to have a little more in common than some people thought, but neither one of us was ever going to tell anyone about this little 'Man what was that last night…a sleepover?' I thought amused. It kind of was.

Basically we now have an understanding a bond a brother bond. 'Yeah I bonded with my brother.' I grinned. Wow what is getting into me? I shook that thought off maybe I was just feeling weird because for the first time I felt like I have a real family. It's a nice feeling to have I bet normal kids get that feeling a lot, but not me so I will take it when I can.

I needed to probably leave so I could go home and get ready for school. I did bring a bag full of clothes specifically so I wouldn't have to do that though. I looked at the black duffle bag. I sat up slowly the Advil that Luke gave me worked my ribs aren't hurting that badly anymore they were fine. I looked at my hands. My fists were still swollen, but the medicine helped with that too and they didn't hurt that badly when I clenched my fist so that was good.

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not  
I can only give you everything I've got_

They were badly bruised though. It looks like I got into a fight I wonder how I should lie about that. 'Or you could tell the truth.' A voice in my head said. My thought automatically went to Brooke for some reason. I shook my head thinking how ridiculous that would be and it wasn't an option anyway. I wouldn't tell her or anyone.

_I can't be as sorry as you think I should  
But I still love you more than anyone else could_

I climbed out of bed and slipped my shoes on. I put my sweatshirt back on and looked at Lucas again. There really wasn't anyway to really thank him or re pay him, besides that hug last night. That was a little out of the blue but it wasn't actually that weird. I hugged my brother big deal. It was a big deal. I never do that hug people or show affection unless I'm screwing some brainless cheerleader or my lovely girl friend Peyton and even then the sex is just good not necessarily affectionate, and there is absolutely never any cuddling after wards.

'God I am an ass!' I thought bitterly. The bad part is I don't care if I am. I sighed sadly and picked up my bag and opened the door quietly and shut it quietly so I didn't wake him or his mom up. I walked down the steps all the way to my car looking down at the ground. I slid into the driver's seat and sat there for a second. All feelings of security or care, love anything went right out the window, because all I could think about is I have to go _home. _Yeah some home it is. I groaned loudly 'Fuck he is going to be so pissed!' I thought worriedly.

_All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight  
is it could take my whole damn life to make this right_

I started the car and drove home. My hands were shaking, I couldn't stop them and I didn't try. I parked right next to his black Lexus (I have no idea what kind of car he has so bear with me plz!)

I walked up to the front door not showing any fear or worry no the mask was back on. I tried opening the door, but it was locked. I was confused no one locked their doors in Tree Hill, because no one would ever rob anyone else and especially not the mayor. I tried again and went around to the back door it was unlocked. 'That's weird.' I thought as I stepped inside and closed it quietly behind me.

_The splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long  
because I know fine well that what I did was wrong_

The house was dark. The only light showing was light from the sun shining in through the windows. It was quiet, way too quiet. My stomach tightened. Something wasn't right; something bad is going to happen. My head started spinning, I didn't know what to think.

_The last girl and the last reason  
to make this last for as long as I could_

I slowly walked up the stairs into my room. I hesitantly opened the door and looked inside. It was empty. I instantly felt relieved, but only for a second. He might not be in here but he is somewhere and he won't be happy when he sees me. 'Maybe I can go to school before he realizes I came home.' I thought hopefully. My eyes scanned my room just to make sure he wasn't in here. I checked the bathroom and it was also empty. I quickly changed and did my whole routine and wore light blue polo with another clean pair of jeans my same tennis shoes that I always wear and my letter jacket. I brushed my teeth and grabbed my books. My eyes caught my dresser and the pictures that covered it.

_The first kiss and the first time  
that I felt connected to anything_

There were only a few. One was the whole basketball team and Whitey. Another one was of Tim and me at some bar on his last birthday; I smirked at that one because despite how weird Tim is he does know how to have fun. Another one was of my mom and me. I was a lot younger and it was before she started taking pills and numbing herself away because she was so miserable.

_The weight of water, the way you taught me  
to look past everything I have ever learned_

The last one was of Peyton and Brooke. I remember when Brooke gave that to me on my last birthday. I had never paid any attention to it before, I mean its not like I'm in the picture or anything. They were both in their cheerleading uniforms with their arms around each other and pom poms in their hands with big smiles on both of their faces. I couldn't take my eyes off of Brooke. She looked stunning. Her straight hair with her tattooed R on her cheek dimples present.

_The final word in the final sentence  
you ever uttered to me was love_

My phone vibrating in my pocket got me out of my trance. I looked at the number it was Tim. I decided not to answer it and talk to him later at school. I got all of my stuff and headed for the door, but stopping and taking another look at the picture and practically running out the door to get into my car. I drove to school with a lot of different feelings going through me. It had been a weird day yesterday. First I go off on coach then, there was looking at Brooke and of course our little encounter at the river court when she slapped me. I guess I deserved it though I said some really shitty things to her. After that going home and it being empty then Lucas' house. I shook my head I guess it sort of turned out okay.

I pulled in and parked in the same spot I always do. I was unusually early today. I took a deep breath checked myself out. My jaw was fine now and my bruise was hardly noticeable anymore, and my hands hand a bandage on the cuts, but I will just keep my hands in my pockets all day and no one will know.

I got out and started walking around. There were a few students finishing up homework or sitting at the table talking. I was still somewhat in a daze, but I was alert in case Dan followed me. I looked around to make sure. I sighed and ran my hands over my face and through my hair, which is my nervous habit. I need to stop being paranoid. I kept walking and almost knocked someone over in the process. I wasn't paying attention and someone cut me off when I took my first step. I caught her before she fell over and I looked down to see whom it was.

_We have got through so much worse than this before  
what's so different this time that you can't ignore_

Staring back up at me were a pair of surprised looking deep hazel with a tinge browner than green eyes. The eyes that could only be beautiful enough to belong to Brooke Davis. I was still holding her around her waist and her hands were on my chest. We were stuck. We didn't move and my breath caught in my throat. There wasn't any space between us and I felt the same thing I felt the day before when I brushed past her, the spark. The wind picked up and our spell was broken. We realized what position we are in and she pushed me away and I let my arms drop from her waist.

_You say it is much more than just my last mistake_

"Watch where your going Scott!" She hissed at me.

"You were in my way Davis!" I hissed back. So nothing between us changed obviously.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She said shortly. I didn't say anything back we just stood there facing each other silently.

_And we should spend some time apart  
for both our sakes_

"You know you hit pretty hard for a girl." I said to break the silence. She looked up at me and smirked still not sorry she did it.

"I didn't hit you dumb ass I slapped you and you deserved it!" She yelled at me.

"If you hadn't showed up then I wouldn't have said any of that." I yelled back. Were we really going to do this again? Her eyes narrowed at me. Apparently we were.

"Look Scott I don't have what your problem is but you had no right to say any of that to me yesterday I didn't do anything to you! I just went there to think but you just happened to be there I couldn't control that and then I saw your bruises-" I cut her off right there.

"Shut the fuck up Davis you didn't see anything!" I said in a fierce whisper as my eyes changed again back to a dark, back to pain. Her eyes were still narrowed, but they looked different too I couldn't read them.

At least she stopped yelling, but still whispered in an equally fierce tone, "Don't tell me to shut up you ass hole and I know what I saw! Those were bad bruises I bet that they're still there!"

"They already faded, but you shouldn't be talking about shit you don't know anything about!" I got in her face. We were nose to nose again like yesterday.

_The last girl and the last reason  
to make this last for as long as I could_

"Seriously what in the hell is your problem Scott? I was actually trying to be nice to you and help you, but you just had to be the same jackass you always are don't you? God why are all guys the same none of you can admit when you need help!" She said harshly.

"I don't need any of _your _help Davis I'll call you when I need a good fuck but until then stay out of my business!" I nearly screamed at her I was so worked up. Why did she care about my bruises?

For about a split second I saw pain in her eyes, but as soon as it was there it was gone.

"You're such a fucking dick Scott I hate you and I am never talking to you again!" She screamed right into my face.

_The first kiss and the first time that  
I felt connected to anything_

She was giving me the worst glare imaginable. I was glaring right back. If looks could kill then the both of us would be dead right now. But deep down when I saw the look of hurt flash across her stunning features I felt guilty. I felt worse about hurting her than I do anyone else. I'm not sure why.

I could feel her eyes drilling into mine, trying to read me, trying to figure me out. She wouldn't. I wouldn't let her, besides my eyes wouldn't give anything away there was no emotion left in them, can't remember the last time there was. My fists were clenched just out of habit of being pissed off.

There were probably people staring at us. Nathan Scott and Brooke Davis fighting publicly at school. I bet they could hear everything we yelled at each other and now they were just waiting for us to either start beating the crap out of each other or having sex. I'm not stupid I have been asked way too many times if I would ever go out with her and the answer is always the same. Hell no!

_The weight of water the way you taught me  
to look past everything I have ever learned_

She really did look like she hated me and I could tell she wanted to slap me again, but she didn't. I wonder what's holding her back, maybe my reaction the first time. I didn't care she could slap me as many times as she wanted it wouldn't change anything. As soon as I thought that the dull and emptiness that had taken over me a long time ago ached for the first time. My expression changed. My eyes became even darker if possible and my fists were clenched so hard I could literally hear them about to break.

_The final word in the final sentence  
you ever uttered to me was love_

Hers changed too. Her mouth hung open a little bit and she looked scared. Brooke is scared of me. She didn't look angry anymore or show any hatred in her eyes she just looked terrified. Peyton and Tim walked up to us and she looked at them, but her face changed she completely covered up the fact that a second ago she looked scared, now she looked fine.

"Hey Nate what's up bro?" Tim asked clapping my back. I turned and looked at him, my face changed too.

I smirked my signature cocky smirk, "Nothing Davis here was just annoying the crap out of me nothing new." I replied cockily and full of arrogance. For about one second Brooke looked surprised, but then like before it passed.

"Yeah Scott whatever I'm done wasting my time with you." She said icily glaring at me and linked arms with Peyton and walked away. Peyton just glared at me the whole time clearly she is still pissed about yesterday.

_The last girl and the last reason  
to make this last for as long as I could_

"Looks like someone is in the dog house man you are going to have to so some serious ass kissing to get back in her good graces." He said laughing.

"What the hell do I care if Davis is pissed at me?" I asked him.

He looked at me questionably for a second before answering, "I was talking about Peyton she is still pissed about her birthday."

'Oh shit' I thought of course he meant Peyton.

"Right well she can't stay mad at me for long I'd give it about a day maybe two before we're having sex in the janitor's closet." I said so cocky I wanted to vomit.

He just laughed and agreed. We walked into school and the day passed as it always does slow and it was boring as hell. But what was really getting me mad was the fact I couldn't get Brooke off of my mind. Why were we always so mean to each other? She saw my bruises I can't tell her what they're from so in order to make sure she never knows I just have to piss her off enough to guarantee she never talks to me again, which I'm pretty sure I accomplished this morning.

_The first kiss and the first time that  
I felt connected to anything_

I sighed quietly I was such an ass to her. When I look at her I don't just think sex or easy slut. I mean she has a reputation, but I've known her my whole we have never been friends, but she's not like that. I have even stuck up for her a few times when people have said bad stuff, but it doesn't seem to matter now.

Lunch just passed in a blur. I didn't even try to talk to Peyton or pay any attention to the guys. Finally school was over and it was time for practice. We were in the locker room changing. I noticed Lucas a few feet away and I was surprised he hadn't tried to talk to me about the night before. I turned around to grab my practice jersey and he was right there about to walk past me.

"Sorry I was just." He pointed behind me to the door.

I nodded and looked around for a second.

"Hey man thanks again for last night, I uhh got into it with Dan and I just didn't want to stay there so yeah thanks." I whispered only lying partially.

"No problem if anyone understands not wanting to be around Dan its me." He chuckled a little I did too.

"So how were you feeling this morning you know your face and hands." He looked at my hands again they were in loose fists hanging at my sides.

"They're fine yesterday I fell getting out of the shower and I hit my head on the sink and I tried to catch my fall on the tiles and it didn't work out to well." I said laughing at myself for effect hoping he believed me.

We started to walk out to the gym.

"Well it all looks better so that's good." He said.

'Good he believes me.' I thought with relief.

"Yeah it's kind of embarrassing but its ok." I shrugged grinning at him.

He grinned back mirroring mine again and we walked to listen to Whitey before practice.

"Hey Peyton are you okay?" Brooke asked her best friend concerned.

"Yeah its just Nathan as usual." She replied in an irritated tone.

"Look I don't even know why you bother with him he is not good for you Peyt and don't even try to deny the fact that I see you and the other hot Scott having eye sex almost every day!" She said laughing and managed to get Peyton to laugh too.

"I do not Brooke he is just my friend." She denied.

"Uh huh sure P. Sawyer well its certainly obvious that he is into you so you should dump jackass Scott over there." She said pointing to Nathan. "And go out with Lucas I mean you too are so alike and he is hot!" She said smiling.

"No Brooke Nathan is just going through a hard time right now he's not that bad." She told Brooke reassuringly.

Brooke sighed. "Fine if you want to stay in a miserable relationship than go ahead I'm just looking out for my best friend that's all." She said standing up. Peyton did as well.

"Thanks Brooke I appreciate it, but things with Nathan will get better soon." She tried to smile but it didn't amount to much. Brooke nodded and started up practice thinking about Nathan.

_The weight of water the way you taught me  
to look past everything I have ever learned_

She snuck a glance at him while he was playing. He is gorgeous beyond words, but she wouldn't ever tell him that and the things he said were so hurtful. She couldn't let him know that what he says affects her so she just let it go, but in the back of her mind she was worried about those bruises and where he got them. She knew that you couldn't bruise like that by falling out of the shower. She looked at him again and he was looking at her intensely. She shivered and looked away swiftly.

Practice ended and it went a lot better than the day before. All of the guys bought the story about falling out of the shower. I just had to laugh at how ridiculous this all was they were so easy lying to them was effortless.

I drove home and once again parked beside his car and walked inside the house. The minute I did the same feeling from the morning came rushing back as I closed the front door. Silence again, that couldn't be good.

I walked into the living room and on my way to the couch the light came on and I about suffered a heart attack as I turned around and became face to face with _him._ My heart beat in panic, but I kept my cool and didn't let it show.

"Hello Nathan where were you last night?" He asked calmly.

I swallowed.

"I went for a run and then went to the gym didn't you get my note?" I asked in a completely even voice.

"No I didn't!" He yelled and punched me in the face.

I was half way expecting that so I managed to stay on my feet, but he was faster and just swung at me again in the same spot and I went down. For a second as my eyes closed I thought of Brooke's face this morning when I said all of that hurtful stuff, I wondered if I looked like that all the time with Dan.

_The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love_

"Dad." Was all I said before he pulled my hair and grabbed at my side his nails breaking the skin and with all of his strength throwing me into the display of trophies. I hit it hard and the glass shattered all around me. The sound of broken glass rang in my ears and I couldn't hear anything else.

"God damn it can't you do anything right?" He yelled at me as he kicked me in the head twice and the second time his foot connected with my cheek.

He bent down like he had the day before and grabbed my aching face. "Nathan you can't go and leave with out telling me I was worried sick I need to make sure I know where you are all the time so I know your _safe!"_ His voice changed saying the last word his voice became demonic.

He punched me again in the face and grabbed my shirt and kicked me right in the stomach. I couldn't breathe at all. I was gasping for air like I had so many times before. He kicked me again and back handed me in the side of my face. I went down hard again landing on top of a lot of glass. I screamed out in pain as I felt shards of glass penetrate my skin in different places.

_And I don't know where to look  
my words just break and melt_

He didn't like that. He stomped on top of my stomach causing the glass to go even farther into the back of my head and behind my arms and legs. I felt some slice into my side and I could start seeing red all around me.

_Please just save me from this darkness_

_Please just save me from this darkness_

I coughed and it hurt like hell as I felt his hands tighten their grip around my neck. I didn't even notice them there at first. The tears were spilling down my cheeks, but I couldn't stop them I didn't even try I couldn't move.

"Nathan get up!" He screamed into my ear.

He let go of my neck and pulled on my hair again making me lift towards him. "You fucking idiot look what you've done! You're bleeding all because you didn't tell me where you were going!" He stopped to kick me again. I stopped trying to keep my eyes open. They felt way too heavy and the pain all over me was too excruciating to fight back or say anything.

_And I don't know where to look  
my words just break and melt_

I couldn't hear him yelling at me anymore. I only saw red and I couldn't feel my heart beating or the glass anymore. I saw myself walking around with a basketball dribbling it as I walked, but I was holding hands with someone. I wasn't sure whom. Her face was blurry. I tried opening my eyes so I could see her, but I just saw Dan and he was yelling, then with one last kick in the face I was out. I faded into the darkness slowly, but as I did her face became clearer. I first noticed her hazel brown eyes with her long auburn hair she smiled with her trademark dimples showing. Brooke it was Brooke Davis. She squeezed my hand as I slipped away from her into myself, into the hell and pain my life has become.

_Please just save me from this darkness_

_Please just save me from this darkness_

**So there it is I hope you loved it please review they make my whole day!! Thanks again! Oh and that song is Make This Go On Forever by Snow Patrol I strongly suggest listening to it if you never have its amazing!!**


	8. Running Up That Hill

**Hey I'm sorry again that is has taken so long to update!! But finally here it is I hope you love it!! Thanks so much to gregcam03, Mk, princetongirl, journey4eva, teamtroypay, Brucas True Love, ParadiseLost23, and DukeForever you guys are amazing thanks!!! My special thanks of course go to Pembroker, Brathan23, and Toddntan of course!! Also Tamarindo you are so great with fantastic reviews!! And lastly xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx!! Nicole you are the best thanks so much!! I love you guys you are the best reviewers ever!! Ok enough of this sappy stuff here is the chapter!! Haha I'm a dork!!**

_I couldn't hear him yelling at me anymore. I only saw red and I couldn't feel my heart beating or the glass anymore. I saw myself walking around with a basketball dribbling it as I walked, but I was holding hands with someone. I wasn't sure whom. Her face was blurry. I tried opening my eyes so I could see her, but I just saw Dan and he was yelling, then with one last kick in the face I was out. I faded into the darkness slowly, but as I did her face became clearer. I first noticed her hazel brown eyes with her long auburn hair she smiled with her trademark dimples showing. Brooke it was Brooke Davis. She squeezed my hand as I slipped away from her into myself, into the hell and pain my life has become._

_Please just save me from this darkness_

_Please just save me from this darkness_

Flashback

"_Daddy why do I have to go?" A seven-year-old Nathan Scott asked his father._

"_Because Nathan your mother and I are going out of town for the weekend and you need to stay somewhere." Dan said to his son._

"_But why do I have to go here I mean I don't even like her!" He whined to his dad._

_Dan sighed. "Look Nathan mommy and daddy are really good friends with her parents so I know that you two will be taken care of and have lots of fun together ok?" He said to him._

"_I want to stay with Tim!" He told his dad._

"_No you can't stay with Tim you two get into too much trouble together plus his parents don't do a very good job with him so I can't trust them with you." He said frustrated._

"_I thought her parents were going with you?" Nathan asked._

"_They are, but she has a full time nanny so you guys can have fun with her." He said as they pulled up to the house that Nathan would be staying the whole weekend._

"_I don't want to." Nathan pouted and crossed his arms._

"_Nathan you don't have a choice and its only 2 days don't be such a baby you'll be fine, now get out!" He said and opened his door and grabbed Nathan's bag. Nathan got out he was not happy about not being able to go to Tim's house. They walked up to the door and knocked. A very attractive young twenty or so girl opened the door._

"_Hey you must be Dan Scott I'm Carrie!" She said smiling at my dad. He smiled back. _(Haha I hate her!!)

"_Yes I am this is my son Nathan." He said as he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her and smiled shyly._

"_Hi Nathan we are going to have a blast this weekend why don't you go inside and play with Brooke while I talk to your daddy." She asked nicely. I nodded and walked into the huge mansion. I went up the stairs and walked into a room with pink walls. There was Brooke lying on her big bed with a pink comforter playing with her dolls. She looked up and smiled at me. "Hey Natie come play with me!" She said excitedly._

_I walked into her room and sat next to her on the bed. I had never been to another girl's house before I didn't like them very much. My friends would never stop making fun of me if they knew I was here for a whole weekend!__  
_

"_Do we have to play with dolls?" I asked her after a minute of silence._

"_No I was just doing this until you got here. What do you want to do?" She asked in a happy voice._

"_I-uh don't care we could-." She cut me off._

"_I know we can go play tag outside!" She said as she jumped off of the bed and ran down stairs. I followed her out the door. My dad had left and Carrie was sitting on the steps watching us._

"_Tag your it!" She squeeled happily as she hit my shoulder and took off running around her yard._

"_Remember stay in the yard!" Carrie yelled at us._

_I started running trying to catch her. She was wearing a pretty light blue dress, but that didn't slow her down._

_She was laughing and I finally caught up to her, but I tripped on a stick and accidentally fell right on top of her. She started laughing really hard. I laughed too._

"_Tag your it!" I said feeling a lot better than before as I touched her cheek lightly._

"_That's not fair you cheated!" She whined still giggling. _

"_I did not!" I denied. I was still laying on her, but we were oblivious._

"_Yes you did! You just don't want to admit it." She said smiling and her dimples showed. I smiled at her._

"_I would never cheat I'm Nathan Scott I don't need to cheat I'm the best!" I said laughing at her._

_She leaned up and kissed me on the lips lightly. I didn't know what to do. It was the best thing in the world. She pulled back and smiled at me again. I smiled back and started tickling her._

_  
__"No Natie stop that tickles!" She said cracking up. She tried to squerm away from me._

"_What sorry Brookie I can't hear you!" I said laughing still ticking her I was stronger._

"_I said…stop…tickling…me!" She could barely get out she was laughing so hard!_

"_I will only if you say I didn't cheat." I said laughing._

"_Fine…you…didn't…cheat!" She said laughing so hard I thought she was going to cry._

"_Okay I'll stop." I said as I sat up and got off of her._

_She was still laughing as she stood up I was too. This is the best day ever. I reached down and pulled a little rose out of the garden and gave it to Brooke. I smiled sheepishly as she took it and put it in her hair._

_Brooke walked over to me and leaned up on her toes and kissed me again. I was so happy._

"_Tag your it now!" She said as she touched my chest and took off running again. I kept chasing her knowing that she would always be my first kiss and knowing that deep down she was special._

_  
_Present

_It doesn't hurt me.  
You want to feel, how it feels?_

I started to disappear from my dream. I didn't want too that was the best day of my life, but I was leaving. I could hear people's voices, but they sounded so far away. I tried to move but I couldn't. I heard beeping in the back round of the voices. I heard my dad, and then I remembered what happened. What he did to me just because he didn't get the note I left him. What an ass hole I hate him!

_You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?  
You want to hear about the deal I'm making._

I tried to pay attention to what they were saying.

"Your son will be in a lot of pain when he wakes up. There is sever damage to his skull it appears that there was a large chunk of glass that was pulled out and he had a bunch of other large wounds in his body. He had 17 stitches put into his head, 10 stitches on both legs and 8 stitches on his left arm with 9 sticthes on his right arm. We have to run x-rays to make sure that nothing is broken and to make sure that there is no internal bleeding in his abdomen. I think just by looking at him, he probably has at least 4 or 5 broken ribs and a lot of deep bruising all over. He is going to have to take it very easy for awhile." The doctor said.

"How long until he can play basketball again?" Dan asked irritated.

"Sir your son had a piece of glass stuck in almost every limb in his body and it is a miracle that there is no brain damage with the large piece we pulled out of his skull it is actually a miracle that he isn't dead right now. Basketball should be the least of your concerns." He said disbelieving, but trying to stay professional.

_  
__You, (If I only could, be running up that hill)  
You and me (If I only could, be running up that hill)_

"Look doc as long as he is walking I think he should be able to play." He said with authority. I rolled my eyes he was unbelievable. I decided to make my presence known and opened my eyes and moaned a little when I tried to talk. My face hurt like hell.

"Mr. Scott thank goodness how are you feeling?" The doctor asked concerned.

I swallowed and it hurt. I was about to answer when I saw my dad standing behind the doctor glaring at me with the most hatred eyes. I froze. "Umm I f-feel f-fine." I said through clenched teeth.

"Well as fine as you may say you feel we can't let you leave for at least a couple of days what happened to you?" He asked with concern again. I looked at my dad and his fists were clenched like he was ready to take the doctor out so I did what I always do I lied.

"I was walking h-home and I got jumped. I didn't s-see the guy he just started b-beating the shit out of m-me. I don't know why." I lied in pain. There was no emotion in my voice I had already withdrawn into my self again. I was nothing. I tried to go back to the past before all of the shit.

_  
__And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
Get him to swap our places,  
be running up that road,  
be running up that hill,  
and be running up that building.  
If I only could_

"I see and do you know why anyone would want to hurt you so badly?" He asked looking right at me.

"No he just stabbed me a few times and started beating the hell out of me I don't remember where I was exactly I blacked out." I said only partially lying looking at my dad.

"Well your father brought you in and he just barely brought you in before it would have been too late." He said looking at my dad.

He nodded. "Thanks doc I'd like to talk to my son alone." The doctor left without another word. As soon as the door closed he turned and looked like he wanted to kill me.

_You don't want to hurt me,  
but see how deep the bullet lies._

"Dad." I said hoarsley and in pain. Maybe if he just looked at me for a second and heard how bad I was he woulnd't yell at me here or do anything like that.

"Nathan." He said looking me over.

I took a breath and put up the mask.

"Your fine." He said after a minute of looking at me.

I looked at him thinking how much I wanted to kill him.

"I'm fine." I echoed with low volume and no feeling. This was all a show for everyone. The lie I just told I used last year too they didn't pay attention.

"I'll talk to the doctor and you'll be out of here by tonight." He said and walked out.

My veins froze over. I had to go home with him? I just woke up and I was fucking terrified to leave with that bastard how did I know that I wouldn't be here again next week? I took a deep steady breath.

_Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.  
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby_

I looked at myself. I was bruised all over and I looked at my stitches on my arms and legs. I had a fucking headache and I bet that it was from the glass, I felt the stitches and it stung.

I winced, but made sure to cover it up incase he came back in. He would be pissed about basketball I have a game tomorrow and I am not in the shape at all to play, but knowing him I will anyway. I should give Lucas a call just to tell him in advance that he is going to have to carry the team.

I sighed. I was hurting really badly and I wanted to just close my eyes and go back to my dream. That was the only weekend that I ever spent with Brooke alone. We had a really good time, but I bet she doesn't even remember it. After that everything just went back to normal and we never really hung out again. I hadn't thought of that in years.

_So much hate for the ones we love?  
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?_

That was the worst beating I had ever endured. I couldn't believe that he threw me at the trophy case. I shouldn't be surprised though I could smell the whiskey on his breath the second I walked into the house. I heard the beeping on the heart monitor. The doctor said that is was a miracle that I was alive. I wish Dan had left me there to die. Maybe if I were dead he would feel guilty and maybe change. Yeah right! He would just be happy that I never beat his scoring record.

Dan and the doctor came back in the room. The fear was back. My eyes turned black and I was silent.

The doctor looked very uncomfortable. "Nathan are you sure that you feel well enough?" He asked looking like he prayed I said no.

"Yes I'm fine." I said in a monotone and rehearsed voice. I gave him a hollow smile as a reassurance that I had learned a while ago convinced most people that you were fine.

_You and me (If I only could, be running up that hill)  
you and me, won't be unhappy_

"Well it is hospital policy that we keep you over night so you have to stay, but in the morning after we run some more tests and give you an x-ray if you feel okay than you are free to go." I felt nothing as he said these words. I wonder what Dan said to him. He probably threatened as the mayor to shut down the hospital or he might have bribded him.

"Okay." I said confidently. The doctor looked at his chart checked a few things in the room and left again.

"Go to sleep Nathan you'll be fine and we can go home tomorrow." He said with complete authority.

I looked away muttering ass hole under my breath and it was just my luck that he heard me. He grabbed my bruised face and forced me to look at him. It took everything in me not to scream out in pain or break down.

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
be running up that road,  
Be running up that hill,  
Be running up that building.  
If I only could_

"What was that you little shit?" He asked in a threatening voice.

"N-nothing s-sir." I stuttered.

"Listen Nathan if you ever pull a stunt like that ever again like you did last night leaving and not telling me I will kill you next time. You know that this is your fault so don't try to play victim all right you asked for this! As for tomorrow if they ask you if your alright you say your fine if they tell you that they want you to stay you tell them that you have to go home and that you feel 100 you got that!" He added in a fiercely mean whisper.

"Yes sir." I said through clenched teeth. I had never hurt so much as I did right now. He let go and left muttering under his breath 'stupid kid.'

I closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted, but I was too scared to sleep. I couldn't relax. A nurse came in and gave me my medicine. I didn't talk to her at all. I was like stone just lying there staring at nothing. I didn't move it hurt too much. I didn't think, because I didn't' want to remember and I didn't feel because I _couldn't_. There was nothing but pain from the abuse and a dull ache that never went away. A cold emptiness that just ripped me apart more and more everyday.

_Come on, baby, come on, come on, darling,  
Let me steal this moment from you now.  
Come on angel, come on, come on, darling,  
and Let's exchange the experience_

Ring, ring

"Hey P. Sawyer what's up?" Brooke asked her best friend as she picked up her phone.

"Brooke Lucas just called me and told me that Nathan is in the hospital and its bad." Peyton said sadly.

Brooke's heart stopped for a second. She swallowed back the lump in her throat.

"What happened?" She asked trying to cover up her real pain and worry.

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
And get him to swap our places,  
be running up that road,  
be running up that hill,  
with no problems._

"I guess he was attacked and got beat up really bad and he was stabbed a bunch I think he almost didn't make it." She said.

"Umm is he going to be okay?" Brooke asked praying that he was.

"He should be he made it in time, but he is in bad shape Brooke. Lucas is going to visit him and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me-." Brooke cut her off.

"Definitely!" She said instantly.

"You don't have to B. Davis I know that you guys don't get along." She said with sadness in her voice.

"It's fine Peyton you shouldn't go alone we can meet Lucas there and I'll pick you up okay?" She asked her.

"Thanks Brooke you're the best." She said with gratitude.

"Yeah no problem." I said as I started to move on autopilot as I hung up. He was in the hospital. He almost didn't make it. Everything that happened today just didn't matter. Brooke wondered on her way to pick up Peyton why she cared so much. He was horrible to her, but the second she hears this happens none of that other stuff mattered and she was worried sick. When she picked Peyton up she was strong for her friend. When they got there Lucas was there with a few guys from the team. They weren't aloud to see him. The nurse said he was in really bad shape. We all brought him little things like flowers and cards.

_And if I only could,  
Make a deal with God,  
and I'd get him to swap our places,  
be running up that road,  
be running up that hill,  
with no problems._

After they gave the nurse their gifts to give him and sat down, Brooke walked up to her. "Hey if you could give this to him that would be great." She said in a raspy voice.

The nurse smiled sympathetically at her and nodded. "Don't worry your boyfriend is strong he will be fine, and I promise to tell him that you were here." She said smiling and walked away before Brooke could object to the boyfriend comment. Despite how worried and sad she was she smiled. She liked how that sounded, but she shouldn't so she went and sat next to Peyton and hoped that he would be okay.

The next morning I woke up and saw a bunch of flowers and cards all over. Word must have gotten out about me. I wonder what the story was. I looked at all of it and sort of rolled my eyes. I mean this is really nice and all, but I'm a guy I don't need flowers. My eyes stopped when they saw what was on my bedside table. I slowly reached out and grabbed it. There was a white envelope with my name on it. I opened it and my heart skipped a beat when I saw what was in it. I pulled out the picture of Brooke and me at 7 years old. She was in her blue dress that by that time had grass stains on it and the flower was still in her hair where she put it and we were hugging. Also in the envelope was a little red rose that matched the one in her hair that I have given her. I smiled a real smile. The first one in the longest time. She remembered _it_ too.

_If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill  
If I only could, be running up that hill_

**Hey so that was it I hope you love it!! And as always reviews are greatly appreciated so please leave one!! Thanks again!!**


	9. A Bad Dream

**Hey so thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter it means soo much!! That song was 'Running Up That Hill' by Placebo. Sorry it took so long to get another chapter up…this one is for my twin Nicole!!**

_I pulled out the picture of Brooke and me at 7 years old. She was in her blue dress that by that time had grass stains on it and the flower was still in her hair where she put it and we were hugging. Also in the envelope was a little red rose that matched the one in her hair that I have given her. I smiled a real smile. The first one in the longest time. She remembered it too._

_If I only could, be running up that hill_

I put the picture and the flower back into the envelope and set it on the table where it was. I still couldn't believe that she remembered that one weekend so long ago, and I had dreamed about it too. 'Weird.' I thought and closed my eyes hoping to get some more sleep. They had me on so much pain medication that I wasn't in any pain, but the memories were still there. And those were more painful than any physical beating I have survived.

_Why do I have to fly  
over every town up and down the line?_

I took a deep breath and exhaled trying to relax. The door opened and I groaned inwardly. 'Why won't they just leave me alone?' I thought frustrated. I opened my eyes too see who disturbed me and I was surprised to see Peyton there.

_I'll die in the clouds above  
and you that I defend, I do not love._

"Hey." She said unsure.

"Hey." I said confused. I shouldn't be though she is my girlfriend after all. I wonder how she knew I was here.

"Lucas called me after Tim called him after his mom called him,one of the nurses whoworks here called her and you know." She explained looking down. She looked very uncomfortable.

"Oh well thanks for coming, but according to my dad I should be leaving soon." I said hoping that she would leave.

"Your welcome." She said and tried to smile, but couldn't. I realized that this wasn't going anywhere and she wasn't ever going to do it so I will.

"Umm Peyton I think we should break up." I said honestly.

Her eyes went to mine to the floor faster than a light. She knew that was coming, but I think she was surprised I did it now.

She looked up at me again. "Okay if that's what you want." She said quietly.

"It is, but I don't want to do the awkward lets be friends thing I think that we should just see what happens and not force anything." I said hoping she knew what I meant. I hate when people break up and give the 'lets try to be friends' bullshit because that never works, but I think if we gave it time it wouldn't be awkward and we might actually be able to be friends.

She nodded like she understood. I figured she would. "That's fine Nathan we'll just see what happens." She said as she got up and walked slowly out of the room.

It was for the best. She didn't love me and I didn't love her all we did was fight and have sex and it was getting old. Besides its not like it wasn't completely obvious about how she and Lucas feel about each other. I just did them both a favor and I couldn't even be mad once they do start going out.

_I wake up, it's a bad dream,  
No one on my side,  
I was fighting  
But I just feel too tired  
to be fighting,  
guess I'm not the fighting kind._

I thought of Brooke for a second after Peyton left. I'm single now, but why would I automatically think of Brooke? 'It's the pills.' I thought they're making me think crazy.

_Where will I meet my fate?  
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate._

There was another knock at the door and I opened my eyes and awaited my next visitor. To my relief it was just Lucas.

"Hey man." He said as he walked in closer.

"Hey Luke." I said as I held out my fist for him to hit with his. Once he did my arm fell back on the bed and Lucas sat in the chair next to the bed.

_And when will I meet my end?  
In a better time you could be my friend._

"So how are you feeling?" He asked not knowing what else to say.

"I'm fine." I replied immediately. I looked straight ahead.

"Wow you look like you took one hell of a beating. Do you know who did this?" He asked worriedly.

I froze for about a second before I recovered and said, "No I didn't see it coming and before I knew it this guy was stabbing me with shards of glass and kicking my ass all over the place." I said only partially lying. I looked back over to him. He was leaning forward and nodding.

_I wake up, it's a bad dream,  
No one on my side,  
I was fighting  
But I just feel too tired  
to be fighting,  
guess I'm not the fighting kind._

"I wish I would have been there I bet between the two of us we would have beat his ass instead." He said smirking arrogantly. He so picked that up from me. I smirked too and nodded. "You bet your ass we would have." I said in the same tone he did. Lucas laughed and looked at all of the cards and flowers all over.

"Jesus someone is popular." He said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah just what I need flowers and get well cards to decorate my room with." I said sarcastically as well. He laughed.

"People obviously want you to get better. We were all really shocked when Tim called. This doesn't typically happen a lot and especially not to someone like you." He said while looking at some of the cards the nurse left sitting out.

"It's nice I guess." I said with a shrug. He looked at me and nodded.

"Just so you know I didn't get you a card or flowers or anything." He said grinning.

"Well damn Lucas that hurts my feelings to know that my own brother doesn't care enough about me to get me flowers while I'm in the hospital." I said with sarcasm dripping out of my mouth. He just laughed and stood up.

"Sorry I ran out money, but I did get you this." And he walked over toward the door and grabbed a basketball and brought it over.

"I know its kind of cliché, but we were actually worried when they said you were in bad shape so everyone on the team signed it. Its our way of saying get well in a non girly card or flower giving way." He said sincerely.

I just smiled a little. I was touched. He handed it to me and I looked at all of the signatures. There was an empty space next to his name.

"Hey can I get a sharpie?" I asked him. He looked around and found one in the drawer of the table next to me. He handed it to me and I signed my name right next to his. He looked at me expectedly to explain myself.

"When I get famous this could be worth a lot of money one day so I thought I should sign it now so I won't have to later." I said in a 'duh' voice. Lucas just smirked the trademark Scott smirk and shook his head.

"I guess its good I already signed it then so you don't have to come beg me to sign it when I'm rich and famous and your not." He said messing with me.

I smirked in response, but I was too tired to keep playing this game with him and I could tell he sensed it. He took the ball out of my hands and placed it on the floor.

"So uhh get better man we'll need you back on the court." He said sincerely. That reminded me what I was going to say earlier.

"Oh yeah by the way while I'm out which don't count on being too long your going to have to take over and lead everyone, which means picking up everyone's slack and winning the game." I said seriously. Just because I might not be contributing for one or two games doesn't mean I'm going not going to keep the undefeated record.

He grinned again, "What do you think I've been doing since I joined the team?" He said jokingly.

I flipped him off while rolling my eyes for dramatic effect. He just laughed and held out his fist like I had earlier. I bumped mine with his and shook my head laughing lightly.

"All right man take care and I promise to make sure we win while your gone." He said backing up toward the door. I nodded and he nodded back and just before he walked out I said something that even surprised me, "Umm Lucas…take care of Peyton." He didn't know what to say to that so he nodded yes and walked out. 'At least someone gets to be happy.' I thought. It might as well be Lucas and Peyton. I wasn't sure what was happening to me. All of a sudden I'm hanging out with my brother. Yeah I actually called him my brother earlier and Peyton and me have broken up a hundred times before, but always get back together.

_Wouldn't mind it  
if you were by my side  
But you're long gone,  
yeah you're long gone now._

This time I knew we wouldn't. We were both tired of doing the same old thing everyday. I sighed and closed my eyes again, but once again there was another knock. I sighed loudly and looked up and I was once again very surprised to see Brooke standing there.

"Umm hi?" I said unsurely.

She just stood there with her hands in her pockets of her jeans. She was wearing a Ravens t-shirt and jeans but to me she still looked beautiful.

_Where do we go?  
I don't even know,_

"Hey." She said in a raspy voice that I loved.

We stood there in silence for a minute just staring at each other. We were probably both thinking when we were going to start fighting, but I really wasn't in the mood to fight right now.

"I'm sorry." I said out of the blue.

She looked surprised so I continued.

"About yesterday at school I'm sorry about what I said to you…I didn't mean it." I said the last part quietly. I'm not even sure if she heard me.

_My strange old face,  
And I'm thinking about those days,  
And I'm thinking about those days._

She nodded and walked a little closer. I noticed that she was biting her lip. I wondered if that was her nervous habit because I got the strong urge to rake my fingers through my hair right now, but I'm all bandaged up and my arms were sore.

"So are you okay?" She asked quietly looking at all of my cuts and stitches. I nodded and said in my rehearsed attitude, "I'm fine and I can't wait to get out of here." There was nothing but emptiness as I spoke and I wondered if she noticed it. I think she did by the way she was looking at me. Just like she was yesterday trying to figure out why I was the way I was. I couldn't let her do that so I had to make her leave.

_I wake up; it's a bad dream,  
No one on my side,_

"So they are going to come in pretty soon and get me because I have to get x-rays taken to make sure nothing is broken…" I trailed off hoping she would get the hint. She did and she just nodded again.

"That's fine I'll leave you alone." She said as she walked a little bit closer to me and bent down low enough to kiss me on the cheek. As soon as her soft lips left my cheek it was cold. She pulled away and I turned my head so we were only a few inches apart. I know I looked horrible right then but it didn't matter. Once again I was stuck like yesterday. Our eyes locked and I could feel the heat.

She didn't move either and I could feel her breaths on my cheek. I got the strongest urge to just kiss her right then, which is so unusual since I have never had that urge before. The past didn't matter now though only the present and in this present Brooke Davis and I were just moments away from maybe kissing. I didn't know what to think. My heart started beating faster. But it doing that also made the cold emptiness ache. I ignored it though she was more important.

_I was fighting  
but I just feel too tired  
to be fighting,_

The tension was building and I hadn't let out a single breath since she kissed my cheek. I hadn't felt like that since that day at her house so long ago. I wanted to feel her lips against mine again I wanted to run my fingers through her hair and I wanted to-.

My thoughts were interrupted when the nurse walked into the room, but she stopped when she saw Brooke and me.

"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Scott I was coming to see if you were awake for your x-ray I can just come back later." She said a little embarrassed. She had nothing to be embarrassed about nothing had happened yet.

"No it's fine I was just leaving." Brooke said looking away from me to her and walking toward the door. I was still too shocked to even comprehend what was going on.

Before she walked out past the nurse she said, "Get well soon Nathan." And then she walked out.

I looked at the nurse and she was smirking at me like she caught us making out or something.

"You have a very pretty girlfriend there did you see what she told me to give you?" She asked pointing to the envelope I had opened earlier.

"Yeah I got it." I said still in awe. I didn't even pick up on the girlfriend comment at first, but then I did and I smiled again. So far this day had been all right.

"Are you ready for your x-rays Mr. Scott they're ready when you are." She said kindly.

_Guess I'm not the fighting kind._

"I'm ready and call me Nathan." I said to her. I didn't like all the formal names.

"Okay Nathan do you need help?" She asked. I shook my head no.

I slowly got out of bed and I was silently thanking god that this pain medication was so strong right now and I couldn't feel my injuries. I started walked towards the door when she walked in front of me and pulled into the room a wheel chair.

I looked at her like she was crazy. "I'm sorry Nathan it's hospital policy." She said sympathetically.

I sighed. "Fine just don't let anyone see me." I said dejectedly and eased myself down into the chair.

_Wouldn't mind it  
if you were by my side_

The x-rays weren't bad. I couldn't even concentrate on what he was saying to me. I couldn't stop thinking about Brooke. What was that? I think we almost kissed, but neither one of us moved so we might not have. I was so confused. I had just broken up with my girlfriend who was in love with my brother who I just became friends with and now I almost kiss my ex girl friends best friend all in the same day? I had to figure some stuff out.

I was wheeled back into my room and my blood froze for a second when I saw my dad was in there waiting for me. I quickly got out of the wheelchair and stood up. The nurse looked at me worried and confused but didn't say anything. The doctor came in a second later.

"Hello Mr. Scott how are we feeling today?" He asked me.

My eyes caught my dad's and he had the same evil glare that he had yesterday. I looked back at the doctor and said, "I'm fine today." My dad didn't look happy soI continued. "I'm feeling great." I said exactly howI practiced.

He looked unsure and pushed, "Are you sure because you can stay a few more nights so we can make sure that everything is okay." I could tell he didn't like Dan and he wanted me to stay since I obviously wasn't in any condition to leave, but what Dan wants Dan gets.

_But you're long gone;  
yeah you're long gone now._

"I want to go home and I feel 100 percent. I'm perfectly fine." I said lying through my teeth. My voice of course void of any and all emotion. Just the cold emptiness that never went away.

"Alright if your sure." He said looking at my dad and back to me.

"I'm sure." I said convincingly.

"Okay well your father already signed the release papers so you can get dressed and get out of here." He said a little uneasy but he walked out with the nurse behind him.

I turned toward Dan. "Good job Nathan now hurry up and get dressed so we can go home. We missed practice last night and I think that I need to teach you a few things before the game tonight." He said so slick I wanted to strangle him.

"Okay dad I'll be right out." I said monotone. He just walked past me and out the door glaring the whole way. I quickly got dressed and the nurse gave me all of my medicines that I would need for the next few weeks during my 'recovery'. Basically it will be as if nothing ever happened. All of my friends left to go to school and I was excused today and went home with Dan.

The doctors prediction were right I had 3 broken ribs and I had to keep my stitches in for 2 weeks before going back to the hospital and getting them removed. As for my bruises and not as serious cuts those would just scar and this would just turn into another bad memory or another bad dream. Just like all the rest.

_I wake up; it's a bad dream._

**Okay so I really hope that you liked it!! The song is 'A Bad Dream' by Keane. Please review it helps more than you know thanks so much!!**


	10. Look After You

**Hey everyone! Okay first of all I am so so so so sorry about the lack of updating!! I really am it's just been crazy and I didn't have the time. I'm really sorry again and I want to thank sincerely to everyone who has updated for this story it means so much and I hope you all like this next chapter!!**

**Pembroker, Brathan23, Tamarindo, TeamTroypay09, journey4eva, ParadiseLost23, Toddntan, LuluMcphee, BrucasTrueLove, DukeForever, Gregcam03, and of course to xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx Nicole my twin thanks to all of you!!**

_The doctors prediction were right I had 3 broken ribs and I had to keep my stitches in for 2 weeks before going back to the hospital and getting them removed. As for my bruises and not as serious cuts those would just scar and this would just turn into another bad memory or another bad dream. Just like all the rest._

_I wake up; it's a bad dream._

After Dan and I got home I went strait upstairs. I didn't even want to look at him. I laid down and closed my eyes. I was exhausted from everything. I heard yelling down stairs and I could tell my dad was pissed off about something. I kept hearing 'stupid kid' and 'worthless bastard' I knew he was mad about me, but its not like it was my fault he was the one who overreacted and threw me into the fucking trophy case.

I grabbed my medicine and took the dose the doctor told me to and I felt a little better. 'At least it works.' I thought and tried to relax. I heard glass shattering and my eyes flew open. I heard his footsteps stomping around and he was yelling, "God damn it were out of scotch!" Then I heard the front door slam and his car starting.

I was relieved he didn't come up here to tell me how mad he was I was in a pretty bad condition but luckily throughout the years of going through this I was a quick healer. Once I got my stitches out and I wasn't so sore Dan would be on my ass again about basketball and everything will go back to normal.

"Normal." I whispered dejectedly. That was the last thing I wanted to go back to. I finally relaxed and fell asleep.

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take_

2 weeks later…

"Okay Mr. Scott the stitches are out how do you feel?" The doctor asked looking at me.

"I'm fine I'm glad they're gone." I said grinning. I wasn't lying stitches are annoying as hell and I was glad they were gone.

"Good now its completely normal to feel tenderness or aching where they used to be but you still have all of your antibiotics so that will take care of any pain you have." He said signing a chart and handing it to the nurse.

"I'm glad to see your okay Nathan I hope not to see you in here like this again." She joked and walked out when I nodded at smiled at her.

"I agree lets hope whoever did this stays as far away from you as possible." He said lifting my shirt and checking my ribs.

"You have no idea." I said darkly looking right at my dad who was sitting in a chair behind the doctor. He looked up when I said that and glared before smirking.

"Oh doc didn't you say after he got his stitches out he could play ball again? It's been two whole weeks and I know Nathan has really missed it." He said smiling evilly.

"Well his ribs aren't healed fully yet. I mean they have recovered remarkably faster than usual but they still aren't all the way there yet I think he should lay off for a little while longer." The doctor said letting go of my shirt and looking at my dad who was still smiling.

"I don't think we will have to wait that much longer. Nathan is a fast healer he will be fine by the next game." Dan said with certainty.

"As long as he's okay than I say good luck Mr. Scott and I want to see you in about another two weeks to check your ribs and other cuts and bruises." He said as he walked out again to talk to the receptionist.

"Do you hear that Nathan your almost there." He said walking towards me.

I tensed immediately. "Yeah just a little longer and I'll be back." I said not looking at him.

He nodded. "We need to start training again since you have missed two full weeks of practice." He said.

"Dad I went to practice everyday after school but Whitey wouldn't let me play in the games." I said defensively. He makes it sound like I spent the last two weeks sitting on my ass doing nothing like anyone else in my condition would have.

"Come on Nathan I meant our practices I need to make sure your still in shape so tonight you are going to run 2 miles in less than 15 minutes and do 50 push ups and sit ups." He said while walking out the door.

We went outside and walked towards the car. "Dad come on my ribs are still broken I can't do sit ups and I just got the stitches out of my arms and legs." I said as we got in the car.

He didn't start the car. He grabbed the back on my head and banged it against the dashboard.

"I don't think you heard me Nathan tonight you are running 2 miles in less than 15 minutes and doing 75 sits ups and push ups a piece do you understand me?" He yelled as he let me go. I swallowed and nodded.

"Yes sir." I said quietly and looked out the window as he pulled out of the parking lot and drove us home.

The next morning I woke up and got ready for school like I always do except since that night with Dan I have been moving slower when I get around. At school everyone gives me their pity looks and the cops even came and interviewed me about who did this. I wanted so badly to just tell them it was Dan but I couldn't he would kill me before they ever got to him if they even believed me.

_Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

Me and Peyton didn't talk much but whenever we were around each other it wasn't awkward like it is a lot of times with exes. No surprise she and Lucas were together, but they didn't show it that much. You could tell though in the way they were when they were around each other. They were happy and I really didn't give a damn.

I went to practice everyday and explained to Whitey what happened and said I could still practice, but he said I couldn't so I helped him write plays for the team and made sure the team looked good, Lucas especially. I missed two games and I was pissed, but we didn't loose Lucas was good about picking up the slack and he was playing pretty good, but I was ready to come back.

The teachers all gave me sympathy and were easy about the homework that I missed. But in math I couldn't skip that much and that teacher was a bitch and since I was so far behind I had to get a tutor.

"A tutor? That really sucks man." Lucas said after math as we walked out.

"I know Mrs. Kramer is a bitch." I said walking up to my locker.

"Haley's a tutor you know." He said casually.

"Who?" I said absentmindedly as I threw my Algebra 2 book in there and grabbed my English book. I heard him laugh a little.

"Haley James. She's my best friend I'm sure you've seen her around. She's the smartest girl in school and a tutor maybe she could help you." He said.

I nodded not really caring who she was but if Lucas thought she was okay she probably was. "Alright I'll see as long as she's good in math." I said to him.

"Okay I'll ask her and see if she'll do it, but I gotta go to physics so I'll see you at practice." He said as he clapped my shoulder lightly knowing I still wasn't completely fine yet and walked away.

I closed my locker and turned to go to my English class when I stopped in my tracks suddenly. Brooke was walking down the hall coming my way. I tried to look away but I couldn't. We hadn't spoken since she came to the hospital. Talk about awkward whenever we were around each other which I tried to make never happen.

_Oh, oh,  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

Usually the only time we were together in the same room was lunch and I never walked by their table and at practice and I made sure to stay on the other side of the court with Whitey and tried to concentrate on anything other than her yelling at her squad and jumping around in her short black shorts. It was one of the hardest things to do avoiding her. Its weird we hadn't ever really spoken until that day at the river court but I never noticed how often I was around her until I tried as hard as I could not to be.

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know_

I swallowed and raked my fingers through my hair quickly and started walking. There was no reason why I should have to go the opposite way and be late just to avoid her. I'll just act like I don't see her and walk right past her. I looked over and she was waving to people she knew everyone knew her she was Brooke Davis queen of Tree Hill High. Wanna talk about cliché or what? I kept walking trying not to look at her legs in her pink mini skirt and black leather boots but fuck it was hard when she looked so damn good in them.

I kept walking and she was still a little bit in front of me walking this way. Despite how good her legs looked I kept looking forward and tried not to bump into anyone in the process because all I was concentrating on was not looking at her.

_When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
you're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

I was almost to my next class when all of a sudden it was like I couldn't help myself and something I couldn't control was making me look but I turned my head towards her and she was looking right at me.

Our eyes locked instantly and everything else around us seemed to stop and nothing else mattered. We were both in the middle of the hallway walking in different directions coming towards each other and we just kept staring. Her eyes were burning right through mine and I couldn't look away even if I wanted too.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhhh  
Oh; oh  
Be my Baby  
I'll look after you  
And I'll look after you_

My breathing was starting to get shaky and I didn't know what to think. No one had ever had this affect on me before and I hated it because damn it I am Nathan Scott and no one was supposed to affect me this much. I was the one always in control but with Brooke she just made me feel different.

We were almost about to walk past each other but with out meaning to I stopped and at the same time she did too. I couldn't be sure what she was exactly thinking or feeling but her expression I could tell matched mine and she wasn't sure why she stopped either.

_If ever there was a doubt  
My love she leans into me_

Brooke and I were standing nose to nose in the middle of the hallway with people whispering as they walked past us and some even stopping to see what was going to happen. Like before I felt her breath on my face and my eyes never left hers. Her breath was quickening and I thought my stomach was about to drop out of my body.

_This most assuredly counts  
She says most assuredly_

I swear it was like something beyond our control and some outside force was pulling us together like this because I sure as hell didn't know what was going on and I don't think she did either.

But what I did know was I couldn't take this anymore and with out thinking about it I grabbed her face and crashed her lips into mine. She responded immediately and moved her lips roughly against mine. I dropped my English book and wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in as close as possible as she pulled me into her by grabbing the front of my shirt with both of her hands. The sparks were there and they were intense. I loved this feeling and I never wanted it to end.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
After You  
Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh_

I was about to loose control right there in the middle of the hallway. This wasn't like any other kiss I had ever experienced. The others had been hot but nothing like this. I moved my hand from her face and put that arm around her waist. I heard her moan into my mouth and I smiled knowing I caused it.

_It's always have and never hold  
you've begun to feel like home_

I kissed her harder and right as I was getting ready to literally start ripping her clothes off the bell rang and we both jumped apart. We were both breathing heavily and we were still looking at each other.

Everyone around us were staring with their mouths hanging open. I bent down to pick up my book and ignored the aching pain from my ribs and kept my eyes on Brooke. She grabbed her book bag that she dropped.

"What is going on here?" Mrs. Tucker my English teacher said from the doorway of his class.

All of the students looked at her and back at us.

"Well get to class!" She yelled and everyone started moving towards their classes. Brooke kept looking at me as she walked past me and I did her.

_What's mine is yours to leave or take  
what's mine is yours to make your own_

"Is there a reason your late Nathan?" She asked me. I looked at Brooke's retreating form and back to the teacher.

"No I'm still moving slow from everything." I answered lamely and walked into class missing Brooke turning around to look at me again as she kept walking down the hall.

I wasn't surprised that this was all everyone kept talking about all day. I'm still confused as to why it happened in the first place. I really didn't think that I would kiss Brooke today when I woke up this morning. But I couldn't lie the kiss was incredible.

"Oh my god Nathan why didn't you tell me you were hittin Brooke Davis!" Tim said as I walked into the locker room. I should have known this was coming.

"Tim I don't want to talk about it later okay?" I answered tiredly. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Oh come Nate this is huge we're talking the nicest piece of ass in the whole school now tell me how is it?" He asked as others started listening.

That pissed me off. He shouldn't be talking about her like that. I looked at everyone and they were all expecting me to say something. I sighed and said pretty much the same thing I had all day.

"Use your imagination boys and even that won't be good enough." I said with my signature cocky smirk.

"That's what I'm talking about. You are the man Nathan!" Tim said excitedly and high fived the other guys.

I rolled my eyes and walked over to my locker. Lucas was at his and he didn't look to happy.

"What?" I asked annoyed.

"Nothing." He said shaking his head like he was disappointed or something.

"Whatever." I said and got changed.

We walked outside and I went over to coach.

"Hey coach so I got my stitches out and I can play again." I said purposely not looking at the cheerleaders warming up and stretching.

"I heard and that's good I want to run the new offense for you and Lucas that you helped me create." He said smiling. I nodded and grabbed a ball and took it in for my first dunk since my encounter with Dan.

"Look who's back!" I heard some of the guys say. I let go of the rim and landed on my feet, but when I did it sent a huge wave of pain right to my ribs and I clenched my fists immediately trying not to let it show.

I took a deep breathe shaky breath and tried not wince it was hard and it worked. I walked over to everyone else and kept practicing.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were with Nathan!" Peyton said to Brooke as she walked into the locker room. She knew this was coming it had been all everyone had been talking about since it happened.

"I'm not with Nathan." She said.

"Okay so you just decided to make out with him during passing period for fun?" She asked smiling. She clearly wasn't mad about this.

"Look P. Sawyer I have no idea what that was all about it just happened literally." She said not knowing how else to explain it. She wouldn't admit it right now but that was the best kiss she had ever experienced in her whole life.

"Okay I get it but I want the dirty details later." She said poking Brooke in the stomach before going out to the gym to meet Lucas before practice.

"Have you guys heard what he has been saying since it happened?" She heard Theresa say.

"What?" Bevin asked.

"Everyone has been asking Nathan about it and he just laughs and says she's a good lay but that's it. I mean come on its Brooke no guy will ever want to be with her for real especially someone like Nathan. He'll get bored and dump her." She said and Brooke tried not to let the tears fall as she listened.

"I haven't heard anything like that." Bevin said as they walked out.

Brooke took a couple of deep breaths trying not to cry. She couldn't believe he said that about her. They hadn't even slept together never even came close. She shook her head angrily of course he would act like the same ass hole he always was. One kiss wasn't going to change that. Brooke's heart sank as she walked out to practice her good mood that she had fading away completely.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh_

After practice I felt like shit. Everything hurt and all of the guys were getting so annoying asking me about Brooke every second they could, and to top it all off every time I looked at Brooke she glared at me and Lucas wouldn't speak to me so we didn't have the same chemistry on the court we usually did.

I saw Brooke walking over to her car and I thought we might as well talk about it.

"Hey Davis." I said as I walked up to her, but she kept walking and ignored me.

"Davis wait up." I said but she kept walking faster to her car.

'What the hell?' I thought. I picked up my speed and right as she opened her door to get in I shut it so she couldn't.

She didn't turn around all she did was open it again, but I shut it before she could het in.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

"Move Scott!" She said angrily. I didn't move but I didn't expect that.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked her. She still didn't turn around and when she reached for her door handle again I grabbed her by her waist feeling shivers as I did and turned her around and grabbed the keys from her hand.

"Give me my keys back!" She demanded pissed off.

"Not until you tell me what pissed you off so much!" I said seriously.

"You did okay now give them back!" She yelled and reached for them but I held them too high for her to reach.

"What did I do Davis?" I asked which was stupid because I was the one who kissed her in the hallway.

"Look Scott I don't want to talk to you so give me my damn keys before I kick you in the balls so hard you won't ever be able to reproduce children!" She threatened.

"How about you tell me what exactly I did and maybe I'll give you the keys back." I said looking right at her trying to read her.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Ohhhhh_

She sighed. "Look I'm not some easy slut that will just fuck any guy she meets! Okay and whatever you thought was going to happen between us is never ever going to happen so don't kiss me anymore and leave me the hell alone!" She screamed in my face.

I was stunned again like the time she slapped me. My heart sank in my chest. 'What was she talking about?' I wondered. She didn't want me to kiss her anymore. Did I want to keep kissing her? I knew I did, but she obviously didn't want me like that. I swallowed the lump back in my throat and handed her her keys and took a step back still looking at her.

She looked like she was about to cry as she opened her door and got in never taking her eyes from mine. She started the car and I thought I saw tears falling down her face as drove away as fast as possible away from me.

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

**That's it I hope you all liked it! Please review I know I don't deserve it since it took me so long to finally update but please review anyway!! Thanks so much! And that song is 'Look After You' by The Fray! **


	11. Lying From You

**Hey so I meant it when I said I wouldn't take as long to update!! I hope everyone liked the last chapter and this one as well. Thanks so much to Pembroker, Toddntan, Tamarindo, p0line, and lastly xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendxX summer this is for you!!**

_She looked like she was about to cry as she opened her door and got in never taking her eyes from mine. She started the car and I thought I saw tears falling down her face as she drove away as fast as possible away from me._

_Oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you_

I drove home in a daze. I knew I should have been paying attention to what I was doing but I didn't care. Why would Brooke just go off and say all of that stuff? Maybe I surprised her with that kiss but she didn't seem to mind it then she kissed me back. She looked so hurt while she was yelling at me, and that was the first time I had ever seen her cry before. She always seemed so tough. I had to figure out why she went off like that.

_When I pretend everything is what I want it to be  
I look exactly like what you always wanted to see_

I pulled in and went strait up to my room. I took my pain pills since I knew I would need a lot of them and then picked up my phone. I dialed her number which for some reason I had memorized and waited for her to pick up. I got her voice mail and I shut my phone angrily.

I got dressed in my gym shorts and went to the basement. I downed all of my water and turned the music up as loud as it could go. Like every other time I didn't wear gloves or a wrap I just stood there and took the first punch.

_When I pretend, I can't forget about the criminal I am  
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can but  
I can't pretend this is the way it'll stay I'm just  
(Lying to bend the truth)  
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be, so I'm_

I hit it hard and I was starting to feel the adrenaline go through me. It had been a while since I had come down here. I never felt up to it and I was always hurting too bad.

'Hit, ignore the pain, never back down!'

My ribs were killing me but I completely ignored it. I just kept hitting this bag like it had actually done something wrong to me. The truth is it's the only thing in my life that I can count on besides Dan beating my ass and pushing me over the edge. How sad is that?

I couldn't stop thinking about Brooke. She made it seem like I had called her an easy slut and said she would fuck every guy she meets. I never said that. Maybe she heard what I had been saying when I lead people to believe that we were sleeping together, but they wouldn't shut up unless I said something so I told them to use their imaginations I didn't think she would get so pissed. Unfortunately that reminded me of something Dan once said.

_(Lying my way from you)  
No no turning back now  
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)  
No no turning back now  
(Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone)  
No turning back now  
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)  
No no turning back now  
(The very worst part of you is me)_

'More blood, more sweat, be the best, play through the pain!'

_Flashback…_

"_Faster Nathan you aren't going to like it if you don't finish these suicides before the time is up!" He yelled at me standing on the sidelines as he ran my ass up and down the gym floor._

_I ran faster ignoring the protest my legs were giving and ran faster. I bent down to touch the line and got up to sprint down the court before my time was up._

"_Move Nathan what's wrong with you?" He yelled as I past him. I made it to the end and once I crossed the line I stopped and I was forced to double over and try to catch my breath. I never thought I would get it back again._

_I felt like my lunges were getting ready to burst and I was about to pass out. We had been here for 2 hours and I had done nothing but run suicides and sprints. _

_He walked over to me and I immediately stood up straight and looked at him. He stopped right in front of me and just looked me over like he was evaluating me._

"_50 more go." Was all he said and walked back to his spot on the side line. My eyes widened because I couldn't handle doing one more._

"_Dad." I said breathlessly._

"_I can't I've already done 1,000." I barely finished._

_He looked up from his stop watch and glared. 'Oh shit.' I thought as he walked towards me again._

"_What did you just say you worthless mistake?" He challenged. _

_I sighed and said, "I've already done 1,000 don't you think that's enough?" _

_He grabbed the front of my shirt and shoved me to the wall. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you Nathan? You never think before you speak! I said do 50 more or I promise you won't even see the court at all on varsity this year!" He threatened as he pulled my head forward and rammed back it into the wall as hard as he could. I almost passed out with a concussion right there but I made sure I kept myself together._

_He let go and I sunk down to the floor trying to take deep breaths. I clenched my fists like always and put them on my knees. 'Just do what he says and get it over with.' I thought as I got up and walked over to the line._

_I heard him chuckle looking at me as I could barely keep my composure enough to stand. He blew the whistle and I took off for the other side of the court bending down to touch the line and running back as fast as my exhausted body could take me._

_remember what they taught to me  
Remember condescending talk for who I ought to be  
Remember listening to all of that and this again  
So I pretended up a person who was fittin' in_

Present…

'Harder, harder, harder, don't let him take it, don't give up!' I thought as I kept hitting the bag.

"_What the hell is wrong with you Nathan? You never think before you speak!"_

'No don't listen to him don't think about him!' I told myself.

'Hit, don't stop, push, don't feel anything!'

There were beads of sweat covering every inch of me. I had been down here for at least a half an hour never stopping what I was doing. My ribs were throbbing, but I did what I always do I acted like nothing was wrong and I kept going.

I couldn't think about Dan. Not after all he's done to me. I wouldn't waste my thoughts on that manipulative ass hole. 'Brooke.' I thought of Brooke. Unfortunately when I thought of her I had to think of how badly I screwed up with her. 'What the fuck was wrong with me?' I thought.

I got extremely pissed off and hit harder. Just like every other time there was blood drenching my fists. I didn't pay attention to it. It didn't matter. I kept going like that until something hit me. 'Dan's right.' I thought.

"_You never think before you speak!" _

I kicked the bag and hit it as hard as I had ever hit anything in my whole life.

"God damn it!!" I screamed pissed off.

"He's right I don't think!" I yelled as I hit it again with impressive force.

When the bag came back I just held onto it trying to catch my breath. "He's right." I whispered miserably.

_And now you think this person really is me and I'm  
(Trying to bend the truth)  
Cuz the more I push the more I'm pulling away cuz I'm_

I backed up and turned the stereo off. I went upstairs and just got into the shower not bothering to look at how bad I must have looked right now. I got out and went into my room. I picked up the wrap I needed to use to wrap my ribs with. I just wanted them to be better so I could play again.

I did that and put a wife beater over it and put a different pair of basketball shorts on. Dan wasn't back yet thank god. 'No stop thinking about him!' I thought. I turned completely numb whenever someone said his name or my dreadful memories came back to me about him.

I laid down and took a deep breath. It was surprisingly easy to relax I think I was a lot more exhausted than I thought.

_Beep, Beep_

"Ughhh." I moaned as I reached over and turned it off my cell phone. Since my last alarm clock incident with Dan I had been using my cell phone to wake up in the morning.

I sat up slowly as a wave of pain came to my stomach and I wrapped my arms around it.

"Shit ow." I winced as I stood up. I took a shaky breath and grabbed the pills and took a few. I got dressed and went down stairs. As I walked past Dan's office I saw the broken scotch container where he threw it a few days ago. He still wasn't home and I stopped fear struck thinking about the last time he wasn't home in the morning and what happened later that night. For a second I could still feel the glass shards penetrating my skin.

I had scars on my arms and legs from them, but they didn't hurt anymore.

I walked out the door and went to school. People were staring and waving like usual but now some were howling yelling stuff about me and Brooke.

I ignored it and didn't talk to anyone. Even Tim finally backed off after I snapped at him and told him to shut the fuck up about her. The rest of the day went by normal except no one tried talking to me after that. They all knew not to mess with me when I was in this mood. After math I walked to my locker like the day before and I saw her coming down the hallway again.

_(Lying my way from you)  
No no turning back now  
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)  
No no turning back now  
(Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone)  
No turning back now  
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)  
No no turning back now  
(The very worst part of you)  
(The very worst part of you is ME)_

"Davis." I said walking up to her but she walked right past me.

"Come on and let me explain everything." I said as I grabbed her arm to turn her around. I really wasn't sure why I was trying so hard I never had before especially with girls. But she really was different.

"I don't think you heard me clearly yesterday Scott leave me the fuck alone!" She hissed and yanked her arm out of my grasp as she glared and walked off. I sighed frustrated and punched my locker.

"Fuck." I whispered as I walked into English. The rest of the day was horrible. I was still pissed off and ready to take it out on anyone who talked to me. Practice was a nightmare because we had to run a lot of suicides and despite my best efforts Dan kept coming into my thoughts only making me more miserable.

_This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would  
have you running from me_

I took an extra long shower and I had to take my time to wrap my ribs again after. I couldn't believe they still hurt like this. Finally when I was done I walked outside towards my car. The only other car in the parking lot was Brooke's bug but I didn't see her anywhere. I sighed in disappointment.

I was about to get into my car when I heard someone yell, "Stop it and get away from me!" I looked around and saw Brooke getting cornered by some guy I had never seen before. I immediately went over there.

_Like This  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would  
have you running from me_

"Come on baby shhhh. Let's go have some fun together." He said as he grabbed her ass and pushed her up against a wall.

"Get the hell off of me." She screamed at him. I came up to them.

"Back the fuck off of her!" I demanded. She looked surprised and scared he looked like he didn't care I was there.

"Piss off ass hole!" He said and that just made me even madder. I grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him off of her and shoved him up on the wall.

"I said back the fuck off of her you sick ass hole!" I yelled in his face before punching him twice in the face and 3 times in the stomach.

He doubled over as I kicked him in the face. He fell down and I got on my knees and grabbed his shirt and started hitting him repeatedly in the face.

_Like This  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would  
have you running from me_

"Don't." Hit. "You." Hit. "Ever." Hit. "Come." Hit. "Near." Hit. "Her." Hit. "Again!" Hit. I screamed at him. He was long unconscious but I couldn't stop because when I looked at him I saw Dan and even more importantly than that he tried to hurt Brooke, my Brooke. 'Wait my Brooke?' I thought as I kept socking him over and over again.

I felt a pair of small hands grab my shoulders gently.

"Nathan stop its okay." She said softly. I stopped immediately and took a deep breath backing up realizing what I had done.

"Oh shit." I whispered to no one in particular. I turned to look at her and she looked scared but she looked worried too.

"Are you okay?" She asked me. I looked at her surprised. She was the one who just got attacked and she was worried how I was doing?

"I'm fine." I said looking at her.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly. Thinking about her being hurt made me want to kill someone but it also made me worry.

She nodded and I knew she probably was. After all she was Brooke Davis.

"You sure I mean that guy he tried…" I trailed off because I didn't want to finish that sentence.

"I'm fine." She said looking from him to me.

Our eyes locked again and I could tell she wanted to thank me but she was still mad at me from the day before.

"Do you want me to take you home?" I asked her still not breaking eye contact.

"Its okay I drove I was on my way out when he showed up." She said staring right through me.

I nodded and we stayed like that for a while just staring trying to figure out what was happening between us and trying to figure the other one out.

"I should go." She finally said to break the silence.

"Me too." I said quietly. She started walking towards her car and I walked towards mine looking around making sure no one else was around. The guy was still unconscious but I didn't care he deserved it.

I didn't stop looking at her for a second as she reached her car and I reached mine. She opened her door but stayed there for a second before getting in. She mumbled thank you and I knew she didn't want me to hear it but I did.

I got into my car and drove home after I watched her go. When I got there Dan was home. I felt numb all over again.

_Like This  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would  
have you running from me  
Like This_

"Nathan what took you so long?" He roared as I walked in.

"I was at school." I said with no emotion. Thinking back would just piss me off all over again.

I wasn't looking when all off a sudden I felt a fist fly into my stomach.

"You stupid shit you were supposed to be home an hour ago for practice and then you give some bull shit excuse about being at school?" He yelled as he punched me right in the ribs.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I doubled over on the floor.

"What was that?!" He screamed as he kicked me there again. Every ounce of pain I had blocked out and forced myself not to feel came crashing down on me. I laid there lifeless as he literally stepped on me to get to the liquor that was on the bar a few feet away.

"Ahh." I said quietly so hopefully he wouldn't hear me. I could literally feel my ribs breaking all over again.

"Nathan I don't know why you don't use your head and think before you speak. Things would be so much easier if you did. Practice today is cancelled since you thought hanging out with your friends or girlfriend what ever the hell you were doing was more important. Ill be back in a little while and you better not be here when I get back." He threatened as he kicked my head. By then I was almost completely unconscious waiting for him to just kill me.

_(You)  
No turning back now  
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)  
No no turning back now_

It took me a good hour to get up from the floor and upstairs. I packed a bag and took the rest of the pills. Besides that one other time nothing felt worse than it did now. I went to the car and drove again like before only this time I didn't go to Lucas' house I went somewhere I had to go to be with someone I needed.

I knocked on the door and she answered wearing a black tank top and pink pajama shorts. She looked surprised.

"Can I please stay here tonight?" I asked in a pain filled voice. She looked concerned and nodded opening the door so I could come in. I did and she closed it.

"What happened to you?" She asked worriedly. I sighed. I didn't want her to worry about me.

"It's a long story." I said quietly and she nodded understandingly.

"Come on lets go upstairs." She said as she took my hand and led me slowly up the stairs. We went into her room and she laid down on the bed and patted the spot next to her.

I followed her and lay down. "Thank you." I said after a minute of silence.

"Thank you for earlier." Brooke said quietly as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I closed my eyes and saw us holding hands while I was dribbling the basketball. We were happy. I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at her. She was staring off into space.

_(Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone)  
No turning back now_

"What are you thinking about?" I asked. She turned to me and shrugged.

"I'm thinking that whatever you're doing here has to do with those bruises I saw a while ago. You keep getting hurt Scott and I know your not that clumsy." She said looking right at me.

"You're right I'm not." I said quietly looking at her.

"Who keeps doing this?" She asked concerned. I shook my head. I wasn't going to tell her. Not yet.

"I'll tell you some day, but not today." I said as I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. When I pulled away I knew she was trying to read me like before.

"One day I'm going to figure you out Nathan Scott." She said.

"You can try." I said teasing.

She grinned and kissed me again. I pulled her into me despite how horrible my entire body felt my heart was about to burst out of my chest. She finally forgave me and now I was starting not to feel as numb.

_(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)  
No no turning back now  
(The very worst part of you)  
(The very worst part of you is me)_

**Hey that's the end of that!! Please review it means a lot!! That song is 'Lying From You' by Linkin Park**


	12. Wonderwall

**Hey everyone so I just wanted to thank everyone for reviewing the last chapter it means a lot!! Toddntan, Tamarindo, and XxprettygirlXxXboyfriendxX twin!! Thanks so much!!**

"_I'll tell you some day, but not today." I said as I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. When I pulled away I knew she was trying to read me like before._

"_One day I'm going to figure you out Nathan Scott." She said._

"_You can try." I said teasing._

_She grinned and kissed me again. I pulled her into me despite how horrible my entire body felt my heart was about to burst out of my chest. She finally forgave me and now I was starting not to feel as numb._

_(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)  
No no turning back now  
(The very worst part of you)  
(The very worst part of you is me)_

I laid there with Brooke and I couldn't sleep. I wasn't exactly sure why. I figured part of it was because I was here with her which was a little weird based on what has happened in the past few days with us. The truth is I have no idea what's going on with us.

_Today is gonna be the day  
that they're gonna throw it back to you_

She's different from anyone else and she doesn't take my shit. She's still asking questions that I'm not ready to answer yet. It's too hard and part of me wishes that I didn't come here because if I slipped and she found out and then Dan found out she knew he might hurt her.

_By now you should've somehow  
realized what you gotta do_

I froze immediately after that thought. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Dan hurting Brooke for knowing my secret. He was punishing her doing things that were so bad she would never recover from them.

I started shaking violently. I couldn't stop. I couldn't force my eyes to open. I still saw him attacking her screaming the worst things at her. Things she doesn't deserve to hear. He wouldn't stop hurting her he was going to kill her.

I felt cold. I was living the worst possible thing and I couldn't make it stop. She was screaming out for me to help her and I was so close but I couldn't get to her. I started shaking harder. My ribs were throbbing but I still couldn't stop. Brooke looked so helpless and she was still calling my name and I couldn't help her she was always just a little too far, just barely out of my reach.

"Nathan please." She begged. She looked so broken and Dan still wasn't finished with her.

"Come here you stupid slut!" He yelled at her.

"Help me." She whispered before Dan started hitting her repeatedly until she was unconscious.

"No Brooke!" I yelled and tried to reach for her but some unknown force was keeping me away and I couldn't save her.

"Brooke!" I yelled again but now it was like she couldn't hear me. She was fading and I couldn't stop it from happening.

"No no please don't leave me!" I begged as I finally broke free from the force holding me back from her.

_I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

I ran up to her fragile body and she wasn't moving. I cradled her in my arms and tried to wake her up.

"Brooke please wake up. Don't leave me please baby wake up!" I begged as I started sobbing over her.

I was going to kill Dan for doing this to her.

"Don't worry Nathan you'll be joining her soon." I heard as I looked up I saw Dan and he looked like he was ready to kill me. He was wearing that evil smile that he always had as he was beating me.

"I fucking hate you! You're going to pay for what you did to her!" I threatened him. He just laughed in my face like always.

"I don't think so Nathan there's nothing you can do you should have kept your mouth shut. Now haven't we had this talk before?" He asked as he came closer.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled at him. He actually stopped walking towards us.

"Fine but don't worry Nathan your time is coming soon enough." He laughed as he vanished.

I turned my attention towards Brooke again she was still unconscious and she was bleeding everywhere from her wounds. I tried to find her heartbeat but she didn't have one and she wasn't breathing. She was dead.

_Backbeat the word was on the street  
that the fire in your heart is out_

"No why did it have to be her? I'm so sorry Brooke." I sobbed over her dead body. I held her closer.

"I'm so sorry." I kept repeating to her as I held her. I felt so numb again. Nothing was ever going to change that now that she's gone.

My fists were clenched again and I was only seeing red. My shaking had gotten to its absolute worst. I was thrashing around and I was so empty so cold.

I heard a voice from far away. "Nathan wake up." It couldn't be it sounded just like Brooke's voice.

_I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt_

It had to be some cruel trick. I couldn't control myself I was seriously loosing it.

"Scott wake up your having a nightmare." She said panicked. It sounded exactly like Brooke. I drifted closer to the voice.

"Come on Nate please wake up your scaring me." She said concerned. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes slightly.

I saw _her._ I saw my Brooke. My fists were still clenched and I was still shaking. How could this be I just watched her die?

"Brooke." I croaked out.

She looked at me so worriedly and I felt guilty for making her worry. This wasn't her problem I should have never bothered her with this. I'm no good for her she deserves way better.

_I don't believe that anybody feels  
the way I do about you now_

"Nathan are you okay?" She asked concerned as she felt my forehead. It felt good to feel her hand on my face. I took slow deep breaths.

"Davis your alive." I said relieved. It was just a dream. I heard her giggle slightly.

"Of course I'm alive Scott why wouldn't I be?" She asked confused. I looked at her beautiful face. I hated the fact she was wasting her time with me.

_And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding_

"I uh I have to go." I said suddenly as I sat up abruptly and got out of the bed. All of those sudden movements made me extremely dizzy with the combination of all those pills I almost fell over.

"Ahh my ribs." I winced quietly as I held myself up.

"Oh my god Nathan are you okay?" She asked as she rushed to my side to steady me.

"I'm f-fine I have to g-go Davis." I said shakily. I was in so much pain and whatever the fuck that dream was its really freaking me out it felt so real.

_There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
I don't know how_

"No Nathan look at you. You can't even stand up why do you have to go?" She asked looking up at me. I shook my head.

"I'm so s-sorry Brooke I-I just I shouldn't have come h-here." I struggled to say.

"Its okay Nathan you're scaring me please just stay and we can talk about this." She insisted as she continued to hold me up.

_Because maybe  
you're gonna be the one who saves me?_

"I'm sorry Brooke." I whispered in pain. She looked confused again.

"For what Nathan please talk to me." She begged. I had never seen her look so vulnerable besides yesterday with that ass hole who tried to hurt her. I ran a hand over my face trying to calm down.

"I shouldn't be here you deserve better than this." I said as I tried to walk but got dizzy again and with her help steadied myself again.

_And after all  
you're my wonderwall_

"What are you talking about? Nathan you're not making any sense talk me about what's going on." She begged again with tears in her eyes. Now I was making her cry again I felt horrible.

"Just forget about me and whatever this is okay it's not worth it I'm not worth it." I said quietly remembering all of the times Dan said similar things to me. He was right. She shook her head.

"No Scott I won't forget about this! I have no idea what's going on between us but you showed up here needing a place to stay and then I wake up because your shaking really hard and screaming out my name asking me not to leave you and I'm not going to Nathan I'm right here and I'm not letting you go." She finished with tears pouring out of her eyes.

_Today was gonna be the day?  
But they'll never throw it back to you_

"You are going to stay here and tell me what you were dreaming about and why you're here I'm worried about you Nathan and I want to help you." She said sobbing. I felt ten times worse. I put my back to the wall breathing deeply.

"I can't handle this Brooke I ju- I can't and you shouldn't want this. I'm no good I'll only fuck up your life. I can't hurt you." I said painfully. I still couldn't stop shaking something was wrong.

_By now you should've somehow  
realized what you're not to do_

"Stop pushing me away Nathan I'm not going anywhere and you won't fuck up my life Scott." She said as she put her arms around me.

I froze again. She wasn't letting me go.

"Brooke I can't." I whispered miserably falling into her embrace.

"Yes you can its okay I'm here to help you." She said as she put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

I slowly brought my arms around her waist to return the hug gently.

_I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do  
About you now_

"I'm sorry." I whispered again. I couldn't tell her enough. She had no idea what she was getting herself into.

"It's okay Nathan." She said soothingly and reassuringly.

_And all the roads that lead to you were winding  
and all the lights that light the way are blinding_

"It's not okay Brooke your better than this I don't think we should-." She cut me off. She pulled just far enough away to grab my face with both of her hands.

_There are many things that I would like to say to you  
but I don't know how_

"Listen to me Scott!" She demanded.

"I don't know what the hell is going on here. I'm so confused about what we are and why you keep pushing me away and telling me I deserve better. I've never felt this way before Nathan and I'm not giving up on it. I'm going to help you whether you like it or not so quit fighting it and just be with me." She said with determination but I could see the fear of being rejected in her eyes and the vulnerability. It only made me fall in love with her more than I already had.

_I said maybe  
you're gonna be the one who saves me?_

I doubt my eyes showed much emotion like hers did but I felt exactly how she felt. I lowered my head only a little so my forehead was pressed to hers. I looked deep into her eyes and got lost. Only she had this affect on me. I was so fucked up and sooner or later she would realize that and probably leave me and my nightmare would become a reality but she promises she won't and I believe her.

I took a shaky breath and crashed my lips into hers. I needed to be with her in any way I could. She moved her lips with mine in perfect sync it was scary how perfect her body fit with mine. She was gentle around my ribs and her hands were both planted on each side of my face.

_And after all  
you're my wonderwall_

I held her close to me and tight. I locked my hands around her waist holding her like it was the last time and she was holding onto me refusing to let go as well. She massaged her tongue with mine and I slowly backed her up until we reached the bed and I laid her down gently while our lips never parted.

She gently started lifting my shirt up and we parted for a second to get it over. She looked at the wrap that I was wearing and back to me. She had concern written all over her face.

I devoured her mouth with mine again not being able to stand not touching her. She ran her fingers through my hair and I let a moan escape me. I felt her smile. And I slowly brought her shirt over her head and stared at her breathtaking body.

"Wow." Was all I said. She smiled sheepishly and started trailing kisses down my neck. I ran my fingers over every inch of her body as I slid her shorts down her legs. They fell to the floor and she copied the same thing on me. Now I was in my boxers and she was in her panties. I was placing hot kisses over her collarbone and she was moaning my name into my ear.

I slid off her panties while she took off my boxers and I looked at her again asking for silent permission. She took a condom and slid it on for me, which gave me my answer and I slowly entered her. As much as I didn't want to hurt her I also was trying not to hurt myself.

_I said maybe  
you're gonna be the one who saves me?_

"Are you sure your ribs are okay?" She panted as we continued to move in rhythm. I smiled at her concern and nodded saying yes as I captured her lips in another kiss. We kept that up for a while and when we both finished I slowly pulled out and rolled onto my back.

I was panting very heavily and so was she. Sweat covered both of our bodies but she had never looked so beautiful.

"God your beautiful." I said looking at her. She turned her head and smiled at me with her signature dimples showing.

"Thank you. You're not so bad yourself." She joked and I grinned.

I pulled her into me again and I was actually able to relax although that dream was still in the back of my mind.

"Thank you." I said after a minute of silence.

"For what?" She asked confused.

"For not giving up on me and being here when I needed you. I still think that you deserve better Brooke I really do." I whispered as I kissed the top of her head.

She turned her head and kissed me on the lips.

"I really appreciate that Scott but if you think after everything tonight that I'm just going to let you go than you're crazy. I'm here for you and I mean it I'm not going anywhere." She said sincerely. I smiled at her but I couldn't shake this feeling that she was going to regret this. I could feel my eyes cloud over as I though about her leaving me. The dream and all of my fears came back.

"Brooke I-I think I might be f-falling and I know I-." I stopped myself from going on. This was hard.

_And after all  
you're my wonderwall_

"Nathan it's alright go on." She whispered encouragingly as she cupped my cheek and kissed me again.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She had to know how hard this was for me.

"I'm falling h-hard and fast I-I don't know w-what to do I've n-never felt this w-way before." I took a really shaky breath trying to compose myself.

_Said maybe  
you're gonna be the one that saves me_

"I'm already in way too deep." I whispered still with closed eyes. I felt her kiss my chest lightly.

"It's okay to feel that way Nathan I feel the same way." She said as she ran her fingers through my hair. I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was to perfect for me I really didn't deserve her.

_You're gonna be the one that saves me  
you're gonna be the one that saves me_

She looked at me seriously. "I'm already in way too deep to Scott." She right before kissing me with everything she had. I returned it with everything I had too. We both pulled away needing air.

"You look exhausted." She said softly. I nodded. I was and we had school tomorrow.

"I am." I admitted quietly.

"Let's go to sleep." She said before kissing me lightly on the lips and positioning herself with her arms wrapped around me gently and I was holding her closely.

"Goodnight Brooke." I whispered.

"Goodnight Nathan sweet dreams." She said quietly.

When her breathing got even I could tell she was asleep. I took one more deep breath to relax myself and closed my eyes. This time I didn't see Dan. I did see Brooke and she was smiling. I fell asleep dreaming about her feeling better knowing someone cared and didn't want to give up on me.

_I said maybe  
you're gonna be the one who saves me?  
And after all  
you're my wonderwall_

**The End. Hope you all loved it please review I'll update faster if I get more reviews!! Wonderwall by Oasis I think its the perfect Brathan song!**


	13. In Love With A Girl

**Hey I'm sorry it has been so long since the last update. I'll try not to take so long next time. I just want to thank everyone for the amazing reviews I couldn't write this without you. And lastly this is definitely for Nicole my twin happy 6****th**** months!!**

_When her breathing got even I could tell she was asleep. I took one more deep breath to relax myself and closed my eyes. This time I didn't see Dan. I did see Brooke and she was smiling. I fell asleep dreaming about her feeling better knowing someone cared and didn't want to give up on me._

_I said maybe  
you're gonna be the one who saves me?  
And after all  
you're my wonderwall_

I woke up when I heard one of the most annoying sounds ever. I sighed opening my eyes momentarily forgetting where I was. I looked around and it all came back to me. I was at Brooke's house and we were together last night in every sense. I smiled at the memory it was incredible.

_So many people gonna say that they want you,  
to try to get you thinking they really care,_

_But there's nothing like the warmth of the one who has put in the time and you know he's gonna be there,_

I looked down at her and smiled a real smile. She was the most stunning person I had ever seen. I wonder why I hadn't noticed it until now. I was always to preoccupied with my own problems which now I dragged Brooke into as well. If I was careful maybe I wouldn't have to give her up and could maybe be happy for once in my life.

_Back your border when she knows someone crossed it,  
don't let nobody put you down, who you're with  
take the pain of protecting your name, from the crutch to the cane to the high wire_

I turned off her alarm and gently shook her awake.

"Brooke wake up we have to go to school." I whispered into her ear.

"I don't want to go." She whined. I laughed and shook her again.

"I know me neither, but I can't miss because of basketball and you can't because of cheerleading." I reminded her. I wasn't sure I could even play now my ribs hurt like a bitch after my little after school encounter with Dan last night. I shook my head thinking about that.

I heard her sigh before turning to me.

"Fine I'll go but I won't be happy about it." She pouted. I had to smile at how adorable she is.

_I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,  
Fell for the woman just when I met her,  
Took my sweet time when I was bitter,  
Someone understands,_

"That's fine." I said before pecking her on the lips and getting up slowly.

"Are you okay?" She asked sitting up and helping me.

"I'm fine I just have to get up slowly." I said proceeding to stand up slowly.

"Thanks." I said once I was up.

"No problem." She winked as she got out of bed and grabbed a robe.

"I need to shower and normally I would suggest you join me but we will be late if we do that." She laughed as she came up to me and hugged me gently.

_And she knows how to treat a fella right,  
Give me that feeling every night,  
Wants to make love when I wanna fight,  
Now someone understand me,  
I'm in love with a girl (I'm in love with a girl)_

_I'm in love with a girl (I'm in love with a girl)_

I hugged her back. It felt nice to feel like this. I don't think I have done this much hugging with people I didn't think I would ever hug. First there was Lucas and now Brooke.

"Damn." I whispered once I remembered Lucas was mad at me because of the Brooke rumor which technically is now true, but I wasn't going to advertise this.

_Out the many broken backdoors and windows,  
through the valley of the love of the lost,  
Is a hole that is cut through the souls falling down from the thrones without leaving any windows,_

"What?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Oh um nothing really but I need to get to school early so I can talk to Luke." I said explaining.

"You and Lucas?" She asked. I nodded. It must be weird but we have been sitting together in all of our classes we have together and talking in the locker room, but it still must be strange for people to get used to the idea that we can get along.

"Yeah he's an okay guy and you're friends with him aren't you?" I asked figuring that since her best friend was with him they probably hung out together.

_But you drown in a piece for the moment,  
the moment was over in time,  
then its gone the hit and run the tactless one has a short life_

"I am he's a good person I'm just a little surprised I guess but I did notice you two talking at practice a lot while you were on the sidelines with Whitey so it all makes sense." She said grinning.

"That's why I need to talk to him so unfortunately I think I have to go." I said sadly not wanting to leave at all.

"Okay I'll see you at school." She smiled and gave me a sweet kiss.

_I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,  
Fell for the woman just when I met her,  
Took my sweet time when I was bitter,  
Someone understands,_

"I'll see you there." I said as she walked into her bathroom to shower. I got dressed and headed out.

I went home in fear nothing unusual about that. I went inside and he was in the kitchen.

"Where were you last night?" He asked while reading the newspaper.

I stopped. I had to lie he couldn't know about me and Brooke.

_And she knows how to treat a fella right,  
Give me that feeling every night,  
Wants to make love when I wanna fight,  
Now someone understand me,  
I'm in love with a girl (I'm in love with a girl)_

_I'm in love with a girl (I'm in love with a girl)_

"Tim's." I muttered and kept walking. I showered in record time and got ready. I wanted to make things right with Lucas so I was sure I would need some time to talk to him.

"Shit." I said when I realized that I didn't have any more pills since I used the rest last night.

"Damn it that was like another 2 weeks." I whispered looking at the empty bottle. Normally that many pills would severely hurt someone or kill them, but I really think that I am immune to that kind of stuff.

I raked my fingers through my hair panicking. I would just have to tough it out until I was completely recovered and visited the doctor again.

"I'm fine I can do it." I said trying to convince myself. I took a deep breath and left for school.

When I pulled up I saw Lucas' car in the parking lot. I went to the gym and he wasn't there I walked to his locker and he wasn't there either. I sighed in frustration because I couldn't find him. I knew he was into books so I went to the library.

I walked in and saw him sitting with some girl. She is in my lunch and sits with Peyton and Brooke. I think her name was Holly? I walked up to them and they both looked surprised. Lucas looked more surprised than his friend.

_Gonna tell you what you do to think you practice what you preach,  
Now I know there's nothing we can't reach,_

"Hey can we talk?" I asked him pretty much ignoring the girl.

He looked at her and back to me nodding.

"Nathan this is my best friend Haley. Haley you know Nathan I'm sure." He said gesturing between us. I looked and nodded.

"Hey nice to meet you." I said not really caring because I needed to talk to Lucas.

"Yeah you too." She said as she got up.

"I'll see you first hour Hales." He said smiling at her. I saw her nod and smile back. I sat right across from him and pulled out a Gatorade from my bag that I had bought from the machine in the hallway right outside the door. I put it in front of him.

He looked at it and then at me confused.

"Umm I wasn't thirsty." He said confused and amused a little.

"It's a peace offering. I'm sorry about the other day and all of that crap with Brooke I know your friends with her and you probably didn't like all of the rumors going around about us." I said hoping he wouldn't hold a grudge.

"Thanks she is my friend and it wasn't what other people were saying about her that really bothered me it was what you were saying about her that pissed me off." He said grabbing the Gatorade.

I sighed he had a point.

"I know I shouldn't have made people think we were sleeping together especially since that was just our first kiss in the hallway, but you know how everyone gets when there is new gossip. I know I was an ass hole but I'm still trying to be this new person who is nicer to people and not the player jock everyone sees me as." I said trying to explain to him.

He was quiet for a minute then he nodded.

_'cause the heart can't erase once it finds a place to be warm and welcome,  
to be held in shelter_

"Okay I guess I can see why you did what you did. I understand that its probably hard having the reputation you have and living up to it, but I really don't want to even talk to you if you're going to be that guy you have been since we were kids. I thought you were on the verge of changing that night you showed up at my house and we have gotten along a lot better after that." He said looking at me.

"We have and I'm trying but Luke it's hard. I think I can do it because I don't want to be that guy anymore I don't even know why I was in the first place." I said honestly although in the back of my mind I knew the answer.

"_If you let Lucas come in and steal everything from you don't expect to wake up for a few weeks you worthless mistake!"_

I shut my eyes quickly so I would block him out and not think about it.

"Hey Nate are you okay?" He asked concerned.

'No Lucas don't worry about me too one person was enough it was too much.' I thought.

"I'm fine sorry I'm just tired and still sore." I said lying even though that was partially true anyway.

"If you're sure." He said getting up. I looked at the clock noticing we didn't have much time before the bell would ring.

"I'm sure." I confirmed before getting up slowly trying my absolute hardest not to show any pain.

"Whoa Nathan." Lucas said rushing over to me obviously my plan didn't work.

"No seriously Lucas I'm good just sore I'll be fine." I said quickly trying to reassure him.

"I don't think you should practice today you're still in pretty bad shape." He said holding onto my shoulder.

"I swear I'm okay and I need to play it's been way to long." I said smiling slightly.

He smiled and nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean but come on man I don't want you to get hurt worse out there." He said sincerely.

_I'm in love with a girl who knows me better,  
Fell for the woman just when I met her  
Took my sweet time when I was bitter  
Someone understands,_

"Thanks I appreciate that." I said thinking that these people really are way better off with out me. They are too nice and caring.

"Yeah well I think we better go before we're late." He said as we started walking through the library and out the door together. As we passed the machine I realized I spent all my last change on his drink and I was thirsty.

I eyed his Gatorade as we walked. Of course I bought him orange my favorite kind. He looked at me and noticed that I was looking at his drink and smirked.

"Oh Nathan are you thirsty?" He asked in a teasing voice.

I looked up at him and smirked back.

"I'm fine." I said even though I really wanted some.

"Alright I think I'm going to chug the rest of this delicious orange Gatorade right now do you mind?" He asked trying not to laugh.

I rolled my eyes.

"Do what you want jackass I'm not thirsty, but you should know I spent the rest of my change on your drink." I pointed out.

"Really I thought it was a peace offering." He said laughing.

"It was but now it's just a drink and it happens to be my favorite drink." I also pointed out.

Lucas stopped suddenly. I looked around panicked that Dan was there or something was wrong. I looked at him expectedly.

"This is your favorite drink?! Oh my god it's my favorite drink too!" He said in a fake excited valley girl voice. I started cracking up which hurt but I couldn't help it.

"God you are such a tool." I said trying to stop. He was already gone laughing too hard.

"I don't know what you're talking about I'm the most amazing person in this school." He said seriously as our laughter subsided. I grabbed the bottle and took a sip.

"You wish everyone knows that I'm the best looking, best athlete, most charming…" I trailed off as he rolled his eyes.

"Blah blah blah you might be most talked about and what not but I'm the best at everything." He said as he grabbed the bottle back and downed the rest.

"That is not true I'm the best and you are second best. And also we might share the most talked about thing because of our certain family situation and you joining the team." I said as we got to our lockers which were right next to each others. Alphabetical order and all.

"Alright keep dreaming Nate. I think your right though and that's not really something that I'm real happy about being gossiped about all the time it's annoying." He said as he shut his locker.

"Tell me about it but it comes with the territory of being the mayor's son or sons in our case." I said catching myself. Wow did I refer to Lucas as Dan's son and my brother again? I saw the surprise in his face but he covered it up.

"It does. But hey I gotta go I'll see you in math." He said as we bumped fists and he started to walk away.

"Oh Luke by the way that was evil downing the whole drink right in front of me knowing I wanted it." I said with an amused smile.

He shrugged smiling happily.

"It might have been but you gave it to me you never said how or when I was supposed to drink it and also you stole it anyway and drank some so quit crying like a little bitch." He said playfully.

I laughed. "We'll see who the bitch today at practice is Luke, but you're still an ass for doing that." I said smirking.

"Well I learned from the best what can I say." He said with a laugh backing up.

"Ouch that stung man I have taught you well." I said impressed.

"I told you I'm the best or the master as I like to call myself." He said.

"Uh huh whatever helps you sleep at night Luke." I said as he waved and walked away laughing. I grabbed some books and jumped when I felt arms sneak around my waist.

"Oh god I didn't hurt you did I?" She asked worriedly. I felt guilty again.

"No of course not I was just surprised you look great." I said looking at her. Of course she always did.

_And she knows how to treat a fella right  
Give me that feeling every night  
wants to make love when I wanna fight  
now someone understands me_

"Aww your sweet." She said and kissed me. People were looking again but I really didn't care they could say what they want.

"I wish I could stay and continue with this but I have to get to class." I said sadly again. I was always sad when I had to leave her.

"It's okay I do too I just wanted to say hi before I went." She said grinning at me. I had to smile at her.

"I'll save you a seat at lunch then we can make our grand entrance as a couple." I said jokingly but was still serious.

I saw her mouth drop slightly. I immediately got worried that I did something wrong. Did she not think we were a couple? We never made it official but after last night I figured with what we did and said it was sort of obvious.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine its just we never discussed anything official and I wasn't sure what we were." She said.

"Oh well I just figured that we would be something like that after last night." I said confused trying to hide the hurt.

"I want all of that Scott I wasn't 100 percent sure you did last night was pretty intense." She said looking at me. I knew she would still have questions about that.

"I want it too. I'm sorry if I scared you last night you didn't have to put up with all of that." I said honestly.

"I'm glad you came to me and I can't wait to make our grand entrance as a couple today at lunch. I'll see you later boyfriend." She said as she kissed me on the cheek and walked to class.

I felt good for once. She always had that affect on me. It also scared the hell out of me because of my secret. I shook my head I couldn't tell her yet I would not let anything happen to her.

_I'm in love with a girl(I'm in love with a girl)  
Who knows me better  
Wants to make love when I wanna fight  
now someone understand me_

**Okay that wasn't very long and I'm sorry but it's something at least. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed Tamarindo, Toddntan, hopefully AliThompson, and as always Pembroker!! Please review! ) **


	14. Only One

**Hey everyone. Sorry about the wait but now that it's summer I can update a lot more frequently and trust me I have a lot of ideas for the story!! I want to thank everyone who reviewed it means so much!! Tamarindo, Brathan 23, Pembroker, Rachtree and Summer Van Der Woodsen!! Haha I love the new penname! Also the song in the last chapter was In Love With A Girl by Gavin DeGraw. Enjoy the chapter!!**

_I felt good for once. She always had that affect on me. It also scared the hell out of me because of my secret. I shook my head I couldn't tell her yet I would not let anything happen to her._

_I'm in love with a girl (I'm in love with a girl)  
Who knows me better  
Wants to make love when I wanna fight  
now someone understand me_

Everywhere I went people stared and it was starting to get really annoying. I get it we live in a small town and all so when something like the star basketball player and the head cheerleader get together its all anyone talks about but come on you would think that they would get bored eventually. I was changing though so I didn't soak it up and act all cocky because everyone was talking about me I just ignored and concentrated on something else.

_Broken this fragile thing now  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces_

Finally lunch rolled around and I purposely took a little longer to get there and I saw Brooke waiting for me outside the cafeteria. She smiled when she saw me and I smiled back.

"Are you ready to show the world the new power couple of the school?" She said jokingly.

"Yes I am. Who knew that all of the teen movie clichés would ever actually happen and yet it doesn't feel all that cheesy and cliché does it?" I said grinning like an idiot but I didn't care I was happy for once in my life and I was going to enjoy it.

She laughed at me. "True but hey we are by far the best looking cliché couple in the world." She said grinning like I was.

"Oh of course we win by far." I said right before capturing her lips quickly and pulling away.

_And I've thrown my words all around  
but I can't, I can't give you a reason_

"So really are you ready to do this because its all people are talking about." She asked as she grabbed my hand.

"I'm ready if you are." I said smiling down at her.

"I am so lets go Scott we have people to entertain." She said playfully and I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed it softly.

Then we opened the doors and it really was like a scene out of a movie. We walked in holding hands and smiling. Everyone stopped to look at us. A lot of girls glared at Brooke and a lot of guys looked at me in envy. I thought it was pretty hilarious and I think Brooke did too.

_I feel so broken up (so broken up)  
And I give up (I give up)  
I just want to tell you so you know_

We stopped in front of her table and I looked over to where I usually sit with the guys and nodded. They understood I wanted to sit with Brooke today. She turned to her friends smiling like crazy and to my surprise most of them were smiling back at her except Theresa and I was extremely pissed off at her for saying all of that shit that I never actually said about Brooke so I ignored her and so did Brooke.

"Hey guys I am going to sit with Nathan today so you know try not to miss me too much." She said teasing.

"We'll try Brooke but I don't know how we will survive." Lucas' best friend said sarcastically.

"Funny tutor girl but have you met Nathan officially?" She looked in between us.

"We met this morning actually when I was looking for Lucas and I found him in the library with her nice to see you again Haley." I said relieved that I remembered her name. She nodded grinning a little I think she was getting a new impression of me than what everyone else thought and maybe she could still tutor me I have to ask Lucas later if he asked her yet.

"By the way do you still need a tutor?" She asked completely reading my mind.

"Yeah I do in math." I said honestly.

"Lucas told me earlier before you came in and I'd be happy to help you out until you're caught up from when you were in the hospital." She said nicely.

"Thanks that would be great I really suck in math." I said smirking slightly and Bevin laughed at me Theresa looked pissed off but I didn't care she was the dumb slut not Brooke.

"No problem I know Lucas missed you out on the court while you were gone and I'd hate that you wouldn't be able to play the rest of the season with him because of one class." She shrugged. I kind of liked this girl she was simple I could see why she and Lucas were best friends.

"Thanks again and I'll thank him later for bringing it up to you." I said. This was weird I had never spoken to this girl before and now she was going to be forced to talk to me while she tutored. I hope Brooke wouldn't get mad or jealous because a girl was tutoring me.

That was the last thing we needed to worry about with our relationship. 'Relationship' I thought over and over. I'm in a relationship with Brooke Davis. I got a huge smile on my face.

"What's with the big grin Nathan?" Peyton asked amused.

I shrugged nonchalantly "Nothing much Peyton I was just thinking about how to ask my new girlfriend here out on our first date and since you're her best friend I figured I should ask you." I said still smiling huge. Peyton got a smile on her face, which was rare if you really knew her. Although since she and Lucas have been together you can tell they are both a lot happier. I looked down at Brooke who had an ever-bigger smile on her face.

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one_

"Well are you going to stand there all day and plan or are you going to ask me out on the date Scott?" She asked me happily.

"Brooke Davis will you do me the honor of going on a date with me tomorrow night?" I asked her formally right in front of her friends. She squeezed my hand and nodded before jumping into my arms and kissing me.

"I'd love to Nathan Scott." She said excitedly as she put her feet back on the floor.

"It's all settled now I have to plan something." I said laughing while all the girls did too. They had the 'aww' face on and I just grinned at all of them.

_Made my mistakes, let you down  
and I can't, I can't hold on for too long_

"Alright come on boyfriend lets go sit down for the rest of lunch so we can plan the date." She said as she dragged me away winking at her friends.

"Get some B. Davis!" Peyton cheered laughing.

"Oh believe me I have P. Sawyer!" She said laughing as she smacked my ass. I started laughing at her bluntness with her best friend I knew it was only a matter of time before Brooke told Peyton all the details of our relationship.

We sat across from each other still smiling huge. I swear I had never felt this way before and I was really starting to like it.

_Ran my whole life in the ground  
and I can't, I can't get up when you're gone_

"So Scott nice way to try to be smooth by asking me out in front of all my best friends eww except Theresa because she is a slutty bitch." She said.

I nodded in agreement. "I know that the other day when I kissed you it all ended badly." I paused for a second remembering how hurt I was when she told me she wanted nothing do with me and when I saw the tears pouring out of her eyes as she drove away.

"I swear to you I never said what she said. I could never just sleep with you and leave even though we both know I have done that before I promise to never do that to you. Especially after all you have done for me over the past day it meant a lot the way you took care of me last night." I said seriously. I really appreciated her helping me.

"Of course and I really freaked out when I heard her say that to Bevin but I just didn't want to be another one of your legendary one night stands you know?" She said honestly as she grabbed my hands with hers.

"I understand and you won't just be a one night stand regardless of what I have said in the past." I looked down guilty remembering the time at the river court and in the schoolyard. I was such an ass to her.

"Hey don't worry about it. I mean it really hurt when you said it, but we were fighting and it was the heat of the moment." She said but the way she said it there was more she wasn't telling me.

"What is it?" I asked trying to see if she would tell me. I think by now even though we haven't officially been together for even a whole day we were past the awkward never knowing what to say and trusting each other phase. With the one exception of Dan.

"No its nothing." She brushed it off, but she couldn't look at me in the face so I knew there was something else. I took one of my hands out of hers and lifted up her chin so she would look at me.

_And something's breaking up (breaking up)  
I feel like giving up (like giving up)  
I won't walk out until you know_

"Come on you know you can tell me anything." I said and I meant it I wanted her to be honest with me. It makes me a hypocrite a little but our situation was different.

"It's just when we fought you looked…I mean your eyes would change and I don't know you were always so cold and distant I hadn't seen anything like that before." She finished quietly.

I felt so guilty and she was right I looked exactly like that because that was how I felt. It was killing me keeping this from her but she could get hurt and I refused to let that happen.

I wasn't sure what to say after that and this wasn't the place to have a heated discussion about that.

"I'm sorry if I scared you. I know you probably have a lot of questions but its hard Brooke there's a lot that you don't know. -" She cut me off.

"I would if you would tell me I don't know why you feel like you can't talk to me about whatever it is that your upset about or going through I can help you." She insisted sincerely.

I sighed I didn't want to have this talk with her right now.

"Brooke I'm sorry but I can't talk about this right now its not the right time or place and its nothing that you should worry about but please know that I'm fine and all I want to think about is you and our date tomorrow." I said with a smile at the end.

She smiled a little too. "Okay I won't make you talk about it now but I will sometime I want you to be able to trust me."

"I do don't worry I wouldn't have gone to your house last night if I didn't trust you its just…complicated but I'm fine so you don't have to worry." I said reassuringly trying to get her to stop worrying and forget about it.

"I can't not worry about you but I'll let it go for now because I need to know what time your picking me up for the date." She said letting it slide.

I sighed in relief I knew getting her involved was a bad idea she didn't need this in her life.

"I was thinking about an hour after the game tomorrow." I said getting excited and anxious thinking about it.

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one_

"Only an hour to get ready that might be a problem." She said seriously.

"Come on you don't need that long besides you look amazing in everything you wear so you don't need to dress up or go overboard for it just wear what makes you comfortable." I said grinning leaning forward towards her not even meaning to. I swear I'm just drawn to her without option.

She smiled and blushed lightly. "That's so sweet but I still think I need some time to get ready."

"Fine I'll come to your house an hour after the game and if you're not ready I'll just wait for you until you are." I said.

"Okay I can do that." She said leaning closer to me.

"Good then its settled." I whispered because we were so close to each other now.

"Uh huh." She said as she looked at my lips as I did hers. I leaned in and right as we were about to kiss the bell rang and it startled us apart.

"Saved by the bell I guess." I said starting to pull away but she grabbed my arm and pulled me into her so our lips touched.

She kissed me passionately and I pulled away after a minute with a huge smile.

"Not saved by the bell." She said smiling as she got up and took my hand again as we walked to our next class

_Here I go so dishonestly  
leave a note for you my only one_

When I walked into the locker room the boys actually started clapping. I rolled my eyes and went to my locker but I could not keep the smile off of my face.

"Someone is in a good mood." Lucas observed from his locker.

"I am." I said agreeing and nodding as I changed.

"So who knew a girl could make Nathan Scott so happy." He joked as he came up to me.

"I know its crazy but I could say the exact same for you." I said turning towards him.

"True and think how awkward it would have been if we hadn't started getting along and our girlfriends are best friends. We would be forced into uncomfortable double dates and it would suck." He said thoughtfully.

"That is true thank god we finally came to our senses." I said laughing with him as we walked onto the court.

I saw Brooke and she winked at me I winked back. I looked and Lucas was giving Peyton that love look he always does and she was smiling back.

"So I heard you asked Brooke out in front of all her friends Peyton said it was even cute and a little romantic." He said as we both grabbed basketballs to start warming up.

"Yeah it was kind of a quick decision but it worked out she said yes." I said as we got in line.

"That's cool do you know where you're taking her?" He asked but before I could answer it was my turn and I did a lay up. It hurt like hell but I tried my hardest not to let it show. Unfortunately Lucas saw and right after he did his he came up to me.

"Hey man are you sure you're alright enough to do this?" He asked concerned.

"I'm fine." I replied automatically.

He looked at me for a second, "If you're sure but you know what I said earlier."

"I appreciate that but I really am fine just sore I'll be okay." I said convincingly.

"I hope you're right we really need you so try not to get hurt out here." He said kindly.

"Thanks and I'll be careful I promise and to answer your earlier question I don't know yet where to take her but I'll figure something out." I said hoping I did.

"She seems really into you so whatever you choose I'm sure she'll like it." He said as we got back in line.

"I'm into her a lot too so I hope she has a good time." I said a little paranoid that she wouldn't. This is the first time ever I have had to worry about a girl breaking up with me and it wasn't just any girl. It was Brooke, my Brooke I couldn't screw this up.

_And I know you can see right through me  
so let me go and you will find someone_

The next day was the game and I was so freaking ready to play so all day I couldn't stop smiling because I knew this would end up being a good day no matter what.

"Hey are you ready for your big comeback superstar?" Lucas asked as we walked to the gym for the game.

"I am I can't wait for the spot light to be back on me instead of you." I said punching his shoulder lightly smirking.

"Uh huh in your dreams no matter if you're here or not the spot light is always on me little brother." He said laughing and emphasizing little.

"Okay so 3 months big deal I could take you." I said fake punching his face.

"Oh yeah I don't think so." He said as he did the same and we kept at that for a few minutes fake fighting and having fun completely unaware that everyone was looking at us and wondering what the hell we were doing.

"Scotts quit playing tag or whatever it is your doing and come get ready for the game." Whitey ordered us. We looked at each other grinning identically and walked over to him.

We had finished warming up and my insides were all over the place. First my ribs were killing me but I wasn't going to let that get in the way. Before I came I took a lot of Advil and I figured it couldn't hurt even though those weren't as strong as the prescription it was something. Second it was my first game back but practice yesterday went really well so I was thinking it would be okay. And third I was freaking nervous for my date with Brooke.

I have been on a million dates but it has never mattered before and I didn't want to mess up or ruin it for her. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you  
You are my only, my only one_

"Hey Scott score a basket for me." She said as she kissed my cheek.

"Will do Davis how about I win the game for you also?" I said as I leaned down to kiss her.

"Mhm that sounds good too." She said smiling.

"Alright I gotta go I'll see you after the game." I said and went out to the center of the court.

_My only one  
My only one_

We easily won between Lucas and me we were unstoppable.

"Whew that was fucking amazing!" Lucas clapped my shoulder enthusiastically after the game in the locker room.

"I know man we kicked ass!" I said just as enthusiastically and did the guy handshake hug thing with him.

Whitey gave us his usual after game speech and told us he was proud of our hard work and undefeated record. After he pulled Lucas and me aside and thanked us for getting along and playing so well together. It really wasn't a problem for us since we love playing and just happen to play awesome together.

I only talked to Brooke for a few minutes after the game because I had to go home and get ready but she gave me a nice long kiss for winning the game and scoring as many points as I did. I couldn't wait to pick her up later. After one more long hug and kiss I let her go home and I walked to my car. But little did I know someone was watching me with her and had also seen me messing around with Lucas before the game and this person was not happy at all and didn't want to wait long to tell me about it.

_My only one  
you are my only, my only one_

**Oh boy a semi cliffhanger because if you really think about it I'm sure you know who it is, but maybe not. Please review I love reviews so much!! Next chapter will be nice and fluffy because of Brathan's date as long as Nathan shows up and nothing bad happens to him I'm not making any promises aha anyway the song is 'Only One' by Yellowcard. Once again reviews are love! )**

**Also I changed my penname to Marissa Davis so if anyone was confused.**

**Xoxo Marissa!**


	15. Iris

**Hey so here's the next chapter hope everyone loves it!! Also I want to thank everyone who reviewed for the last chapter because lately it seems that I haven't had as many for each chapter and I love my reviews!! ) So a special thanks to Polia, BRUCAS EQUAL LOVE, EvilAngelx3, Brathan 23, Pembroker, Tamarindo, Summer Van Der Woodsen 23 haha twin love ya and the new Rachtree thanks so much for the ridiculously long personal message reviews!! **

_But little did I know someone was watching me with her and had also seen me messing around with Lucas before the game and this person was not happy at all and didn't want to wait long to tell me about it._

_My only one  
you are my only, my only one_

I drove home a lot happier than I had I think ever. I made some arrangements for our date right after school setting something up something special that I think Brooke will like. I was glad everything was finally good with Lucas and Brooke. I'm surprised that Lucas was so willing to be friends after all the shit I put him through since he joined the team and when we were growing up.

He's a good guy and I am not used to being around really good people a lot. I have some good friends though even though their shallow Tim and Vegas have been there and same with Jake they're good guys too.

I pulled in and saw my dad's car there. Thank god we won and I played well or else this wouldn't be a good conversation. I walked in and he was sitting on the couch drinking scotch and watching something on TV.

"Hey dad." I said as I walked in. I really hope he isn't mad about something. I saw his drink and froze for a minute fear struck that something bad might happen.

"You played well son." He said never looking at me. I nodded.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

"How are your ribs?" He asked. I was surprised that he actually seemed a little bit worried about me. Something wasn't right.

"They're okay I guess. I didn't think about it while I was playing." I said still surprised. He hadn't been like this since I was a kid before he started hitting me.

"Good." Was all he said. I stood there for a second and turned around to go upstairs and get ready. I did my normal routine to get ready. I picked out a blue button up shirt with a white shirt underneath it and jeans. I grabbed my wallet not missing that picture of Brooke and Peyton on my dresser and smiling at it for two reasons one well Brooke was in it and just looking at her put a smile on my face and that me and Peyton could still be friends and were okay. I was glad it wasn't weird.

"Bye dad I'll be home later." I said walking towards the front door.

"Wait a minute Nathan." He said. I stopped wondering what he wanted.

"Yeah?" I asked walking into the kitchen where he was.

"Your mother is on the phone." He said handing it to me.

My mom has been in rehab since she tried to kill herself. I missed her a lot but I was on my way out to meet Brooke so I hoped that this wouldn't take too long.

"Hey mom." I said trying to sound happy. I didn't want her to suspect anything being wrong.

"Hey Nathan how are you?" She asked.

"I'm good we won our game tonight. How are you?" I asked walking out of the kitchen away from Dan.

"I'm good. I'm doing a lot better not so depressed anymore." She said honestly.

"That's good when do you think you can come home?" I asked. I figured if she came home he wouldn't hit me as much. That's how it used to be. I never told my mom but I don't know how she missed it happening right under her nose all that time.

"I'm not sure I'm doing well here and I'm afraid if I come home to him I might do something stupid again." She said angrily at the end. She hated my dad so much.

"I know but I miss you mom." I said honestly because I did.

"I miss you too honey and I'll try to come home soon to you." She said sincerely.

"Okay well mom I was on my way out so I'll talk to you soon?" I asked she doesn't call that often.

"Sure sweetie I'll talk to you soon." She said.

"Bye." I said and hung up.

I put the phone down and stood up heading towards the door again.

"Where are you going?" I heard from behind me. I sighed. I knew he was bound to find out eventually since it's all over town but I just didn't want her to get hurt. He never hurt Peyton though so why would he hurt Brooke? He would if he found out how much I care about her. He knew that Peyton and I weren't in love so he knew it wouldn't last.

"I'm going out with Brooke." I said finally. I just prayed that I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life telling him that.

"Don't be out that late." He said and walked away. My mouth dropped open. He didn't even say anything at all. Even when I started dating Peyton he gave me the 'don't let her distract you from basketball' lecture.

I got in the car happy that he didn't sound angry I was going out with her and that I wasn't going to be very late to pick Brooke up. On the way I realized that Peyton never noticed the bruises like Brooke did. I always made sure she was mad at me when I got it bad so she never wanted to have sex but there was some bruising while we did it and she never said a word. That's strange but it's good too because it would be one more person to lie to.

I turned on the radio and the song 'Iris' came on. I usually don't listen to the Goo Goo Dolls but I always liked this song.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

I thought of Brooke while I pulled into her driveway listening to it. I waited until it was over to go to the door. I knocked and waited for her to answer. When she did answer my jaw dropped a little.

She was wearing a pink halter top with dark jeans and black heels. Her hair was curly and from where she was standing I could already smell her and she smelled like lavender. It officially became my favorite smell right then and there.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
and I don't want to go home right now_

"Wow you look incredible." I said still in awe.

"Thank you so much. You also look great." She said as she walked up to me and kissed me.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked after the kiss.

"Yes let me grab my purse." She said and walked back in for a second and came back out.

"Let's go." She said cheerfully as she grabbed my hand and walked over to the car. I actually opened her door for her which I have never done for anyone else it even surprised me when I did it.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
and all I can breathe is your life_

We drove to the beach I had my surprise all set up.

"Nathan Scott we're at the beach how romantic." She said smiling.

I smiled back. "Of course only the best for you Brooke Davis." I said charmingly.

She laughed and then gasped when she saw my surprise.

_Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

I had a blanket set up with a basket and boom box and the whole thing was surrounded by candles and rose petals. Maybe a little over done for the first date but I wanted it to be special.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

"Oh my god Nathan it's beautiful." She said happily.

"It was just my idea but they made it happen." I said pointing to Tim, Vegas and Jake.

"Hey guys thanks so much for doing this." I said happily as I walked up to them.

"No problem anything we can do to help." Tim said as I did the guy clap hug thing with all of them and they all hugged Brooke too.

"You guys did an amazing job." She said to them.

"Thanks." They all said in unison and laughed.

"So we're going to get out of here since our work is done. Have fun guys." Jake said as they all walked away saying bye.

"That was so sweet of them to do this for us." She said as she sat down on the blanket. I sat right next to her.

"I know now I owe them all so big." I said laughing.

"So you came up with all of this in between yesterday and tonight. Nice work Scott very impressive." She said approvingly.

"I try." I said in a jokingly cocky way with a smirk.

"Are you hungry?" I asked her as I grabbed the basket.

"Yes I am after cheering all night." She said with a smile. Her dimples were showing and she looked beautiful.

"Oh yeah who were you cheering for?" I asked as I set out the food for us.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
or the moment of truth in your lies_

"No one important just this guy who is really hot and the best player on the team not to mention he's my boyfriend so I kind of had to cheer for him." She said shrugging acting nonchalant.

I started laughing at her sense of humor. I love spending more and more time with her.

"Wow he sounds like the best guy ever." I said taking my first bite.

"He's okay." She said immediately while laughing.

The conversation flowed easily between us all night. We cleaned up the food and set the basket away from us and layed together on the blanket. She was gentle around my ribs so she didn't hold me too tight but tight enough.

_When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

"I've had a lot of fun tonight with you Scott thanks for doing all of this." She said after a few minutes.

"I'm glad you like it." I said softly.

I turned to the boom box and got an idea.

"Hey Brooke do you want to dance?" I asked her.

She looked up and smiled. "Sure."

We stood up and I turned it on and flipped through stations until a good song came on. It took a minute and I almost passed it but she heard it.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

"Wait go back I love that song." She said and I went back.

It was actually 'Iris' and I smiled and stood up.

She put her arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around her waist and held her close.

"I listened to this song on my way to your house it reminded me of you." I whispered to her. She looked up at me.

"It reminds me of you too. I think it should be our song." She said smiling, but in her eyes I saw a lot of things happiness, kindness, and one that surprised me vulnerability. Even Brooke Davis could be vulnerable. My smile got bigger.

"I couldn't agree more. It's officially our song now." I said. She leaned up and kissed me passionately. When we pulled away I was breathing heavily.

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

"Wow." I said breathlessly.

"Yeah that was incredible." She said.

I felt my pulse racing looking at her.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I asked her.

She nodded eagerly. We picked up all of the stuff and put it in the trunk of my car. Luckily there wasn't very much traffic to her house. I parked my car in her driveway and we hurried inside.

We went straight up to her room not wasting any time. As soon as we were in there she pinned me to the door and took off my shirt. I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I kissed her hungrily. I slipped her shirt over her head right before I put her on the bed.

She started sucking on my neck which drives me wild. I ran my fingers through her hair as she unbuttoned my jeans. I got them off and took her pants off of her with her shoes. I grabbed a condom from the same place from the other night. She took my boxers off in a hurry as I unhooked her bra.

No one kissed like Brooke it was as good as it can get. I took her underwear off of her and put her leg around my waist again. She ran her fingers through my hair as I explored every inch of her body.

_I just want you to know who I am_

I put the condom on and right before I entered her I whispered huskily, "You don't know what you do to me."

She smiled briefly, "I think I do cause you do the same for me." She said in her raspy voice. As soon as she said that I was in her. I heard her moan as I picked up the pace. I kissed every part of her skin.

"Nathan!" She screamed as she was about to finish. And I knew when she did because she scratched down my back making her mark. As I felt that I definitely moaned as I finished with her.

"Oh god Brooke!" I said into the crook of her neck. Our breathing was shaky as I pulled out and lay next to her.

"That was…" She started but didn't finish she was still breathing so hard.

"Yeah." I said knowing what she meant.

I pulled her to me like the other night gently.

_I just want you to know who I am_

"You know I never thought I would date you." She said randomly.

I also knew what she meant by that I never thought I would date her either.

"Me neither but now that we are I'm glad." I said to her right before kissing her forehead.

"I am too." She said smiling at me.

"What time do you have to go?" She asked. I sighed because I didn't want to go but Dan told me not to stay out too late and he's been drinking so I shouldn't risk it.

"Probably soon, maybe now." I said checking my phone. It was getting late.

"Okay I understand. Call me tomorrow." She said before kissing me briefly.

_I just want you to know who I am_

"I will I promise." I said as I got out of the bed and started getting dressed.

"Thanks for such a great date Nathan." She said smiling. Once I was dressed I leaned down and kissed her.

"No problem I was hoping you would like it. Good night Davis." I said walking towards the door.

"Night Scott." She said before turning over to sleep.

I was on such a high from the night. Everything was going great. I seriously felt like nothing at this point could tear me down. I wish I knew why every time I came home all good feelings immediately went away. When I walked in my father was waiting for me and he wasn't happy.

_I just want you to know who I am_

**Okay for now that's the end, but don't worry I promise not to take a long time to update I think I can get the next chapter tomorrow. ) Please review I love them so much!!**

**Marissa**


	16. Better Than Me

**Hey I said I would get another one up tomorrow and I delivered. Haha okay I really want to thank everyone who reviewed from the last chapter! BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, Tamarindo, Pembroker, Rachtree, Cellochick003, Brathan 23, and of course Summer Van Der Woodsen 23 and your welcome for using 'Iris' I told you Nathan reminds me of Ryan lol so here's the next chapter hope you all love it!!**

_I was on such a high from the night. Everything was going great. I seriously felt like nothing at this point could tear me down. I wish I knew why every time I came home all good feelings immediately went away. When I walked in my father was waiting for me and he wasn't happy._

_I just want you to know who I am_

"Hello Nathan." He said as he put his glass down and got up out of his chair. I stood there waiting for whatever I was about to get.

"Dad." I tried to stay calm. He looked mad but he didn't sound mad. He took another step towards me and I flinched.

"Whats wrong Nathan are you scared?" He asked smirking evilly.

"No." I said as I clenched my fists out of nervous habit backing up slowly.

He stopped where he was. "You know Nathan you played pretty well under the circumstances that you were in, but I witnessed something tonight that didn't please me." He said as he took one more step. I didn't understand what he might have seen. We won he shouldn't me so mad.

"I bet you're wondering why I'm upset well before the game I saw you and Lucas. I didn't know you two were so close." He said as he took one long step and was standing right in front of me. I could easily smell all the alcohol that he had drank while I was gone.

"We aren't we were just messing around getting ready for the game." I said trying not to panic. Usually he doesn't talk first just yelling and then beating.

_I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe_

"It didn't look like you were getting ready for the game Nathan you two looked like you were friends like you were real brothers and there is a reason why I never wanted you to hang around him while you were growing up. I never want you to spend any time with him it's a trap he's trying to take basketball away from you." He said his voice raising with every word. He stared at me his eyes doing all of the threatening.

"Do you understand me son?" He yelled at me.

"Okay I'll stop hanging out with him." I said quietly backing up and hitting a wall. Every ounce of feeling was starting to slip away.

"Good boy nice to know your starting to think and use your head." He said before laughing a menacing laugh. He walked back over to his drink and chugged the rest. I wanted to get out of here so badly.

"And remember it's sir Nathan." He said when he finished. I just nodded not knowing what else to do. Honestly I was beginning to like Lucas a lot we bonded and he was a really good guy that I wanted to get to know. I almost wish he would walk in right now so we could kill Dan. I shook my head of that thought, as much as I wanted that it wouldn't happen.

"Yes sir." I mumbled and started to walk away.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He yelled as he pulled the back of my shirt and threw me up on the wall where my back hit hard. I swallowed the lump in my throat and showed no fear. As soon as he touched me I became numb again.

"No where." I whispered.

"Listen to me Nathan I'm only going to say this once. I don't like you spending time with Lucas and if I ever see you with him again like you were tonight I'll kill you and him." He said in a voice so threatening even the most dangerous criminals would be scared of him.

"Don't go near Lucas he didn't do anything. I'll never talk to him again but don't hurt him I'll take care of that." I said thinking quickly because I knew Dan might actually kill him and then kill me after if he was pissed off enough. Maybe basketball wouldn't be able to save me this time.

"Fine just make sure you take care of it." He said holding the front of my shirt.

"I will." I whispered.

"And I almost forgot I don't like you spending so much time with girls. I was relieved when you and Peyton broke up I thought maybe you won't be so distracted anymore but you just can't leave them alone now you're going out with the town slut Brooke Davis!" He yelled as he pulled me forward and pushed me back on the wall hard.

"Don't talk about her like that!" I said as I pushed him off of me.

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be_

"Why Nathan I know you're only using her for the one thing she's good at and trust me I know what she's good at." He said with a wink and I couldn't take it anymore. I hit him right in the face. He fell down and I leaned down ignoring all the pain from my back and ribs and punched him again.

"She's not a slut she's my girlfriend and don't you ever touch her you fucking sick bastard!" I yelled and punched him again. Unfortunately he shoved me off of him and was quick to retaliate.

"How dare you disrespect me Nathan! I am your father and the mayor of this town you ungrateful little shit!" He said as he punched me in the face.

"Stay away from her." I warned as I got up. I was done being afraid of him especially if he was going to bring Brooke into this.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you_

"I will if you will." He said grabbing both of my arms and pinning them to my sides.

"What?" I asked.

"She'll get in the way and I can tell that you're falling for her although I don't know why end it with her tonight or I will make her and Lucas' lives hell and yours too." He said as he pushed me.

"I don't want to break up with her. You can't make me." I said determined.

"Fine I'll just kill her and Lucas in the same day then and when I get home I'll tell you all about it and instead of killing you I'll make sure you stay alive and have to live without them." He said before hitting me again. I fell into the wall not believing what he was saying.

"It doesn't matter if I break up with her or stop being friends with him you'll still hurt them and me." I said staying far from him.

"I'm a man of my word Nathan if you stay away from them I'll go back to ignoring both of them like they don't exist, and if you don't follow my rules I'll make sure that they stop existing." He said right into my face.

I didn't know what to do. This is why no one should care about me and I shouldn't be nice to people in the end it will only hurt them and maybe kill them. I was scared and I don't know what I would do if he hurt Brooke. Lucas would probably understand if I just turned back into the same ass hole I was before and hate me again, but Brooke was different I think I loved her...a lot.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
_

"Okay I'll do it." I said gradually withdrawing back into nothing. The numbness was taking over and soon I wouldn't even feel the physical pain anymore.

"Alright go." He said releasing me. "I won't be here when you get back but you better believe that I will know if you disobeyed me so don't try anything Nathan I mean it." He said grabbing his keys. He slammed the door shut and I turned to the wall and hit it over and over again. I ran my fingers through my hair and had trouble breathing. I had to get myself together if I was actually going to do this.

I needed some practice before I went to Brooke's house so I went to Lucas' first. I didn't care that it was almost one in the morning I had to do this fast before Dan did anything.

I walked up to his room and knocked loudly enough so he heard it and softly enough so his mom wouldn't wake up.

He opened the door looking surprised like the first time I came over.

"Hey man what's wrong?" He asked concerned. He saw my face and noticed all the bruising and then my hands that were beat red from hitting the wall.

"Look I just came to say one thing. Whatever we were on the verge of becoming like friends, brothers I don't care we're not. It was a momentary lapse of judgement on my part and I don't want anything to do with you. We are not friends we're not brother we are nothing okay barely even teammates so don't talk to me anymore and don't try to figure out what might have happened to make me like this.

This is me this is who I am and who I am can't stand you. So I'll see you around school or whatever but don't expect any acknowledgement. I hate you, you illigitement bastard." I said with so much fake hate I really wanted to throw up. None of this was even true but I couldn't risk it. I may have liked the idea of finally having a brother but not with Dan as my father.

His mouth just dropped open and I could see all the hurt in his eyes clearly. I honestly couldn't stay any longer I turned around and walked away ignoring all the pain that I knew was going to only get worse as soon as I talked to Brooke. I sped out of his driveway and started towards her house.

_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
_

I couldn't believe that I actually said all of that to him. I shook off those thoughts because I had to be focused for this.

I pulled into her driveway and turned off the car. I sat there trying to decide what to say I'm pretty sure I had to just improvise. I was going to have to be the biggest dick in the world for this to work. As much as I didn't want her to fight me on this if she did that would tell me that maybe she loved me as much I love her.

_If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room  
_

I got out of the car and went inside knowing that it would be unlocked. I went into her room and she was laying there but she had wet hair and pajamas, but she was sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake her up.

I took a deep breath knowing it was now or never. I leaned down and shook her gently.

"Brooke wake up." I whispered. She moved but didn't wake up. I decided that I needed to start being an ass hole now.

"Davis get the fuck up." I said a little louder. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She smiled at me and I had to bite my cheek to keep from smiling back.

"We need to talk." I said and backed away from her.

"Whats up?" She said as she sat up. My voice was indifferent when I talked to her.

"Okay so I don't really know how to say this but this isn't working. I can't do this anymore I'm breaking up with you thanks for the good times Davis I'll probably see you at school." I said quickly and started to walk out the door.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you_

"Wait Scott what the hell are you talking about?" She demanded which made me stop in my tracks. And despite myself I smiled a little maybe she did love me.

"I'm talking about the fact that I don't want to be with you anymore." I said coldly with my back turned to her. I felt her hands on my shoulders and I had to turn around so she couldn't touch me.

"What are you talking about? You're not making any sense." She said.

"I don't know how else to put it Brooke we're done I'm not your boyfriend and you aren't my girlfriend we are no longer together." I said not daring to look her in the eyes.

"Why? Earlier you were acting completely different what was that date all about if you were just going to break up with me hours later. Your hiding something." She accused.

I looked up at her and I know what I planned worked because she gasped a little and stepped back. I was literally nothing right now just like that time in the yard. My eyes were as black as possible and I was completely gone.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

"I'm not hiding anything Davis I told you I would call you if I needed a good fuck and since you delivered on that I'm done. I don't want you anymore, move on." I said darkly. I saw the hurt in her eyes like I saw it in Lucas', but she covered it up like before.

"What's gotten into you Nathan? What happened to your face please just let me help you." She said getting a little bit teary eyed. She reached up to touch my face but I backed away from her.

"Stop it. I already told you we're done. Okay I don't want this anymore." I said through clenched teeth. I saw she was afraid and hurt but she was tough.

"What the fuck is going on Nathan?" She yelled and now apparently she was pissed off.

"You took me out tonight and you say all of these things to me and what about the other night? You said you were falling hard and fast well so am I. I already have Nathan especially after tonight. Now stop pushing me away and tell me what's going on!" She demanded again. It took me a second to think about what she said. She's already fallen. She did love me.

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
_

"There's nothing going on.-" I started but she cut me off like always.

"Bull shit Nathan what happened to your face and look at your hands why do you keep getting hurt?" She asked as the tears almost started falling on her face.

"I'm fine Brooke leave me alone. I don't know how many times I have to tell you there's nothing between us we're through I don't want you at all." I said lying and it was beginning to get really hard looking at her saying this. I was starting to lose it. My whole body started shaking lightly and I tried to make it stop. She couldn't see me getting affected by this.

_And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end  
_

"Nathan look at you you're shaking." She said with a broken voice.

"Tell me what's going on who did this to you?" She begged as she stepped to me again.

It was almost too much. When she touched my arms I almost broke down and told her everything but I couldn't risk her getting hurt I would't do it.

"Don't fucking touch me Davis. No one is doing anything I'm fine, but I really need you to leave me the hell alone okay? You were one of the only girls I hadn't slept with yet and I knew you would because you're a slut." My voice actually cracked when I said slut, but I had to keep myself together.

"Do you get it now? You were just a good time and now I'm done so go on and fuck all the guys you want I don't care." I said keeping my expression hard. I saw her first tear fall right before she slapped me as hard as she could.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

"How dare you come to my house and say that to me!! I trusted you Nathan but you always have to be the biggest ass and you know what I know your scared. You're scared that someone might actually want to be with you for reasons other than you're popular or the best basketball player. I was willing to give you a chance to prove yourself to me." She said pointing a finger at me while the rest of the tears kept falling down her face. This was killing me watching her like this.

"I don't have to prove myself to anyone I came to here to end this and I have." I said barely holding on.

"I know you love me Nathan." She said very determined while ignoring her tears. I wanted to tell her I did and that I never wanted anything to hurt her but I couldn't.

"No I don't." I said emotionless.

"Yes you do stop lying quit pushing me away Nathan. I'm even willing to forgive you for all of the shitty things you have said to me tonight, because I'll even fucking say it Nathan I love.-" It was my turn to cut her off because if she said it then I wouldn't be able to leave or finish this. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this_

"Listen to me Davis I don't love you I never have and I never will. You were a conquest and now I'm finished. I hope by now you understand _you mean nothing to me!_" I yelled at her. I know my eyes were as hard as they could be and if you looked closely enough they were broken. I watched her and when she wiped away her tears I knew she gave up and believed me.

"Get the fuck out of my house right now!" She screamed at me pointing towards the door. I was fighting my own tears from falling. I looked at her one more time and headed out. She slammed her bedroom door on me as I made my way downstairs and out to my car.

_You deserve much better than me  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

Brooke stood staring at the door not believing what just happened. She knew she loved him and didn't understand why or how he could be so cruel to her. She knew that he loved her too and she wanted to help him, but right now she felt so heartbroken. He had hurt her worse than she had ever been hurt before.

She clutched her chest right where her heart is and put her back to the door and slid down it so she sat on the floor. She clenched harder as she began sobbing for him. She was hurt beyond words but she couldn't help it she loved him.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
_

I drove away as fast as possible. I was shaking uncontrollably now and when I got to the river court I stopped. I couldn't breath anymore. I was suffocating. I gripped the stearing wheel and took deep breaths but no matter what I did I had a huge hole in my heart that wouldn't go away. I hit the dashboard and lost it.

I started sobbing. I haven't sobbed for anything other than Dan's beatings in years but this was even worse pain than any beating he had ever given me. I clutched my heart that was crying out for Brooke and I knew I was officially the worst person in the world for doing what I had just done.

"I'm so sorry Brooke." I sobbed still clutching my chest remembering the dream I had when Dan killed Brooke I sobbed the same things to her then. I had to get out I couldn't take this anymore.

I managed to calm down enough to drive home. As soon as I got there every tear was dry and all feeling was _gone._ I went upstairs to my room and packed a bag. Everyone's lives would be so much better without me in it so I'm going to do them all a favor. When I was done I got in the car and got as far away from Tree Hill and all my mistakes as I could.

_You deserve much better than me  
(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)_

**Wow so that was actually really hard to write. I know he was absolutely horrible to both Brooke and Lucas but it had to be done. Eventhough you might all hate me now please review anyway and tell me that! It won't be like this for long no matter what true love will come through. ) 'Better Than Me' by Hinder**

**xoxo Marissa**


	17. Here Without You

**Hey everyone. Like always I want to thank everyone who reviewed it means so much!! ****BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, Cellochick003,**** Tamarindo, Brathan 23, Pembroker, Rachtree and Summer Van Der Woodsen 23 omg Nicole you always give me so many ideas for this story and you inspire so much!! ) And lastly the return of Toddntan I missed your reviews!**

_I managed to calm down enough to drive home. As soon as I got there every tear was dry and all feeling was gone. I went upstairs to my room and packed a bag. Everyone's lives would be so much better without me in it so I'm going to do them all a favor. When I was done I got in the car and got as far away from Tree Hill and all my mistakes as I could._

_You deserve much better than me  
(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)_

Brooke couldn't sleep all night she had a horrible feeling in her stomach ever since Nathan left. As soon as she thought his name she wanted to cry again. She really couldn't believe he said all of that to her the look in his eyes was scary. She didn't want to believe that he didn't care, but he was pretty convincing. 'Why not wait until school to tell me he didn't love me?' She thought, as she got dressed. Something wasn't right with this and why did he look like he just got into a fight? Brooke was so confused and she was even more heartbroken.

_A hundred days have made me older  
since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

Lucas didn't sleep all night. He really couldn't get what Nathan said out of his head since he left.

'What the hell was with him? He was so distant and he could barely look me in the eyes.' He thought, as he got ready for school. Something really wasn't right.

_A thousand lies have made me colder  
and I don't think I can look at this the same_

I wanted to drive as far away as possible from Tree Hill. I really wanted to get out of North Carolina but damn it I almost ran out of gas and I was exhausted so I punked out and stopped at a hotel.

I made it as far as Charlotte. It was a few hours away, but I still felt too close…to Dan, Lucas, and most importantly Brooke. I sighed in frustration for the millionth time thinking about what I said to her.

_But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

I was lying in my bed and I was still. If I moved it was basically only by instinct and habit. I no longer controlled anything, because when I made a decision I hurt people the most important people to me. I also had Lucas to think about. If someone asked me 2 months ago if I would actually like Lucas I definitely would have gotten pissed and probably punched them for being a dumb ass.

A lot changed. He and I were moving towards being friends hell even brothers. I felt so bad I said some real shitty things to him.

'He's better off. They're all better off.' I thought as I tried to go back to sleep. Big surprise I couldn't. I kept trying to get his and Brooke's faces out of my mind but nothing worked.

I sat up and pulled out my wallet. I didn't have that much cash, but it was enough for now. I had a credit card, but as soon as I used it Dan would be all over my ass. He would find me and most likely kill me.

I put my head in my hands. I inhaled and exhaled deeply the truth is I was scared out of my fucking mind. About how I feel about Brooke, about Dan hurting her and Lucas about him finding me and hurting me. I was just scared.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me_

I knew he would eventually find out that I was gone maybe this morning, maybe after school when coach calls and tells him I wasn't at practice. He would be mad probably really pissed actually but I couldn't take it anymore.

I really hoped he wouldn't blame Lucas or Brooke for this. He promised if I cut them both off and stopped seeing her and talking to him he wouldn't hurt them.

'He promised he wouldn't touch them.' I thought as I got up and went to get something to eat.

Dan Scott walked back into his house. He wondered if Nathan had actually gone and ended his relationships with Brooke and Lucas.

'He better if he knows what's good for him' He thought angrily.

Brooke walked into school with a smile as fake as ever. People were staring like always and she wanted to flip them all off and tell them to go fuck themselves and to leave her alone.

She saw Peyton coming towards her and she grinned at her.

"Hey P. Sawyer." She said as cheerful as she could given what she had gone through.

"B. Davis what's wrong?" She asked immediately. Brooke was a little shocked for a second.

_The miles just keep rollin'  
as the people leave their way to say hello_

"Don't try to lie I know that face and you have had it since you walked in and you might fool everyone else but Brooke Davis I'm your best friend and you need to tell me what's going on." Peyton demanded.

"Peyton I'm fine." She said tiredly she felt exhausted.

"No Brooke your not please talk to me." She said and pulled her lightly into the bathroom. They sat on the counter side by side.

"Spill." Peyton said as she turned towards Brooke.

Brooke looked down sadly. "Nathan broke up with me." She said brokenly.

"What when?" Peyton asked.

"Last night he showed up hours after our date and just said the most awful things to me and now I feel horrible." She said as she tried not to cry.

"I'm so sorry Brooke. I don't understand why he would come to your house in the middle of the night to end things with you, especially after such a great date." Peyton said trying to figure out what was missing from this.

"I don't know Peyt. But he was very clear that he didn't want to be with me at all and especially that he didn't love me." She said as her tears started falling but she wiped them away quickly.

"Oh B. Davis I'm sorry. You love him don't you?" Peyton asked as she hugged her best friend.

"God I really don't want to but I do." She sobbed into Peyton hug.

"It's okay as soon as I see him I am going to kick his ass so hard!" Peyton said enthusiastically trying to cheer Brooke up.

"Thanks for trying to cheer me up P. Sawyer but I feel too awful right now." Brooke said as she wiped the rest of her tears away and pulled away from the hug.

_I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go_

"Sorry I suck at cheering you up." She said and laughed lightly.

"You're fine. It was so weird Peyton he woke me up and literally started saying how much he didn't want me and he called me a slut." Brooke said sadly.

"He called you a slut?!" Peyton yelled and stood up.

"Yeah but don't worry Peyt I'll get over him." She said unconvincingly.

"Don't worry about getting over him Brooke I'm gonna kill him!" She said angry.

Brooke stood up and held Peyton by the shoulders.

"Peyton thank you, but I swear if you give me a while I'll be fine lets not talk about him anymore." I said really wanting to change the subject.

"Are you sure you don't want me to hurt him? Brooke he wasn't even that mean to me god he's such an…" Peyton stopped when she realized something.

"Hello Peyton what's wrong you just stopped." Brooke pressed as she kept her hands on her shoulders so she wouldn't go running to kill Nathan even though he deserved it…a little.

"He loves you." She whispered staring off into space thinking.

Brooke's eyes widened. Did she not hear anything that she just told her?

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time_

"Peyton he told me he wanted nothing to do with me, that I meant nothing to him because I was just one of the last girls he hadn't slept with yet." She told Peyton biting her lip thinking about how much that hurts.

"He's scared. And something else is going on here that we don't know about something we're not seeing." She said and looked back to Brooke.

"No Peyt he stormed out of my house didn't you hear what I just told you he said?" She asked a little confused.

"I know what he said was horrible and trust me I'll kick his ass later for that, but in the middle of the night Brooke? That's not right I still don't think Nathan would honestly be that cruel." She said thinking.

The bell rang and they left the bathroom.

"Peyton he meant what he said he doesn't want me and I'm gonna show him that he doesn't mean anything to me." Brooke said determined as they walked to class.

At lunch

"Do you mind if we sit by ourselves?" Brooke asked Peyton as they walked in. Brooke had been dreading lunch knowing he was going to have to see Nathan.

"Sure lets grab another table." They walked to an empty table after waving to the other girls at their usual table.

"Brooke I'm really sorry again about what happened." Peyton said sincerely.

"Thanks but like I said I'll just work through it and move on." Brooke said as she stole a glance at Nathan's table and felt a little disappointed when she didn't see him.

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight girl its only you and me_

"He's not here I talked to Lucas." Peyton answered her thoughts.

"Oh I don't care." She said very unconvincingly.

"Sure you don't. Brooke it's okay it only happened last night I get it you love him. You fell for Nathan Scott plenty of other girls have before." She said smirking.

"True and I'm sure he can't wait to make his big fat dumb fucking entrance with his new whore who fell in love with him." Brooke finished frustrated.

"You mean like your guy's entrance together what yesterday?" Peyton asked smiling.

"Shut up." Brooke said playfully and rolled her eyes.

"It'll get better Brooke me and Lucas are always here for you." She said and squeezed Brooke's for a second.

"Thanks." Brooke said feeling a little better.

After school

"Hey girls." Lucas said as he walked up to Brooke and Peyton.

"Hey babe." Peyton said and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Broody." Brooke said and kissed his other cheek.

"Wow I'm the luckiest guy in the world getting a kiss on both cheeks by the 2 most popular girls in school." He said grinning.

"You bet your ass." Brooke joked as they walked into the gym.

"Brooke I'm gonna go warm up." Peyton said and kissed Lucas quickly before walking to the bleachers.

"I guess I should go too." Brooke said and started walking away.

"Hey Brooke hang on a second." Lucas said before she turned away from him.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Have you talked to Nathan since yesterday?" He asked hesitantly.

Brooke could tell he was a little uncomfortable talking about Nathan and she was more than a little uncomfortable talking about him, too bad she can't get him out of her head.

"Umm yeah he stopped by last night after our date." She said wondering why he was asking.

"Oh when did he come by?" He asked.

"Probably around 1:30 or 2 it was late." She said wondering again why. Did Nathan tell Lucas he was going to dump her?

She saw his face and he was concentrating really hard.

"He came by my house too I think he came by first what did he say to you?" He asked. Now I was so confused.

"Wait Lucas what are you talking about?" I asked him.

"Did he say some really bad things to you? Did he say he hated you or that he couldn't stand you?" He asked her.

"Yes he did well not exactly that but close enough. He broke up with me." She told him quietly.

"I'm sorry Brooke he showed up and told me we could never be brothers or friends and he hated me." Lucas told her.

"Why did he say that to you? I thought you guys were getting along and we're starting to be like real brothers I saw you before the game last night." She said now more confused than ever.

"I don't know he woke me up and said that then took off I think he went to your house. Did he look like he had been in a fight or something?" He asked her.

"Oh my god yes he did it didn't make any sense. We had a really good time on our date and after then later he said some really bad things to me and he was so mean." Brooke said trying to figure out why he would do that. Something was so wrong with this.

"After practice let's go ask him what his damn problem is and make him tell us why he was such an ass." Lucas said.

"Okay I guess we could." Brooke agreed.

"Lucas start practicing!" Whitey yelled from across the gym.

"I gotta go, but after practice we'll go." He said before jogging across the gym to warm up.

Brooke told Peyton what Lucas said and she was just as confused as Brooke. Brooke needing moral support asked Peyton to come with her and Lucas after school.

They all met outside by Lucas' truck and rode to Nathan's house in silence trying to figure out what really happened.

Brooke and Lucas walked up to the house with Peyton behind them giving her moral support.

Lucas rang the bell and they waited. No one answered at first and as they turned around to leave when Dan answered the door.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" Dan asked smirking. He could see the hatred in all three of their eyes but in Lucas and Brooke's he saw sadness and Brooke just looked desperate and broken. He knew Nathan did his job.

"Is Nathan here?" Lucas asked glaring at Dan.

"Sorry he's not here." Dan said not sounding sorry at all.

"Do you know where he is?" Brooke asked annoyed.

"Nope haven't seen him since last night." Dan said simply.

Lucas and Brooke looked at each other thinking maybe Dan had something to do with what happened.

"He wasn't at school today and we're worried." Peyton stepped up standing in front of them giving him her death glare.

"He wasn't at school was he at practice?" He asked confused.

"No he wasn't there." Lucas said watching Dan carefully.

"That little shit." Dan muttered and Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke heard him.

"What did you just call him?" Brooke stepped up and asked.

"Nothing get out of here Nathan isn't home." Was all Dan said and slammed the door in their faces.

"That has suspicion written all over it something is way off." Peyton said. Brooke started towards the car feeling a lot worse.

2 weeks later

"I can't believe he's been gone 2 freaking weeks." Brooke said walking with Peyton and Lucas into practice.

"Dan knows something what if he was the one who hurt Nathan and I don't know made Nathan say what he said to us?" Lucas asked.

"I've been thinking that since we saw Dan." Peyton said.

"I don't know but I miss him and I don't want to. I'm really worried something bad happened to him." Brooke said sadly. The more she thought about it the more she thought that maybe Nathan did love her and his evil fucking father told him for some reason to break up with her.

She didn't know anymore but she knew something was wrong and it all had to do with the love of her life.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love_

"You got the stuff?" He asked me. I nodded and went into my pocket and pulled out a bag of cocaine and handed it to him.

"Try it with me I need a sample before I buy it." He said and pulled out his keys. He dug it into the bag and scooped some out on his key. He handed it to me and I put it to my nose closed my eyes and snorted it.

I had gotten used to it. I wasn't like everyone else in this business with experience but I needed money and my cash ran out pretty fast. He snorted his and looked satisfied.

"Fuck this shit will mess you up." He said and sniffed some more.

I always did one with a customer to prove I wasn't a cop. It was the rule Brandon had taught me that. I met him about 5 days after checking into my hotel. I decided to stay in charlotte but living on your own is expensive even if I didn't live in a house anymore.

He was making a deal and caught me looking, but he didn't look mad he asked me if I wanted in and I was so fucked up with everything that had happened I agreed and since then I've been selling for him.

After meeting with this guy one of Brandon's best customers I went back to the hotel. It was pretty late and I was so damn tired I thought I could pass out and the coke was getting to me. It helped me forget about my mistakes and Brooke's face when she finally believed what I had told her.

_And when the last one falls  
when it's all said and done  
it gets hard but it wont take away my love_

I pulled out the picture of Brooke and Peyton since it was the only picture of Brooke that I had. I was so numb now but looking at her smiling face I always felt so much. I felt guilt, sadness, and fear. But more than that I felt love so much love. I wish I could take it all back, but I cant.

I pulled out my team picture. We all looked tough and no one wanted to smile but Lucas and me were standing side-by-side wearing the exact same smirk. It was the Scott smirk I could spot it anywhere. I had to smirk a little looking at us. We hated each other when this picture was taken, but we still had to stand next to each other and I never noticed the same look we had until now. I put the team picture away and looked at Brooke's picture again.

I felt the need to clench my heart again, but I didn't. I thought I wasn't meant to love anything and nothing was supposed to love me, but I was wrong. I fell so hard for her and I made the biggest mistake by pushing her away.

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time_

I wanted to go back to her, but I couldn't. This was my life now and she needed to move on to be happy. I looked at the clock and it was the middle of the night. I looked at her picture again and without thinking I grabbed the phone next to the bed.

I started trembling slightly as I dialed her number that I memorized. I took a deep breath and waited to see if she answered. I waited and about gave up when I heard the only noise that could literally stop my heart and make it beat at the same time.

"Hello." I heard her groggily answer. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't. My hand started trembling harder and I ran my fingers through my hair nervously.

"Is anyone there?" She asked now that she was more awake.

I stayed silent. I knew if I talked it would ruin it and she would either hang up on me immediately or scream at me and then hang up on me.

"If this is a prank call I'm going to be seriously pissed off. Is anyone there?" She demanded. I almost wanted to smile because there she was not taking any shit from anyone.

I breathed a little harder and clenched my fists trying to stop shaking. This was maybe even harder than opening up to her and talking about everything. I heard her sharp intake of a breath and I knew she knew it was me calling.

"Nathan." She whispered brokenly. I wanted to talk to her and tell her I was sorry and I loved her, but I couldn't I was such a pussy, but I didn't want anything to happen to her.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight girl its only you and me_

"Nathan." She said again but this time she was trying not to cry I could tell.

I still didn't talk. I probably shouldn't have called, but I had to hear her voice I needed to know she was still okay and Dan hadn't lied.

"I know you're there." She whispered as she tried to choke back a sob. I unclenched my fists and thought seriously about getting into my drawer where my next stash was waiting to be bought by another one of Brandon's customers.

I couldn't take this. Being away from her thinking about what I said I hated it. All of it none of this was fair.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and hung up the phone right after I said that. My hands started shaking and my heart started racing really fast. I saw her face in the picture but all I could see was her face when I broke up with her. The agony and sadness it was the worst experience I had ever gone through.

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time_

What I saw in her was exactly what I felt. I leaned back and looked at the phone. I wanted to call her back so badly. I was such a fuck up though. My head was so screwed up she didn't need all of that.

"This is for the better." I whispered to no one in particular. There was never going to be anyone to whisper to again. It doesn't matter if I'm miserable as long as Lucas is happy and especially Brooke. She deserves the best and I love her enough to let her go. Right now I'm making the decision to let her go. I wasn't gonna call her anymore it didn't matter if I was going to die if I didn't hear her voice I would die and leave her alone so she could be happy. If you asked anyone realizing who the love of your life is would complete you, but I'm not that simple. I wish I was but as long as my father haunted me I couldn't be with Brooke. I would have to suffer being incomplete for the rest of my life if I had to as long as she was happy.

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight girl its only you and me_

**Okay so it wasn't that great, but I really wanted to get another chapter up. Stupid Nathan right? He knows that she can save him but he's too afraid and prideful to ask her to. I get if you sill hate me, but remember true love will come through. Please review they are amazing!! Here Without You by 3 Doors Down. **


	18. City Of Devils

**First off I just want to say thank you so much to all the reviewers!! It brightens my day when I see I have a new review! Anyway special thanks to BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, BrathanBrucasBaleyBreyton, Tokiohotellove, Princetongirl, Pembroker, Rachtree, Brathan23, Tamarindo, and lastly as usual Summer van der Woodsen 23 Nicole I hope your grandmom gets better I'm thinking good thoughts for her! Love you twin :) **

**So my goal was to have 150 reviews by the time I had 20 chapters up. I have 143 and I'm only on chapter 18 so please make my dreams come true and give me 7 more reviews!!**

_If you asked anyone realizing who the love of your life is would complete you, but I'm not that simple. I wish I was but as long as my father haunted me I couldn't be with Brooke. I would have to suffer being incomplete for the rest of my life if I had to as long as she was happy._

_I'm here without you baby  
but you're still with me in my dreams  
and tonight girl it's only you and me_

"Lucas can I speak with you?" Coach Whitey asked him at practice.

"Sure coach what's up?" He asked although he had a pretty good idea. He knew that coach has been worried about Nathan.

"It's been over 2 weeks since Nathan has been to school or practice. I'm getting more worried by the second. You two had been getting along a lot better and I hate myself for not coming to you sooner about this, but if Nathan was in trouble or you knew where he was you would tell me right?" He asked getting a little more emotional.

Lucas felt horrible. He knew he wasn't the only one who was worried.

"I don't know where he is coach I wish I did. Honestly I think the only person who might know is Dan. Me, Peyton and Brooke stopped by a while ago and he was acting all weird." Lucas shrugged. He didn't know what to think anymore about this.

"I've been thinking about going over there for a while now." Whitey said agreeing.

"Thanks Lucas you can go back to practice now." He said and turned around to think about where Nathan might be.

All practice Lucas couldn't get their visit to Dan out of his head. He was acting way too strange for him not to assume he had something to do with what Nathan said to him.

"_He wasn't at school was he at practice?" He asked confused._

"_No he wasn't there." Lucas said watching Dan carefully._

"_That little shit." Dan muttered and Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke heard him._

"_What did you just call him?" Brooke stepped up and asked._

"_Nothing get out of here Nathan isn't home." Was all Dan said and slammed the door in their faces."_

He was obviously upset that Nathan hadn't been at school or practice that day. Lucas wondered what Dan thought about Nathan being gone for 2 and half weeks. Lucas tried to focus on practice but he couldn't. They were running plays for the next game when he thought about something. When Dan slammed the door in their faces he saw his hands. They were bruised like Nathan's. Alarmed Lucas immediately stopped what he was doing.

_Man once sang to me  
Look at you saving the world on your own_

"What the hell is wrong with you Scott? Get moving." Whitey yelled when he noticed Lucas not doing anything.

'Oh my god Dan must have been the one Nathan got into a fight with.' He thought.

"Lucas buddy is there something wrong?" Jake asked as he walked up to him.

Lucas looked up now realizing everyone in the gym was staring at him.

"Sorry I spaced out." He lied and turned to Peyton and Brooke. They both looked worried and he gave them a look that told them he needed to talk to them right after practice.

"Keep going we're almost done." Coach said.

When it was over he rushed outside where the girls were waiting for him.

_And I wonder how things gonna be  
'Cause the time here it passes so slow_

"Are you okay?" Peyton asked immediately.

"No not really I realized something while I was playing." He said in a rush that they almost didn't catch all he said.

"What did you realize?" Brooke asked.

"Dan was the one Nathan got into a fight with that night." He said looking at both of them hoping they would believe him.

"Are you sure how do you know?" Brooke asked panicked thinking about Nathan being hurt by his own father.

"When we went over there and he shut the door on us. I saw his hands they were bruised like he had been punching someone and Nathan definitely had a few shiners, but so did Dan. It looked like he had been fighting too, but we were all too concerned about Nathan to notice." He explained.

It took them both a second to process all of it.

_In a city of devils we live  
a city of devils we live_

"I think you're right." Peyton said.

"Me too I can't believe Dan hit Nathan like that!" Brooke said angrily.

"That's why he ran away." Lucas said putting it all together.

"What are we supposed to do?" Peyton asked.

"I don't know none of us know where he is or talked to him." Lucas said thinking of a plan. Brooke froze for a second. He had called her a few days ago. She was still too heartbroken to talk about it.

"Umm Lucas he called me a couple nights ago." She said quietly hoping neither of them would get mad at her for not telling.

"What! Where is he?" Peyton asked worriedly. She and Nathan formed a semi good friendship since their breakup and she was worried about him.

"He didn't say." Brooke said getting sadder by the situation.

"Brooke what exactly did he say to you?" Lucas asked seriously turning to face her.

"He didn't say anything at first. Someone called and I thought maybe it was a wrong number or a prank. Then I heard him breathing and I knew it was him. I kept trying to get him to talk and after a few minutes he said I'm sorry then hung up." She said getting teary eyed again. This boy knew how to break her without even trying.

"Oh Brooke I'm sorry." Peyton said as she gave her a hug.

"At least he called you though now you know he misses you." She said trying to cheer her best friend up.

"I don't know he sounded so sad I wish he would have told me where he was." Brooke said honestly.

"Did he call your cell or house?" Lucas asked.

"My cell it was the middle of the night." She said.

"That call could still be on your phone. Look at incoming calls until you find a number you don't recognize." He instructed.

"Oh god of course the caller i.d. I can't believe I didn't think of that!" Brooke said smacking her forehead.

"It's okay hopefully its still there." He said.

"Here it is. I think it might be a number of a hotel or something he called at 3:23." She said handing the phone to Lucas.

"I'm going to call him." He said.

"Are you sure it's what we should do?" Peyton asked.

"I'm just going to see if he picks up." He said and pressed send and held the phone to his ear. Peyton and Brooke waited eagerly to see if Nathan picked up.

"It keeps ringing either he's not there right now or he's ignoring it." Lucas said and handed the phone back to Brooke.

"Should we try back later?" She asked.

"We can call back later. We'll catch him next time when he's there." He said.

"This weekend do you want to go look for him or something?" Peyton suggested.

"Yeah I think it's a good idea." Lucas agreed.

"Call me when you want to go I've gotta get home." Brooke said.

"Okay bye B. Davis. Call me if you need anything." Peyton said as she hugged her.

"Thanks P. Sawyer I will." She said as they pulled apart. She gave Lucas a quick hug too.

"Bye Luke keep trying to figure everything out. I never would have caught what you saw." She said smiling slightly.

"I will bye Brooke." He said waving as she walked away.

The whole ride home Brooke kept thinking about Nathan's phone call to her. Its pretty much all she could think about since he made it. Why did he call if he wasn't going to talk? He said he was sorry. Sorry for what breaking her heart? Sorry for making her love him and be non stopped worried about him? She sighed frustrated.

_Find somebody to learn  
Boy you gotta love someone more than yourself_

She walked into her house and sat on the couch holding her phone. She really wanted to call him back and see if he picked up. They did just call a few minutes ago, but he could be back by now. She bit her lip wondering what to do. Brooke felt terrible it was Dan who hit Nathan like that. No ones father should hit them its just wrong. Maybe Nathan was too scared of Dan after their fight so he left.

That would make sense. It only worried Brooke more. She couldn't help but wonder if it had been going on long. Was that night the first time? What if Dan had been hitting Nathan a long time and he always covered it up. Right as she thought that her mouth dropped open in realization. That day at the river court when she saw his bruises. They weren't from falling out of the shower they were from Dan.

"_Davis get the hell away from me!" He yelled and he could tell that his sudden raise of voice surprised her but this wasn't any of her business._

_Her own eyes grew darker and Nathan could tell that she was mad now._

"_No Scott those bruises were bad now let me see I'm trying to help you here not like you deserve it!" She yelled almost as loudly as he did. She reached for his shirt again._

"_Brooke stop it okay I'm fine this morning I fell getting out of the shower and now I'm all banged up." He lied hoping she would drop this and believe him._

She shook her head with tears threatening to fall. This must have been going on a long time. Then when he was suddenly jumped out of nowhere and put in the hospital. That never made any sense. Things like that don't happen here and not to people like Nathan.

_I can feel the fire of the city lights burn  
it's hard to find angels in hell_

Brooke tried to choke back her sobs thinking that Nathan's dad was the one to hurt him so badly. It made her think of her own father. He hasn't hit her that many times. It only happens on the rare occasions that her parents are even home. Basically once a year she gets a good ass beating from her dad because he's been drinking and doesn't mind telling Brooke what a mistake she was.

She shook her head thinking about him. Maybe she and Nathan had more in common than they thought. She took out her phone and found the number and dialed it.

_Flying along, and I  
Feel like I don't belong and I,  
Can't tell right from the wrong, why,  
Have I been here so long_

Brooke waited like Lucas had for him or anyone to pick up. Just when she gave up hope she heard someone say hello. Her heart stopped for a second. Then the person said hello again and she realized it was a women. Brooke wanted to ask who this person was and question her about what the hell she was doing in her boyfriend's hotel room of wherever the hell he's staying.

"Is someone there?" The lady asked again. She sounded a lot older.

'What if she's a prostitute?' Brooke thought horrified.

"Look if you need a maid call the service we're always available." She said and hung up.

Brooke sighed in relief. It was a maid, not some girl Nathan picked up. That probably meant he was at a hotel. She felt a lot better. She studied the number and realized the area code wasn't that far off of the Tree Hill area code.

_In a city of devils we live  
a city of devils we live _

'That must mean he's close.' She thought and that made her happy.

There were a few places he could be with an area code like that. Charleston, Charlotte, or Raleigh. Brooke called Lucas telling him what she figured out.

"Hello." He answered.

"Lucas oh my god I realized something." She said almost as fast as he did when he realized about Dan and Nathan.

"What's going on Brooke?" He asked.

"It's been going on for a long time I think. When he was put in the hospital do you really think a stranger just attacked him? I bet it was Dan and I called back a maid answered I'm almost positive he's in a hotel and the area code isn't that far off of ours so he's sort of close." She said almost in one breath.

"Wow Brooke how did you figure all of this out?" He asked happy she was able to help them even more.

"I don't know I sat down and couldn't stop thinking about all of it. I could be wrong about any of it, but I think that maybe your dad has been hurting Nathan for a while and I'm even more worried because of it." She said honestly.

"It would make sense I guess. I knew Dan was a hard ass towards Nathan about basketball but I never thought he would abuse him like that." He said sadly. He truly felt bad for Nathan now if this is all true.

"I wish it wasn't true I hate to think Nathan has been going through that for a long time." She said actually hoping it wasn't true, but a gut feeling told her she was unfortunately right.

_Questions I can't seem to find  
to the answers I already have_

"Me too this weekend we should check the towns closest to us first before going farther away." He said.

"Okay that sounds good. I should let you go I just wanted to call and tell you what I thought I figured out." She said.

"I'm glad you did now we know why maybe he's always been such a dick to everyone. It's probably Dan's fault." He said bitterly.

"Probably, I think you should call Peyton and tell her." She said heading upstairs to do her homework.

"I will thanks for calling Brooke." Lucas said.

"No problem I'll see you at school." She said and hung up.

Brooke was so tired. Since that night Nathan left she had barely gotten any sleep. She missed him terribly and with the new theory she had she wished he would call again just so she knew he was okay. She tried to stop thinking about Nathan and start her homework.

_And you can't see the sky here at night  
so I guess I can't make my way back_

"Hey you did good today Nathan you're really catching on." Brandon said handing Nathan 50 bucks.

"Thanks man for everything I really needed money and you helped me out." I said appreciatively.

"I wasn't sure at first what to do. You caught me making a deal and I knew right away you weren't a cop or someone who would tell so I figured why not." He said shrugging.

"I appreciate it." He said and they did they bumped fists.

"I'll see you back here tomorrow we got some new shit coming in its supposed to be some of the best we've ever had. So you're gonna take some to one of my best customers alright?" He said.

I nodded and I couldn't help but be curious to ask who this was.

"So who is this guy?" I asked hoping he wouldn't care if I pried a little bit. Brandon was a good guy unless you betrayed him then you wished he had never met you. He had done some time for getting busted for dealing but got out on good behavior and now he was the king of the streets in Charlotte and Charleston.

"Actually I've known him my whole life. It's my brother Mike." He said smirking. I tried to picture Brandon hanging with his brother growing up. Were they close did they play ball together? That thought only made me think of my own brother. I shook my head of that.

"Oh why do you want me to do the deal why don't you do it?" I asked. It made sense for him to deliver to his own brother.

"I'm trying to give you the experience. I was your age when I got busted and now I'm trying to teach you what not to do so that doesn't happen to you." He said and he made it seem sincere.

"Okay thanks I'll be here in the morning." I said and headed back to the hotel.

When I got there the maid was leaving. I froze for a second. What if she found my stash? I walked nervously passed her and she didn't act like she knew anything. I think I was in the clear. It didn't matter what the situation was I was nervous all the time. Everyday out on the streets I was scared Dan would pull up and throw me in the car or I would sell to a cop and get arrested.

_Flying along, and I  
Feel like I don't belong and I,  
Can't tell right from the wrong, why,  
Have I been here so long_

So much could go wrong and I hadn't slept since I left so I was fucking tired all the time. I was starting to get used to the coke and now my body craved it even when I wasn't with a customer. I didn't want to become one of those addicts who choose drugs over everything else, but since I was going to be alone for the rest of my life it didn't matter.

I went to the drawer and pulled it out. I sat down on the freshly made bed and opened the bag. I stared at it for a second really debating whether or not I should do it. It wouldn't matter to anyone else if I did it or not anyone would know. I looked at the nightstand. I put the picture of Brooke and Peyton there with the picture of the team. I really didn't know why I tortured myself like this.

_What if I wanted you here right now  
would you fall in the fire burn me down._

They're going to forget about me so I should start forgetting about them. Of course that's a huge problem. I can't just forget about my brother or girlfr-. I stopped that thought when I realized she wasn't my girlfriend anymore and it was my own dumbass fault.

No matter what I can't forget them I don't know why I try. I looked at the cocaine again and took my keys. This was the quick and easy way to do it. As I was about to do it the line there was a knock at my door. I furrowed my brow in confusion then fear. What if it was Dan or the cops? I quickly poured it back into the bag and hid the bag in the drawer. I walked to the door slowly. I looked through the peephole and for a second I could have sworn I saw Brooke looking back at me.

_If I wanted you here right now  
would you fall in the fire burn me down  
if I wanted you here right now..._

My heart stopped, but when I blinked again I realized it wasn't her at all it was the maid I passed earlier. I opened the door slowly and looked at her in confusion.

"You already cleaned in here." I said trying to be nice, but she interrupted me and gave me false hope that Brooke loved me enough and found me.

"I know but I forgot to tell you someone called while you were out and I was cleaning." She said.

I was even more confused no one knew this number except Brandon and I was with him all day.

_In a city of devils we live  
in a city of devils we live_

"If you're wondering who it was I wish I could tell you, but they didn't say anything. I know when I answered whoever it was sounded really surprised so I'm going to guess it was a girl." She said shrugging. I nodded understandingly.

"She'll probably call back I think I heard her crying but I could be wrong." She said sympathetically.

"Thanks for telling me." I said and closed the door and leaned on it.

_A city of devils we live  
in a city of..._

"Brooke." I whispered painfully. I called her and the number would be on the caller i.d.

I wonder if I had been in here if I would have answered it. What would I say, what would she say? I shook my head sadly what if she got the wrong idea about the maid thinking it was something it wasn't?

I was starting to really lose it again. Being here without her was becoming unbearable. 2 and half weeks since I went to her house, 2 and half weeks since Dan threatened to kill her if I didn't break up with her. Everything was so screwed up it was unbelievable. Now I was doing and selling drugs for god sakes.

_Flying along, and I  
Feel like I don't belong and I,  
Can't tell right from the wrong, why,  
Have I been here so long_

What the hell is wrong with me? I looked at the pictures again. The dull ache was ripping me apart. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could handle. I needed _something_ to help me. Once again I went into the drawer and pulled out the bag. I didn't waste any time and did the line. I started to feel a little bit better.

_I don't belong  
don't belong_

Its funny most people do this to numb out their pain and forget. I was doing it to finally feel something and not be afraid.

_I've been here too long  
Too long_

**Sorry it took so long to finally get another update I won't take so long next time. I know I probably say that every time but I'm almost positive I can get one up tomorrow! As usual please review and now that you know my goal I hope that will inspire those of you who don't usually review it will mean a lot! 'City of Devils' by Yellowcard.**


	19. Welcome To My Life

**Hey I am so happy I finally have 150 reviews!! I'm so excited because I got that in 18 chapters!! So as always the biggest thank you goes out to SunshineQueen, Princetongirl, Brathan23, Toddntan, Rachtree, and finally BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE you were my last one!! So I really appreciate it and here's the next chapter I really hope you enjoy it!!**

_Its funny most people do this to numb out their pain and forget. I was doing it to finally feel something and not be afraid._

_I've been here too long  
Too long_

Knock, knock

Whitey waited patiently for Dan Scott to open his front door. He had become more and more worried about Nathan since it had been so long and he was determined to find out what was going on.

The door opened to revealed a tired and somewhat upset looking Dan.

"Whitey to what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked sarcastically.

"Where is Nathan?" The coach asked getting right to the point.

Dan wasn't expecting him to be so blunt and the truth was he had no idea where Nathan was.

"He's visiting some relatives for a while." Dan lied smoothly.

"Do you realize he's been gone now for almost 3 weeks?" Whitey asked getting irritated.

"I'm aware Whitey why are you here?" Dan asked annoyed.

"I'm worried about how much school Nathan is missing not to mention he hasn't been here for any practice and has missed 2 games. I thought you of all people would wait to send him off until the season was over." He said trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It wasn't like Dan at all to let Nathan ever miss any practices or games.

Dan rolled his eyes trying to get him to leave. This was the last thing he needed was to have coach on his back about his son.

"I appreciate the concern, but I've called him in every morning. As far as practice and games I know you're still undefeated. When Nathan gets back I'll make sure he's still in good shape and ready for the next game." Dan said wanting him to go.

Whitey stayed a minute seeing if his story played out. He wasn't in the mood to push Dan Scott right now. For the time being he would leave it be, but if Nathan missed much more school he would flunk out his junior year.

"Alright I'll go." Whitey said reluctantly. He even peeked inside past Dan like he was expecting to find Nathan tied up. He started back towards his car, but stopped and turned around.

"Danny I'm not sure why you would have him leave at a time like this, but you need to bring him back soon. The team needs him and he's on the verge of flunking." He said pausing before adding something else.

"Also if I find out he's not visiting relatives and you've shipped him off somewhere or forced him to leave I'll be back and next time it wont be such a pleasant visit." Whitey threatened and headed to his car and back home.

Dan shut the door frustrated.

'Where the hell is he?' He wondered. He never expected Nathan to run away. He wanted him to do his jobs and come back that's it. Dan Scott never cared much for anyone else before, but after his son being gone for over 2 and half weeks he's starting to worry that this might all come back to him.

--

"Hey B. Davis ready for the game tonight?" Peyton asked as she looped arms with her as they walked down the hall.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?_

"Of course I am P. Sawyer we're going to kick some ass." She said in an enthusiastic voice.

"Wow that's a pretty big turn around from your usual mood lately." Peyton observed.

"I know I'm really trying to keep my emotions in check and act like my old self." Brooke said.

"I get it, but after what you figured out honestly I would be freaking out." Peyton said when they stopped at their lockers.

"It's a lot to take in and I'm not completely sure its all true, but it would make sense if it was." She said grabbing her last book for the day.

"I can see that making sense. Sometimes when we would." Peyton stopped thinking she shouldn't be talking about her sex life with Nathan with Brooke.

"It's okay Peyt you can finish." Brooke said smiling appreciatively.

"Yeah sorry I wasn't sure if I should say this, but when we would have sex I would notice some bruising on his back and sometimes on his arms. I always thought it was from basketball or getting into fights with other guys I didn't think it would be from Dan." She said.

_Like somehow you just don't belong  
and no one understands you_

"I understand why you'd think that I would too if it were under different circumstances." Brooke said as they walked.

"I really hope tomorrow we find him." Peyton said as they took their seats.

"Me too. Have you noticed how depressed Tim has been since Nathan left?" Brooke said pointing to a miserable looking Tim in the corner.

Peyton laughed.

"Yeah he was Nathan's best friend I can understand. I think he started getting jealous of Lucas when he and Nathan started becoming close." She said.

"I could tell he did. He's asked me almost everyday if I've heard anything and I'm not going to tell him about the almost non conversation I had with Nathan on the phone." Brooke said facing Peyton.

"I wouldn't either. Tomorrow we should start right in the morning." Peyton said as the bell rang.

"Okay do you want to spend the night and we can have Luke pick us up when we're ready to go?" She asked.

"Yes we haven't done that in a while." Peyton said smiling.

"I know I miss it." Brooke said honestly. Peyton nodded agreeing.

After school Brooke was in her own world thinking about Nathan. Big surprise. He was all she could think about. Ever since she realized why he pushed her away and was so scared to be with her she couldn't get him out of her head. She had always been the one in control with every other guy. No matter what she was the independent and confident one. With Nathan she couldn't help but fall for him.

_Do you ever wanna runaway?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?_

Had she known what would ultimately end up happening after falling for him she might not have let her heart go there. That's why she never had a serious relationship before she didn't want to get hurt and the one time she let go and fell in love he stomped all over her heart. All she could do was hope she was right and he did in fact love her. She could feel it while they were together the way he looked at her and smiled or what he said. A few times since then she had listened to 'Iris' and cried.

Brooke walked in for cheer practice. She saw Lucas and Peyton hugging and looking really happy. She smiled sadly because she wanted something like that. She thought she was on the verge of getting that with Nathan. It almost seems unrealistic their whole relationship. It didn't last very long, but it was real. She knew that for sure.

_With the radio on turned up so loud  
that no one hears you screaming_

Lucas pulled away from his girlfriend, but held her by the waist.

"I feel so bad for Brooke. I know she misses him." He said.

"She's so strong. I know she's never felt like this with anyone else before. Normally she would forget about any other guy, but its Nathan not just some random guy. Without meaning to she completely let her heart go and fell in love with him." Peyton said looking at her friend.

"I'm still pretty pissed about what he said to her though. Even if we're right and it was because of Dan he still hurt her and that doesn't sit well with me at all." Luke said looking back Brooke.

"You're cute when you're all protective." Peyton said teasingly but meaning every word. He turned and smiled at her.

"You're cute all the time." He said before kissing her. After they pulled away she smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek.

"So are you. I better go practice for the game tonight." She smiled one more time and walked over to Brooke.

"You two are probably the most adorable couple in the world." Brooke said immediately.

"Thanks, but honestly I don't think we can beat Brathan." She said giggling.

"What the hell is Brathan?" Brooke asked smiling at Peyton.

"It's Brooke and Nathan combined to one word." She replied still giggling.

"Nice P. Sawyer so what you and Lucas are Leyton?" She asked joining her friend laughing.

"Exactly." Peyton said with a clap.

"You have way to much time on your hands Peyt, but I love ya anyway." Brooke said as she hugged her best friend.

"I know it just came to me during a math test." She said when they pulled away.

Brooke shook her head and started practice.

At the game

"Lucas I think you should know I talked to Dan yesterday." Whitey said when he approached Lucas warming up.

"What did he say?" He asked curiously.

"Not much just that Nathan was away visiting his relatives. That could be true I know he visits Debs brother Cooper once a year, but never during basketball season. I think something is up." He said.

"I do too but I still don't know where he is." Lucas sadly. He wanted to find him to see what was going on.

"I don't know hopefully Nathan will come home or call soon." Coach said as he walked to the bench to get ready for the game.

"Hey loser." Lucas heard and instantly knew who it was. He smiled and turned around and gave his best friend a big hug.

"Hey Hales its about time you finally came to a game." He said jokingly.

"Its not my fault I always have to work or study." She said grinning.

"Fine I see how it is." He said faking angriness.

"Okay Luke go all pms on me then." She said before cracking up at her own joke. Lucas couldn't help but laugh too.

"You're such a dork Haley." He said pushing her playfully.

"Whatever you love me." She said punching his shoulder.

"Unfortunately I don't have a choice." He retaliated quickly. She glared.

"I'm not even going to honor that with a comeback." She said pointing at him.

"That's probably because you don't have one." He said laughing at her getting irritated.

"You know what Lucas?" She said.

"What Hales?" He asked and took another jump shot.

"The person who you don't have to love but do anyway just walked in and is coming this way." She said noticing Peyton walk in.

Brooke walked up with her.

Peyton jumped in his arms and kissed him.

"Get a room!" Both Brooke and Haley said at the same time.

Peyton let go and turned to stick her tongue out at both of them.

"Well if it isn't my 3 favorite girls." Lucas said smiling at Brooke then glaring at Haley.

"Yeah I should go find a seat Keith is saving me one I'll see you after the game." She said pushing him again and glaring.

"I thought you loved me Haley I don't understand." Lucas yelled after her acting confused. She turned around and rolled her eyes at him. He laughed. He loved messing with her she was like his twin sister.

"What was that all about Broody?" Brooke asked smirking.

"It's nothing just Haley being Haley." He said shrugging.

"Some girls might get jealous over the fact their boyfriend is so close with another girl and saying I love you to them in public places." Peyton said turning to face him with a playful smirk.

"You know it's not like that. I've known her my whole life she's basically my sister." He explained. Peyton laughed.

"I know Luke I'm messing with you. I love Haley she's an awesome girl." She said turning to smile at her in the bleachers.

"Definitely tutor girl is a nice addition to our group of friends." Brooke agreed.

"Since that's all cleared up have you guys decided where we're going to start tomorrow?" He asked as he walked toward the bench with them.

"I think we should start in Charlotte. Wherever he is, it's close and I think he called from a hotel there." Brooke said.

"That's a good idea we'll do that." Peyton said.

"Alright I've got to go win this game." Lucas said with a cocky smirk. The famous Scott smirk.

Both Brooke and Peyton rolled their eyes.

"Good luck baby." Peyton said with an encouraging smile. He had to smile back at her.

"Yeah Luke keep us undefeated." Brooke said and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks guys I'll try." He said and jogged to the coach.

After the game Brooke and Peyton went to Brooke's house for the night.

"Are you ready for whatever we find tomorrow?" Peyton asked, as she got ready for bed.

"I am I hope we find him so he can tell us the whole truth." She said getting into her bed. She was exhausted.

"Me too. I hope he's alright." Peyton said climbing into bed with her.

"I'm tired let's go to bed." Brooke said turning off the light.

"Good night B. Davis. I'm sorry about all you've been through with this." Peyton said sincerely.

"Thanks P. Sawyer. Good night." She said squeezing her shoulder and turning over.

Once again the only thing Brooke could think about was finding Nathan and learning the truth. All the scenarios that played in her mind kept her up all night.

_No you don't know what it's like  
when nothing feels all right  
you don't know what it's like  
to be like me_

_--_

"All right Nathan here's the stuff Mike's waiting at this address." Brandon said handing me a piece of paper with an address not too far from here. It was on the backside of an abandon building.

"Okay I'll head out." I said nodding at Brandon and leaving the shop I first caught him making a deal at a few weeks ago.

It didn't take long to find the place and meet Mike. When I got there I saw a guy who looked a lot like Brandon. You could tell he was a few years older but they looked basically the same.

"You Nathan?" He asked me. I nodded saying yes.

"Whatever give me the coke I have to make sure it's the good shit Brandon promised." He said anxiously. I went in the pocket of my gray hoodie and pulled out the bag.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

"What are you waiting for pull out some samples." He demanded. I looked at him for a second. He and Brandon didn't act a like. You could tell he was already high. His eyes were bloodshot.

I pulled out my keys and gave him some. He sniffed it and gave a satisfied look.

"That's it. Now you try some." He said pointing at me. I took the key and put it back in the bag and picked up some powder. I shut my eyes and sniffed. Instant relief fell upon me like all the other times.

_Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over_

"This is almost half a pound you know this is really going to cost you." I said looking at him. He looked at me for a second then barely nodded his head. I wasn't sure what to think of him.

"Here's the deal my brother and already made a deal. You give me all of it now and I'll pay him later when I see him at home." He said reaching for the bag. I pulled it away and stepped back. One of the rules was no matter whom it is they always pay upfront.

"He didn't tell me anything why don't you just give me the money now and be done." I said. He reached for the bag again and I pulled it back.

"Give me the fucking bag. I told you I already talked to Brandon I'll give it to him at our house." He said insisting. I could tell he was lying I could see in his eyes. He wasn't planning on paying at all. He and Brandon didn't even live together.

"Don't you hear me? Give me the bag!" He demanded. I didn't care if he was Brandon's brother or not I wasn't giving him all of this without any money. I needed the money too. I put it in my pocket and started to walk away. I would explain this to Brandon he would understand.

I felt him grab my hood and threw me on the side of the building.

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
while deep inside you're bleeding_

"Listen kid, give me the fucking coke I need it!" He said yelling in my face. I pushed him off of me.

"Not until you pay." I said. He smirked before punching me in the face. I stumbled backwards for a second, but out of habit I got right back up and hit him back.

"You ass hole!" He yelled and tackled me. My ribs had fully healed since the incident that landed me in the hospital so I wasn't that weak.

He was on top punching me, but I kicked him off. I stood up and started hitting him in the face as hard as I could. I could already see bruising forming on his face. I started kicking him and he elbowed me in the stomach. That barely gave him enough time to get up and start hitting me in the stomach. I pushed him threw him up on the wall.

I threw his head back so it hit the brick. He winced and hit me in the face. His breathing was shallow and I knew I had the upper hand. I got up in his face and right as I was about to grab him and throw him on the ground I felt something puncture my right leg.

I gasped a little bit as I looked down and saw a dagger in my thy. Mike looked at me and I punched him in the face a few more times. He only managed one more punch to my stomach until I hammer blew him and he fell unconscious. I stood back and looked at him. He was lying on the ground.

_No you don't know what it's like  
when nothing feels all right  
you don't know what it's like  
to be like me_

That's when I finally felt the impact of the knife in my leg. I was bleeding a lot and I needed to get back to the hotel. I started back towards it and had to stop and lean against the building.

My breathing had become shaky. I was sweating a cold sweat as I grabbed the handle of the knife. The pain surged through my whole leg as I pulled it out. My left hand balled itself into a fist as I felt the knife slip out.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life_

I looked at it and saw my blood on it. Thankfully it hadn't gone all the way in. The cut wasn't that deep but right now it hurt. I remembered I still had Mike's drugs in my pocket.

'At the hotel' I thought I would clean myself up and use a little more. I tossed the knife right next to Mike.

I tried to walk back looking normal. I tried applying pressure to the wound as I walked but it was hard to do. I finally got there and walked strait to my room. The maid had been there while I was gone so I knew I wouldn't get interrupted.

I put the bag in the drawer and headed to the bathroom. I pulled my jeans down right below the wound. I looked under the sink and found a first aid kit. I took out the wrap for incidents just like this and after cleaning around it I started wrapping it around my leg. After I taped it down and took these jeans off and replaced them with a different pair.

_No one ever-lied straight to your face  
No one ever stabbed you in the back_

I felt really light headed and I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes had circles under them and I had a black eye and a shiner by my other eye. My stomach started bruising just like all the other times. I was lucky he didn't kick me like Dan other wise they would all be broken if he didn't break any by punching. I wasn't sure I was too tired and lost to notice.

_You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
Never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like_

I wobbled back towards the bed. I sat on the edge and slid down to the floor. I leaned back on the bed trying to relax, but it was useless I couldn't. I tried steady breathing but I was all over the place. It was shaky and shallow. I clutched my leg as it started throbbing. I tried to think coherently but I really couldn't. I sat there for hours holding myself together just focusing on breathing. I didn't even notice the blood soak through the bandage and start staining my jeans like the other pair.

Every time I closed my eyes I felt dizzy then I would see Brooke's angelic face. It made my heart race and maybe it was the pressure of the stab wound or my incoherent thinking but I picked up the phone. I pulled it onto the floor and started dialing her number like a habit.

I waited for her to answer. I got her voicemail as my hands started trembling. The beep came for the message to be recorded and at first I didn't say anything then I whispered to her.

"Brooke…I n-need you. I'm in Ch-charlotte." The phone fell out of my hand after that. I hung it up and waited.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around_

--

"He's not in that hotel either." Lucas said as the 3 of them walked back to his car.

"What if I'm completely wrong and he's out of North Carolina?" Brooke asked miserably. Lucas put an arm around her.

"Don't worry we're going to find him." He said with determination.

She managed a small smile for him and walked in front of them.

"The concierge said there is one more hotel we can try its not that far." Peyton said to him.

"Yeah if he's not there then we should go to Charleston and see if he's there." He said as they got into the car.

"Brooke did you know your phone was up here?" Peyton asked as she picked it up.

"No maybe it fell out of my purse." She said. Peyton picked it up and noticed the new voicemail.

"B. Davis you have a new voicemail." She said and handed it to her. None of them really thought of the possibility of it being Nathan. He hadn't tried to contact any of them since that night with Brooke.

Brooke started listening to it and at first she couldn't tell if anyone was there then she heard _it._

_To be on the edge of breaking down  
and no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)_

"_Brooke…I n-need you. I'm in Ch-charlotte." _Her heart started racing and she had to play it over again so she knew she wasn't dreaming.

"Oh my god Lucas Peyton its Nathan!" She said alarmed. They turned around to look at her.

"What's he saying?" Peyton asked anxiously.

"He said he needs me and he's in Charlotte." She said looking at the phone. She couldn't believe he called her again and she left her phone in the car when he did.

"Lucas he's got to be at the last hotel we haven't looked at." Peyton said. He nodded and went strait to where the concierge told them it was. They all jumped out of the car and ran inside.

"Excuse me can you please tell me which room Nathan Scott is in?" Lucas asked in a rush.

"Umm are you family? We aren't aloud to give that information out." She said kindly not realizing this was really important.

"I'm his brother I need to talk to him." He said. She looked skeptically at him since he and Nathan didn't look alike at all. Lucas gave her a pleading look and she gave in and told them the room. They raced to his room bracing themselves for what they would find.

Lucas knocked on the door.

I had dozed off after I hung the phone up. I thought I heard knocking at the door. I waited and I heard it again. I thought for a second that it was Brandon coming to collect the money from his brother's deal. I remembered how well that turned out. Then I thought it might be the police. What if Mike woke up and called the cops on me?

I managed to stand up slowly knowing I didn't look presentable at all. I wasn't paying any attention to the pain in my leg as I limped to the door. I looked through the peephole and when I saw Lucas and Peyton I had to squint my eye to make sure I wasn't imagining things like before. When I did I realized it really was Lucas when he knocked again. Then I heard _her _voice.

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark_

"What if he's not here or he's hurt and can't hear us?" Brooke panicked worriedly. My heart clenched hearing that. I swallowed and slowly opened the door. They all 3 gasped lightly when they saw me.

Lucas was the first to speak.

"Nathan I uh can we come in?" He asked quietly. I didn't respond I opened the door wider for them to come in. Brooke walked in last and she avoided eye contact with me. I couldn't blame her the last real conversation we had I said unforgivable things to her. They all stood there not knowing what to say. I was fucking tired and wanted to sleep and my head was killing me. Then I remembered the cocaine in the drawer and I was craving it.

_To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around_

"Do you guys want to sit down?" I asked with a horse voice. Lucas and I made eye contact. He looked very concerned and I'm sure he could see the exhaustion in my eyes and maybe the fear I wasn't sure. We still had that bond we did before. Lucas and Peyton sat on the bed. Brooke sat in the chair and kept exchanging looks with Peyton. It kind of looked like they were having a conversation with their eyes.

My exhaustion was taking over and I lay down beside Lucas. I felt all of their eyes on me. I was too tired to ask how they found me. Lucas answered my thoughts like he had done so many times before.

"We've been looking for you all day. We started on the other side of town and after you called Brooke we only had one hotel left and we knew you had to be here." He said explained. I opened one eye to look at him. I was asking him silently how Brooke was doing. I thought it would be weird if I just asked 'How have you been since I dumped you Brooke? I hope you've been great cuz I've been absolutely miserable here without you.'

_To be on the edge of breaking down  
and no one's there to save you_

He gave me a sympathetic smile that told me she hadn't been all that great. I could still see all the concern in his expression. I knew they all wanted to talk about why I left and waited so long to call. I closed my eye and sighed.

I felt the bed shift a little and then I felt a person next to me.

"Hey Nate can we take you home?" Peyton asked. I was about to answer when I heard Brooke gasp.

"Scott what happened to your leg?" She asked in the same worried voice I heard before I opened the door. Since she walked in she hadn't said anything.

"Oh I got into a fight you should see the other guy." I said tiredly.

"We figured you got into a fight your face isn't hiding any of the evidence I didn't think it was that bad." Brooke snapped. I felt Lucas get up and I opened my eyes and sat up.

No you don't know what it's like

"Its not a big deal." I said.

"Nathan it looks like you were stabbed of course it's a big deal we have to take you to a hospital." He said. I immediately panicked. If I went there they would call my dad.

"No I'm not going to the hospital." I said. I saw Brooke look and Peyton and Lucas again and I knew they were all thinking the same thing, but I didn't know what it was. I was about to ask when I was interrupted again.

"I have a first aid kit at my house I'll do the stitches." Peyton said. I looked at her. Since when did she know how to do stitches?

"My mom was a nurse before she died she taught me." She said looking at me. I didn't bother asking questions I wasn't in the mood to talk. I felt like I was about to pass out and have a freaking heart attack at the same time because Brooke was here.

"We'll help you pack up so you can check out and we'll take you to Peyton's." He said and found my bag I packed my clothes into when I left.

"I'll get your stuff from the bathroom." He said and walked in.

"I'll help him." Peyton offered and went in there and closed the door. It was Brooke and me and the tension was becoming suffocating. She didn't say anything but what she did surprised me. She walked over to the bed, sat next to me and grabbed my hand. I felt the spark I always did and the heart attack feeling became a lot stronger.

I felt her pulse against my wrist and it was racing like mine. I looked at her. She looked up at me and we locked eyes instantly. I tried to say I'm sorry through my eyes, and to tell her I didn't mean what I said. Now was not the best time at all to talk about that. I knew I would have to answer everyone's questions later, but for right now I was way more content just staring into her eyes knowing she was okay and here with me.

_Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life_

**All right that's all for now I wasn't sure how to end that, sorry if it sucked really badly. I would greatly appreciate some more reviews lol once again the more reviews the quicker the update. I have a lot of big plans for this its only going to get more intense and dramatic for our favorite couple. Please keep reading and reviewing. 'Welcome to My Life' by Simple Plan.**


	20. Pain

**Hello everyone! I'm so happy I received the most reviews for the last chapter than I think I have for the rest of the story!! I'm thrilled to keep updating knowing I have such loyal readers. Thanks so much to BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, Pembroker, SunshineQueen, p0line, LukenPeyton4ever, princetongirl, Cellochick003, Tamarindo, Rachtree, Toddntan, Summer van der Woodsen 23 all of you I really appreciate it!!**

_Now was not the best time at all to talk about that. I knew I would have to answer everyone's questions later, but for right now I was way more content just staring into her eyes knowing she was okay and here with me._

_Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life_

Pain. Many people know what that feels like. There are different types of pain. There's physical pain and emotional pain. Some people are truly lucky and can go their whole lives without enduring too much physical or emotional pain. Unfortunately, there are some people like me who have had there fair share of both kinds. Yes I, Nathan Scott knew pain. I also knew I had caused lots of other people both types of pain. There were the poor unpopular nerds who might have caught me at a bad moment and suffered some unfortunate concequences. There were lots of girls who I had slept with and forgotten about the next day who might have suffered some self esteem issues. Lastly, there were the only people I truly cared about and I know I caused them some emotional pain, and I recently have found out that emotional pain lasts a lot longer than physical pain. One of them was sitting next to me and we have such a deep connection that I could literally feel her pain radiating off of her skin onto mine. It was safe to say that Brooke Davis knew pain pretty well. I just didn't know yet and wouldn't for a while that she knew physical pain almost as well as I did.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

--

We sat there staring for what seemed like hours when it was only minutes. Her hand was still placed in mine. I had so much I wanted to tell her, but I really didn't know how. I knew I should probably start apologizing instantly. It was hard. It's always harder telling someone you care about you're sorry because there is a chance they won't forgive you then you always feel 10 times worse. We heard a noise in the bathroom that sounded like Lucas dropped my bag full of stuff in it. That snapped us out of our spell.

_You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
_

"I should help them." I whispered and stood up. I limped into the bathroom to help them find the few things I brought with me the night I ran away.

_I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
_

Brooke stayed on the bed for a minute trying to get her heart to slow down. It shouldn't be like this. She should still be mad at him for the awful things he said. She knew that he didn't mean them, at least she honestly hoped he didn't. The horrible things that she pictured his father doing to him haunted her ever since she figured out he was probably the one manipulating and hurting him.

She started to gather some clothes out of the dresser drawers. He didn't pack that much, but enough it was clear if he could find a washing machine he would be gone a long time. She set the clothes on the bed and looked around for anything else that belonged to Nathan. She walked over to the bedside table and opened it.

Her eyes immediately widened when she saw on top of a few phone books a bag of white powder. She had seen enough movies to know that it was obviously cocaine.

'What is Nathan doing with a bag of cocaine?' She thought worriedly. What if he had been doing it for a while even before he ran away? Brooke had to shake her head at that. Normally people who are addicted to something like this lose a lot of weight and appetite. She had eaten enough meals with him to know he hadn't lost his appetite.

'At least before he left.' She thought sadly. She wasn't sure what to do. Should she march into the bathroom and demand to know why he had this?

'No he needs to come to me.' Brooke decided. Maybe it could be nothing. It might be someone else's and he didn't even know it was there. She bit her lip looking at it. Brooke put it back into the drawer. Her thoughts would be confirmed if she sees him get into the drawer before they leave. She sat back on the bed and waited for them to finish in the bathroom.

The door opened and all 3 of them walked out with Nathan holding the bag.

"Peyton and I will go check out and meet you both down stairs ok?" Lucas asked looking at me and Brooke. I nodded and so did she. I looked at her while I put the clothes that she folded into my bag. She looked a little more tense than she had while we were holding hands. My eyes traveled to the drawer with the coke inside.

_This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work_

'What if she found it?' I thought panicked. I looked back from the drawer and she was staring at me with unreadable eyes. I looked away quickly and finished with the clothes.

"We should head downstairs." I said. She stood up.

"Did you forget anything else?" She asked quietly, but her eyes were challenging. I had a feeling she found it, but I wasn't sure.

"I think I've got everything." I said evenly and started toward the door. She was right behind me as we walked out of the room. I did look back for a second wondering what would happen if someone else found it. Would they know it was mine? Hopefully not. That wasn't one of my bigger problems right now.

We met Lucas and Peyton in the lobby.

"Ready to go?" She asked looking at me and Brooke. I nodded tiredly.

"Who's going to drive your car?" Lucas asked. I hadn't really thought of that.

"It doesn't matter, but I don't think it should be me." I said trying to stifle a yawn.

"I'll drive it." Brooke volunteered. I looked at her but she wouldn't look at me.

"Okay so me and Peyton will meet you both back at Peyton's then?" He asked making sure. I nodded again. I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"See you both in a little while." Peyton said and gave Brooke a look.

The two of us walked to the car silently. Pretty much as soon as I sat in the passenger seat I passed out.

_Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand_

Brooke was talking to Peyton on her cell on the drive home.

"He's still sleeping." Brooke said.

"Was it really awkward for you when we left you alone in the room?" Peyton asked.

"Not really awkward." She said honestly and thought back to the cocaine she found. She sort of wanted to tell her best friend, but decided against it.

"Do you have any idea what you're going to say to him when you talk alone?" Peyton asked curiously.

Brooke sighed.

"I'm not sure at all Peyt. I have to know why he left and after he's finally honest with me we'll go from there. My feelings and emotions are all over the place right now." Brooke said quietly while looking at Nathan's sleeping figure.

"If he's going to be honest with anyone it would be you." She said knowingly.

"I hope so." Brooke said and concentrated on the road.

"What are we supposed to do if he confesses that Dan has been hitting him?" Peyton wondered.

"I really don't know that's one thing we're going to have to talk about with Nathan obviously since it's his dad." She said.

"Yeah we'll figure it out. I'll just talk to you when we get to the house." Peyton said.

"Okay bye Peyton." Brooke said tiredly and closed her phone. Nathan was still sound asleep he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. That's what Brooke felt like.

They got to Peyton's house Brooke pulled in right after Lucas. She turned the car off and got out as the other 2 did.

"He's still asleep Luke will you help me get him in the house?" Brooke asked.

Lucas came over and threw one of Nathan's arms around his shoulder and Brooke had the other one around hers. They led him up to Peyton's bed and laid him down.

"Should we wake him up?" Peyton asked.

"I think we should let him sleep a little longer. It looks like it's been a while since he has." Lucas observed.

"I guess we should go downstairs then and wait." Peyton suggested. Brooke was about to follow them out when she heard what sounded like a whimper. She turned around and saw Nathan still sleeping but holding his leg.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

She was about to tell Luke and Peyton, but she heard him whisper her name. He barely opened his eyes, but he was whispering something.

"Brooke I'm sorry." He said quietly shaking his head on the verge of unconsciousness. She leaned over him and grabbed his hand again.

"It's okay." She whispered stroking his face gently.

"No it's not." He whispered and it surprised Brooke.

"Nathan are you awake?" She asked wondering if he was sleeptalking.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again and she ached to help him. As much as he hurt her she didn't like seeing him in pain. His other hand was still on his hurt leg.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

"It's going to be okay." She said and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I love you." He mumbled almost inaudibly before becoming completely unconscious again. Her eyes widened at hearing that. She was hurting a lot right now, but hearing him saying that he loved her even if it was while he was over exhausted and probably wouldn't remember saying it she suddenly felt whole. Brooke's eyes watered a little and she smiled for the first time since their date.

She decided to stay up here with him incase he woke up or said anything else. She laid down beside him still holding his hand and waited. About 30 minutes later Peyton came back upstairs to check on both of them. She looked in her room and saw both of them on the bed sleeping and holding hands. Peyton smiled because even though they were both sleeping they looked peaceful and they each had a little smile of their own playing on their lips as they slept.

'Yep no one's more adorable than Brathan.' She thought as she made her way back downstairs. She knew that whatever came next after he woke up it wouldn't be easy but the 4 of them would face it together as long as Nathan let them in and told the truth.

--

I was slowly starting to wake up. My eyelids felt so heavy that it was almost impossible. My leg brought be back into reality as soon as I moved it. I knew I needed to take care of it but I couldn't go to any hospitals. I realized that I was holding hands with someone and I knew right away that it was Brooke. My heart felt better with her here. I finally opened my eyes all the way and it took me a minute to figure out I was in Peyton's room.

"What the hell am I doing in Peyton's room?" I whispered. No one else was in here besides Brooke. 'Shit.' I thought. That means I'm back in Tree Hill. I'm back where my worst nightmare can get me. I swallowed nervously. I don't remember leaving Charlotte. I sat up and winced only a little. I let go of her hand and felt empty as I stood up and limped to Peyton's mirror. I saw my face and suddenly the fight with Mike came back and same with the fact that Brandon will be pissed when he finds out I left with his drugs.

'Wait I don't have his drugs.' I thought relieved. Then as I became fully awake the craving hit me like a ton of bricks. I gripped her vanity and ignored the pain shooting through my leg. I wanted some. It helped me forget and I wasn't afraid anymore. Now that I'm back my dad will be so mad that I left. I didn't want to go home.

_Anger and agony  
Are better than misery_

"Why did I have to call her?" I whispered angrily to myself. If I didn't do that maybe they wouldn't have found me. I gripped harder and took a deep breath. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and I jumped.

"I'm sorry." She said immediately as I turned around. Her being here with me wasn't helping the fact I really needed something to help me forget. Without thinking I grabbed her face and kissed her. At first she didn't respond, but after a second she pulled me closer to her and kissed me harder.

This was perfect. It always was with her. I moved my hands from her face to her hips and kissed her hungrily. She ran her fingers roughly through my as the back of her legs started to move backwards towards the bed. As I took my first step I pulled away from her immediately wincing and holding my leg. I closed my eyes trying to savor the feeling of being with Brooke again. I hadn't imagined how good it felt to be able to kiss her again or even see her in person. My hands started shaking slightly as I balled them into fists.

_Trust me I've got a plan  
When the lights go off you will understand  
_

"Nathan are you okay?" She asked coming to my side. I opened my eyes and looked at her again like I had earlier in the hotel room. I stayed silent.

Her eyes were worried and they were also confused. I was confused too. I deserved to be slapped for kissing her out of the blue like that, especially after all I've put her through.

'She kissed me back, maybe she missed me.' I thought hopefully.

"I think we should sit down." She suggested whispering. Our eye contact still hadn't broken. My feelings for her were intensifying by the second being this close to her. I don't think I can handle being this close to her. I backed up with guarded eyes and looked away trying to even out my breathing.

She sat back down on the bed. I wasn't sure if I should sit with her. It was positively unbearable being without her while I was gone, but being here with her knowing we couldn't be together hurt almost as badly as not being with her at all. I slowly made my way to the bed and sat next to her but not too close.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

"How are you feeling?" She asked me. I wasn't sure how to answer that.

"I'm okay I guess how are you?" I asked looking strait ahead.

"I'm fine." She said. I could tell she was lying. I knew she could tell I was too.

"So about that kiss..." She trailed off.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately. Words couldn't describe how sorry I was.

"It's okay." She said quietly. I knew she was lying again. It certainly was not okay.

"No it's not. I shouldn't have done it." I said making sure I didn't look at her at all.

"Why did you?" She asked. I didn't know how to answer that either.

"I don't know." I said looking down. I really didn't know anymore.

'I wish he would be honest with me.' Brooke thought. He could tell her anything she wanted him to confess to the coke and she wanted him to admit why he ran away. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought about him saying I love you to her earlier.

"Nathan why did you run away?" She asked me. That caused me to look up at her. My fists were loosely clenched in my lap. When she asked me that they tightened.

'What am I supposed to say to her?' I thought worriedly.

"That night..." I started the paused. I wasn't sure how to say this.

"I got into a fight." I said and she looked eagerly at me to continue.

"It was the same kid who jumped me a few months ago." I continued and she looked confused.

"What kid?" She asked hesitantly. I could tell she was thinking pretty hard about something.

"I finally saw who it was. You know that Bear Creek is our biggest rivals." I said she nodded.

"Their starting point guard and I hate each other. We have since freshman year." I lied actually impressing myself that I could come up with this.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing  
Rather feel pain  
_

"Stephen Richards." She said and I nodded. It wasn't a total lie. He and I did hate each other and had been in many fights before.

"We get into a fight every year it's stupid he tries to hurt me bad enough so I'll be all season." I explained and she was following.

"He wasn't happy when I recovered from his first attack and was able to play again. We started yelling at each other and finally we got into a fight. He was a little bit drunk so it didn't take long for him to realize it wasn't a good idea to fight at that point so he took off." I told her. This was officially the story I was going with for Lucas and Peyton too.

"So what happened after you fought him?" She asked. I guess that would have been when I went to Lucas and her's houses.

"I went home. My dad wasn't that pleased I got into a fight. He doesn't like it when I do he doesn't want me to get hurt." I had to force that out of my mouth and try not to give it away that it was actually the exact opposite. She didn't look too convinced. I kept going anyway.

"He and I got into a little fight over it. He yelled and I got pissed off. So then.-" She cut me off.

"So then you decided to come to Lucas' house and my house and let your anger out on us?" She asked disbelieving. I thought maybe I could go with this and she'll believe me.

"It wasn't because of my dad." I said looking at her. She looked deeply into my eyes searching for the truth. The truth I couldn't give her.

"I realized that I was falling really hard for you and I got scared." I said. Her eyes softened. At least this will be the truth.

_I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you're wounded  
_

"I freaked out and pushed you away. I realized that I made a mistake. I'm sorry." I said honestly.

"It still doesn't explain why you ran away for so long." She said biting her lip.

"I didn't run at first. After my fight with my dad and you and Lucas I decided I needed a break so I went to see my mom." I lied quickly.

"Your mom?" Brooke asked. I nodded.

"Yeah she called earlier that night and we talked. The truth is I've missed her while she's been gone. After I realized I screwed everything up I went to her and we had some time to catch up." I lied again. I was starting to feel bad bringing my mom into this.

"So you and Stephen got into a fist fight. Then you went home and your dad got mad at you for getting into a fight so he yelled at you and you left. You went to Lucas' house and told him you hated him then came to my house and told me I meant _nothing_ to you." She said the last part bitterly. I knew I hurt her and it almost killed me to do it, but it was for her own good.

_You know (You know you know you know you know)  
That I'm here to save you  
_

"After that you just decided to leave town and go to your mom in rehab for 3 weeks?" She asked for clearification.

"Yeah that's about it." I said hoping she would believe me. My fists were still clenched and my body still wanted the cocaine.

There was silence for a minute before she nodded.

"Okay I believe you I guess, but who did you get into a fight with this time?" She asked pointing to my bloody thy. I hadn't thought of that. It was hard enough lying about why I left.

_You know (You know you know you know you know)  
I'm always here for you  
_

"I was playing pool at a bar not that far from my mom's rehab facility. I beat a guy and he wasn't happy. We fought and he was crazy enough to actually stab me." I said with an even voice. I put on the same voice I did with the doctors. It was a voice that everyone eventually believed. She was thinking about if she believed me I could tell.

"Why didn't you call the police when Stephen attacked you or the guy you played pool with?" She challenged.

"I didn't want to put Stephen in jail and I didn't know it was him until the night of our date. It will be better punishment when we win the state championship. The guy at the bar I had no idea who he was after he stabbed me he bolted and I went back to my hotel room and called my mom then you." I lied smoothly. Even if she didn't believe me I wouldn't tell her the truth.

She took another minute to think.

_I know (I know I know I know I know)  
That you'll thank me later  
_

"So your mom knows your back?" She asked. I nodded.

"I didn't tell her about the fight I told her I needed to get back to school and basketball. The truth is I missed you." I said the last part quietly. I looked at her and her eyes showed pain.

"I was so hurt when you left me that night." She not looking at me.

"I'm so sorry about what I said. None of it was true. I was really scared that if we kept going with this I would fall deeper and then get hurt so I hurt you before you could hurt me." I said looking down in embarrassment. I never open up like this.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

"I'll forgive you eventually." She said.

"Thanks." I said looking back up at her.

"Why didn't you tell anyone you were leaving?" She asked in a pain filled voice. I had to struggle not to take her in my arms and make the pain go away. I knew I couldn't though it was my fault she was hurting.

"I needed to get away I told my dad once I got there." I lied again. I knew being here with her right now was putting her in danger. If Dan finds out. I didn't even want to think about that.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Pain, without love  
_

"So now you're back what about us?" She asked looking at me. I knew the way I felt was borderline unhealthy so I needed some space. I couldn't risk being with her at all for Dan's sake.

"I think we need some space and then we should try to be friends." I said hoping she would buy that. I would be surprised if she ever trusted me again. She nodded.

"Friends." She whispered.

"I think it's for the best." I said.

"Sure we can be friends." She agreed slowly.

"I'm really sorry about everything Brooke I didn't mean to hurt you." I said trying to sound as sincere as possible. I guess I was trying to hurt by breaking up with her, but it was for her protection.

"I get it. You were scared." She said and stood up.

_Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all  
_

"I should tell the other two you're awake so we can get you cleaned up." She said and turned around to walk downstairs. When she left I laid down and felt exhausted again. I couldn't believe she believed me. Now we were supposed to be friends. I don't think that I can be just friends with her. I guess I would have to try.

Brooke walked out not sure if she should believe what he said or not. She was confused and now they were supposed to be friends?!

'I don't think I can be just friends with him.' She thought as she walked to tell Lucas and Peyton what Nathan told her.

--

Pain. Both Nathan and Brooke knew pain well. Can Nathan stay away from her for her own protection or will the need to be with her become too overwhelming? Will the reason he ran away cause both of them more pain than imaginable? They will find out. And the pain that comes from that will prove whether or not love can conquer all.

_Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
Rather feel pain  
_

**Hey so I hope you liked it! I would love a few reviews ) Thanks so much for reading!! 'Pain' by Three Days Grace.**

**xoxo Marissa**


	21. Until The Day I Die

**Okay I'll start with an apology about taking so long to update again. I'm sorry and I hope the new chapter will convince you all to forgive me lol huge thanks to everyone who reviewed: SunshineQueen, Princetongirl, Polia, Lukenpeyton4ever, Pembroker, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, Brathan23, Rachtree, Tamarindo, Toddntan, and xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx omg twin I missed you!! :)**

_Pain. Both Nathan and Brooke knew pain well. Can Nathan stay away from her for her own protection or will the need to be with her become too overwhelming? Will the reason he ran away cause both of them more pain than imaginable? They will find out. And the pain that comes from that will prove whether or not __**love can conquer all.**_

_Rather feel pain than nothing at all  
rather feel pain_

"I don't believe you." Brandon said walking around his living room.

"Do you think I did this to myself?" Mike asked his brother wincing as he felt the back of his head where Nathan smashed it into the brick wall.

"I know you didn't but Mike he's in high school. Are you telling me you got your ass beat by a 17 year old?" Brandon challenged his older brother. He knew Nathan could probably fight, but he knew his brother better the guy had spent 4 years in prison.

"I'm telling you he jumped me and before I could react he grabbed all of your drugs and ran." Mike lied. He was pretty pissed that he had to resort to stabbing Nathan to win the fight.

"I don't know he hasn't ripped me off at all since I taught him how to do this. Why would he be stupid enough to do it to my own brother?" He wondered while looking at Mike. He shrugged.

"He must be addicted. He needed money and once he got a hold of some coke he got selfish and stole it from you." Mike said convincing Brandon slowly that Nathan ripped him off knowing he didn't even have any money to pay in the first place.

"I'm still not sure." Brandon said quietly thinking it over.

"Come on who are you going to believe? Some kid you just met or me your own brother who has taught you everything you know?" He said standing in front of Brandon.

Brandon looked at him carefully. Nathan beat the hell out of him. He nodded.

"Yeah I believe you." He said and walked out of the room. Mike nodded and Brandon missed his smirk knowing he'd convinced him.

"He told you all of that?" Peyton asked Brooke when she finished telling the story Nathan had told her minutes ago. She shook her head saying yes.

"And you believed him?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know he sounded really sure of himself and that could have happened." Brooke said tiredly. She was so worn out emotionally and physically.

_Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

"What about Dan's hands?" Lucas asked.

"Are you even sure you saw bruised hands?" Brooke questioned him.

"I'm positive." He said sounding sure of himself.

"Brooke what about what you saw at the river court a while ago?" Peyton asked. Brooke ran her hands over her face.

"He told me he fell getting out of the shower." She said.

"No one is that clumsy and I don't think Stephen Richards put him in the hospital Nathan would whoop his ass." Lucas said thinking really hard about Nathan's current story.

"If Nathan didn't see him coming maybe he wouldn't." Peyton said quietly.

"So now you believe him and Dan is just off the hook?" Lucas asked her disbelieving.

"No not at all, but we don't have any proof at all that he was the reason Nathan left. He said he got into an argument with Dan before he went to see you both so maybe after that he went to see his mom." She said looking at both of them.

"I don't want to rule Dan out, but Nathan could be telling the truth." Lucas decided to believe it until he found out otherwise.

"What do you think B. Davis?" Peyton asked looking at her friend.

"I think Luke is right we should believe it unless we find out anything else." Brooke said.

"That's fine with me." Peyton agreed. None of them were going to believe it 100 percent but it was all they had to go on for now.

"Let's go check on him." Lucas suggested. They all stood up and walked up to Peyton's bedroom and found it empty.

Brooke looked around in a panic not knowing where he was. Friends could be insanely worried couldn't they?

_Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you_

"Looking for me?" I asked as I walked in and saw them all standing there.

"Yeah we thought you took off on us again." Peyton tried to joke I grinned at her attempts. I think she appreciated it and she smiled the best she could at me.

"I was in the bathroom." I explained. They all nodded at the same time. It was weird like while I was gone they all got really close and now all thought and acted a like. It made me a little sad knowing I missed out on it.

_As years go by  
I race the clock with you_

"How are you feeling?" Lucas asked. I looked at him like I had earlier in the hotel and he got the message. I wasn't doing that great. It actually made me feel worse knowing that he was right here worried about me and I couldn't be nice to him. It was like with Brooke I couldn't be around either of them. There wasn't much I could do about that now, but after today I needed to distance myself from them, Brooke especially.

"Why don't you lay down you still look exhausted." Peyton said and fixed the bed up a little bit. I lay where I was earlier secretly wishing Brooke would lay with me again then cursing myself for thinking that.

"Do you need anything?" Brooke asked. It was the first thing she'd said since I walked in again. I looked at her longingly.

'You.' I thought.

For a second she looked almost hopeful. I thought maybe she heard my thoughts. I couldn't be sure then I shook my head saying no. It was undeniable no matter what I wasn't going to be cured of this. I was in love with Brooke and most likely always would be.

_But if you died right now  
You know that I'd die to_

"I'm fine." I said lying.

"Just so you know Brooke told us where you were and why." Peyton said after a moment of silence.

I looked at all of them carefully trying to read their expressions. They basically had the same look. They mostly believed me but weren't completely convinced. It was enough for now I wasn't in the mood to talk like I had with Brooke earlier.

"I didn't want you all to worry. It does mean a lot that you spent all that time looking for me." I said honestly. I didn't know people actually did things like that. Of course the people I loved most and weren't supposed to did.

"It's not a problem." Brooke said smiling slightly. I looked away from her to Lucas knowing I probably needed to apologize to him for what I said.

_I'd die too_

"Luke can I talk to you for a minute alone?" I asked. He nodded and the girls walked out together.

"I'm going to be honest with you, you don't look so good." He said.

"Yeah I think your right. I'm just really tired." I said which was not even really lying.

He looked expectantly already knowing why I wanted to talk to him alone.

"So I'm really sorry about what I said to you before I left." I said and I didn't want to become best friends right now but I felt bad.

"It was shocking to wake up and hear that then spend about 3 weeks wondering where you were and why you said that." He said looking at me. I just nodded.

"Well I'm sorry but I think it was kind of a bad idea for us to become close." I said not looking at him and refusing to hear what I was saying.

"Why?" He asked as his voice rose. He was obviously confused and he should be I was acting really bipolar.

"You're a good ball player so on the court we should keep doing what we're doing but off we should go back to the way things were." I said quietly and finally looking at him so he knew I was serious.

"I think that's stupid. What does it matter if we get along on and off the court?" He asked.

"We're two completely different people. I think we thought because you joined the team we should erase everything that's happened over the past 17 years." I said not even knowing where I was coming up with any of this. If I wasn't close to him then Dan wouldn't hurt him.

He didn't talk for about a minute.

"You offered to be friends with Brooke. I don't get why you can't do the same with me." Lucas said knowingly.

"I told her I needed a lot of space before we could be friends. I need the same with you just give me space and maybe eventually we could be friend but I don't know." I said trailing off getting tired of talking again.

"Fine I won't talk to you anymore unless we're playing ball. But that won't be for a while so I guess after we take you home that's it." He said in a voice I didn't recognize. It sounded indifferent like how I sounded the night I left. I looked at him knowing what I said hurt. But I wasn't expecting to hear him talk like that and that hurt me.

"It's not forever." I whispered not even sure if I could promise that. As long as _our _father ruled my life I couldn't be friends or brothers with him as much as I wanted to or hell maybe needed to.

"We should fix your leg." He said bringing me out of my thoughts.

"It's not a very deep cut I don't need stitches but I do need a new bandage." I said looking at it. While I was in the bathroom I took a good look and realized stitches weren't necessary.

"I'll ask Peyton where she keeps them." He said and started to walk out.

"Hey Luke." I called. He stopped but didn't turn around.

"Thanks for looking after Peyton she seems a lot happier than I've ever seen her." I said knowing it was true.

"Your welcome." He said quietly and kept walking. I deserved the cold shoulder I was practically begging for it. I was glad I had a minute alone I could feel another cold sweat coming on and I didn't want anyone to see it. I felt myself drifting in and out of reality.

Now when I closed my eyes I saw myself in the hotel giving into my craving and doing a line. It really made a difference. I needed to stop thinking about it. I took some deep breaths like I usually do and it helped a little.

"Hey want me to help you with that?" Peyton asked pointing to my bloody leg.

"Sure Sawyer." I said sitting up and pulling my pants down to my knees.

"Typical Nathan the pants are already off and you're ready to go." She said teasing laughing at herself. I rolled my eyes.

"As I recall you were always ready to go. All I had to do was bring it up and you were naked." I shot back not missing a beat.

"Oh okay Nathan that's what happened." She said sarcastically as she pulled the bloody bandage off and started cleaning up the blood. It was nice not having to be so serious and put up the tense front. She and I didn't work out as a couple but her friendship was important.

"Thanks for doing this." I said seriously.

"No problem, but in a minute you won't be thanking me." She said. I looked at her confused then I knew what she meant. She poured peroxide all over my wound.

"Shit Peyton!" I yelled not expecting it and clutching my leg. Lucas and Brooke ran in then understood when they saw her holding the bottle.

"I'm sorry Nathan I always thought if you didn't see it coming it didn't hurt as much." She said apologetically.

"That works a lot better when you dislocate something and they're popping it back into place not when you practically restab me." I said leaning back on my elbows as the pain subsided. I felt cool breath on it and I looked up and saw Brooke kneeling down trying to make the pain go away. We locked eyes instantly as she kept doing that.

_You remind me of the times  
When I knew who I was (I was)_

"Feel better?" She whispered.

"Yes." I whispered back. I was in a trance.

"Umm should I put another bandage on you?" Brooke asked looking away at the first aid kit.

"Yeah thanks." I said looking around noticing the other two left.

"Did you see that? How are they supposed to be friends when all they have to do is look at each other and you can literally feel the temperature rise?" Peyton said as she and Lucas sat down.

"It won't be easy." Lucas said agreeing.

"Maybe if they can be friends their relationship will work out better next time around." She said looking at him.

"How long do you think it will take for them to get back together?" He asked grinning. He was still hurt from Nathan's words but he was fine before he and Nathan became close so he was going to give him space and be fine like he was before.

"Hmm probably a week or 2." She said smiling.

"I'll bet you 20 bucks they'll be back together in some way by Friday." He said smiling bigger.

"It's Saturday that's a week smart one." She said playfully hitting him.

"Correction its 6 days I'm not counting today so what do you say?" He asked.

"You're on I'll go with 2 weeks you go with one." She said holding out her hand which he shook before pulling her in for a kiss.

"I think we should take him home." Peyton said after she pulled away.

"What if we're right about Dan and when we take Nathan home he either ends up in the hospital or on the run again?" Lucas asked worriedly.

"If that happens we'll know for sure, but until then he is Nathan's father." She said heading towards the stairs. Lucas followed and they told Nathan it was time to go.

"I'll take him." Brooke volunteered.

_But still the second hand will catch us  
like it always does_

"We'll follow you so we can take you home after." Peyton said.

"Actually guys I'm fine now to drive." I cut in trying my absolute hardest not to show how fucking scared I was to walk back into that house.

"Are you sure?" Brooke asked looking at me.

"Yeah earlier I wasn't but I'm good now thanks for all your help." I said nodding at each of them.

"If you're sure." She said handing me the keys while Peyton grabbed my bag for me.

"I am thanks." I said to both of them. We walked downstairs.

"So I'll see you guys on Monday at school." I said turning to look at them all again.

"Sure see you." Lucas said. I nodded and walked out to the car without looking back. I got in and took off down the street. I was gripping the steering wheel very hard and I was going over the possible scenarios in my head of what was going to happen. It all ended the same.

I pulled up and saw his car. My veins froze with fear as I got out and made my way to the door wearing the mask.

I took a deep breath and walked inside. He was in his office on the phone.

'I might as well get this over with.' I thought and walked strait into his office. He looked up at me and stopped talking.

"I have to call you back." He said to whoever he was on the phone with.

"Nathan." He said quietly and stood up. I was prepared for the worst. He came towards me and I backed up instinctively but he grabbed me gently and hugged me.

Yes my father the one that threatened to kill my brother, girlfriend, and me was hugging me.

I didn't return it I just stood there confused. He pulled back and looked at me for a minute.

"Where have you been?" Dan asked. He didn't sound angry he sounded concerned. He had to be faking this.

"I did what you said. I ended things with Brooke and told Lucas we would never be brothers. Then I left like you wanted." I said emotionless.

"Right I know but I didn't want you to be gone for so long I was worried." He said sounding sincere.

"I didn't know there was a time limit." I said avoiding eye contact. I still couldn't believe I wasn't already unconscious.

"Look Nathan you've missed a lot of basketball I'm sure Whitey will be happy that you're back." Dan said once again sounding like a normal dad. I looked up at him knowing all he cared about was basketball.

"Yeah I'm back now we can win championships." I said sarcastically testing him seeing if he would get angry with me.

"That's right we've been lucky you chose to leave when there wasn't any real competition. This early in the season it didn't matter who was there we won every game by 50." He said laughing.

I nodded feeling very uncomfortable. This was how he used to act before he started beating me and ruining my life.

"So what happened to you?" He asked pointing to my face.

"I got into a fight." I said immediately. There was no point in lying to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked looking concerned.

"I'm fine." I said rehearsed and turned around to walk out but I stopped at the door.

"Sir." I finished and went up to my room.

Dan looked out the window.

'He didn't tell anyone the truth.' He thought relieved to not see police cars waiting to take him in.

"No one would even believe him anyway." Dan whispered and poured himself a drink.

Not being able to sleep was really taking its tole on me. As I'm getting ready for school I can't help but notice how bad the circles under my eyes look.

'I get to go back just to be bitched out by my teachers. Can't wait to jump start that.' I thought as I finished getting ready.

I drove to school still not believing that Dan didn't touch me all weekend. We barely spoke but when we did he was nice. _Nice_. Dan Scott isn't nice. I pulled up and I saw people look surprised and point at me as I got out and walked toward school.

'Jesus do they really not have anything better to do than stare?' I thought frustrated. I didn't even like being stared at it was annoying.

I went to all my teachers who were nicer than I thought they would be.

"We hear you visited your uncle Cooper?" Mrs. Kramer asked.

"Uhh yeah and my mom." I said so it wouldn't sound that much like a huge lie.

"That's nice, but you missed a lot so you're going to really need that tutor I've already assigned you one." She said pulling out a slip with a name on it.

"I'll get right on that so I can catch up." I said not even caring at this point who it was.

"She's the smartest girl in school I'm sure you won't have a problem." She said.

I read the name seeing it was Haley James. I guess that works out she said she'd do it anyway.

"Thanks I'll see you later." I said walking out and heading to my other teachers before going to the tutor center. She was already in there.

"Hey." I said as she looked up from her book.

"Hi." She said looking confused. She must be surprised I'm back.

"So my math teacher told me you were the best tutor and could help me get caught up so I don't fail." I said feeling weird asking for help.

"Umm sure I guess I could help you." She said nodding.

"Thanks when do you want to start?" I asked.

"How about tonight we can meet at the library." She said standing up. School was about to start and she struck me as the type who was never late to class.

"That's fine I'll be there." I said watching her walk out.

"By the way Lucas told me what you said and if you ask me you are blowing the chance to get to know a really great guy. He's the best friend I've ever had." She said sweetly before glaring and walking out. It was weird she talked all sweet then gave me a death glare, that made me smirk. At least she was a good friend.

I walked out and almost ran Brooke over.

"Sorry I wasn't watching where I was going." I said before she could say anything.

"It's okay I wasn't paying attention." She said still standing very close. I noticed how close and backed up.

_We'll make the same mistakes  
I'll take the fall for you_

"I guess you would need a tutor since you missed so much." She said looking at the sign that said 'Tutoring Center.'

"Yeah I'm really behind so Mrs. Kramer assigned me your friend Haley." I said holding up the slip. She looked at it for a second and nodded.

"That might be weird for Lucas." She said trying to push the jealously down thinking about Nathan spending time alone with another girl.

_I hope you need this now  
Cause I know I still do_

"He suggested it a while back before I…" I stopped noticing her expression. It wasn't the best subject in the world to talk about.

"Right I'm sure he'll still be fine with it." She said and the bell rang.

"I hope so but I've got to go I'll see you later." I said in a rush and walked away quickly. I shouldn't be talking to her but it was hard. Thank god we didn't have any classes together. Lunch would be bearable just ignore that whole table.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Tim exploded with laughter when I walked into math. I smirked at him. I figured he would at least be genuinely happy to see me.

"Hey Tim." I said and gave him a quick hug.

"That's all I get is a hey Tim. How about telling me where you've been. All day I've heard different stories." He said as we sat down in the spots we always did until I started sitting with Lucas. I looked behind me and he was a few seats behind me to the left. He looked back and I nodded and had and unreadable expression but nodded back.

"I was visiting my mom and Cooper." I said not wanting to think about what I was really doing. I put my hands in my lap clasped together.

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" He asked.

"It was a quick decision and my phone broke." I lied. I didn't take my phone with me.

"Oh well damn next time give me a call everyone was freaking out. Lucas even went with Brooke and Peyton to your house to find out where you were." He said not noticing my change of expression.

"When did they do that?" I asked.

"I think it was the next Monday when everyone noticed you were gone." He said as the teacher walked in.

"Oh I didn't know." I said quietly looking down.

"Yeah but seriously don't do that again." He said nudging me.

"I won't sorry I worried everyone. I missed you." I admitted quietly. It was weird saying that to a guy especially when I didn't really think about anyone other than Brooke, Lucas, Peyton or my dad while I was gone but Tim was basically my best friend.

"Thanks man I uh missed you too." He whispered.

I looked back at Lucas again not believing he went to Dan when he hated him and asked about me. I wondered what my dad told them. He probably hadn't noticed at that time I was even gone.

He caught me looking at him and told me silently that he forgave me. He really shouldn't it was in his best interests that he hate me, but when it comes down to it he's my brother. I turned back around and tried to pay attention.

When lunch came around I didn't get anything to eat I just sat where I normally sat with the guys. I had to retell everyone who asked where I was. I said the same thing every time. After I finished the guys went on talking about the same exact stuff they always did and I was still bored out of my mind listening to it.

I saw Brooke wit Peyton, Haley, Bevin, and Theresa. I tried to look away but it was hard. Finally lunch was over and I went to class wanting the day to be over. Eventually it was and I headed to the gym. My leg wasn't ready to play but I thought I should talk to coach.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

"Hey coach." I said as I knocked.

"Nathan I'm glad you're back." He said and stood up to shake my hand.

"Same but I have some bad news I can't play for maybe a week." I said hoping he wouldn't be disappointed.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned and thought of Dan and his talk with him.

"It's no big deal but I got into a fight and it got a little out of hand, but I'm fine a week and I'll finally be back for good." I said wishing he'd believe me.

"Was it while you were visiting your uncle?" He asked skeptically.

"Yeah it was I was playing pool and beat a regular so he wasn't happy." I told him the same lie I told Brooke.

"Well do you want to stay and watch practice? Lucas was really worried about you while you were gone so was that cheerleader captain." He said and I smiled sadly.

"I didn't want to worry anyone. I'm back and I'm fine so everything can go back to normal." I said. Yeah normal is really what I don't want to go back to.

"Good I'll show you what we've been working on." He said and I watched the new defense and had it memorized by the end of practice. When I was fine to run again I'd make a badass comeback and take the game back. It was the only constant I had.

I kept stealing looks at Brooke all practice. She really was fun to watch while she was cheering. Friends could watch couldn't they?

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

After practice I didn't want to deal with anymore questions so I got the hell out of there and went home. Dan wasn't home so I decided to get started on my school work. I had a lot. I did most of the current work but was lost on most of it. I didn't even attempt to do the make up work.

I found Haley's number and decided to call her and ask what time we were supposed to meet up.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hi Haley its Nathan." I said checking the clock.

"Hi I was just thinking about what time we should meet." She said and I could hear her putting books into her backpack.

"That's why I was calling. Do you want to meet in 15 minutes?" I asked.

"Yeah that's fine I'll see you then." She said and hung up.

I got all my crap together and walked outside to go when my dad pulled up.

"Where are you off too?" He asked and it wasn't in a threatening voice at all.

"The library to meet with my tutor." I said and got in. I didn't want to talk to him.

I walked in and she was sitting at a table so I walked up and sat across from her.

"Hey." She said not looking up.

"Hey do you know what we should start with?" I asked having no clue what the hell I was doing. School wasn't my thing not the academic part at least. I looked around and saw some other people from my school. One girl winked at me and normally I would wink back or even go over there but Brooke flashed in my mind and I looked away. It's sad we weren't even together but she was all I thought about.

"Nathan are you paying attention?" Haley asked. I looked at her.

"Sorry I zoned out. I'm really behind and it's stressing me out." I said. School and other things are stressing me out.

"That's what you have me for. I'll help you get caught up in no time." She said smiling. I smiled back a little.

"Thanks I really appreciate it." I said honestly.

"You might not be thanking me when I'm forcing you to work nonstop for a good 2 or 3 hours." She said grinning. I thought about when Peyton said that before pouring the peroxide on me. I laughed at the memory even though it really burned.

"What's so funny?" She asked curiously.

"Oh nothing its just you said something that Peyton said once and it made me think of it." I said probably not making much sense.

"Nice well she seems happy with Lucas." She said looking at me.

"I know she is. I'm not interested in her like that anymore." I said before she got the wrong idea.

"What happened with Brooke? Before you left you two looked really happy and you were the power couple of the school." She said sarcastically.

"She and I decided when I got back that we should just be friends." I said realizing what that really meant. It was probably going to be impossible to be only her friend.

"That's cool she's a really good friend." Haley said.

"She is." I said to myself.

"So let's start with English." She suggested.

"Awesome since I'm such a great writer." I said dryly.

She laughed.

"I'm sure you'll survive." She said and opened her literature book.

About 2 hours later we finished and got all my English finished and started on science, but decided I had done enough.

"You did a really good job." She complimented as we walked out.

"Thanks you're a great tutor." I said and she smiled.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She said as she got into her car.

I nodded and walked to my car.

'At least she didn't threaten me.' I thought shaking my head as I got in.

I went home and got in bed. Sleep still never came for me. No matter how hard I tried it always ended up the same. I closed my eyes and either thought of dealing and or doing drugs or my father beating the crap out of me or the one that always came to me was Brooke's face when I broke up with her. That one hurt more than my craving for the cocaine.

_Should I bite my tongue?  
Until blood soaks my shirt_

I lay there all night and the rest of the week went like this day had. Dan was nice Haley tutored me and I turned in my work as I completed it. Lucas and I didn't really talk but there was some sort of understanding there. I think there might have always been one but we never recognized it before that night I went to his house.

Brooke and I talked a little but nothing much. I kept my distance like I should and by the end of the week I thought I was going to die. It's not a great idea to need and love something so much knowing you can't have it. The coke would come in handy but I didn't have any.

_We'll never fall apart  
tell me why this hurts so much_

Friday at lunch

"Haley how are the tutoring sessions with Nathan going?" Peyton asked. Brooke immediately looked up but tried not to look obvious. She glanced at Peyton who glanced back.

"They're good. He doesn't give himself enough credit when he finishes something he always says it was me but he does all the work I just encourage." She said shrugging. Brooke couldn't help it. She felt like a freak because she felt jealous of Haley for tutoring Nathan. She saw them sitting in the tutoring center and they were laughing. They obviously got along and didn't only talk about school. She wondered if they would start hanging out on weekends and after they were finished with their tutoring sessions if they didn't already.

Brooke felt Peyton nudge her. It was like she was reading her thoughts. Brooke forced a smile and Peyton gave her a reassuring smile before gesturing to Nathan who was staring at Brooke intensely. She looked at him and only for a second did they lock eyes before he looked away. She felt the same thing she always did when she saw, looked at, or thought about him. Love, hate, frustration, passion everything.

_My hands are at your throat  
and I think I hate you_

"He stares at you everyday." Peyton told her knowingly.

Brooke bit her lip and thought about that.

'Why would he stare when he just wants to be my friend?' She wondered. She couldn't forget when he said I love you. Every time she slept she played that scene over and over. The more she thought about it the more she realized the way she felt about him was pretty intense and borderline unhealthy. Maybe it's a good thing he wanted space.

_But still we'll say, "Remember when"  
Just like we always do  
just like we always do_

"I don't know Peyt we're just friends." She said as she got up and left when the bell rang.

'When will they figure it out and finally realize they belong together?' Peyton thought as she walked to class.

That night at the game

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

I walked in and took a seat on the bench. I couldn't play tonight but all week I paid close attention and knew everything they were going to do and when I got back I'd be able to do it. Whitey was giving the pre game huddle speech and I listened it was the usual. 'Kick some ass' 'keep us undefeated' or 'Scott don't screw this up' I shook my head laughing slightly. Thank god my relationship with Whitey was still the same. As Lucas walked past me onto the court he glanced at me. I gave him a nod that told him to play like a champion he smirked back.

I turned and saw my dad walk in and sit down. I immediately tensed up and looked away focusing on the game. I glanced at the cheerleaders and saw Brooke talking to some guy from the baseball team. My jaw clenched as I watched her give him a hug right as the game started. Now she was talking to Peyton and she was smiling. I tired to keep focus on the game but I kept stealing glances at Brooke the entire night. She didn't talk to him for the rest of the game but watching her hug him smiling made my blood boil.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

"You know he's still staring at you." Peyton told Brooke smiling.

"I don't know that." Brooke said not looking at Nathan staring ahead.

"Come on he's not even trying to hide it. It's so obvious he wants you." She said making Brooke look at her.

"No he doesn't he wants to be my friend actually he wants lots of space then we can be friends." Brooke said sourly.

"I think it's pretty clear you don't want to be his friend." Peyton said looking at her.

Brooke sighed.

"I don't even know anymore Peyt we need space though it's for the better." Brooke said sadly stealing a quick look at Nathan.

_Yeah I'd spill my heart!!  
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!_

"I'm sorry Brooke." Peyton said as she hugged her.

"But what about hottie Matt that you were all hugging before the game?" She asked laughing.

"We have history class together and he's really cool." Brooke said shrugging.

"Do you like him?" Peyton asked.

"No I don't really know him that well but he's nice." Brooke said looking back at him in the stands for a second. He smiled at her and she forced one back. She didn't feel any of the same things she felt when she looked at Nathan. Matt didn't make her heart race a million miles an hour. He didn't consume her thoughts almost all day everyday. But she knew he wouldn't hurt her, the way Nathan had. She didn't know if she could put her heart out like she had with Nathan again and risk getting it broken again.

_My hands are at your throat  
and I think I hate you_

Well it was still broken. It hadn't been put back together yet. She looked at Nathan again who was watching the game. Brooke smiled sadly at him. Every feeling and emotion was still there. It was a sad truth she was in love with Nathan and probably always would be. She focused back on Peyton.

"Matt and I are friends for now we'll see where it goes." She said and focused the rest of the game on cheering with thoughts of the boy who stole her heart racing through her mind.

_We made the same mistakes  
Mistakes like friends do_

The party after the game at Tim's house

"Nate I'm glad you made it these parties haven't been the same without you!" Tim yelled over the music when I walked in.

"Thanks man I'm glad to be back." I said as I bumped fists with him. I made my way over to the keg and got myself a drink.

"Hey Nathan." I heard from behind me it was obviously Theresa.

"Hey." I said without turning around. She came up to me and put her hands on my shoulders to turn me around.

"What do you want Theresa?" I asked annoyed. I wasn't in the best mood after watching Brooke look at Matt and smile at him.

"I wanted to welcome you back personally." She said trying to sound sexy. I rolled my eyes still not facing her.

"Thanks but I don't think so." I said and walked away. I saw Peyton, Lucas and Haley walk in. I had never seen Haley at a party before.

"Hey." Peyton said when they all walked up.

"Hey Sawyer." I said looking behind them to see if Brooke came with them.

"She's already here." Peyton said answering my unspoken question. I nodded.

_My hands are at your throat  
and I think I hate you_

"Hey Haley." I said looking at her.

"Hi Nathan." She said in the nice voice she always uses.

"So we're going to get some drinks we'll talk to you guys later." Peyton said giving me a look and dragging Lucas away.

"So these are the parties everyone always talks about." Haley observed while looking around at people dancing, drinking, and making out whatever.

"Yeah these are them." I said absently looking for a certain girl.

"Do you miss playing?" She asked. I looked at her.

"Yes I do I can't wait to get back out there." I said truthfully.

"You and Lucas play really well together from what I hear." She said smiling.

"We do we'll take the team to championships." I said cockily smirking.

"Good luck I hope you do." Haley said.

"Thanks." I said while my eyes drifted to the staircase where Brooke was sitting on Matt's lap.

'What the fuck?!' I thought angrily. I didn't think they were that close yet.

_We made the same mistakes  
made the same mistakes_

"Nathan are you okay?" She asked me. I ignored her and went over to where they were sitting.

Brooke had been talking to Matt for a while when Nathan walked in. She had to force herself not to keep looking at him, but she couldn't help but smile when she saw him blow Theresa off. Her smile faded when she saw him talking to Haley. He was smirking or smiling and she didn't stop smiling. It pissed Brooke off that she even got mad about it they weren't together anymore.

_Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

She thought maybe if he saw her with Matt he might get jealous. Brooke thinking quickly settled herself on Matt's lap while he was sitting on the stairs.

"This is a little unexpected." He said smiling. Brooke managed a small one back.

"I hope you don't mind." She said sweetly and smiling a dimpled smile at him.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nathan leave Haley looking pissed off and coming her way.

'Shit he wasn't supposed to come over here.' Brooke thought.

"Davis can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked her tightly trying not to knock her date out.

"Sorry Scott can't you see I'm busy?" She motioned to her sitting on Matt's lap.

"I can see that, but I need to talk to you now." I said glaring at him. He looked scared.

"It's okay you come find me when you're done talking." Matt said and lifted Brooke off of him and walked away.

"What do you want?" She asked annoyed. I ignored her tone and grabbed her hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded as I pulled her into an empty bedroom and shut the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled at her. She looked at our hands that were still clasped together and back to me. Brooke tried to pull hers out but I wouldn't let her.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you_

"Nathan let go." She said.

"Tell me what you're doing with him." I said locking our eyes.

"I can do what I want with who I want Scott I don't have to ask you for permission." She said as her voice rose.

"Fine but why were you sitting on his lap Brooke I mean what the fuck?" I said frustrated squeezing her hand.

"It isn't any of your business whose lap I sit on. We are not together we are barely even friends so but out!" She yelled subconsciously squeezing my hand back.

"You didn't sit on my lap while we were dating. How long have you known this guy anyway?" I said taking a step closer.

"He's in my history class and he's a good guy. Are you really that mad I'm sitting on his lap because I never sat on yours?" She asked as her voice got raspier the more she yelled.

"It only makes sense to sit on your boyfriends lap Davis. No it pisses me off because you're completely throwing it in my face!" I started yelling again.

"I'm not throwing it in your face I'm getting to know a really good guy. Not everything I do revolves around you!" She exploded taking another step towards me.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

"I'm not saying it does but Jesus Brooke don't you think it's hard for me to see you all over another guy?" I asked her feeling the heat rising.

"Probably about as hard as it is for me to see you always laughing and smiling at Haley." She said angrily. I almost smiled as pissed off as I was at the thought of Brooke being jealous of Haley.

"I'm not into her like that she's just my tutor." I defended myself.

"Whatever Scott do what you want or who you want. We can go back to the way it was before we ever started anything." She said as she tried to walk past me, but I was still holding her hand.

"Let go!" She said with an extremely pissed off look on her face.

"No." Was all I said before pulling her towards me harshly and crashing our lips together. We froze just feeling each others lips again. The feeling was electirc and it was the only thing that made me feel safe. She pushed me towards the wall and my back hit it hard. I literally felt like I was on fire right now. I wanted her so badly I thought I was going to die. She forced my mouth open and kissed me deeply.

I pulled her shirt over her head and she was already unbuttoning my pants. They slid down as I kicked my shoes off. She grabbed my face like I had done to her my first day back kissed me harder. She practically ripped my shirt off of me and now I was only in my boxers. I pushed her backwards and she fell on the bed with me on top of her.

She was kicking her shoes off while I trailed kisses from her neck down her stomach and stopped where her jeans were and waited for a second.

"Is there a problem?" She asked breathlessly. I smiled before unbuttoning her pants and sliding them off easily. I kissed her again missing the taste of her mouth and smiled again hearing her moan my name.

It didn't take long before we were really going at it. I rocked her harder than I had before since I wasn't injured. She cried out in pleasure at the same times I did. We were in perfect sync. I picked up my pace and continued to kiss her leaving both of us completely gasping for air. I let out a definite cry of pleasure and pain when I felt her fingernails dig into my back and slide all the way down.

"Damn it Davis sometimes I really hate you." I said as I thrusted into her harder and deeper.

"You have no idea how fucking crazy you make me Scott!" She yelled out in pain and pleasure as I sucked her neck particularly hard. She was about to climax and I was to. I bit down on her shoulder and her nails were where they were before only they went in deeper.

We both came at the same time like we always do. I stayed there trying to get my breathing evened out. I put my face in the crook of her neck and kissed her softly on the side of it. I pulled out and stood up. I found my clothes and put them back on. She did the same and avoided eye contact with me. I didn't want her to feel used since that wasn't at all what this was for me. Brooke tried to walk past me again and I gently grabbed her arm and turned her towards me.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

"I'm sorry." I said in a hoarse voice from the hours of yelling that I just did. She looked up at me and she looked sorry and sad.

"This shouldn't keep happening with us I thought you wanted space." She said quietly.

"I did…or I do I don't know but it's hard." I tried to explain. I didn't want space I wanted her but even with Dan's complete 180 I couldn't put her in danger. I wasn't thinking about that tonight obviously.

"It is. This was the closure we both needed. From now on we'll give each other space." She said biting her lip when she was finished I could see the tears forming.

"Brooke I lo-." She actually cut me off before I could say it like I had done to her that night.

"Don't okay don't say that to me." She said tearing up even more and looking away. I put my finger under her chin and made her look at me. We stood there staring. The magnet was pulling and I needed to repel and resist but it was so damn hard with her right here. I dropped my finger and stepped back. My eyes were saying I'm sorry a thousand times and once again I almost broke down and told her everything. Her first tear fell as she walked out of the room. I sat on the bed feeling like the worst person in the world. I put my head in my hands and sighed deeply. I was messing everything up for her.

I decided this in the hotel and I was re deciding now that I'm going to let her go. It was best for her and that was all that mattered. I however didn't know that pretty soon I wouldn't have to be so stressed about telling her my secret she was going to find out in her own way and ultimately end up saving my life.

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
Until the day I die..._

**Duh duh. Yes it's getting crazier by the minute. Huge thanks again to my faithful readers and those of you who review. Please be so kind and drop another one they make my day. 'Until the Day I Die' by Story of the Year.**


	22. Your Guardian Angel

**Hey all of my favorite reviewers!! You know who you are! Lol anyway huge thanks to all the people to take the time to actually post a review it means a lot to me!! Tamarindo, Princetongirl, BrathanBrucasBaleyBreyton, Jubileelove98, Rachtree, LukenPeyton4ever, Pembroker, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, Storyteller247, and xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx I love all of you!! Enjoy the chapter!**

_I decided this in the hotel and I was re deciding now that I'm going to let her go. It was best for her and that was all that mattered. I however didn't know that pretty soon I wouldn't have to be so stressed about telling her my secret she was going to find out in her own way and ultimately end up saving my life._

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
Until the day I die..._

After the party I felt sick. I didn't bother telling anyone I was leaving I just walked out and went home. I pulled up and wondered how much longer my dad was going to keep this nice façade up. He wasn't even always like how he is now. Up until I was 12 he was a normal dad. He doesn't think I know but my mom had been having an affair. I think that is partially why he snapped like he had when I asked to go to Tim's birthday. She claimed she was on a "business trip" but he knew she was with the other guy. I was mad when I first found out, but after Dan slowly killed my emotions and happiness I didn't care anymore. I couldn't even believe she would marry a monster like that.

I walked in and was very surprised to see my mom and dad sitting in the living room.

"Nathan honey I'm so happy to see you!" She exclaimed and came up and hugged me. I hugged her back a little worriedly since I used her as my lie.

"Mom I'm so happy to see you." I said truthfully as we pulled away. When she was around, which wasn't often he hit me less.

"I'm back for good." She said smiling. Rehab had been good for her I could tell she didn't have the same depressed look on her face like she had before trying to kill herself.

"That's awesome!" I said smiling at her. I snuck a peak at my dad and he had a neutral expression. He didn't look overjoyed but he didn't look angry or upset either.

"Yes I was just catching up with you father, but I'm exhausted so I'm heading up for bed." She said and walked up the stairs. I wondered if she and my dad were on good terms. They weren't yelling when I walked in, but they didn't have a very loving relationship.

"Nathan how was the party?" He asked and took a step closer to me. I stayed put.

"Good." I said watching him. It wasn't all that great. I hurt Brooke even more tonight by saying what I said and doing what I did. I couldn't help it though. I needed her. Plus no one could deny that Brooke Davis wasn't amazing in bed.

"That's good. I'm tired though so I'm going to sleep in the guest room since your mother is back." He said and walked past me.

It was getting weirder and weirder him acting like this. I never knew what to expect. Obviously they weren't that close since he was sleeping in the guest room. At least he let her have their room. Maybe he was changing. I gasped a little when I thought that.

'Maybe he was changing?' I thought again. No. There was no way Dan Scott was changing. I had spent the last 5 years praying he would change and all he had done was gotten worse.

I went upstairs and lay down. It was a little ridiculous how tired I was. I took a deep breath and tried to relax enough to fall asleep. Now I still saw Brooke no surprise but I saw her tonight. She wants nothing to do with me and I don't blame her. I must be confusing the hell out of her right now. I tell her I want space then I'm trying to tell her that I love her. It's too hard not being with her, especially since she's right here. In Charlotte it was hard, but she wasn't there.

_When I see your smile,  
Tears run down on my face_.

Now she's always close and it almost kills me not to be around her. I knew it was a bad idea that day at the river court when she saw my bruises. That just opened up a door to her and me that should have never been opened. Now I'm in way too deep and she and I are both miserable and it's my entire fault. I ran a frustrated hand over my face. I opened my drawer and pulled out the envelope with the rose and picture of her and me when we were 7.

_I can't replace.  
_

I thought about taking it to Charlotte but it would have been too hard to look at both of us happy so I took the one of Peyton instead. Plus I sort of missed my curly haired ex. Not romantically but she was a good friend to have and a bad enemy. I'd prefer to stay on her good side because I know first hand what it's like to be on her bad side.

I smiled at the picture. We were barely friends, but right then I knew she would always be in my life and I'd never meet someone else like her again. Who knew 10 years later I would be head over heels in love with her and not able to be with her. My life was complicated.

"Mom where are you going?" I asked when I saw her heading for the door the next morning.

"I'm going to the café to see Karen." She said. I furrowed my brow in confusion. Since when were they friends?

"Um why?" I asked.

"She and I might not be the best of friends, but we're civil. I like her and whenever Lucas is there he's always been very kind to me." She said smiling talking about them. She probably wishes she could have Lucas for a son and not me.

"Okay well have fun." I said and paused before adding. "Tell Lucas I said hi if he's there." I walked towards the kitchen.

"Oh are you two getting along now?!" She asked excitedly. I panicked for a second hoping Dan wasn't here and heard me say that.

"Uh no we're not never mind don't say anything." I said in a rush turning around. She looked confused.

"Are you sure if he's there I'll just mention that you said hey." She said simply. I shook my head saying no.

"Please don't its not a big deal. I'll see him at school anyway." I said calmly so she wouldn't suspect anything.

"Sure I'll see you in a little bit." She said waving and walking out the door. I breathed out in relief since she seemed unsuspecting and when I realized Dan was at work.

--

"Oh my god B. Davis!!" Peyton yelled excitedly. Brooke smiled sadly even though thinking about it made her heart flutter.

"Yep that's the whole story." She said laughing at her friend.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me he mumbled I love you and he tried to say it last night." Peyton said smiling. She knew this was tearing her best friend apart but she knew how much Brooke loves Nathan.

_And now that I'm stronger, I have figured out,  
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.  
_

"I'm sorry it was so overwhelming. I mean he's sending so many mixed signals. First he says that then he kisses me, tells me he wants space, then when I give him space he jumps all over the fact I'm merely talking to someone else and we have sex." She whispered the last part thinking about how dysfunctional her relationship with him is.

"Well technically you were sitting on Matt's lap so I could see where he would be jealous." Peyton said poking Brooke, which made her smile.

"I know it was sort of to make him jealous, but he's spending so much time with Haley that I thought he might like her." Brooke explained.

"Yeah that would be an interesting three some." She said lightly.

"Come on Peyt this is serious. Doesn't this whole mess sound ridiculous to you?" Brooke asked.

"It is definitely a mess, but Brooke you can't help how you feel. You love Nathan he obviously loves you and he's scared." She said knowingly and smiling in an encouraging way.

"I don't know P he seems pretty confused so from now on I'm staying away from him." Brooke said trying not to let it show how much that thought hurt her. It was like he ran away all over again.

"Are you at least going to tell him that you need space?" Peyton asked.

"I did last night after we finished when he tried to say I love you." Brooke said trying not to cry.

Peyton nodded in understanding. Brooke didn't need to get so hurt over a guy. Even though she knew how Brooke felt about him if he wasn't going to give his heart to her then she shouldn't either. Although she knew deep down that it was too late for that. They had both given the other their hearts and most likely they wouldn't be giving it back any time soon.

_And I know I'll find deep inside me,  
I can be the one._

"Are you sure he understands what you mean though?" Peyton asked.

"What do you mean?" Brooke asked confused.

"Are you sure he completely understands that you aren't playing this game and you need space and time to think?" She asked. Brooke's mouth opened slightly a little baffled by that question. Did he really understand that she wasn't going to ignore him a week then have sex with him at every party when one of them gets jealous of the other?

"I really don't know if he knows all that. Maybe I should stop by his house later and tell him everything and then be done." Brooke said thinking it over.

"I think that's a good idea if you're really done tell him so there's no confusion." Peyton said. Brooke shook her head agreeing.

"I will later today." She decided.

"Good just don't get caught up and sleep with him or tell him you love him or something like that. It might foil the plan." Peyton said teasing. Brooke rolled her eyes and hit Peyton with a pillow.

"Oh its on bitch!" Peyton yelled and hit Brooke with her pillow.

"Come and get it whore!" Brooke yelled laughing and hitting Peyton with her pillow while trying to block Peyton's hitting her. This is why she loved her best friend so much. No matter what was going on with her she could always cheer her up and was there for her.

--

"Deb I'm so glad you're better." Karen exclaimed when she saw her and gave her a hug.

"Thank you Karen." Deb said gently. Being back home with Nathan had been great but with Dan she was hoping she was now strong enough to deal with him. She and Karen weren't all that close but she was a good friend when she needed her.

"So how are you feeling?" Karen asked as Deb took a seat at the counter and Karen walked on the other side.

"I'm doing a lot better. The truth is rehab really helped." Deb said a little embarrassed.

"Well I'm so happy you're back. Its nice having another woman around." Karen said laughing.

"Hey what's wrong with me?" Keith asked walking out from the kitchen.

"Oh nothing I just get sick of you that's all." Karen teased and Deb had to laugh at them.

"Then I'm glad Deb's back too." He shot back and gave her a quick hug.

"I'm glad to be back." She said smiling at Keith and Karen.

"So I'm sure you were happy to see Nathan when he came to visit you huh?" Keith asked her smiling. Deb looked at him questioning. When did Nathan come to see her?

"Deb are you all right?" Karen asked noticing she zoned out.

"Oh right sorry yes I'm fine. Also yeah it was great to see him." Deb lied having no idea what they were talking about.

"Whitey told me yesterday. We all noticed Nathan's long absence from school and basketball and couldn't figure out why. It must have been something important and then Whitey said he visited you and Cooper." Keith explained.

"Yes it was a nice long visit." She lied again. She would get to the bottom of this. She talked to Cooper regularly since she checked into rehab and knew Nathan never visited him.

"There's a customer I'll get it." Keith said and walked away.

"I'd better get going I have some more catching up I need to do with my son." Deb said trying to hide her confusion.

"Okay it was nice seeing you stop by anytime." Karen said noticing she was acting a bit off.

"Thank you I will." Deb said genuinely.

"Bye Keith good to see you." She said as she passed him.

"You too Deb." He smiled.

"Oh and by the way Karen if Lucas stops by tell him Nathan was talking about him and he says hi." Deb said ignoring her sons' pleas not to say anything.

"Sure I will." Karen said waving.

When Deb got home she marched right into her house and yelled Nathan's name. He didn't answer then she looked outside and noticed his car wasn't there.

'What is going on?' She wondered.

--

I shot the ball again and it swished perfectly. God how I missed this game. I got my rebound and went to the free throw line and shot again. It went in of course.

"Nice shot." I heard from behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know it was Lucas.

"Thanks." I said and shot again. He went to the other basketball hoop and started shooting. I turned around and saw him make all his shots. He was really familiar with this court.

"Can I help you?" He asked shortly when he noticed I was looking. It didn't surprise me he was still mad. I was an ass. No one understood why I acted the way I did a lot of times I didn't have a choice.

"No." I said and turned around again. I was about to shoot when I felt a ball hit me in the back pretty damn hard. I turned around angry.

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked already knowing. Still he didn't have to throw the freaking ball.

"You are Nathan." He said and walked closer.

"You know it still doesn't make sense." He said when he stepped right in front of me.

"What doesn't?" I asked with guarded eyes.

"Why you ran away." He said challenging me. My jaw tightened. I figured at least one of them wouldn't drop this.

"I already told you. I got into a fight with Stephen then an argument with my dad." I said in a hard and intimidating voice. He looked a little intimidated, but he didn't back off.

"Bull shit." He said seriously.

"There's no reason not to believe me." I said not knowing he suspected anything with Dan.

"You would kill Stephen I've seen him after you guys fight. He always looks a lot worse than you do." Luke said knowingly.

"It doesn't mean my dad still didn't get pissed that I fought with him." I shot back.

"That doesn't add up to why you came to mine and Brooke's houses in the middle of the night to tell us how much you hate us." He said. I saw his fists clench. That memory still hurt him I could tell. He didn't know it hurt me too.

"I told you at Peyton's. It was a bad idea for us to become friends. We're too different and without basketball I wouldn't even know you exist." I said icily.

"That's bull shit too." He said and pushed me I pushed him back.

"Let it go Lucas." I warned.

He waited a second before nodding. He noticed the seriousness in my voice.

"Fine. If that's really what you want I'm done." He said shaking his head and walking to pick up his basketball.

"Good." I forced out. The truth is I kind of liked knowing he still cared enough to question me.

"I know you're hiding something Nathan and I'm going to find out soon." He warned before getting into his car and driving off. I threw my basketball at the backboard as hard as I could. I stayed at the court for hours thinking about my conversation with Lucas before going home.

When I got there I was surprised to see my mom's car gone. I walked in secretly hoping she was there because my dad was in his office on the phone and I could tell it wasn't a pleasant conversation.

"What do you mean you're backing out?" He yelled. I stepped closer to hear.

"I don't care if your insurance company is screwing you over right now. You bought a car and you owe me the money for it!" He said. This has happened before. Only one other time and it didn't end well for me.

_Flashback_

_"Nathan where are you boy!" Dan yelled. I had over heard his call before running upstairs knowing he wasn't happy._

_I reluctantly came downstairs too afraid to find out what happened if I didn't obey him._

_"What took you so long?" He yelled grabbing my shirt._

_"I uh." I didn't finish because he threw me on the ground._

_"Get up you little bastard!" He kicked me and walked over to the liquor. He opened up his bottle of scotch and downed the rest of it. I got up and tried to walk away. I should have known better by then. This had been going on for 4 years. _

_I felt him grab my hair._

_"Don't you walk away from me." He yelled and threw me on the wall. He was still holding the empty bottle. My dad walked up to me and punched me in the face and then the stomach. I stood there motionless waiting for the rest when he backed up and started walking back to his office. I sighed in relief and closed my eyes thinking that was all I was going to get._

_As Dan walked back to his office to get more scotch he heard Nathan's sigh of relief and turned around to see him smiling slightly. That angered him greatly and he clutched the bottle tightly before throwing it all full force at his son._

_I opened my eyes just in time to see the bottle but I couldn't move. It hit me straight in the ribcage and shattered. I fell to the floor gasping for air when noticed a cut with a piece of glass in it and I was bleeding pretty badly. That was the first night Dan ever took me to the hospital even though it wasn't the first time I had ever ended up bleeding, but this time glass was involved and it was a bit more serious. That was the first time I ever lied to all the doctors and it certainly wasn't the last._

Present

I backed away from the door. I didn't want this to end up like that. Especially since I had already made my annual trip to the hospital because of him. I turned on the TV praying he didn't come out here. I was watching a game when the office door flew open and he came out looking really upset.

Brooke was figuring out what she was going to say to Nathan exactly. She basically already told him that they shouldn't still be happening. The sex last night might have been great but it shouldn't have happened. Sadly she can't resist him. When he wants her she wants him ten times more when he says I love you she wants to kiss him and tell him over and over how much she loves him. It really wasn't healthy, but honestly she couldn't help it.

She pulled into his driveway and parked next to his car knowing she wouldn't be here long. Brooke walked up to the front door and was about to ring the doorbell when she heard yelling.

"This is your fault all because you ran away!" She heard Dan yell then she heard a little whimper and her heart broke knowing he was hurting Nathan, her Nathan. She wasn't sure what to do. Her own father might have hurt her but no one ever gave a damn and tried to help. She tried to open the door but it was locked so she ran to the back door. Brooke had been to enough parties here to know where all the exits are.

When she reached the door her wanted to cry seeing Nathan up on the wall completely helpless. Why didn't he ever fight back? Why didn't she ever fight back? Brooke shook her head she needed to help Nathan. She opened the door and ran in.

_I will never let you fall. (Let you fall.)  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
_

"Stop it!" She yelled watching Dan punch Nathan right in the stomach and he was doubled over. He turned around.

"I thought he dumped you!" He growled before throwing Nathan on the ground and kicking him.

"No don't hurt him!" Brooke cried horrified. Her whole world was starting to fall apart watching this.

"You were supposed to end things with her what's wrong with you Nathan?" He yelled at Nathan.

"He did break up with me!" She explained hoping that would make him stop. Her prayers were answered when Dan didn't touch Nathan again. Although he turned around and stared towards Brooke. She felt terrified it reminded her of her dad only Dan Scott was tougher looking. She tried to run out the door but he grabbed her hair.

"Ow please." She begged him.

"You don't think I can keep you alive now knowing mine and Nathan's secret do you?" Dan said in a demonic voice.

"I won't tell I promise." She said in a rush. He pulled her hair harder.

"Nathan." She croaked out in a pain filled voice. Dan threw Brooke on the ground hard. Right as he was about to really kill her Nathan tackled him from behind.

_I'll be there for you through it all. (Through it all.)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven._

"You fucking ass hole!" I yelled as we landed on the ground. I turned him around and punched him as hard as I could in the face. He was strong and he tried to get away but I was so pissed off I was going to kill him.

"You will never touch her again!" I screamed punching him again and stood up to kick him as many times as possible. I was about to sink into nothing while he was hurting me but when I heard her voice it brought me back. I had seen my dad at his worst but tonight he really snapped and if she hadn't walked in he probably would have actually killed me like he told me he would.

The second he touched her I lost it. No one would hurt her. I wouldn't let them. I bent down and grabbed his hair like he had done so many times to me.

"I will fucking kill you if you even think about hurting her again got it!" I yelled fiercely and kicked him in the face. He lay there breathing like I always had after he beat my ass. I didn't feel good and I didn't feel bad. I felt nothing. He made me into nothing. I was so fucked up and far gone I don't think anything could save me at this point.

_It's okay,  
It's okay,  
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay_

I looked at her and she was standing up looking worried. She had just seen me at some of my worst and she didn't look scared she looked worried and concerned.

"Lets go." Was all she said before grabbing my hand and taking me to her car. We rode in silence and the tension was suffocating. She was going to want to know what the fuck that was and I was in no condition to tell her. We pulled into the empty driveway and walked inside the unlocked door.

She led me up the stairs and we sat side by side on her bed in silence. It reminded me of the hotel when we held hands in silence but this was different. What was said tonight was most likely going send her running away from me. My mind involuntarily went to the thing I had grown accustomed to turning to when I felt like this and I didn't have it anymore. Cocaine sounded so great it sometimes surprised me I was able to survive without it. Just the thought made me break out into a cold sweat. I clenched my fists instinctively.

_Seasons are changing,  
and waves are crashing,  
_

"Nathan." Brooke whispered beside me when she noticed all the color drain from my face with all these thoughts running through my mind. She tried to grab my hand but my fists were too tight and it was bad for me to be this close to her again especially now that my monster of a father has hurt her. That thought made me clench them tighter. I didn't know how I was supposed to explain this to her.

"Nathan." She said again a little louder. It was like I didn't hear her. All the walls were closing in on me and I needed some air I couldn't breathe.

_And stars are falling all for us._

"I uh…it…I mean I'm s-so sorry." I whispered barely hearing myself. I was slipping away and couldn't do anything to stop it. Everything clouded over and I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Nathan baby breathe its okay." She said kneeling in front of me. I couldn't see her she was too far away. Everything was out of focus for me. My fists started shaking and I only tightened them harder to the point my fingernails dug in and about broke the skin.

"Come on Scott you aren't breathing." She said worriedly. I shook my head slowly. All of a sudden everything was in slow motion but she still felt way too far.

"Brooke I-I don't know." I whispered hoping she'd hear me.

"You don't know what?" She asked holding my shaking fists. I could feel her. My heart rate sped up and I remembered why we were there at her house.

_Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,  
I can show you I'll be the one  
_

"Oh my god Brooke." I said taking a deep breath trying to focus everything back to normal.

"Come back to me Nathan." She whispered squeezing my fists that were slowly starting to stop shaking. I blinked a bunch trying to really see what I was doing. I took another shaky breath and focused my attention back to her. The only thing that ever mattered.

"I don't know what happened." I said quietly looking at her. She looked a little helpless but I could see she was trying to be strong for me.

"Do you remember what happened at you house?" She asked with hopeful eyes.

I slowly shook my head saying yes after a minute of thinking. He hurt me then he hurt her, my Brooke.

_I will never let you fall. (Let you fall.)  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
_

"I'm sorry." I said looking away from her. I couldn't bear to look into her eyes and know that Dan touched her.

"Hey." She said lightly and turned my face back to look at her. She looked deep inside my eyes and I knew I couldn't lie to her any longer. I seriously felt like I was breaking.

"I don't know what to say." I said softly looking at her.

"Tell me the truth." She said and finally grabbed onto my hand that loosened itself up. I swallowed and nodded knowing it was time.

"Do you want to sit up here?" I motioned to the bed.

"I'm fine right here." She said trying to smile and grabbed my other hand and squeezed them in encouragement.

"Before I start are you okay?" I asked looking her over to see if she was hurt badly.

"I'm good are you okay?" She asked. It was a very loaded question. Physically I had been way worse before. I honestly didn't hurt that much physically I had become good at dealing with that kind of pain.

_I'll be there for you through it all. (Through it all.)  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.  
_

"I'm good." I said repeating her words. Once again she knew I was lying.

"Okay so are you ready to talk?" She asked looking hopeful again. All good relationships are built on trust and honesty. The entire time I have been lying to her. I can't believe she even wants to hear this.

"I guess I don't have a choice." I said softly. "I'm so sorry you had to see that and that he hurt you." I added sincerely.

"I'm sorry he's been doing that to you." She said as her eyes filled with tears. I nodded sadly.

"It started when I was 12. We were on the driveway shooting free throws and I missed one. I didn't think it was a big deal but he did." I started to say, but stopped for a second. I shut my eyes tightly trying to clear my mind and make sure everything was in focus.

"Umm it was Tim's birthday party and I really wanted to go. I begged him to let me go when he came up to me and slapped me. I was so shocked and then after that he threw me on the ground and told me I had to make 100 more before I could go. After that nothing was the same between us. My mom was always gone on business or with her guy on the side." I said bitterly. She looked surprised hearing about the affair.

"He would ride me about basketball making me work until I passed out. Nothing was ever good enough for him no matter how hard I tried. He wanted me to be perfect and when I couldn't do it he hit me. It's no secret that I'm not perfect but after finding out what my punishment was for it I tried pretty damn hard." I laughed sadly thinking about how I busted my ass for him trying to make him proud so he wouldn't hurt me. It ended up destroying me.

I took another deep breath trying to keep my nerve. I've never talked about this or said anything out loud. I wasn't ready for it.

"It's okay Nathan I'm here." Brooke said trying not to let her tears fall. She bent her head down and kissed my hands softly before looking back at me again. My throat was starting to close up and I felt my own tears start to well up behind my eyes.

_'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,  
My true love, my whole heart.  
_

"He wanted to control me. I tried so hard to do what he wanted so that he might spare me just one time but he never did. It always seemed that he enjoyed knowing that he had all the power and could do whatever the hell he wanted. He became the mayor and I was always being looked at and judged so I couldn't go tell anyone. My dad manipulated the whole town and no one would have believed me." I said as the first tear fell down my cheek. I felt Brooke's grip on my hands tighten and I saw her own tears fall.

_Please don't throw that away._

"I could have cancer or be in the hospital. It doesn't matter as long as I can play. He never cared about anything but basketball. Dan used me to relive his dreams that never came true for him. He owned me and he used it to hurt me if I wasn't the perfect or best player." I said looking away again as more tears spilled out of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Nathan I didn't know." Brooke said as she sobbed biting her lip trying to prevent it.

"It's not your fault Brooke." I said looking back at her. She let go of my hands to wipe her tears away. I took the chance to wipe mine too. It didn't matter more came anyway.

"You didn't deserve that." She said as she rested her chin on my knee. She was trying not to cry again. I thought back to all the times Dan said I did deserve it. If only I scored 30 points instead of 28 or made the steal it all could have been prevented if I only made that free throw.

"I'm not so sure." I whispered. My hands were starting to shake again lightly. I clasped them together.

"No, no please don't say that." Brooke said desperately. I looked down at her.

"Nathan your dad is sick. He loves hurting you so he'll feel better about himself. That isn't your fault. He rides you way too hard about basketball and it is just a sport. Please don't think you have ever deserved this because you don't." She said firmly as more tears fell down her beautiful face.

_'Cause I'm here... for you!  
_

I reached up to wipe them away with my thumbs. I have been so horrible to her in the past and here she is defending me, listening to me, and she saved me from him earlier. This girl really was the love of my life. My worst fear had happened when Dan hurt her.

"He should have never touched you." I said darkly still holding her face. I could feel my expression changing too. I was withdrawing into myself again.

"It's not your fault." She said brokenly. I knew she really meant that, but I knew it was.

"That's why I broke up with you." I said wiping away more of her tears. My own were falling on my face, but I made no move to wipe them away.

"He knew I was falling for you and he hated seeing me so happy. He said he would kill you if I didn't." I said desperately trying to make her understand I never meant to hurt her or involve her in this.

"Oh Nathan." Brooke sobbed putting her hands over mine on her face.

"I'm sorry I put you in that position." I said fighting my inner battle. I wanted to stay here with her I didn't want to go back to nothing. I would remain here physically but I would be long gone emotionally. After all this if I left again I would never come back.

_Please don't walk away and,  
Please tell me you'll stay... here! _

"I don't want you to blame yourself." She said seriously. Brooke could see what was happening with me. She could feel it. We were connected and she felt me slipping away.

_Whoa-oh!  
Stay!  
Whoa-oh!  
_

"You're shaking again." She whispered as she took my hands off her face and held them tightly against her rapidly beating heart.

"Do you feel that?" She asked me. I was breathing deeply as a new set of tears brought themselves upon my face.

"Y-yes." I said closing my eyes.

"That only happens when I'm around you or thinking about you." Brooke said honestly. I swallowed again trying to stop shaking. I was being pulled away the walls were in so close they were about to crush me.

"I'm s-sorry." I struggled to say.

"Don't be sorry Nathan. I can't help it I love you." She said whole-heartedly and for a split second my whole world stopped. I had a sharp intake of breath and I opened my eyes again. Her tears never stopped falling and neither had mine, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was we were here together and she was breaking my walls down, she was saving me.

"I-I love you Brooke." I said seriously. She smiled through her tears and sobbed out a little laugh.

I pulled her up from the kneeling position she was in by our clasped hands and her face was an inch away from mine.

_Use me, as you will!  
Pull my strings just for a thrill!  
_

"I need to be with you." Brooke said vulnerably and she tried to choke back another sob. I nodded in agreement trying my hardest not to sob.

"I know I need you too." I said as a sob escaped my throat. She closed her eyes momentarily and I leaned in and kissed her left eyelid. Then I kissed her right one and trailed kisses down her damp cheeks until I reached her waiting lips. I put everything I had into this kiss. It wasn't like the party when it was just our lips feeling each other's this was pure need and more importantly love. She released my hands and put her hands on the sides of my face and started wiping my tears away.

_And I know I'll be okay,  
though my skies are turning gray! (Gray! gray!)  
_

She kissed me hungrily as I ran my fingers through her silky hair before planting one hand on her lower back and the other on her waist. She tongue massaged mine as we fell backwards on the bed with her on top. The kiss lasted as long as we both possibly could go without stopping to breathe. Finally we needed oxygen so she pulled away for just a second. I reached up and wiped away her tears as I caught my breath. She rested her forehead on mine and though she didn't want to she involuntarily let another sob escape her.

"Baby what's wrong?" I asked making her look at me while my forehead stayed on hers.

"I'm just so sorry you've had to go through all this alone for so long." She said wiping them away quickly. My heart immediately ached for her.

"It's okay I've been too afraid to tell anyone and he knew that." I said making her understand. She nodded and I grabbed her face and crashed our lips together again. I felt more tears fall on my hands as I turned us over so I was on top. My own tears fell to her cheeks and mixed with hers. She reached to the bottom of my shirt and brought it over my head. I kissed along her jaw line and across her collarbone as she whispered she loved me over and over.

_I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
_

I slid her shirt over her head quickly before planting my lips on hers again. Her hands went for my pants and she unbuttoned them and I kicked off my shoes and hers. She moaned in pleasure while she arched her back so I could take her pants off. I grabbed her leg and brought it around my waist as I kissed her neck in the same spots I had the night before only this time a lot gentler.

I got chills as she slid her fingers roughly through my hair and down my back softly over her other scratch marks that marked me as her territory. I took off her panties at the same time she took my boxers off and I pulled away for a second to look at her. She had nothing but love in her beautiful hazel eyes that told me she was ready and I slipped inside of her.

_I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!  
_

Always starting off slowly so I don't hurt her. I caressed her leg that wrapped my waist and a moan escaped my lips as she kissed my neck.

"You really don't know what you do to me." I whispered in an intense and husky whisper as I picked up the pace. She moaned out in pleasure before kissing me hard on the mouth.

"It's exactly what you do to me." She whispered back just as intense.

I kept going at this pace for a while and we were both coming towards the end. I gripped her leg tighter when I was almost there she screamed my name extra loud.

"Oh god Nathan!" She cried in pleasure. We were almost right there.

"I love you!" I yelled as we both came and I collapsed on top of her. Sweat covered both our bodies and we were panting so heavily. As usual I buried my face in her hair that was in the crook of her neck. I fit there so perfectly.

"Nathan that was amazing." Brooke said stroking my hair. I nodded and she felt it. I lifted my head to look at her again.

"Are you okay?" She asked me concerned. I grinned at her before planting a kiss on her forehead and staying there.

"I love you Brooke Davis." I said against her forehead and then kissed it again.

"I love you too Nathan Scott." She said as she leaned up and kissed me again. I pulled away and pulled out of her to lie on my back. She put her head on my chest and I hadn't felt safer in a really long time.

_I will never let you fall!  
I'll stand up with you forever!  
_

"Thank you." I said softly while holding her.

"For what?" She asked as she planted a kiss on my chest.

"You saved my life Davis." I said knowingly and gratefully. She smiled a dimpled smile as more tears formed behind her eyes.

"I'll always save you Nathan." She said seriously. I looked at her and for the first time I felt like I could see her soul. For the first time in my life I felt complete.

"I'm sorry if I freaked you out earlier with the shutting down." I said hesitantly not wanting to ruin the moment. She had now seen best and me at my worst and she was still here.

It took her a minute to answer. I know it must have scared her but she brought me out of it. No one could ever do that before. No one cared.

"It's okay. Just make sure you always come back to me." Brooke said sweetly before kissing me again. I smiled into it and felt her do the same. It had been a while since I had anything at all to smile about. No matter what happened now it felt like I could handle it. I was finally honest with Brooke and huge weight has been lifted. Life isn't getting any easier though but it wouldn't be as hard because I knew I had her by my side.

_I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!_

**Okay so that's the end of that. Please review it means a lot!! That took me a really long time to write so at least give me a little opinion. Thank you so much!! 'Your Guardian Angel' by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Yep that's for Nicole my twin hope you loved it!! And thanks for letting me use yours and Ryan's story title for this chapter! )**


	23. Believe

**Hey so if you want you can tell me how mad you are for me completely neglecting this story. I'm sorry I started school and cross country and I haven't had any spare time at all. But all of you who reviewed are the best people ever thank you so much!!**

"_I'm sorry if I freaked you out earlier with the shutting down." I said hesitantly not wanting to ruin the moment. She had now seen best and me at my worst and she was still here._

_It took her a minute to answer. I know it must have scared her but she brought me out of it. No one could ever do that before. No one cared._

"_It's okay. Just make sure you always come back to me." Brooke said sweetly before kissing me again. I smiled into it and felt her do the same. It had been a while since I had anything at all to smile about. No matter what happened now it felt like I could handle it. I was finally honest with Brooke and huge weight has been lifted. Life isn't getting any easier though but it wouldn't be as hard because I knew I had her by my side._

_I'll be there for you through it all,  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!_

I stayed with Brooke for the rest of the night. I actually slept for the entire night, which hadn't happened in forever it seemed. Now that Brooke knew everything I didn't know what to do. Would she want me to tell someone else? I didn't think I was ready to tell anyone else. I had expected her to run the minute she found out my own father, the person who is supposed to love you no matter what doesn't. At least not the way most dads love their sons. His version of tough love has a whole new meaning.

_The faces all around me they don't smile they just crack._

_Waiting for our ship to come, but our ship's not coming back._

After he touched Brooke I couldn't handle it. I had to punish him the way he's been punishing me for the past 6 years. I wasn't going to be his human punching bag anymore. Never again was I going to let him touch me. My jaw involuntarily clenched. I needed to stop thinking about him. It was almost 9 on Sunday and I thought I should do something special for Brooke for being here for me.

I slipped out of bed and put my clothes back on without her noticing. She had to be exhausted. Not many girls find out their boyfriends are getting their ass beat by their father on a regular basis.

'Am I her boyfriend?' I thought suddenly. We had now been together again twice since I had been back not counting me kissing her that day in Peyton's room. We hadn't had that official getting back together talk yet. I seriously hope we are. I need her.

_We do our time like pennies in a jar._

_What are we saving for?_

_What are we saving for?_

I found all the things I was looking for in her kitchen. The pots and pans looked like they hadn't been used, ever. Brooke wasn't huge on cooking apparently. I made her eggs, bacon, and toast. Once when we had a party here sophomore year and I passed out on her floor. I woke up in her bed while she was walking in with a tray of exactly what I'm making her now. She says it actually cures hangovers.

I smiled thinking about that. We weren't even that good of friends and she took care of me. Typical Brooke. She was truly amazing. I poured a glass of orange juice and made some coffee for both of us. After I got myself a bowl of cereal and managed to carry all of this up the stairs with out falling or spilling. I walked in and she was just waking up.

_There's a smell of stale fear that is wreaking from our skins._

_The drinking never stops, because the drink absolves our sins. _

'Now the roles were reversed.' I thought. It was time for me to take care of her.

"Hey." She smiled when she saw me.

"Good morning beautiful." I said feeling strangely happy. I liked it.

"Nathan what is all of that?" She asked pointing to the tray I was carrying. It was the same one from her bringing me breakfast.

"I made you the best hangover cure there is." I said smiling because she said the exact same thing to me. An even bigger smile broke out on her face as she realized what I was talking about.

_We sit and grow our roots into the floor._

_What are we waiting for?_

_What are we waiting for?_

"I can't believe you remember that." She said disbelieving as I put the tray on her lap.

"You took care of me that morning and I think its finally time I returned the favor." I said kissing her cheek getting settled back into the bed.

"Thank you this is delicious." She said taking her first bite. I started eating my cereal and for a few minutes we sat quietly eating together in bed. I closed my eyes and for a second I saw us doing this every morning together. Breakfast in bed, waking up next to her every morning, being with her forever. It seemed like the perfect life. I opened my eyes and she was staring at me.

_So give me something to believe_

_Cause I am living just to breathe_

_And I need something more _

_To keep on breathing for_

_So give me something to believe. _

"You okay?" She asked softly. I'm sure the previous night's confessions were on her mind.

"I'm a lot better now." I said honestly giving her a little smile. A real one.

"Good." She said leaning over to give me a light kiss on the lips.

"So there's sort of something I want to ask you." I said suddenly thinking about our current relationship status.

"Sure what is it?" She asked looking at me drinking some coffee.

"Umm after everything we've been through I know it hasn't been easy." I started.

"But I was thinking this morning that we haven't talked about where you want our relationship to go or if we even have a relationship. I think I assumed we were back together, but we haven't said anything about that yet." I finished looking at her hoping I was making sense.

"You're right we never got to that last night." She said thinking back.

"I assumed the same thing. I don't think that we can go through all of that and not be together. So yes Scott we are definitely back together." She finished smiling. I smiled back.

_Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground._

_It swells into the air with a rising, rising sound._

"Good I was just making sure." I said laughing.

"This was the best morning. Breakfast was awesome." She said and I looked over she ate everything. I loved a girl with a good appetite.

"I'm so happy you liked it." I said putting my empty bowl with her dishes.

"So I was also thinking that you should stay here a while." She said putting the tray on the floor. I hadn't really thought about that. I was overwhelmed with the fact that she knows.

"Oh um I don't know." I said sort of at a loss for words.

"You can't go back there Nathan he'll hurt you." Brooke said worriedly. I was so used to always going back there whether or not he was going to hurt me I forgot to someone else it sounded like a horrible idea.

"I guess you're right." I said softly looking down embarrassed. This whole situation was embarrassing.

"Nate its not your fault." She said making me look at her.

"I know." I whispered. I did know, but sometimes he still got to me.

"So do you want to stay here with me?" She asked with a teasing smile.

I nodded.

"Of course." I said knowing there was nothing else I wanted more.

"Should you go home and get some clothes and stuff?" Brooke asked.

"Probably I can only hope Dan isn't there when I am." I said.

"Do you want me to go with you?" She asked.

"No!" I said immediately. She was surprised by my outburst.

"Sorry if he is there I don't want you to be around him. He'll be pretty pissed about last night so-."

"That's why you shouldn't go alone. Scott I don't want him to hurt you anymore." She said with anguish in her eyes. I could tell how worried she was.

"It's going to be okay. I'll be fine." I said praying I was telling the truth.

"Okay if you're sure." She said.

* * *

"It'll be fine." I said reassuringly.

_And never comes, but shakes the boards_

_And rattles all the doors_

_What are we waiting for?_

_What are we waiting for?_

When I got home my dad wasn't there, but my mom was. When I walked in I was bombarded with questions.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

"Why does Karen think you came to visit me?!"

"Where were you for 3 weeks Nathan?!"

I stood there not sure what to say.

"Um I was at Brooke's." I said answering her first question.

"Okay why does Karen think you came to visit me and same with Keith and Whitey? By the way what happened to Peyton?" She asked. I knew this was going to happen. I shouldn't have brought her into my lies.

"Peyton and I broke up." Was all I said and started towards my room.

"Don't walk away from me Nathan!" She yelled and I visibly flinched, but out of habit I stopped. Deb hadn't realized that she yelled loudly enough to make him flinch.

"Where did you go for 3 weeks? The whole town knows you were gone and you missed 2 games. What's going on?" She asked in a softer tone not wanting to scare him again.

"I took a mini vacation." I said sarcastically.

"Where were you?" She asked again. I sighed. I was not telling her this now.

"Mom I've got to go I have plans with Brooke." I said and ran up stairs to pack. Just like the night I ran away I stuffed clothes and my tooth brush into a bag. I walked back down stairs.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me the truth." She said in a stern voice.

"I already told you." I said.

"You didn't tell me anything. Why didn't you or your father tell me you were going somewhere and once again why does everyone think you came to see me?" She asked again as her voice rose. I couldn't blame her this was probably frustrating.

I was about to answer when my dad walked in. He stopped when he saw me and my mom.

_So give me something to believe_

_Cause I am living just to breathe_

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for_

_So give me something to believe_

"Dan what happened to your face?" She asked and I could do was glare at him.

"I had a little run in with someone." He said sneaking a glance at me. My fists clenched and I was ready to kill him if he wanted to fight.

"Who did this to you?" She asked.

"Don't worry about it Deb I'll be sure to get him next time." He said and walked past her and past me glaring. I stepped back as he passed and I was right under a light.

_I am hiding from some beast_

_But the beast was always here_

"Oh my god Nathan what happened to your face?" She asked. I turned to look at her with wide eyes. I hadn't looked in the mirror I didn't know how bad I was. Shit and I walked here from Brooke's.

_Watching without eyes_

_Because the beast is just my fear_

"It's nothing mom." I said in a rush. Dan looked at me with a glare that could kill anyone.

"Okay you both are going to give me some answers what the fuck is going on?" She yelled staring at both of us. I shook my head knowing just because she was here for good nothing was going to change. I had to make it change.

_That I am just nothing_

_Now that's just what I've become_

_What am I waiting for?_

_Its already done_

"Ask dad mom." I said and walked out the door.

"Nathan!" She yelled to stop me but I started to run back to Brooke's house.

"Dan tell me what happened to both of you." Deb said walking up to him.

"Deb not now." He said but she wasn't letting this go.

"No I've been gone way to long and I'm not leaving again what has happened since I left?" She said.

"Just some good old fashioned father/son bonding nothing for you to worry about." Dan said smirking.

"That's bull shit. The whole god damn town knows Nathan left and they think he was with me and Cooper when I know he wasn't. Where was he?" She demanded.

"I don't know where he was Deb." Dan said. It was the truth.

"How can you not know where he was he was gone for 3 damn weeks?!" She exploded. He was acting like he didn't even care about Nathan.

"He took off one night and then came back 3 weeks later. That's it." He said.

"Why did he leave?" She challenged.

"I don't know Deb he just took off." He said and tried to get past her again and she saw his hands. A huge wave of realization came over her.

_Ohhhhh!_

"You." She said looking up at him with wide eyes.

"What?" He asked impatiently.

"Nathan's face it was you. Oh my god you two got into a fight." Deb said disbelieving. Dan hit Nathan. He hit their son.

"Deb come on that didn't happen." He said calmly, but on the inside he felt uneasy.

"I can't believe you touched Nathan. How could you be so cruel?" She asked backing away from him.

"I didn't touch him. He gets into fights all the time with rival players that's probably what happened with him last night." Dan said quickly.

"If that happened to him what happened to you huh?" She yelled.

"I got into it with someone who was trying to screw me over on a deal we made." He said lying easily.

"I don't believe you. You hit him you, hit your son. What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked as her voice continued to rise. She felt terrible she wasn't here for this.

"How long has this been going on?" Deb demanded to know. Deep down she was scared to find out the answer. If it had been going on for a long time and she didn't notice then she would officially be the worst mother ever.

"Deb I already told you I didn't touch him." Dan said tightly.

"I can't be here I can't even look at you, you horrible monster!" She yelled and ran to her car. Dan was faster and he blocked the door.

"You aren't going anywhere Deb." He said in a threatening voice. She backed up instinctively terrified.

"Now we are going to talk about this like adults." He said taking steps closer to her as she continued to back up. She clutched her phone in her jacket pocket and as quickly as she could dialed 911.

_So give me something to believe_

_Cause I am living just to breathe_

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for_

_So give me something to believe_

"What the fuck are you doing?" He yelled when he saw her phone.

"Help! My husband hit my son and he won't let me leave!" Deb cried in a panic to the police. The phone was ripped out of her hands and thrown at the wall.

* * *

"That was a big mistake Deb." He said and took the final step to where he was right in front of her.

"Lucas honey are you alright?" Karen asked her son while he was sitting on a stool at the counter at the cafe.

"Where's Haley?" He asked. He was bored and he was worried about Nathan.

"She called in sick. I'm surprised you didn't already know that." She said giving him some coffee.

"Actually she called me this morning, I forgot." He said absent-minded.

"Lucas what's going on?" She asked again with more concern. Keith came over noticing Lucas' expression.

"Hey Luke what's wrong?" He asked.

"You both worry about me too much." Lucas said chuckling softly.

"Its our job we're your par-." Karen stopped right there realizing that technically Keith wasn't her son's biological father as much as she wished he was. Lucas looked at her and Keith was looking at her too with a huge grin on his face.

"You were saying Ma." Lucas said with a knowing smirk. She flushed for a second and tried to cover up her mistake.

"It's our job we love you." She said instead. Lucas nodded and snuck a glance at Keith who looked happy almost being called his dad.

"To be perfectly honest I'm worried about Nathan." He said wondering if he should be talking to them about this.

"What's going on is he okay?" Keith asked. Lucas may be like his son, but Nathan was his nephew. He just barely knew him.

"I don't know. We were good for a while we were friends and then he left came over said some pretty horrible things and left for a few weeks. And after me, Peyton, and Brooke found him and brought him back his story still didn't add up and now he's saying we can't be friends. Something is so off, but he keeps denying anything is wrong." Luke said looking at both of them.

"What do you mean you found him I thought he visited his mom?" Karen asked confused.

"He says he did. We found him at a hotel in Charlotte." He stopped wondering if he should mention the stab wound.

"Nathan was pretty hurt too. He said he had been in a fight at a pool hall with a local. He was stabbed. I don't think he wanted anyone to know that, but I'm really worried about him." Lucas said waiting for their reactions.

"I can't believe Dan didn't tell anyone." Keith said. He never understood Nathan and Dan's relationship. It didn't sit well with him that Dan didn't treat Nathan right. At least like a father should treat his son.

"Is Nathan alright is he still hurt?" Karen asked like a worried mother.

"I think he's better. He can walk really well, but the night he left it just didn't make sense. Me, Brooke, and Peyton have a theory." He said not sure if he should tell them what they though about Dan.

"What is it?" Keith asked.

"We think that Dan hits him." He said quietly so no one would hear him. At first they didn't say anything.

"When Nathan was in the hospital do you think?" Keith didn't finish as he thought more about it.

"We all think so. Nate says it was Stephen Richards but I know it wasn't I don't care what he says. I'm almost positive it was Dan. Right after Nathan left I saw his hands. It looked like he had hit something pretty damn hard and Nate looked like he had been in a fight when he came over." Lucas said quickly feeling weird and relieved that he was talking to adults about this.

"What should we do? Nathan can't stay there and neither can Deb." Karen said thinking quickly.

"Lucas do you have any real proof? Dan is the mayor we can't just call the police on him without substantial evidence." He said sort of dazed. He knew Dan pushed Nathan about basketball, but child abuse? It was overwhelming.

* * *

"I don't but I know what I saw and it would make sense. I really think I'm right about this." He explained and then the three of them all looked out the window as 3 cop cars sped past the cafe in the direction of the Scott residence.

"I think I could get used to this." I said smiling like a fool with Brooke as we layed in her bed and watched a movie.

"I know isn't it perfect?" She said cuddling up to me as I put my arms tightly around her. I was worried about my mom, but for once I was being selfish and thinking of my own safety. He wouldn't touch her would he?

I got the strong urge to tell Brooke about what I saw earlier this morning while we were eating, but I didn't want to scare her. I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her. It still scared the hell out of me, but instead of running from it like I did before I was trying to embrace it.

"Hey Davis guess what?" I asked.

"What?" She asked looking at me.

"You're supposed to guess that's the whole point of the game." I said in a duh voice.

"Oh right. Your thinking about how much you love me!" She said with a dimpled grin. Damn she was good. I looked at her closely.

"Are you a mind reader?" I asked jokingly.

"Not exactly, but I was just thinking how much I love you and was hoping you were thinking the same thing about me." She said as she leaned up and kissed me hard on the mouth. I couldn't help but smile at how adorable she is.

"Well you were right. That's exactly what I was thinking about." I said and deepened the kiss. I placed myself on top of her completely forgetting about everything but me and her. She started to take my shirt off when the doorbell rang.

"Are you serious?" I groaned and rolled over. I heard her giggle and sit up.

"Come on boytoy come with me to see who it is and I promise to make it up to you later." She winked. I smirked and followed her downstairs. She opened the door and 2 cops were standing there.

"Nathan Scott we need you to come with us." One of the police man said.

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for_

_So give me something to believe_

**Haha I'm leaving it there until next time!! I hope that it was worth the wait. Please drop a review and I will be inclined to update again faster the very next time I can get a few hours in. Thanks again to everyone I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this! :) 'Believe' by the Bravery.**


	24. Hurt

**Hey so I finally had some free time and I thought why not get another chapter up before the weekend!! Thank you so much to Brathanothlover, toddntan, jubileelove98, lukenpeyton4ever, rachtree, and as always xXprettygirlXxXboyfriendXx twin always one of the first to review love you girl!! :) So all of you amazing people thank you I appreciate it so much!!**

"_Come on boytoy come with me to see who it is and I promise to make it up to you later." She winked. I smirked and followed her downstairs. She opened the door and 2 cops were standing there._

"_Nathan Scott we need you to come with us." One of the police man said._

_And I need something more_

_To keep on breathing for_

_So give me something to believe_

I stood there at the police station completely stunned. I had been stunned before, but actually seeing my dad behind bars in a holding cell was one thing that just stunned me. He was caught. Actually, literally, physically caught. I saw my mom in the questioning room, but her back was to me so I couldn't see her face. I was worried about what I would see. The cops said they made it before anything too horrible had happened. I knew that something not horrible to one person was usually ten times worse than anyone thought when they were the victim. I sighed thinking about that word.

_Victim_

I hated it. I knew I was the prime definition of the word, but it made me sad thinking it. I was another sad case of child abuse. A lot like what you see on Law & Order. I was one of those kids. Being here with all of these cops and people of authority, it made me feel like a little kid again. I didn't want to admit it, but I was fucking terrified right now. I was going to have to tell all of these strangers everything that has been going on, and I was in no way ready for that at all.

_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

I sat down suddenly exhausted. So much for my first full night of sleep. I don't think I'll be sleeping hardly at all after this. I don't care if they think that they're helping by asking me questions about what happened, it's none of their damn business. I could really use a fix right now and coke sounded better and better every second that passed. I had to clench my fists. I rested my forehead against my fists while my elbows rested on my thys. I really wish Brooke was here with me. The annoying policemen said she couldn't come. She wasn't family.

Bull shit. She was the only real family I had. The night I told her everything was floating around in my mind. I felt the exact same way I did then. My walls were up and they were suffocating me. I didn't want them to, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to escape I needed to get out of there. I stood up and started for the door when I heard the detective call out my name.

_I focus on the pain_

_The only thing that's real_

"Excuse me Mr. Scott we have a few questions for you." He said. I stopped, but I didn't turn around.

"Can you please follow me?" He asked politely. My jaw clenched and I wanted nothing more than to knock his ass out. I inhaled deeply and exhaled before turning around with a complete blank expression on my face. I followed him into the room right next to the one my mom is in. I sat down in the chair obviously intended for people like me. _Victims_ I really was another helpless victim to them.

_The needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting_

"I know that this whole situation must be very difficult for you to talk about, but can you please try to be honest and answer every question?" He asked looking right at me. I stared back feeling nothing and not saying anything, but nodding.

"Okay great." He said with a small sympathetic smile. I wanted to punch it off his face. He didn't get it. He didn't understand how hard this was. They always say that so you'll be tricked into a false sense of trust and feel safe. I won't fall for it. I was starting to slip away I could tell. If I was actually going to do this I couldn't be me. I had to be nothing then when I came back, if I came back hopefully I wouldn't remember.

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything_

"So I'll start by asking when was the first time your father hit you?" He asked sitting right across from me. He looked relaxed, like he had done this a few times before. It's nothing he hasn't heard before. I'm sure every other poor _victim_ he's talked to has started crying pouring their hearts out telling every gory detail. My little conversation wouldn't go like that at all. I'd answer his questions with mostly one or two word answers and get the hell out of there.

_What have I become_

_My sweetest friend_

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away in the end_

"I was 12." I said flatly. He nodded.

"What happened?" He asked. What did he want the whole god damn story? I wasn't telling him.

"I thought it was obvious. He hit me." I said sarcastically. The detective nodded again probably getting the idea I didn't want to be here answering these stupid questions. Why did they need to know when or how? Couldn't they just know he did it and put him away?

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

"How long after the first time he hit you did he do it again?" He asked and I saw his name tag for the first time. His name was Collin.

"Not long." I said almost immediately. Thinking back once Dan realized not only could he control me and basketball he could control everything by scaring me out of ever telling someone. He loved it.

"Could you please be a little more specific Mr. Scott?" Collin asked gently.

"I don't know Collin about a week later he hit me again." I said looking at the table. He waited a second before asking something else.

_I wear this crown of shit_

_Upon my liar's chair_

"How often after the first two occurrences did it happen? Was it daily or only when he was drinking or working extra hard as mayor or at the dealership?" He asked. I looked up at him. Of course he knew who my dad was. Mayor and owns the only dealership in Tree Hill.

"I'd say it became a pretty daily routine." I said emotionless staring at him with a blank stare. He might be able to tell that I was nothing. I wasn't sure I wasn't all there anyway. I didn't want to remember this meeting or any of the memories I was being forced to talk about. Instinctively I clenched my fists again. I put them in my lap so he wouldn't see and start asking more dumb questions.

"Your face right now." He said pointing to my face. "Is it evidence from a recent attack by your father?" He asked tilting his head to get a better look at me. It wasn't like I was only 2 feet away from him or anything. I rolled my eyes. Where else would it be from?

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair_

"Yes." I said quietly crossing my arms across my chest still clenching my fists tightly. He continued to stare at me for a moment trying to read me. I thought of Brooke doing the same thing the night I came to her house after Dan kicked me out for missing practice with him. She might have broke me, but this guy wouldn't.

"Is there anything else you want to know?" I asked icily after a minute of him staring. I was used to people staring at me, but not when they knew my secrets.

"Has your father ever abused you in any other way besides hitting? Has he sexually assaulted you or your mother?" He asked hesitantly. I could tell my expressionless face was making him uncomfortable. I didn't know if my dad had ever done that to my mom. She wasn't around enough for that.

"No not that I know of." I said turning and looking at the door wanting to leave.

_Beneath the stains of time_

_The feeling disappears_

"Okay here's one people aren't usually comfortable answering but we have to ask." He said stopping. I looked at him questioning. What the hell did that mean? He waited another second before asking the question that would seem so obvious to ask, but one I wasn't ready for.

"Honestly Mr. Scott why didn't you ever tell anyone what was going on?" He said looking sympathetically at me. I could tell he felt bad I went through this hell for 6 years keeping it a secret. I didn't know what to say. I was for the second time that day stunned. I stared dumbfound. All feeling was officially gone and for a split second I didn't know where I was. I got dizzy and confused so I had to shut my eyes and take a deep breath. Why didn't I ever tell anyone? Anybody who was smart would have told someone after the first time it happened. I didn't. I didn't tell so he kept doing it over, over, and over again. I started shaking again. I clenched my jaw trying not to disappear completely. I couldn't help it I was going.

_You are someone else _

_I am still right here_

I was retreating, shutting down. Where the fuck was Brooke? I needed her to bring me back I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own. Fuck I was about to be totally withdrawn from everything. I was becoming a shell of who I was before the abuse, before Brooke, before everything. I wouldn't be Nathan Scott king of Tree Hill or the best basketball player. No I would be Nathan the boy who was abused by his dad for years and was too afraid to tell. I would be the one they still talked about but for all different reasons. I was all alone.

_What have I become_

_My sweetest friend_

_Everyone I know_

_Goes away in the end_

My parents didn't love me. My mom didn't notice. Not once and she kept leaving me there with him! I was too good of a liar and no one figured it out. No one cared enough to, until Brooke came along. She made me want to live and love. I was leaving Brooke. I didn't want to leave her. My eyes shut tighter as my fingernails broke the skin of my palms. I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see I was alone. I knew that was how it would always end. Dan told me that was how it would end. He was right.

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down _

_I will make you hurt _

I would be forever known as Nathan Scott. _Victim _I took one more shaky breath before the darkness finally greeted me like it had before after one of my dad's beatings. I was officially gone. After all that's happened I had always tried to hold on feeling like something better was out there and I would find it. And I finally did. Brooke. She was my angel. I loved her so much. I was too fucked up for her. I wasn't even me anymore. I was just a poor helpless _victim. _The cops knew pretty soon everyone would if they didn't already.

_If I could start again_

_A million miles away_

The darkness was welcoming, as always. I knew it well. It was my home now. Dan might have finally gotten caught, but I still had my memories and bad dreams. They would keep me company. I always imagined the day my dad stopped hitting me to be one of relief and happiness. I was wrong again like usual. I was no longer me, I was numb. Gone and never coming back.

_I would keep myself_

_I would find a way_

**I'm sorry it wasn't very long. And also if it didn't make any sense to anyone sorry. :( That was all I could come up with. I always appreciate some feedback so please review. 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails. One of my all time favorite songs! **

**Until next time xoxo Marissa Davis!**


	25. Broken

**Hey!! So sorry it's been a little while since my last update. I've been trying to keep up with my other story The Kiss and Our Past so I apologize. I'm letting you know now this won't be the longest chapter, but I hope you enjoy reading it none the less. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!!**

_The darkness was welcoming, as always. I knew it well. It was my home now. Dan might have finally gotten caught, but I still had my memories and bad dreams. They would keep me company. I always imagined the day my dad stopped hitting me to be one of relief and happiness. I was wrong again like usual. I was no longer me, I was numb. Gone and never coming back._

_I would keep myself_

_I would find a way_

Brooke couldn't believe they wouldn't let her go with her boyfriend to the police station! She wasn't family?! That's bull shit she loved Nathan with all her heart they were each other's family. Brooke felt like something was seriously wrong and she hadn't talked to Lucas or Peyton about Nathan admitting to what they always suspected about Dan hitting Nathan. She grabbed her purse and went to the cafe to find them.

She ran in and saw Lucas with Peyton, his mom and his uncle.

"I need to talk to you both asap." She said in a rush when she walked up to them.

"Did you see those cop cars heading towards Nathan's house?" Lucas asked worriedly.

"Yeah they came to my house and took him in for questioning." I said looking at Lucas and Peyton. Keith and Karen were standing behind the counter listening.

"They took him so we were right weren't we?" Peyton asked making sure.

"Yes he told me everything. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard its been going on since he was 12 and he never told anyone." She said sadly feeling even worse.

"Why didn't you go with him to the station?" Karen asked coming out from behind the counter with Keith right behind her.

"They wouldn't let me because I'm not family." Brooke said angrily.

"Brooke Nathan confessed to you that Dan's been abusing him since he was 12?" Keith asked looking sadly at his nephews girlfriend. He just couldn't believe his brother was such a horrible father. He knew deep down that he mistreated Nathan but he didn't know it was this bad.

"He told me everything. Nathan went home this morning to get clothes and when he got back he said his mom was freaking out because he's got a black eye and a bruised cheek. He didn't tell her but his dad walked in and he told his mom to talk to him then a while later the cops came." She spit out in one breath trying to catch everyone up on what she knew.

"They must be questioning all three of them we should get down there." Lucas said.

"Luke I'll take you." Keith offered. Karen had to stay behind at the cafe and the other two girls went with Keith and Lucas. There was a semi tense silence. Everyone felt awful for Nathan and Brooke couldn't shake this bad feeling she had.

"B. Davis what's wrong?" Peyton asked from next to her.

"I have a really bad feeling Peyt something's wrong." She said worriedly. She needed to be there with Nathan. She was afraid if he had to tell the whole story again he'd shut down.

"When did he tell you all of this?" She asked.

"Last night I went to his house to talk and I saw Dan hitting him and without thinking I ran in and me and Nathan ran out to my house. He broke down and told me what's been going on." She said wanting to get there as fast as possible. She didn't feel right she was so worried. Finally they pulled in and parked.

They 4 of them walked in frantically and were stopped by a cop.

"Can I help you?" He asked. They all saw Dan in the holding cell and it all became that much more real.

"We need to see Nathan Scott." Brooke said after looking around quickly and not seeing him anywhere.

"I can't do anything for you. He's in questioning and that can't be disturbed." He said looking at all of them.

"And no one's supposed to be here who isn't family." He said judgingly.

"I'm his brother!" Lucas spoke up angrily. Peyton grabbed his hand to calm him down.

"We are family. I'm his uncle." Keith said patting Lucas' shoulder knowing how scared he was about he and Nathan's father being an evil asshole.

"It doesn't matter you can wait, but you can't see Nathan until he's out of questioning." The cop said and walked away. Deb walked out of her room looking bruised and battered.

"Oh god Deb!" Keith said as the rest followed.

"He's been abusing Nathan. He's a monster." She cried out.

"We know we just found out." Keith said and tried to hug her for comfort.

"Nathan ran away and told everyone he came to see me, but it was after Dan had attacked him and I don't know where he was, but I was always gone I didn't notice." She broke down. She felt like the worst person in the world. Her own son and she didn't know. Keith walked her over to a chair and sat with her.

"Nathan didn't come to see you." Lucas didn't ask he said. They all knew he was lying, but why was he in Charlotte in the first place? It didn't matter at the moment Dan was in jail finally for hurting Nathan. Brooke couldn't shake her feeling she needed to be in there with him.

"I have to see Nathan." She said determined and as she got up Detective Collin came out.

"I think I need an ambulance." He said in a panic.

"Is Nathan in there?" She asked concerned.

"Yes he is I was asking him questions and he just blacked out without warning I don't know what happened, but he won't wake up." He said. Other cops had come over.

"What's going on?" The one who came up to them earlier asked. Brooke didn't wait for the detective to say it again. She pushed past and went into the room. Her heart broke seeing Nathan on the ground completely withdrawn. She knew this would happen. She ran in.

"Hey you're not aloud in there!" The cop yelled. He was the chief of police and kind of an asshole.

"Nathan baby come on wake up!" Brooke said bending down and cupping his face in her hands. His breathing was shallow and she should've insisted on coming with him anyway. She was so scared this would happen. Brooke knew he would shut down if he had to talk about it.

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

"Please Nathan come back to me." She begged holding him in her arms. Lucas, Peyton, Keith, Deb, Detective Collin, and the chief came in and watched a little surprised she would try to wake him up after Collin already tried what she did. Tears welled up in Brooke's eyes. He had just told her the night before about this he wasn't ready to tell strangers.

"Scott come on." She pleaded and grabbed his hands placing them over her heart like she had done the night before.

_I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

"We need an ambulance he's blacked out." Collin said pulling out his cell phone.

"This isn't medical it's all emotional." Brooke spat at them.

"Emotional what the hell does that mean?" The chief asked.

"You can't just expect him to tell all you strangers his deepest secret and he'd be perfectly fine. His bastard father abused him for years scaring him to death so he wouldn't ever tell." She explained her voice rising with every word. They all stared at her trying to console Nathan.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel light when you're gone away_

"Will you close the door and give me a minute with him?" She yelled impatiently.

"You aren't family you aren't supposed to be in here with him." Chief Roberts said. He was really starting to piss Brooke off.

"Look I don't give a fuck if I'm not blood related to him he's my boyfriend and he needs me so back the hell off and give me one damn minute alone with him I can help him you don't need an ambulance!" Brooke yelled venomously and at that moment all of them were afraid of her.

"You get 10 minutes." Chief said trying to cover up him being intimidated by Brooke.

"Thank you." She said exasperated. They closed the door and left her alone with Nathan. She gathered as much of him in her arms as she could. His eyes were closed and his breathing was at unusual patterns.

"Baby please come back to me." Brooke begged as her tears began to fall. She gently rocked him.

"I love you Nathan Scott and I promised to save you." She sobbed placing her palm on his rapidly beating heart. It was beating way too fast.

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_

"Scott you can do it just open you eyes." She said as she lifted her hand to wipe her tears. She took his hand and replaced it back onto her also fast beating heart, but it wasn't as fast as Nathan's. She bit her cheek to keep from sobbing. She gently ran her fingers through his hair.

"Please don't leave me Nathan." She whispered brokenly. She knew that physically he'd still be here it wasn't like he was dead. But on the inside it would be that way. He wouldn't let her in again. He'd put his thick and high walls right back up and completely shut the world out. It was like he passed out from all the stress and exhaustion of keeping such a huge secret for so long. She felt terrible for him and she wanted to help him.

_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

I was in my shell. I didn't want to be apart of the real world anymore. I didn't want to see everyone's pity stares knowing I was a _victim_. It wasn't worth it. Life wasn't even worth living anymore. Somehow even with my dad behind bars I'd always remember no matter what. It would haunt me forever and no one could save me from my nightmares.

I felt still, light and completely worthless. Being nothing permanantley felt strange. Eventually I'd open my eyes, but I would refuse to see anything. I'd move without feeling it. I'd function out of habit. This was my life now. I wasn't Nathan Scott at all. Everyone would forget about him at some point. They would realize that he's dead and never coming back. What I was now I didn't even know what to call it. I was broken. That was the perfect way to describe me. I was all set on my new life, but I kept hearing soft sobs and I knew who it was immediately. I felt my heart race and it shouldn't be. In the darkness its slow and calm heartbeats. It beats just enough to keep me alive, but the second she showed up it sped out of control.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

I didn't want to hear what she was saying. I warned her of this the first night we spent together. I knew I'd hurt her and I had to do this before it became to unbearable to leave her. My body betrayed me as she gathered me in her arms and my ears listened to her quiet pleas for me to come back. I wasn't strong enough for that. I couldn't in the end I'd hurt her way more and she didn't deserve that. She needed to let me go.

"_I love you Nathan Scott and I promised to save you." _

My rapidly beating heart clenched hearing that. She loved me and she was trying to save me. I could never be with her when I have all this baggage. It was too much for one person to handle. I wouldn't dump it all on her. I had done that enough already. I should've just walked away that night before it got too deep. It wouldn't have mattered much anyway I was already in way too deep by then.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

"_Scott you can do it open your eyes."_

That was it. I couldn't do it. I was too weak. I was too far gone. Against my will I felt her grab my hand and place it on her beating heart. I thought about last night when she did that. My heart got really tight again. I was hurting her I felt her tears on my cheeks like last night. It was as if she could feel my pain. She was here trying to absorb all of my pain and misery. I couldn't give it to her she never did anything to deserve any of it. It was my pain and misery.

"_Please don't leave me Nathan." _

She sounded as broken as I was. She was begging for me to stay with her and be with her. It wasn't fair to Brooke. Didn't she know that she deserved the best and I was as far from that as she could get? I didn't want to leave her. She was to late though. I was gone. Her heart continued to beat faster and faster. It was out of panic, worry, and love. As worried and panicked she was that I wouldn't come back from this her love for me went ten times deeper than that. I could feel it as she brought my hand that was against her heart to her lips. I was starting to feel again. Brooke was actually bringing me back.

She should know that this is where I belonged. She belonged in happiness I belonged in darkness and misery. Dan always said I'd never be good enough and I wasn't. I wasn't good enough as a son, I wasn't good enough as a brother, and I wasn't good enough as a boyfriend.

"_Baby please don't leave me I need you." _

She started crying again. Her whole body by now was wracked with sobs and that was causing me to start shaking with her. Brooke could do so much better and even though I knew that it didn't stop me from loving her so much. I loved her to the point it hurt to breathe. It hurt when I wasn't around her and right now as she cried over me asking me to come back to her it hurt knowing I was the reason she was crying.

"_You promised to always come back to me." _

Brooke sobbed that part out and I heard her perfectly clear. The darkness was becoming lighter. I felt her run her fingers through my hair. She was absolutely right I did promise to come back to her after she told me she'd always save me. She had definitely done that on more than one occasion. I felt her cup my cheek with her shaking hand and stroke it gently. I shivered suddenly.

Brooke gently ran her fingers through his hair again because having his hand against her heart didn't look like it was working. She gently placed her palm on his cheek as her heart continued to ache for him. She stroked his face softly when she felt his whole body shiver. Her eyes widened.

"Nathan!" She said continuing to stroke his face.

"It's okay baby come back." She said happily that she got a response from him. More tears poured out as he leaned into her palm.

I didn't feel as light anymore. I felt almost as heavy as I normally do. I could hear my own breathing and my heart was about to burst out of my chest. She kept stroking my face and I couldn't help but lean into her touch. She was warm she was home. I could never feel complete with anyone else. I had never felt safe with anyone else. She was still crying and my stomach turned in knots of pain.

"Brooke." I whispered barely hearing that myself. I wondered if she did.

"_Nathan oh my god!" _She sobbed and ran her hand across my cheek and I shivered again.

"Where are we?" I struggled to say. My eyelids were still heavy, but I felt alive.

"_We're at the police station. You shut yourself down during questioning." _I could hear the pain in her voice. She must have known this would happen and that's why she was here.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly as my eyelids began to lighten and the darkness was fading away.

"_It's okay just come back to me Nathan." _She was begging me again to come back. She needed me. She loved me. That made me smile, and the sudden movement was the last straw and I opened my eyes. The darkness was gone and I was staring into the beautiful hazel eyes of my angel. She was still crying, but she had never looked more beautiful to me.

"I love you." I whispered to her. Just saying that didn't even come close to how I felt about her, but it was all I could think to say right now. She smiled at and wiped away the tears that fell on my face. I caught her hand and kissed it softly missing _really _feeling her.

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

"I love you to." She said quietly. We continued to stare at each other. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me and how sorry I was for hurting her. I think she might have been able to tell by the way I was looking at her. The truth was I needed to see her, I needed to be with her, and I needed to love her. That was the only thing that has kept me alive and the only thing that keeps bringing me back.

"You really scared me." She said trying to bite back a sob and she covered her mouth. My heart ached for her again.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to." I said not really sure if that was true. Of course I didn't want to scare her, but for her sake I tried to stay away. I couldn't though. Her love had saved me from myself once again. She nodded as the tears cascaded down her face.

"You know what brought me back?" I whispered as she tried to stop crying.

"What?" She asked quietly. I grabbed onto her hand and put our conjoined hands on her heart for a second then I put them on my heart.

"You." I said while our hands were still placed on my heart. She smiled again and leaned down to kiss me. As soon as our lips touched I remembered every reason why living was worth it. She started to pull away and I pulled her closer by our hands and deepened the kiss.

It hurt. It always did. I always felt like I couldn't be close enough to her. I needed her. I pulled her head towards me to get closer. If it was ever possible to love someone too much I definitely think that was the case with me and Brooke. I knew she felt the same way. Our kiss was desperate. We needed it and couldn't live without it. I was running out of air and so was she. She pulled back breathing heavily.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." She whispered vulnerably.

"I won't." I promised. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

We stayed like that for a while. She was still holding me because I was on the floor. I refused to tear my eyes away from her for a second fearing I would slip back into the darkness away from her. I could tell she was thinking the same thing. I gave her a small smile reassuring her that as long as she was here I wasn't leaving her again.

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

**TBC**

**Thanks so much for reading!! I really hope you liked it. Please drop a review you don't know how much it means to me!! 'Broken' by Seether ft. Amy Lee.**

**xoxo Marissa Davis**


	26. First Time

**Ahhh so I know I've been the most neglectful person ever. I'm sorry!! Thank you so much to everyone who still reads this story please stay with me! I'll try to update more often I promise.**

_We stayed like that for a while. She was still holding me because I was on the floor. I refused to tear my eyes away from her for a second fearing I would slip back into the darkness away from her. I could tell she was thinking the same thing. I gave her a small smile reassuring her that as long as she was here I wasn't leaving her again._

_'Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

We heard a knock at the door. I sighed not wanting anyone else around to disturb my moment with Brooke. The door opened and Chief Roberts walked in with Detective Collin, Keith, Lucas and Peyton. The detective seeing Nathan awake and looking a lot better than before stepped forward.

_We're both looking for something  
We've been afraid to find_

"Are you okay?" He asked cautiously.

"I'm fine." I said a little embarrassed that I had actually withdrawn into myself in front of him like that; it must have freaked him out.

"What you've told me is enough for today. I can see the evidence from his last attack on your face and that should be enough when this goes to court. If he's smart he'll plead guilty." He explained knowing Nathan wasn't ready to share everything.

"Do you really think he will?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

"I don't know honestly, but you aren't lying and we have your mother who's suffered her own attack.-"I cut him off.

"He attacked my mom?" I asked alarmed. I knew I shouldn't have left her with him alone.

The detective looked at me sadly.

"Unfortunately yes it was this morning. I talked to her before you came in and she said it happened after you left. She's going to be okay her injuries look similar to yours they'll heal." Collin said hoping to reassure Nathan it wasn't his fault.

_It's easier to be broken  
It's easier to hide_

I felt so bad. I didn't actually think that he would hit my mom or hurt her like that. Their marriage had never been a strong one, but he always saved his anger and rage for me not her.

"What happened?" I asked sitting up. I felt Brooke still holding onto me.

"She said she called him out on abusing you and he got angry and she tried to get away, but couldn't." He said. I felt my face heat up. I wanted nothing more than to break into that cell and kill the mother fucker for hurting my mom.

"I can't believe this." I whispered to myself as I stood up. Brooke stood up and grabbed a hold of my hand.

"What's going to happen now? He's going to stay in jail right?" I asked needing to know he couldn't hurt me or anyone else anymore.

"He'll remain in here for now. He's already called his lawyer and he might try to plead not guilty, but he really shouldn't. No jury would believe that he was innocent if we put you or your mother up on the stand." He explained. I didn't want to have to tell an entire court room about this. I could barely tell Brooke and I blacked out trying to tell Collin.

"Okay." I said understanding and not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"Can we go?" Brooke asked softly.

"You kids can go." The chief said. We all walked out and I saw my mom.

"Oh Jesus mom are you okay?" I asked rushing over to her. She threw her arms around me and sobbed into my chest.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." She cried. I put my arms around her.

"It's okay you didn't know." I told her.

"That doesn't make up for it Nathan." She said trying to calm down.

"Look its fine now he's here where he can't touch us anymore." I said. She nodded.

"Do you want me to come back home?" I asked her. I wanted to stay with Brooke, but my mom couldn't stay there alone.

"If you don't mind I don't think I can be there by myself." She admitted sadly.

"No neither of you are going back there you're both coming to my house." We all heard from behind us. We turned around and saw Karen. My mom immediately broke out into a smile and I did to.

"Karen you don't have to." Deb said.

"Don't worry about it I closed the café for the rest of the day and I went home to set up the guest room for you Deb and Nathan I was hoping you wouldn't mind sleeping in Lucas's room." She said looking from Deb to Nathan to Lucas. I glanced at my brother and he looked a little surprised then he grinned and looked at me telling me it was okay.

_Looking at you, holding my breath,  
For once in my life, I'm scared to death;  
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside._

"If you're sure." I said. I hadn't ever talked to her much, but she was smart enough to raise Lucas by herself without any help from Dan.

"Positive." She smiled. I saw her give Keith a special smile and he was looking at her like no one else was there. I'd always suspected something was going on with them. I never talked to them much but I'd seen them around together.

"I think it's time we got out of here." Peyton said looking around feeling uncomfortable. I nodded in agreement.

"Sure let's go." I said and we all walked out. I rode with Keith, Lucas, Peyton and Brooke while my mom went with Karen. We stopped by Brooke's house so I could get my bag then we went to our house so my mom could grab some stuff.

"I hope you boys won't get too crammed in here." Karen said as she led us to Lucas's room. It looked the same as the first time I stayed here. I wonder if Lucas told his mom about that.

"It's fine." I told her.

"Karen thank you so much for doing this." Deb said appreciatively.

"It's perfectly fine." She responded in the same kind manner she always does. No wonder Lucas is so nice.

"We'll let you guys figure all your stuff out." Keith said and he shut the bedroom door leaving me, Brooke, Peyton and Lucas.

_Feeling alive all over again,  
As deep as the sky, under my skin  
Like being in love, she says  
For the first time_

"So how are you doing Nate?" Peyton asked concerned.

"I'm a mess to be honest, but I'm also doing okay." I said shrugging.

"If you need anything let me know." She said and gave my hand a squeeze.

"Thanks Peyton." I said knowing I would need her friendship.

"Hey Luke can I talk to you for a second?" I asked. We hadn't spoken yet today and after our talk at the river court he'd want some answers. I wasn't going to go into all the details, but I owed him an explanation and an apology.

"Sure let's go on the porch." He said and we walked out his door that led to the outside.

"Umm so I definitely owe you an apology Lucas I'm really sorry about what I said before I left." I explained. He nodded. I knew he was still hurt by my words and I understood I was an ass to him.

"It's alright man. If I had known Dan was treating you like this I would've helped you a long time ago." He said.

"I know, but I couldn't tell you. He saw us getting along and knew we were becoming closer." I attempted for this to make any sense.

"So he abused you for becoming friends with me?" He asked worriedly.

"No he's been doing it since I was 12. He's evil and I couldn't stop him. Dan didn't like seeing me happy so he threatened to kill you and Brooke if I didn't break up with her and stop talking to you." I said. His jaw dropped.

"Oh wow." He said.

"I'm sorry, but he was serious so I had to come over immediately and say all those lies so you'd hate me again." I told him.

"I get it now." He said nodding.

"And I forgive you even though I already had." He added.

"Thank you Luke I didn't want to stop being brothers I was really starting to like it and was getting used to it to." I admitted. Finally I could be honest with him, Brooke and Peyton the most important people to me. Brooke especially.

_Maybe I'm wrong,  
But I'm feeling right where I belong  
With you tonight  
Like being in love  
To feel for the first time_

"Yeah its fine I hate that you had to go through all that I'm sorry." He said sincerely.

"I'm trying to forget about it honestly. It was horrible and I can't talk a lot about it." I said apologetically. I wasn't ready to share everything again.

"I understand there's no hurry for you to spill every secret about what he did to you, but when you are ready to talk I'm here." He said smiling.

"Okay thanks I'll remember that." I said thinking how lucky I am he and Brooke forgave me so fast after what I did and said to them. They truly cared and I owed them so much.

"Are you sure you're cool with me staying here, I could always crash at Brooke's." I said. I didn't want to leave my mom, but I knew I'd miss Brooke if I wasn't with her all the time.

_The world that I see inside you  
Waiting to come to life_

"Do not worry at all its fine. It'll be like a slumber party every night." He joked with fake enthusiasm.

"Oh good so we can stay up all night and paint each other's toe nails." I went along with him acting like a girly girl.

"Don't forget about eating 3 pounds of ice cream while watching sappy chick flicks." He continued laughing.

"And prank calling the person you have a crush on." I said cracking up. He had doubled over he was laughing so hard and I was on the verge of it to. We didn't hear the door open and the girls were watching us.

"We forgot to mention the massive pillow fight." He barely got out in between each laugh. That made me fall down onto the ground and a second later Lucas fell to.

"Sorry to interrupt your guy's little slumber party fantasy plan, but it's getting a bit creepy and a tad gay if I must say." Peyton interrupted trying not to laugh.

"P. Sawyer can you picture them curling each other's hair while the Notebook is on?" Brooke asked joining us in our laugh fest.

_Waking me up to dreaming  
Reality in your eyes_

"Oh my god yes and by the end they're cuddling together on the couch crying when the old people die." Peyton said grabbing onto Brooke so she wouldn't fall. Brooke about busted a gut.

"Yeah and they definitely do the manicures and pedicures." Brooke said losing it and falling next to Lucas. Since Peyton was holding onto her she fell right onto me. Those actions caused a whole other up roar from us. We couldn't stop laughing.

_Looking at you,  
Holding my breath,  
For once in my life  
I'm scared to death,  
I'm taking a chance,  
Letting you inside._

"Sounds like we have a kick ass plan Nate." Lucas managed to say between gasping for air and trying not to laugh.

"Yep it'll be fun." I agreed as the laughter between all of us started to die down at the same time.

"You boys I swear." Brooke said wiping her eyes. She had started crying she was laughing so hard.

_I'm feeling alive all over again  
As deep as the sky under my skin  
Like being in love, she says, for the first time_

"Wow Nathan you sure make a nice mattress." Peyton joked since she was still on top of me.

"Whatever Sawyer you know you're still into me. You think it was a coincidence you fell on top of me?" I challenged raising my eyebrow. She pretended to think.

"Umm should I be worried?" Lucas asked.

"You should Lucas Peyton still wants me." I joked nudging Peyton.

"Uh huh I forgot to tell you Nathan I can't live without you." She said dramatically and pulling me in for a hug.

"Peyton I love you, but I swear I'll take you down if you try anything with my man." Brooke said flashing a devilish smile as I hugged Peyton back. I winked at her and mouthed I love you. She grinned dimples showing and mouthed it back. Peyton pulled away and stood up.

_Maybe I'm wrong; I'm feeling right  
Where I belong with you tonight  
Like being in love to feel for the first time_

"Don't worry B. Davis I have a thing for Scott boys, but only one of them is truly worthy of my love." She smiled brightly. Lucas stood up and bent down.

"My lady am I the Scott boy you speak of?" He asked faking a British accent.

"Actually.-"She started and glanced at Brooke then at me. Lucas stood up and walked right in front of her towering over her so that they were barely apart. I could see the effect it was having on her. She leaned up to kiss him, but he pulled away.

"Are you going to finish your sentence?" He asked backing up holding onto her hand.

"Not unless you kiss me you ass." She shot back. Lucas smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her in for a kiss.

Brooke crawled over and settled herself in my lap.

_We're crashing  
Into the unknown  
We're lost in this  
But it feels like home_

"You want to get back with Peyton?" She asked pretending to be mad.

"I don't want to get back with her; however I would be very open to a threesome with you, me and her." I responded smirking arrogantly.

"Okay." She said. My eyes widened.

"Really?" I asked. Hell these were the two hottest girls in the entire town.

"She is my best friend and the only one I'd do that with." She said in her sexy raspy voice. I couldn't believe she was saying this.

"I think we should then." I said the former player surfacing. Brooke smiled very wide then busted out laughing like before.

"No I just changed my mind I refuse to share you with anyone else." She said smirking knowing I'd believed her.

"That wasn't very nice making me believe you would do it Davis." I said narrowing my eyes at her playfully.

"Sorry Scott your days of being a man whore are so over." She said kissing me on the cheek. I had to smile at that.

_I'm feeling alive all over again  
As deep as the sky under my skin  
Like being in love, she says, for the first time_

"Fine I guess for you." I said standing up and carrying her.

"Hey porn stars get a room." I said noticing they were still kissing completely oblivious to anything else.

"I would get my room except now it's our room little brother." Lucas said with a knowing smirk.

"Aw you guys are so cute!" Brooke said happily. I laughed at her cheeriness.

"You know Brooke I agree they really are." Peyton said opening his door and stepping inside.

The 4 of us all stayed on Lucas's bed the rest of the day. Karen even let the girls spend the night. Somehow we all managed to almost fit comfortably on the bed the two girls in the middle and me and Lucas on the outsides.

_Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right  
Where I belong with you tonight  
Like being in love to feel for the first time_

_--_

Brandon pulled up to a nice ass mansion. When he looked up Tree Hill and realized it was a small town he didn't think there would be nice houses like this. Dan Scott was listed in the phone book first so he thought he'd try to get Nathan here first before he went to Keith Scott's place. He walked up and knocked on the door. No one answered. Mike thought he was stupid for going to find Nathan, but Brandon was worried. He and Nathan had become friends and he suddenly disappeared after the fight with Mike. He knew the story his brother told him, but he was determined to find out Nathan's side.

**Sorry I have to stop it there for now. Please review I will love you all so much if you drop a review!! 'First Time' by Lifehouse.**

**Xoxo Marissa Davis**


	27. Let Go

**Hey so I'm so terribly sorry it's taken me so long to get another update. I hope you all like this one and thank you so much to everyone who continues to read and review!!**

_Brandon pulled up to a nice ass mansion. When he looked up Tree Hill and realized it was a small town he didn't think there would be nice houses like this. Dan Scott was listed in the phone book first so he thought he'd try to get Nathan here first before he went to Keith Scott's place. He walked up and knocked on the door. No one answered. Mike thought he was stupid for going to find Nathan, but Brandon was worried. He and Nathan had become friends and he suddenly disappeared after the fight with Mike. He knew the story his brother told him, but he was determined to find out Nathan's side._

"Ow Peyton you kicked me in the leg again!" Lucas whined rubbing his already throbbing bruise from the past 7 nights of his girlfriend kicking him.

"Sorry I can't help it with Brooke taking up the entire bed!" She said turning to look at her best friend.

"I do not!" Brooke immediately defended herself elbowing me in the process.

"Baby you just elbowed me in the chest again!" I said rubbing my own bruised chest from her doing that this past few nights.

"I'm sorry I don't have much room." She said apologetically. I nodded knowing I couldn't seriously be mad at her.

"Sawyer is that your foot on my leg?" I asked.

"Yes I'm finally stretching out with Brooke pushing on my back all night and Lucas being in my personal space every second." She complained. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh now you mind if I'm in your personal space because you've never complained before." He said irritated.

"Yeah P. Sawyer your personal space isn't getting invaded anymore than the rest of ours." Brooke pointed out.

"Have you seen the bruises on my back B. Davis? That was all from you!" She exclaimed in annoyance.

"Peyton get your foot off of me." I said and grabbed her leg and threw her off the bed. Since Lucas was in her way she brought him off the bed with her and they fell to the floor with a thud. Brooke and I busted out laughing.

_The day's been long  
I just got home_

"Ouch guys you okay?" Brooke looked over the bed still giggling.

"Lucas you're on my hair." She complained.

"Nathan I'm going to kick your ass!" Lucas threatened.

"Yeah okay good luck with that." I said sarcastically.

"Now we have the whole bed to ourselves." Brooke said stretching out.

"Yep if only we could get a few minutes alone in it." I said just loud enough for them to hear me.

"I swear to god Nathan if you and Brooke have sex in my bed and don't change the sheets I'll be pissed." He said standing up and pulling Peyton up with him.

_And work is driving me crazy  
I could do up  
I could go out  
But I'm feelin too lazy_

"Hmm I don't do chores Luke sorry." I said and rolled over on top of Brooke. She couldn't stop giggling so I gave her a kiss to shut her up.

"Dear god use protection please." He said rolling his eyes. I had to pull away to laugh.

"I should say the same thing to you." I replied and noticed Peyton blush.

_I wanna run  
I wanna have fun_

"Oh Sawyer did you make Lucas a man?" I teased.

"Whatever Broody was already a man." Brooke said. I looked at her.

"Is there something you want to tell me Davis?" I asked.

"Well you might as well know that while you were gone me, Lucas and Peyton got really drunk one night and one thing lead to another…" She trailed off I turned to Lucas and Peyton.

"I was really made into a man with these girls at the same time." He said arrogantly. My mouth dropped.

_But I don't wanna work it  
All I wanna do is go and kick it with my crew tonight_

"Yeah Nate you missed a good night." Peyton said smiling. I looked back at Brooke.

"So you'll have a threesome with them but not with me and Peyton?" I asked her in disbelief. She had sex with Lucas and Peyton at the same time?

"What you want to have a threesome with me?" Peyton asked laughing. Brooke looked at her and winked.

"Yeah I brought it up Brooke the other day and she said no if I had known you had already done it than I wouldn't have taken no for an answer." I said turning back to Brooke who was laying underneath me still.

_All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feelin right  
I just wanna forget about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
Wind it up  
Without my getup_

"Brook it could be kind of fun." Peyton said with a teasing smile.

"I thought about it to, but changed my mind I don't want to share him." She said laughing.

"I've already had him though." Peyton pointed out climbing back onto the bed.

"True was it as good for you as it is for me?" Brooke asked while trailing kisses up my neck.

"Better I'm sure." Peyton said lightly kissing my cheek. I seriously couldn't believe they were doing this and had already done it with Lucas.

"What is going on?" I whispered as Peyton pushed me down on the bed while Brooke climbed on top of me.

_All I wanna do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feeling free  
Tonight is just for me_

"Giving you your dream." Brooke and Peyton replied at the same time wearing identical innocent looking smiles. I tore my eyes away and glanced at Lucas standing with his hand over his mouth about ready to pop.

"Something funny Lucas?" I asked. He shook his head saying no trying not to laugh.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked looking back to the girls who were whispering to each other.

"Nothing." They said again at the same time.

"You guys lied to me didn't you?" I asked realizing that they never had a threesome while I was gone. That cued it all three of them started cracking up.

"You're so gullible Nathan." Brooke said collapsing on top of me shaking with laughter.

_I count on you  
You're coming too_

"You guys suck I hate you." I said pouting pissed they all played me.

"Aw Scott don't be mad." Brooke said kissing me on the cheek. I turned my head away.

_Yeah I'm hopin you feel it  
Cuz at my best  
And at my worst  
Yeah you've already seen it_

"Nathan come on don't pout." Peyton said lying down next to us.

"I'm never talking to any of you ever again." I said putting my arms across my chest.

"Ugh fine I'll just date Lucas than." Brooke said remaining on top of me. I looked at her. She stuck her tongue out at me. I smirked a little.

"Fine go ahead you seem to like him better anyway." I said giving her a playful glare.

"Of course she likes me better." Lucas said climbing on the bed standing up.

_Let down your hair  
the hell who cares_

"Screw you man I'm mad at you." I said pointing at him. He pretended to be hurt.

"Oh no little brother please don't hate me." He said putting his hand over his chest.

"Too damn bad I am." I said sounding angry.

"Been there done that I'll get over it." He said and kicked me in the side. I grabbed his foot so he lost his balance.

"No Nate stop you already pushed me off the bed once." He said trying to keep his balance.

"What sorry I can't hear you." I said and with Brooke's help we knocked Lucas off the bed again.

_Gonna let it all out  
All I wanna do is go and kick it with my crew tonight_

"Oh my god you guys." Peyton said climbing off the bed to help him trying not to laugh.

"Aww baby are you okay?" She asked kneeling next to him.

"I hate Brathan." He whined rubbing his head. She helped him up.

"I'm sorry Brathan?" I asked looking at them.

"Yeah I came up with it." Peyton said proudly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious? Brooke and Nathan combined equals Brathan." She said giving me a duh look. I turned to Brooke who was smiling at them.

"Peyton told me about it a while ago I kind of like it." She said.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like Brucas better?" I challenged thinking of Brooke and Lucas's names.

"Umm I wasn't going to say anything, but yeah I do." She said blowing a kiss to him. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you're forever mine." I said rolling us over so I was again on top.

"Wow can't you two keep your hands off each other for one second?" Lucas asked.

_All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feelin right  
I just wanna forget about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
Wind it up  
Without my getup_

"Nope now leave us alone I'm still mad at you." I said grinning at him.

"You have no right to be mad at me when you've now pushed me off the bed twice!" He exclaimed.

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't in the way." I told him and pulled the blanket over Brooke and me.

"You do know my mom and your mom are still here until 8 when they go to the café." He reminded us. True that'd be weird to do anything while they're here.

"Just give us one minute." I replied poking Brooke's sides. She tried to squirm away, but I was on top of her with my hands on her waist. We heard the footsteps and then the door close and my eyes widened.

"I think they just left us alone." I whispered. She smiled with her dimples showing.

"It's about time." She said kissing me softly. Just as I was about to deepen it the door busted open and Lucas and Peyton jumped up onto the bed and started hitting us with pillows.

_All I wanna do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feeling free  
Tonight is just for me_

"Damn it your both dead!" I said pulling the sheet down and grabbed a pillow and handed it to Brooke and took the other one and started whacking them in their legs while they kept jumping and hitting us.

"Nathan come on get them!" Brooke said getting out from under me and pulling them both down. I grabbed Lucas's arm and he fell down still trying to hit him in the process. Brooke and Peyton were hitting each other while me and Lucas were hitting each other as hard as we could. He stopped first and grabbed me to show me that the girls were now in the middle of a pillow fight. This was every guys dream watching hot girls in a pillow fight. We sat back and watched as they actually looked like they were having fun.

_High heels just feels  
Like a business stance  
Make it hard to dance  
Tight shirt, short skirt_

They noticed that we weren't hitting each other anymore and staring at them and shared a look before turning and hitting us. Now it was boys against the girls. I grabbed Brooke by her waist and threw her down.

_Just hurt, too much work  
A fake up of make up  
Never handled the wet_

"Ha I win!" I said victoriously. I touched her cheek lightly.

"That's not fair you cheated!" She whined still giggling. I looked at her for a second wondering if she was having the same memory I was.

"I did not!" I denied. I don't know how the fact that I'm a lot stronger than her makes me a cheater.

"Yes you did! You just don't want to admit it." She continued and I couldn't help but smile that she was reciting everything she said that weekend I spent at her house and we played tag.

"I would never cheat I'm Nathan Scott I don't need to cheat I'm the best!" I said laughing at her. I felt like such a kid again. I was a little surprised I could remember this so vividly after 11 years. She did exactly what she did the first time. She leaned up and kissed me lightly on the lips again. I smirked at her and started tickling her.

"No Natie stop that tickles!" She said cracking up. She tried to squirm away from me again.

"What sorry Brookie I can't hear you!" I said laughing. I was so much stronger than her she wasn't going anywhere.

"I said…stop…tickling…me!" She could barely get out she was laughing so hard.

"I will only if you say I didn't cheat." I said laughing.

"Fine…you…didn't…cheat!" She said laughing so hard I thought she was going to cry.

"Okay I'll stop." I said and stopped tickling her. I continued to lightly poke her sides while she was catching her breath.

"That really wasn't nice at all Scott." She said evening out her breathing with a smile. I stared at her. She stared at me.

"Last time you kissed me right after I stopped tickling you what the hell Davis?" I said pretending to be mad. She smiled telling me she remembered everything and leaned up just like before and kissed me again.

_Cuz I wanna sweat  
All I wanna do is kick it with my crew tonight_

"That's more like it." I mumbled against her lips. We heard some other laughter and looked over. Lucas and Peyton were actually wrestling. He had her pinned, but she was trying to get out from under him.

"You know you're not going anywhere." He said laughing at her.

"I wouldn't count on that." She said and with all her strength she turned them on to their sides and struggled to get out of his grasp. He still held her, but she turned Lucas on his back and straddled him down.

"Oh I'm the shit." She said laughing. I felt Brooke shake with laughter underneath me again.

"I think it's obvious who wears the pants in your relationship." I said to them. Lucas smirked.

_All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feelin right  
I just wanna forget about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
Wind it up  
Without my getup_

"She likes to talk, but she and I both know who does." He said looking up at her. She bent down to kiss him.

"Okay I think if we don't get up one or all of us will end up injured in some way." I said chuckling as I got off of Brooke and stood up. The others followed and we went out into the kitchen.

"I was about to call an ambulance on you guys what was going on in there?" Karen asked with a knowing smile.

"Oh Nathan and Brooke pushed me and Lucas off the bed because they're mean!" Peyton whined like a little girl. I scoffed.

_All I wanna do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is kick it with my crew tonight_

"They were taking up the whole bed come on like you wouldn't do the same?" I said smiling at Karen and my mom who was drinking her coffee at the table.

"You're going to poke someone's eye out if you're not careful." Karen said playfully.

"No need to worry about these Scott men they're tough." Keith said coming through the door with bagels.

"Good morning Keith." Deb said.

"Hey Deb." He said bending down to give her a friendly kiss on the cheek. He went up to Karen and gave her a gentle hug.

"Ooh bagels thanks Keith." Lucas said shaking his hand and taking the bag.

"No problem. Now what's this I hear about someone's eyes getting poked out?" He asked looking at the four of us knowing it had to do with us. I laughed.

"Nathan pushed me off the bed." He paused and looked at me. "Twice."

"Now Nathan you know better than to bully your brother." Deb said smiling.

"I think you can handle it although I don't know Peyton all about knocked you out today." I said punching his shoulder.

"Yeah P. Sawyer is a hauss." Brooke said pounding fists with her.

"Geez Luke getting beat up by a girl that wasn't me? I feel like I'm getting replaced" We heard and I turned around to see Haley standing there with Tim and Jake.

_All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feelin right  
I just wanna forget about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
Wind it up  
Without my getup_

"Haley I could never replace you." He said and went to give her a hug that she returned smiling.

"Hey guys what's up?" He said clapping hands with Tim and Jake. Tim apologized to Lucas after I came back from Charlotte and now he's getting along with the whole team.

"We pulled up at the same time as Haley and we all just came in to see how everything was with all you guys living under the same roof." Tim said.

"Don't you guys have your own houses?" Jake said pointing to the girls.

"We do, but with no parents around it gets lonely plus our hot boyfriends are living in the same house I mean you do that math." Peyton said giving Haley a hug.

_All I wanna do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feeling free  
Tonight is just for me_

"Good point when can I move in?" Haley asked laughing.

"Oh Haley you know this is as much your house as it is Lucas's." Karen said serving everyone with bagels.

"Haley I haven't ever officially introduced myself I'm Deb Nathan's mom." She said offering her hand, which Haley gladly took.

"Nice to meet you I'm Haley." She said smiling brightly.

"From what I hear you've been tutoring Nathan." She said. Since we moved in with Karen and Lucas she and I have had a lot of long talks. She knows almost everything about Dan hurting me and all about me and Brooke, Lucas, and Peyton. We plan to go back to our house someday we can't live here forever it's just hard right now.

"Yeah it's going good he's getting all caught up." She said looking at me I gave her a small smile she returned it before turning to Jake and smiling. I caught this and gave him a look. He smiled at her before rolling his eyes at me. It seemed almost everyone here had someone. Now Tim needed a girl and we'd be set. I had to laugh at that.

"What's so funny Nate?" Tim asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing I'm still trying to get the Lucas flying off the bed image out of my head, but I can't." I said laughing harder.

"Hahaha funny!" Lucas said hitting me on the head. I grabbed his arm and twisted it, but he spun around and grabbed my other arm so we were now battling in the kitchen. I wrapped my arm around his leg and he grabbed my arm pulling me down so we both fell onto the floor still fighting. Everyone just watched in amusement.

"I'm going to get you back for throwing me off the bed." Lucas threatened and turned over and put me in a headlock. I put my hand in his face and pushed back. This whole time in the background we could hear everyone laughing at us.

"You're so dead jackass." I said biting one of his arms that was around my neck.

"Damn Nate that's definitely cheating." He said releasing me and pushing me down I kicked him in his bruise that Peyton created.

"Ow that was cheating douche bag." Lucas said laughing rubbing his leg again before giving me a dead arm by punching me right into the nerve in my arm.

"Okay that's enough." Karen said trying to hide the amusement from her voice.

"Yeah boys don't make me separate you two." Deb said cleaning up her plate. By then almost everyone was done with their bagels.

"He started it." We both said pointing to the other one sitting side by side on the floor.

"Wow you guys are real mature." Haley said chuckling stepping between us to rinse her plate.

"Haley you're the only one who doesn't have a bruise anywhere." Lucas said elbowing her leg.

"Hey get off!" She said kicking him.

"Haley don't take that from him." Brooke said getting up to follow suit and kicked Lucas as well.

_All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feelin right  
I just wanna forget about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
Wind it up  
Without my getup_

"I'm getting so abused and no one is doing anything about it." Lucas whined. I punched his leg quickly laughing as he stood up. What he just said probably should've upset me, but the past week has been the best week of my life. It's made me completely forget about the past. I have real friends adults who care all we do is joke around together it's been perfect. Brooke stood where Haley had a second ago and I took the opportunity to slap her butt as I stood up.

"Save it for the bedroom Scott." She whispered playfully.

"Sorry couldn't resist." I said back and sat next to Lucas and Tim at the table.

"Thanks for breakfast Keith." I said taking my first bite.

"I'm glad I bought so many extra I didn't know we were going to have so many other guests." He said and playfully winked at Haley, Jake and Tim. I would have to remember to talk to Jake about Haley later.

"It's great thanks." Tim said finishing his. This wasn't the first time he's been over here since I've been staying here. Everyone is now good. I apologized to both Keith and Karen for the way I treated Lucas Tim did to. They were too good of people not to forgive us.

"Yo Lucas Nathan want to go shoot some hoops when you're both done?" Tim asked. Thank god it was Thanksgiving break so we had the week off from school. The entire town knew my dad was in jail, and they knew why. No one pushed me to talk about it. I was going to when I was ready. They understood that. We all pretended like he wasn't there at all and we were all happy, which for the first time I was.

"Yeah." We both said. We did that a lot. I noticed Brooke and Peyton do that to. I guess if you're around people long enough you can't help but act and talk the same. I thought it was funny.

"You boys do that we're going shopping!" Brooke said excitedly and threw her arms around Peyton and Haley.

"Great I need to get some new clothes from my house to change into and grab some money." Peyton said.

"I'll need to run by my house and get some money to." Haley said.

"I need to do all of that to so I'll call you when I'm done getting ready-"

"Since it'll probably take you longest to anyway." Jake teased. We all laughed he was right she did take a long time. I didn't mind though she always looked perfect.

"So not funny Jagelski." She said playfully.

"I think it is." He said. Haley gave him a little shove. Lucas noticed and I have him a look. He nodded knowing what I was thinking.

"Anyway." Brooke continued giving Jake a glare.

"I'll come and pick you guys up then we can go watch the boys play." She said.

"I highly doubt we'll still be playing with how long you girls spend at the mall." Tim said. Brooke slapped him on the arm.

"What is with everyone picking on us today?" She turned to Haley and Peyton.

"I don't know there will be revenge though boys." Peyton promised looping her arms with Haley. I couldn't even begin to think what these 3 girls would plan while they were together. Especially with the way Brooke and Peyton practically sexually assaulted me today. As enjoyable as that was I don't like being teased like that.

"All right then we're off by boys." Haley said giving everyone a smile and wave.

"Bye Haley." Keith and Karen said.

"Nice meeting you." My mom said.

"Bye thanks for breakfast." She said walking out with Jake.

"They're adorable together." Brooke said coming to give me a hug goodbye.

"I don't know what's going on I was going to talk to Jake." I said returning the hug.

"We'll get the story out of Haley." Peyton said giving Lucas a kiss goodbye. Then coming over to give me a hug while Brooke hugged Lucas.

"This will be weird we've been with you guys every second for the past week." Lucas said as they gave Keith, Karen and my mom hugs also.

"I know but I'm sick of you guys I need some girl time." Brooke said winking at me.

"Uh huh sure Davis you'll be going through Nathan withdrawl in a matter of minutes." I said smirking cockily.

"Um no see you later babe." She said skipping out the door with Peyton.

"Bye guys." Peyton said as she grabbed hers and Brooke's keys and shoes and went out the door.

"Well I'm going to wait outside with everyone until you're ready." Tim said and bumped fists with Lucas then me.

"We won't be long." I said and he nodded.

"You boys look so happy with them." My mom said. Lucas nodded.

"We are." I said. It was definitely true.

"It's about time I know Lucas has had a crush on Peyton since forever." Karen said.

"Ah mom guys don't have crushes." Lucas said scrunching up his nose in embarrassment.

"I guess I stood in the way of that." I said bumping shoulders with him.

"It's not my fault she liked me more." Lucas said pushing me out of the way and going to get dressed first.

"She felt sorry for you that's all." I said as he shut the door laughing.

"You boys have really come far." Keith observed.

"We have I never thought with everything we could ever be like this." I said honestly. As long as Dan was around I couldn't have a relationship with him.

"Nathan honey I'm sorry again for not being around more so you could have a better life instead of having the worst one imaginable." My mom said hugging me lightly.

"Mom we've had this talk it's okay I'm fine now." I said rubbing her back.

"Karen we can't keep staying here being in the way I promise we'll leave soon." She said turning to face Keith and Karen loading the dishwasher.

"No Deb don't worry I love having another girl around. It's been me Lucas and Keith for so long I love having the company. Plus it's obvious Lucas is a lot happier when Nathan, Brooke and Peyton are here all the time. He would've never admitted it before but I know he wanted to know you." She said looking at us.

"I was raised to hate him so I did." I admitted ashamed.

"Nathan I know you've apologized to him and us it's okay. I'm just happy you both are safe now and I want you to stay." Karen said giving us that warm smile she always did. She made us seem like family not like she felt bad for us.

"As long as you're offering I'm happier here than I ever was at our house." I said chuckling lightly.

"Me too." My mom admitted.

"Then it's settled you'll stay a lot longer." She said starting the dishwasher and smiling at Keith.

"Okay I'm ready you can have the room." Lucas said coming back into the kitchen.

"I'll be out in a minute and we can go." I said and went to get dressed to play ball with my boys.

_All I wanna do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feeling free  
Tonight is just for me_

**Okay so I'm stopping there just for now. I wanted some more lighthearted goodness in their lives before I make it intense and dramatic again. I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter please review it means everything!! 'Let Go' by Vanessa Hudgens.**

**Xoxo Marissa**


	28. The Noose

**Hello my loyal readers!!! I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update I say that every time but it's true I am sorry school and finals have been so hectic so please forgive me. Huge thanks to the amazing reviewers I love you all!! This chapter is definitely for Rachtree she helped me come up with a lot of ideas that are in this. Thank you soo much friend!**

"_Then it's settled you'll stay a lot longer." She said starting the dishwasher and smiling at Keith._

"_Okay I'm ready you can have the room." Lucas said coming back into the kitchen._

"_I'll be out in a minute and we can go." I said and went to get dressed to play ball with my boys._

_All I want to do is get down tonight  
Move around tonight  
Don't really care about it  
All I wanna do is let go tonight  
I'm feeling free  
Tonight is just for me_

Brandon knocked on the Scott's door for what seemed like the hundredth time. He figured he should've given up by now, but since every time he came no one answered he couldn't rule out that Nathan didn't live here. It was pretty clear that no one lived here so after a minute of waiting he turned around and got in his car. He was going to go back to his motel room and look up the address for Keith Scott and then go over there to see Nathan. As Brandon was driving he drove past a basketball court and saw a bunch of guys playing.

He slowed down to take a closer look and then he found who he'd been looking for. Nathan was playing basketball with some guys who looked about his age. Brandon pulled in and parked next to a red truck. He watched for a second. All the guys looked like they were having fun and they were all pretty good. Most likely they played for the school team he assumed. All he wanted to do was talk to Nathan really quick to find out what happened between him and Mike.

I brought the ball down the court. It was me and Lucas versus Tim and Jake. The girls were still shopping. Me and Lucas were winning of course. He broke away from Jake and I passed him the ball nodding to him so he knew what I was thinking. He faked Jake out and I got away from Tim long enough to run to the basket right as Lucas threw it up for a perfect alley-oop. I dunked it and Lucas hollered running over to me as we slapped hands.

"That was pretty Nathan." Lucas whistled. I laughed nodding agreeing with him.

"We better get back and play dee." I said and took off running down the court I was at the free throw line waiting for Tim to bring the ball down when I noticed a car pull up next to Lucas's car. I watched for a second trying to recognize who was inside but I couldn't. I figured they would pull away or get out. Tim passed to Jake and he went in for the lay-up making it. I heard the car door shut and I looked up and froze solid where I was standing.

Brandon started walking towards us and I swear I stopped breathing. I was finally happy everything was good. Now all I could think of was Charlotte, dealing and taking drugs. He stopped walking when he reached the court. He was looking at me. I wondered what his brother told him. I thought maybe he was coming to kick my ass. Lucas, Tim, and Jake would be right here they would defend me. I hoped to god Brandon wouldn't mention the drugs where the others could hear him. I panicked what the hell was he doing here?

_So glad to see you well  
Overcome and completely silent now_

"Hey Nate." He said with his hands in his pockets. I sat there dumbfounded almost. I stared at his pocket wondering if he had a bag in there. I clenched my jaw at that thought. I had gone all this time without it. I didn't need it all I needed was Brooke.

"Brandon." I said unsure. The other three were staring at me and him.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked. He sounded friendly enough. Just the same as when we hung out in Charlotte.

"Yeah." I said quietly walking towards him. I felt Lucas's questioning look on me. I wouldn't look at any of them. Luke would know for sure something was up.

"Let's go over here." Brandon nodded in the direction away from the court. I walked beside him starting to get nervous. I was prepared if he wanted to fight I only hoped he would let me explain what happened. It's not like I stabbed his brother.

"So how have you been?" He asked when we were away from the court. I wasn't expecting him to make small talk.

"Good how about you?" I asked praying he had been okay. If he was already pissed off then I didn't want anything that happened to piss him off more.

"I'm decent. I've been looking for you the past week." Brandon said looking at me. I stared back surprised.

"Oh I didn't know." I said not knowing what else to say. He didn't seem mad I took that as a good sign.

"It's cool I kept going to this house because it was the first Scott listed in the phone book, but no one was there so I was going to try the next one on the list basically until I found you." He explained. I nodded understandingly. I looked past him for a second and saw Lucas staring at us. I would have to keep lying about the trip to Charlotte even though everyone knew I didn't go to see my mom they didn't know what I did while I was there.

"Well you found me." I tried to joke looking back to him.

"Yeah I just wanted to know why you left so suddenly." He said shrugging. I stared at him blankly. Had he not spoken to Mike at all?

"Um I had to get back to school I was going to fail." I said not completely lying I was on the verge of flunking out. If he didn't know about the fight and his brother trying to rip me off I wasn't going to tell him. He looked back at me unconvinced.

"It's okay I know you beat Mike's ass." Brandon said like it wasn't a big deal. His brother was one of the toughest guys in Charlotte and I didn't exactly win that fight since I limped away with a stab wound.

"I didn't really." I said slowly thinking there's no way he came here just to hear this story.

"It's no big deal I know my brother is tough, but you definitely seem like you can hold your own." He explained and I nodded. I was able to hold him off pretty well. Brandon wasn't going to say that Mike told him about Nathan running off with the drugs yet.

"I'm just wondering how it came to fighting with you guys. Did Mike say or do something to piss you off?" He asked needing to make sure Mike wasn't lying to him. Even if Nathan was addicted and wanted the coke he knew all he had to do was ask him for some and he'd have given it to him. Nathan didn't seem stupid enough to try and steal from him or Mike.

I looked at him not sure how to answer that. Of course it pissed me off that Mike was trying to rip us off. I didn't start the fight I was defending myself. Based on what his brother had told him maybe he already had some version of what happened. If I told him what actually did happen he probably wouldn't believe me over his brother. I decided to take the risk and tell the truth.

"Well I went to make the deal and he tried to steal the cocaine, but I wouldn't give it to him so we started fighting." I said waiting for his expression.

"Is that all?" He asked after a few seconds. I couldn't tell if he was upset or not.

"Basically." I answered I didn't need to tell him about Mike stabbing me.

"So when you went to get the money he didn't have any and tried to take it from you so what you punched him?" Brandon asked needing to know everything.

"I told him he couldn't have it and started walking away when he came up behind me and threw me on a wall. We started fighting and it got pretty bad." I said.

"Mike wanted to rip us off." He said needing confirmation. He was starting to get mad. I nodded noticing the change in his expression he believed me.

"I'm sorry I didn't know what else to do so I went back to the hotel and decided to come home before I got in too deep." I finished that quietly knowing very well I was already too deep. There have been too many times since I've been back where I would've given anything to have just a little coke to make everything better. It seemed to always make me feel better.

"It's not your fault you just did what I taught you. Even if it was my brother you didn't give it to him without money." Brandon said thinking hard.

"I should've told you before I left I just had to get out of there." I explained knowing he would probably understand.

"I get it that world will suck you in." He said staring off trying not to let his anger show. I found my mind wondering if he was carrying any with him. Seeing him made me remember why I ran to Charlotte in the first place.

_Dan._

I shut my eyes tightly.

_With heaven's help  
You cast your demons out_

"Hey man, are you okay?" Brandon asked. I nodded slowly.

"Did you bring any with you?" I asked opening my eyes.

"Yeah it's not with me I have some in my bag at the motel." He said. "If you wanna come with me I'll give you some." I looked past him again to the guys. They would demand to know where I was going if they saw me try to leave.

"Can I meet you tomorrow?" I asked. I'd have to get away from everyone, but I would.

"Sure just give me a call you have my number." He paused for a second. "What happened to the half pound bag that Mike was supposed to buy?" I looked at him before responding.

"I had it with me while we were fighting but I promise I left it at the hotel when I came back here." I said looking at him to see if he believed me.

"Why didn't you just take it with you?" He asked. It was mostly because of Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton showing up.

"I couldn't steal from you after you taught me how and gave me a job so I could pay for food and my hotel room." I said thinking it was pretty fucked up that I was basically thanking him for teaching me how to sell drugs, but I needed the money.

"Anyone else would have." He said.

"I didn't want to." I said knowing he was buying it. I would have felt bad if I had taken it, but my withdrawals could've been cured if I had.

"We should head back your friends have been staring at us this entire time." Brandon said starting back towards the river court.

"Hey can we not tell them how I know you? I didn't tell them about this when I came home I lied about what I did while I was there." I said hoping he wouldn't care I didn't think he would.

"Yeah they don't even have to meet me I'll just go." He said heading towards his car I was right behind him.

"Nate sorry about Mike and the fight when he told me you jumped him and took off with the drugs it didn't seem right to me. It was weird since you left so suddenly, but I knew you wouldn't steal I wish I could say the same for my brother." He said indifferently. I had no idea Mike lied and tried to pin it on me. I was so glad Brandon believed me.

"Wow I can't believe he tried to blame it on me. I did take the drugs when I left him, but I didn't steal them." I said remembering vividly how hard and fast the knife punctured my leg. I had a scar there as a nice reminder.

_And not to pull your halo down  
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud_

"I didn't know what to think when I came here, but I was right his story didn't seem right thanks for telling the truth." He said opening his door. He seemed too easy to believe me I got an uneasy feeling.

"No problem. What time tomorrow?" I asked almost anxiously. My head was swimming with thoughts that I had tried to block out. It pissed me off that he came here because it reminded me of everything I was running from, but now I was going to have my fix back.

"How about noon?" He asked shutting his door rolling down the window.

"Sure I'll see you then." I said back away from his car.

"Good luck with your brother." Brandon said looking at Lucas back to me.

"You were right you two look nothing alike." He said driving off.

I turned around knowing that I had to lie and fast. I was a pro at this it should be easy.

"What the hell was that?" Lucas asked somewhat calmly holding a basketball in his hands.

"Just a talk with an old friend." I said in an even voice shrugging it off like it wasn't a big deal.

"Who is he?" Tim asked.

"Brandon." I said there wasn't a point to lie about his name.

"How do you know him?" Jake asked.

"Family friend." I said looking at all of them in the eyes showing that I wasn't lying.

"He just showed up out of nowhere to talk for a few minutes then leaves?" Lucas asked disbelieving.

"Yep our dad's did business together. His owns a dealership in Charleston." I lied easily. It was like riding a bike. I blocked out any thought of Dan as I said dad I just had to keep lying and then they would eventually drop it.

"Why is he here?" Tim asked.

"He heard about...what happened." I said a little uncomfortable for effect.

"Since our dads know each other and we've always been cool he was checking in." I said reading all their faces noticing that for the most part they believed me.

"How long is he here for?" Jake asked.

"He'll be gone tomorrow." I said instantly. He would leave after I came by.

"How did he know you were here?" Lucas asked still looking at me unsure.

"He's been here before with me I know it's always been your court or whatever but we would come here to hang out while our dads talked business." I lied again. This brought back so many memories of saying what came to mind first and people just ate it up because of who I was. It wasn't like I didn't know the whole town was talking about me and my family or the pity stare I got when we went to Karen's Cafe. That was why I never wanted anyone to know I didn't want to be a victim.

_But I'm more than just a little curious  
How you're planning to go about_

"It's weird that I never saw you guys here." Lucas said carefully like he knew I was lying.

"I don't know no one was ever here." I said shrugging again.

"So are we going to finish the game?" I asked before they could ask any more questions.

"Sure." They nodded. I knew Jake and Tim for sure bought it Lucas like before for the most part bought it. Oh well as long as they stopped asking questions. We picked up the game where it was left off and all I could think about was tomorrow and getting these memories and thoughts of the past out of my head. There was only one way to do it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So tutor girl give it up." Brooke said looking around the store.

"Give what up Brooke?" Haley asked holding her bag pretending not to know what she was talking about. Peyton and Brooke shared a look before looking at Haley.

"You and Jake obviously." She said wanting to get the dirt on the two of them.

"There's nothing going on." Haley said and turned away from them.

"Okay so today you two looking at each other all googly-eyed was nothing?" Peyton asked turning her around to face them.

"Well he's been coming to the tutor center lately and we've talked a few times." She said hoping it would turn into something but didn't want to read too much into it too soon.

"Aww." The other girls said simultaneously. Haley laughed blushing slightly at the thought of him.

"That is going somewhere Hales." Peyton said.

"You think so?" She asked.

"Oh yes that is why we are going to get you an outfit so hot he won't be able to keep his hands off of you when he takes you out on your first date." Brooke said enthusiastically clapping her hands together.

"Yeah we'll help you get ready and we will also help him plan where to take you." Peyton said getting excited too.

"You guys he hasn't asked me out yet I don't even know if he likes me we've only talked 5 or 6 times by ourselves." She said looking at them.

"Boys can be slow sometimes as soon as one of us talks to him for you I promise he will ask you out and with our help it will be the best first date ever!." Brooke said getting really excited.

"Thanks guys I hope you're right." Haley said smiling.

"We are now let's go and pick out that outfit for you." Peyton said leading them out of the store.

"I don't want it to be too skanky I mean I want to look good, but not look like a slut ya know?" Haley asked looking at them as they were rummaging through clothes.

"Don't even worry tutor girl we will make you look beautiful and classy." Brooke said.

"Yeah it'll be elegant yet sexy but not too sexy just enough he won't be able to help himself." Peyton said grinning picking out a black skirt and a red top.

"I like that P. Sawyer." Brooke said turning her attention to what Peyton had in her hand.

"Same Haley try it on." Peyton said handing it to her.

"Okay I'll be right out." She said going into the closest dressing room.

"Aw this is so cute I hope we're right and he asks her out." Brooke said sitting down.

"Me too I think we are." Peyton said sitting next to her waiting for Haley. She looked over at Brooke and she had a faraway look in her eyes.

"Hey B. Davis what's wrong?" She said nudging her.

"Nothing much I was just thinking about Nathan." She replied with a smile.

"I've never seen you act this way over a guy before." Peyton said.

"Yeah it's definitely something special." Brooke said smiling at Peyt.

"You two are perfect together." She said.

"Thanks I just hope everything stays as good as it is now. We've all been through so much and after everything Nathan has had to go through with his dad getting abused like that." Brooke said shaking her head sadly.

"None of us knew Nathan covered it up and lied you were the first person he felt comfortable telling." Peyton said.

"He didn't have a choice I walked in on his dad hitting him." She explained.

"You know he would have told you anyway he loves you Brooke and everything will stay this good because everything is right finally. We're all happy and everyone is friends we need to sit back and enjoy it." Peyton said. Brooke nodded.

"You're absolutely right we are happy for the first time and I am going to do everything I can to keep it that way." She said with a smile.

"Good I will to we just can't worry about something tearing us apart then we won't even enjoy all the great times we're having right now." Peyton said throwing her arm around Brooke's shoulders.

"Exactly and I can't even think of something or someone who could Nathan came clean to all of us about what has been happening he doesn't have to hide anymore. He and the rest of the team apologized to Lucas and his mom things are perfect and I am loving every minute of it." She finished with another smile as Haley opened the door revealing her outfit.

"Wow Haley you look gorgeous!" Brooke and Peyton said standing up.

"You really think so?" She asked looking down at herself.

"Yes Jake will love it!" Peyton said.

"Tutor girl you are hot you are wearing that on the date." Brooke said.

"Okay I will as long as he asks me out." Haley said with a sad smile.

"He will leave that to us." Peyton said confidently.

"Great I'm going to change and buy it." She said going back into the dressing room to change.

"We should talk to Jake tomorrow" Brooke decided.

"We'll go to his house." Peyton said.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked up to the motel door and knocked. Brandon answered the door.

"Hey come in." He said opening the door. I followed him inside. Brooke and Peyton were at Jake's house, my mom, Karen and Keith were at the café, and Lucas was showering when I left. I knew I could get away and come here.

_Making your amends to the dead  
To the dead_

"Here you go." Brandon said handing me a bag with just enough to get me through for a while.

"Thanks I appreciate it." I said gratefully.

"How much?" I asked.

"It's nothing Nate anyone who works for me can get their own for free." He said pulling some out from his personal bag and snorting it. I hesitated for a second before copying him and taking my keys out. I had to close my eyes like every other time and remember why I was doing this.

"_Where's mom?" I asked my dad while he was sitting in his chair watching a tape of himself back in high school._

"_She's gone again." His dad answered indifferently._

"_She's been leaving a lot lately why is she working so much?" I asked walking closer to the chair. I was always hesitant around my dad now. Ever since he'd hit me that day on the driveway he seems to get mad at everything. I saw my dad curl his fingers around the glass before throwing it at the wall in frustration. I about jumped out of my skin, but tried really hard to keep a straight face._

"_Nathan." He roared. My eyes widened with fear._

"_Get over here!" He demanded. I walked to him without hesitation. He wrapped his hand around my neck and started cutting off my air supply. _

"_Dad." I choked out._

"_Don't bring up your mother again." He threatened squeezing harder. I could barely move, but I managed to nod. He threw me down on the ground and walked away into his office slamming the door shut._

It felt better than I imagined it would after so long. It gave me the same adrenaline rush that immediately numbed every ounce of my being. I snorted some more but not enough for my eyes to become blood shot or for someone to tell that I was high.

_Recall the deeds as if  
They're all someone else's  
Atrocious stories_

"Been awhile huh?" Brandon asked bringing me back to reality.

"Yeah thanks again." I whispered closing the bag and putting in my jacket pocket.

"No problem and if you ever need some quick cash or another fix just come back to Charlotte we can meet up." He said holding his hand out for me. I shook it and pulled him in for a quick hug.

"I'll see you later." I said and walked towards the door.

"Nate sorry about Mike jumping you he's beyond addicted and he already spent 4 years behind bars for possession and intention to sell. I'm glad I came so I could hear your side of the story." He said honestly. I smiled in appreciation.

"Thanks I actually thought yesterday you had talked to him and came to kick my ass or something because I did have the drugs after the fight." I said smirking.

_Now you stand reborn before us all  
So glad to see you well_

"Nah we're cool." Brandon said. I nodded and shut the door behind me. When I got back Lucas was watching TV.

"Hey where have you been?" He asked not taking his eyes off the TV.

"I went to the store we were out of Gatorade and milk." I said holding up a sack. I checked before I left if there was anything we needed so that could be my cover.

"Nice." He said turning off the TV. I walked into the kitchen to put that stuff in the refrigerator. Lucas was standing there looking kind of weird.

"What's going on?" I asked knowing something was wrong.

"Um when I got out of the shower the phone was ringing and I picked it up and it was Dan." He said waiting for my reaction. My expression went blank.

"What did he want?" I asked quietly.

"He asked for you and I said he couldn't talk to you and then he tried to apologize and I hung up on him." He finished trying to smirk. I nodded slowly.

"Okay." I said and walked past him.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I'll be right back don't worry." I said shutting the door behind me.

The drive didn't take long I was so pissed off I sped the whole way. I got there and signed in.

"Who are you visiting?" The officer asked.

"Dan Scott." I answered emotionless.

The guard led me to the visitor area and I waited at a table for him to bring my dad out. I looked around slowly shutting down at the other inmates and their visitors. The door opened and the same guard who escorted me in here was holding onto my dad's arm. My eyes burned into Dan's and he knew I was pissed. He took the seat across from me.

_And not to pull your halo down  
Around your neck and tug you to the ground_

"Nathan." He started.

"Don't." I said darkly. "I know you called Lucas's house and I never ever want you to call me or mom do you understand dad?" I asked with my voice raising. He stayed silent knowing I wasn't done.

"I will never forgive you for what you've done to me okay. Mom won't either you ruined my life and if it hadn't been for Lucas's family and Brooke I probably would've killed myself by now. You are a sad excuse for a man. You're a coward abusing your own son for years not being able to deal with the fact mom was cheating on you. I hate you more than anything you aren't my father and I hope you rot in hell. Don't contact me again this is the last time you'll ever see me." I finished clenching my fists storming out of there.

_But I'm more than just a little curious  
How you're planning to go about_

My breathing was shaky as I drove around trying to calm down. I gripped the steering wheel so tight I thought my knuckles were going to break. Hot tears burned in my eyes. I refused to let them fall. I would never shed another tear for Dan Scott again. He could die right now and I wouldn't care.

_Making your amends to the dead  
To the dead_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"See Haley you're so beautiful tonight is going to be great!" Brooke said with excitement as she and Peyton helped Haley get ready for her date with Jake.

"I can't believe just yesterday we were having this conversation and tonight I'm going out with him." She said with a smile.

"I told you we'd take care of it." Peyton said finishing Haley's make up.

"Thank you guys so much." Haley said appreciatively.

"No problem now if you and Jagelski end up sleeping together we will want the dirty details." Brooke said with a huge smile.

"Oh my god Brooke!" Haley scolded and lightly blushed.

"It's okay Hales not all of us sleep with our boyfriends on the first date." Peyton said looking at Brooke.

"Hey Nathan and I had already slept together by our first date." She pointed out and the other girls started laughing.

"Nice way to defend yourself B. Davis." Peyton said.

"No it was different though when we did we...I can't even explain it by then I was already in love with him so it didn't matter if we'd been on a date or not." She tried to explain.

"Aw that's sweet." Haley said.

"Yeah I can't believe we didn't spend the night at Luke's last night it felt so weird." Peyton said.

"It did and despite the fact we have hardly slept in the past week because of the uncomfortable bed situation I slept worse last night." Brooke confessed.

"I miss Lucas." Peyton said brushing through Haley's curls.

"I miss Nathan." Brooke admitted picking out Haley's shoes.

"Wow you two are about to make me cry." Haley said getting teary-eyed.

"I'm about to make myself cry." Peyton said wiping her eyes and laughing.

"God how did this happen to us?" Brooke asked setting the shoes in front of Haley.

"I don't know, but I want what you girls have with your boyfriends." Haley declared.

"If tonight goes how we planned it hopefully pretty soon you can have it." Brooke said sitting on Haley's bed.

"I hope so." Haley said standing up to look at herself.

"What do you think?" Peyton asked standing next to her.

"I love it thank you so much." Haley said giving Peyton a hug.

"Anytime Hales." She said as they released.

"Okay he'll be here pretty soon we should get out of here so she can greet him by herself." Brooke said going over giving Haley a hug.

"Are you excited?" Peyton asked gathering her stuff.

"Yes I'm nervous and excited." Haley admitted.

"Don't worry everything will be fine." Brooke reassured.

"I'll tell you everything later I promise." Haley said walking them out.

"You better remember the dirty details we want description." Brooke joked walking out the door.

"There won't be any dirty details tonight but I'll still fill you on how it went." Haley said laughing.

"Good have fun." Peyton said getting in the car.

"Bye." Haley waved to them.

Meanwhile

"So Jake what are the plans tonight?" Lucas asked with an authoritative tone. Jake laughed.

"We're going to have dinner then I thought a walk on the beach." He said as Lucas nodded.

"Uh huh so what exactly are your intentions with Haley?" He stopped right in front of him looking him in the eye. For a minute Jake wasn't sure if Lucas was serious or not. He answered nervously, "I just want to get to know her." Lucas laughed realizing he'd almost scared him.

"That better be all." He said sitting on the couch.

"Man I doubt her dad would even say this stuff to me." Jake said sitting up.

"Someone's got to so it might as well be me. If you hurt her I'll hunt you down." Lucas said completely serious. Jake's expression was priceless.

"I'm just kidding." Lucas said busting up.

"Very funny." Jake said dryly. "I don't want to fear for my life just because I'm taking your best friend out to dinner."

"I'm obviously very protective of her, but I don't have to worry about her when she's with you." Luke said giving him a small smile.

"I'd hope not. I like her a lot." He said grinning.

"Good I know she likes you." Lucas said.

I pulled up right as Jake was leaving. He waved to me I nodded back. I had no intention of telling anyone where I just went. I didn't want to talk at all.

"Jake and Haley are going out tonight I just pulled the big brother interrogation on him you should've been here." Lucas said looking at me as I walked in.

"Sorry I missed it." I mumbled as I walked past him.

"So are you okay? I know the phone call surprised you and then you left." He said walking up to me. I sighed in annoyance because I didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm fine. Just don't tell anyone he called." I said and walked into the bedroom. To my surprise Lucas didn't follow me in here. I was glad I wanted to be alone. I pulled the bag out and took another hit. Each time it got better and better. I inhaled deeply after as I felt lighter. It helped me forget. It also made me feel better it made me feel numb and invincible at the same time. I heard Lucas talking to the girls and I hurriedly hid it in my suitcase under all the clothes.

There was knock at the door.

"Baby can I come in?" Brooke asked. I walked up to the door and opened it.

"Hey." She said giving me a kiss.

"Hey." I said and closed it after her.

"So how was it sleeping without me and Peyton?" She asked plopping down on the bed. I sat beside her.

"Oh you know I had more room I didn't get bruised and all around I felt better." I said waiting for her reaction. She smiled but I could tell it was fake.

"Brooke I'm kidding I slept horribly. For whatever reason even though be barely sleep in those conditions I still sleep better getting injured with you and Peyton there than without you two." I said and saw her genuine smile form. She was adorable.

"I feel the exact same way." She said honestly before leaning in again to give me a kiss. I hoped she couldn't tell if I was responding differently or acting different. Every other time I did this I was around Brandon or by myself so it didn't matter how I acted. I needed to seem normal. I pulled away.

"Are you hungry?" I asked avoiding her gaze. I didn't feel comfortable around her right now. I didn't want her to know anything was wrong. I stood up and opened the door before she even replied.

"Yeah lets go eat." She said standing up following me out of the room.

"We're hungry do you want to go grab a bite?" I asked looking quickly between them.

"Sure." Peyton said while Lucas nodded. The girls were out the door first.

"I won't tell anyone that he called." Lucas said standing next to me. I had to look at him quick then away. I didn't want to talk about it and I sure as hell didn't want to think about it.

"Thanks it would cause more problems." I said quietly walking away from him.

We decided to get pizza. We all sat in a booth waiting for it to be ready. Brooke and Peyton were filling us in on the Jake and Haley scenario I wasn't really paying attention. No one could tell see my hands were resting on my thys in tight fists. Ever since I saw Brandon yesterday as much as I try not to I can't help but think of Dan.

_With your halo slipping down  
Your halo slipping_

"_Jesus Nathan you only scored 15 points!" Dan yelled as we entered the house. The team still won but apparently I didn't play well enough. _

"_Dad I'm sorry." I said not knowing what else to say. I knew what was coming and tomorrow I'd have to keep covering up more bruises and keep lying when someone asked what was wrong. _

"_You're such a disappointment no wonder your mother's never around." He said harshly going up stairs leaving me standing alone in the entry way. Those words hurt more than him ever physically hurting me._

My jaw set as I felt my eyes cloud over.

"Nathan are you okay?" Brooke asked worriedly from beside me. I turned to her nodding.

"I'm fine." I said tiredly.

"No what's going on?" She asked concerned.

"I'm fine Brooke I'm just tired nothing to be alarmed about." I said getting up telling them I was going to the bathroom.

"Something is wrong." Brooke said to them.

"Did you see his face he looked I don't even know it was like he was..." She couldn't think of how to finish that sentence.

"Lost?" Peyton guessed having seen his expression.

"Yeah he looked like that when he told me about the abuse he shut himself down and it was the same at the police station." Brooke said starting to get worked up.

"Brooke don't stress yourself out maybe it's not what you think." Lucas said trying to calm her down. He knew it was the phone call he was worried to, but he said he wouldn't tell and he wasn't going to.

"Lucas he's been through hell for the past 6 years he had no one and he keeps shutting himself down thinking he's alone. I'm afraid if he keeps doing that at some point I won't be able to bring him back." She finished getting teary-eyed.

"Hey B. Davis it's okay he might want a little space since he's not used to being overly cared for we don't want to hover." Peyton explained.

"I don't want to either, but I'm worried he won't let us back in." Brooke said.

"I'm worried too, but if we keep pushing him to talk and asking him if he's okay every 5 minutes he'll start resenting us because he isn't used to people caring for him. We'll give him a little space and if any of us notices him not being himself or shutting down we'll have to handle it the best we can." He said.

"Okay I just don't want him to hurt anymore." Brooke whispered looking down.

"None of us do we'll keep looking after him." Peyton reassured. Brooke nodded.

I gripped the sink breathing in and out through clenched teeth. The cold water was running I splashed some of it on my face.

_Your halo slipping down  
Your halo slipping down_

"Calm down." I harshly whispered to myself. When I thought I was ready I went back out there. The pizza was there and they were each taking a slice.

"It's about time I'm starving." I said sliding next to Brooke.

"Me too." Lucas said taking a mouth full. I pretended not to notice the worried looks that they were all trying to hide as we ate.

"I'm fine guys really I'm good." I said putting the crust down as I finished.

"We know." Peyton said quickly finishing off her second slice stealing a glance at Brooke.

"Yeah." I said getting another piece.

"We just want you to talk to us if you need to." Brooke said. "I can't help but worry about you, you know that."

"There's no reason I'm fine." I said forcing a smile at each of them.

"Good worrying about you is exhausting." Lucas joked as he got done with his third piece. I grinned agreeing it probably was.

After dinner we went back to Lucas's and there was a message that Keith, Karen, and my mom had gone to dinner and a movie, but after my mom and Karen would be staying out for a girl's night and wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

"Lets watch a movie." Peyton suggested. We settled ourselves on the two couches and watched Coach Carter. That was one of my favorite movies. When it was over it was pretty late.

"I'm tired so I'm going to bed." Lucas said stretching as he stood up.

"Same I need sleep." I said yawning.

"Do you want us to stay?" Peyton asked rubbing her eyes she had fallen asleep.

"Peyt you know I love you, but my wounds are still healing so until they are I think it would be in the best interest of all us if no more than two slept in my bed." Lucas said showing his bruised leg and mock glaring at Peyton.

"I already said I was sorry for that." She defended.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it Sawyer." I said lightly punching her skinny arm.

"Oh next time Nathan when you least expect it I will get you for pushing me off the bed." She threatened.

"Don't mess with Peyton as skinny as she is she'll do some serious damage." Brooke said getting up.

"Yeah she's right Peyton has one hell of a bitch slap." I admitted. She laughed.

"Did I ever apologize for that?" She asked.

"Probably not, you're too stubborn." I said.

"Well I'm sorry." Peyton said with a small smile. I waved it off.

"Probably deserved it." I said shrugging.

"Come on P. Sawyer these boys need their beauty sleep." Brooke said giving me a hug.

"Whatever I'm beautiful enough thank you." I said kissing her forehead.

"Oh right did I ever tell you that your modesty is what attracted me the most?" She asked with a dimpled smile. I tried to laugh but it sounded forced. It had been hours now since I had some cocaine and I couldn't help but want more. I hated myself for depending on it. I had been doing okay without but now with that phone call and me visiting Dan I wasn't strong enough. I _needed _to forget.

_Your halo slipping down  
I'm more than just a little curious_

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said pulling her in for a kiss then releasing her. She gave me a questioning look before covering it up turning around to get Peyton.

"Bye Lucas." She said pulling him in for a hug.

"Nate we mean it you can always talk to us about anything." Peyton said as we hugged. I knew I could talk to them it seemed they didn't understand that I would rather do anything than talk about it.

"I know." I said as we parted.

"Night boys." They both said as they walked tiredly out the door.

I headed back so I could crash. Lucas came in to and changed clothes. I slept in the usual black basketball shorts and either a wife beater or t-shirt. Tonight it was a black wife beater.

"I'm so tired it's weird not having them crammed in between us." Lucas laughed. I smirked.

"Yeah I didn't sleep that great last night without them." I said.

"Me neither actually." He admitted.

"That's screwed up." I said chuckling softly.

"True I think we're like addicted to them or something. I mean we can barely go a few hours without seeing them and when I'm not with Peyton I'm thinking about her even if I just saw her and I know I will soon I think it's a little unhealthy." He said looking over at me.

"We're young and intensely in love with our girlfriends. It's more than a little unhealthy." I said dryly looking over at him. He smirked turning over.

"Well I don't care I wouldn't trade it for anything." He said turning the light off.

"I wouldn't either." I said quietly turning on my side. If I kept up with the sneaking around so I could get my quick fix I risked losing Brooke. I risked hurting her if she found out I risked hurting Lucas and Peyton too. I didn't want to do that. I needed to get better I had to change.

_How you're planning to go about  
Making your amends_

"_I didn't do anything!" I screamed pulling my arms back from the guard._

"_Shut up!" He said pushing me into a cell._

"_I swear I didn't do it!" I yelled as he locked me in._

"_That's what everyone says but there's a witness that says he saw you kill your girlfriend." He replied walking away._

"_I would never hurt her!" I cried helplessly. She was beat to death. I walked into her house and found her when the cops showed up. _

"_No one was even there to see anything." I yelled trying to get that guard's attention. _

"_I was there Nathan." I heard from behind me. I whipped around and came face to face with my dad. Only it wasn't my dad. This man had dark eyes filled with rage he was a monster. _

"_You killed her." I accused getting more and more angry by the second. _

"_I told you I would." He said smugly. I charged him tackling him on the floor of the cell. I hit him as hard as I could. He took my Brooke away from me he took my life._

"_No matter what you do she'll never come back." Dan said darkly. I hit him in the face._

"_Hit me all you want it'll never change anything." He taunted. I grabbed his hair banging his head on the floor repeatedly._

"_I will avenge her. I'm going to kill you." I threatened kicking him then picking his body up throwing him on the wall holding his neck squeezing harder and harder. I punched him in the face again. He looked battered he appeared to be dead already. I put all my weight behind every punch, kicking him in the stomach hitting him anywhere I could._

"_Nathan, Nathan, Nathan you will never learn will you?" He said menacingly. I thought by now I had almost killed him he sounded like he wasn't in any pain at all. He grabbed me by the throat and threw me on the same wall I threw him on._

"_Dad." I choked out like so many other times._

"_When will you understand that you mean nothing?" He taunted evilly punching me. I definitely felt it. I couldn't breathe anymore._

"_She didn't love you; you were just her toy of the week. You don't matter Nathan you never have and you never will. Still after 17 years you're the biggest mistake I ever made." He finished throwing me on the ground. It didn't matter what I did he was always going to be stronger, he would always control me and one day he was going to kill me._

"_Goodbye Nathan." He whispered fiercely holding onto a baseball bat. He raised it over his head and connected the bat to my face._

I opened my eyes clutching onto the bed. Cold sweat covered my body as my shaking fists ached to hit something. I started hyperventilating while I raised myself out of the bed. I immediately went to my suitcase searching for that bag. When I found it I took the keys laying on top of my clothes and dug them inside the dark bag. I didn't care if I couldn't see I needed it. My shaking hands made the keys clink together causing Lucas to wake up. I didn't see him though I couldn't see anything.

_Your halo slipping down  
I'm more than just a little curious_

I brought the key to my nose and snorted as much as I could. The adrenaline wasn't there the numbness was wearing off I had to have more. My breathing was still shaky I couldn't form any coherent thoughts my entire body was violently shaking. I couldn't get over that nightmare. He killed Brooke then he killed me. I could feel every punch I could still hear every threat. I backed myself up to the wall and slid down.

"Nate?" Lucas asked turning on the light. I didn't see him I was digging the key in the bag for more. I couldn't be here I shut my eyes. I saw darkness again I was going back. It was where I belonged.

"Nathan what happened?" He asked rushing to my side.

"Don't come any closer." I warned. He stopped looking me in the eye. I saw his eyes travel to what I was holding and I saw them widen in shock.

"Nathan." He whispered.

"Get away from me." I said clutching the keys in my hand not noticing that they broke the skin.

"You've been doing cocaine?" He asked quietly mostly to himself. I stood up needing help from the wall I clutched the keys harder not feeling the pain ripping my palm apart. Lucas reached out to stop me from pacing around. I grabbed his arm shoving him onto the nearest wall.

_How you're planning to go about  
Making your amends_

"Leave me alone." I said in a deadly whisper releasing him. He pushed me back trying to grab the bag I pulled it away from him.

"Give me the bag." Lucas demanded.

"Stay the hell away." I threatened.

"My god Nate you're bleeding." He said pointing to my hand still holding onto the keys. Blood had found its way onto the floor.

"I don't care." I said keeping a death grip on my bag.

"Come on let me have the coke Nathan you don't need it." He said desperately.

"You have no fucking idea what I need!" I yelled at him dropping the keys. I didn't give a damn if I was bleeding or I was hurt. I couldn't feel it.

"Give me the fucking bag!" He yelled getting in my face.

"You won't do anything." I said towering over him since I was taller. He pushed me with some impressive force I fell on the bed. He grabbed my arm holding it down while he pried the drugs out of my hands.

"Get off of me Luke!" I said pulling my arm away. It was too much like the guard holding me down pushing me into the cell.

"You're smarter than this Nate I know you." He said putting more pressure on my wrist. I thought for a second he was going to break it.

"You don't know me." I hissed punching him with my other fist. He fell backwards keeping his hand around my wrist coming back and punching me.

"I don't want to fight you Nate!" He said grabbing my other arm holding them down on the bed.

"I don't need you Lucas leave me alone." I said thrashing to get out of his grip.

"Yes you do I won't go anywhere." He said throwing me down as I started to sit up.

"Just get off I'm fine by myself I've never needed anyone else." I said desperately as all darkness consumed me.

"Nathan you're my brother and I was willing to forgive you for being the biggest ass on the planet to me for almost 17 years because of that fact. Families don't turn their backs on each other." Lucas said determined. I found some inner strength I didn't know I had and kicked him off of me.

"I don't have a family Lucas do you understand that?" I screamed violently in his face.

"My dad has been slowly killing me since I was 12 my pill addicted mom spent most of her time fucking another guy when she wasn't in rehab. I'm not you I don't have the world's most amazing mother and an uncle who actually cared about me." I explained pushing him back on the wall again out of rage, out of jealously. He grabbed me turning us around so my back was to the wall.

_Your halo slipping down  
I'm more than just a little curious_

"Listen to me Nate I'm your family.-"He started I cut him off.

"I just said I don't have a fam.-"Lucas's fist connecting with my jaw shut me up.

"Let me finish." He warned. For the first time in my life I shut up and listened to him.

"I'm your family, Peyton is your family and most importantly Brooke is your family she loves you more than anything." He said. "Nathan I said I don't want to fight with you, but if you didn't listen to anything I just said I'll hit you again." Lucas finished backing up waiting for me to make the next move. I kept my back on the wall. Everything was dark and cloudy.

"I'm sorry." I whispered sliding down to the floor again. He stared at me then he turned to the bed when I noticed I wasn't holding the cocaine anymore.

"It's okay." He said coming and sitting next to me. We stayed silent and I knew he was wondering what brought this on. People don't just wake up in the middle of the night freaking out needing drugs unless they're completely insane or horribly addicted.

"I had a nightmare." I admitted looking down at my hand that was still bleeding. I clenched it involuntarily.

"About Dan?" He asked already knowing that was right. I nodded suddenly feeling light headed.

"I can't forget about him no matter how good life is going for me he's still there." I said leaning my head back.

"You visited him didn't you?" Lucas asked again already knowing he was right.

"Right after you told me he called." I said staring straight ahead.

"What did he say?" He asked looking ahead to.

"Nothing I didn't let him talk. I screamed at him saying I would never forgive him and he was a sad excuse for a man abusing his own son." I said as my head started spinning again with memories and thoughts.

"It's the truth good for you." He said. "I would've gone with you."

"I wanted to do it alone. I also said it was the last time he'll ever see me." I told him a little indifferently. It's weird thinking about never seeing your own flesh and blood again.

"That's good he can't hurt you anymore." Luke said nudging me lightly.

"I know, but he'll always be there telling me how much of a disappointment I am or how big of a mistake he made raising me." I confessed not wanting to look at him as I opened up. I wasn't good at talking I didn't deal with feelings well.

"You could never be a disappointment and I haven't always thought you were a good person, but now I know you are. You're better than him and you will never be like him." He reassured. I nodded because I believed him. I would never be like that monster.

_How you're planning to go about  
Making your amends_

"Thanks." I said softly.

"Sure." He responded. We were silent again for what seemed like hours.

"We should probably get you cleaned up." He said looking at my fist that was covered in blood.

"Yeah sorry about the floor." I said standing up.

"Don't worry about it." He said going into the kitchen and getting a wash cloth. I went over to the bed picking up the bag staring at its contents. Life was so much easier when you could forget about the shit you've been through. Cocaine was great with helping me do that. My jaw set again because I still wanted it and it would be a very long time until I didn't. I walked into the bathroom as Lucas came back. I stood over the toilet as my hands lightly shook again. I glanced at him and he nodded encouragingly. I took a shaky breath and poured all of it in and flushed it down. I threw the bag in the trash and washed my hands getting the blood off before following Lucas back into the room. He cleaned up the blood that got on the floor as I took the wrap from the bathroom and put the bandage around my hand.

He finished and threw the rag in the laundry room then going into the kitchen to get 2 icepacks.

"So you think you can go back to sleep?" He asked tossing me one to put on my eye where he hit me. He put his on his cheek where he'd for sure have a bruise. My jaw hurt from his second hit, but I'd ice that after.

"I want to try." I said laying down.

"Okay if you can't then wake me up so you don't just lay there bored." He said staying flat on his back.

"All right. I think we'll be sore tomorrow." I said moving the pack to my jaw. Lucas actually laughed.

"We have a dysfunctional family." He said.

"That we do." I agreed quietly. "I'm sorry about the cocaine and punching you."

"How long have you been doing it?" Lucas asked. I sighed knowing I needed to tell the truth he caught me.

"When I was in Charlotte I caught Brandon making a deal and he asked if I wanted in. I needed money to pay for the hotel and for food so I let him teach me how to sell and when you sell you have to use." I explained.

"You've been dealing drugs?" He asked sitting up.

"I stopped when you guys came to pick me up, but that's why I got stabbed. I was selling to Brandon's brother Mike and he didn't have any money then he jumped me." I said noticing his eye brows go up.

"That's intense so what are you a drug lord now?" He asked. I laughed.

"Not at all it was for quick cash, but using helped me forget why I ran away. It made me feel better." I confessed hoping he would understand.

"I guess that makes sense. So Brandon your so called old family friend came here to give you more drugs." He didn't ask it was a statement.

"No I took off with you guys right after the fight and I still had the coke with me at the hotel, but I left it there and when I saw Brandon I thought he was going to beat my ass for stealing it from him. I was wrong he just wanted to know what happened with Mike. His brother lied saying I jumped him so I could take his drugs and leave, but I explained what happened and he believed me." I said.

"Jesus this all sounds so crazy." He said laying back down.

"I know but after I saw him yesterday I remembered why I ran away then you told me about the phone call and I wanted to forget again so I went to the motel he was staying at today and got more. Then after I woke up I just needed to do it I had to have more." I said intensely looking at the ceiling.

_Your halo slipping down  
I'm more than just a little curious_

_How you're planning to go about  
Making your amends_

"There has to be other ways for you to deal with it and I get that something like this would mess anyone up, but Nate drugs aren't the answer maybe you should talk to someone about what you're going through." He suggested I looked at him like he was insane.

"I'm talking to you now do you want me to go spill my secrets to some stranger who gets paid to sit and pretend to care about me?" I asked incredulously.

"No that's not what I meant. I just don't want you to hurt yourself doing cocaine will hurt you even if it doesn't feel like it while you're doing it. You know you can always talk to me, but we know you tend to shut yourself down and I don't know what to do when you do that. I'm not Brooke I can't bring you back like she can." He admitted. I sighed again.

"You did tonight." I said after a minute.

"So I'm supposed to punch you to get you to come back that'll just make things worse that kind of stuff is what you're running from." He said and he was right.

"I don't know I'm trying to not do that I just don't do the emotional thing." I said.

"It's cool you'll figure it out." He said turning the light off again.

"Don't tell the girls about tonight I will when I'm ready. I'll tell them everything." I said turning over on my side.

"Okay try not to wait too long though I don't think I can keep something that big from them for that long." He said.

"I'll come clean I promise." I said closing my eyes. I relaxed long enough to fall asleep and when I did I saw the one thing I loved more than anything.

_Brooke._

_Your halo slipping down  
Your halo slipping down to choke you now_

**WOW that was ridiculously long. I'm going to congratulate anyone who read that whole thing. Thank you to those who did please leave me a review you can complain about the length if you want to! I needed Lucas to have to experience what Brooke did to make him and Nathan closer. There will be plenty of good Brathan in the next chapter I promise. Haha 'The Noose' by A Perfect Circle.**

Xoxo Marissa


	29. Halo

**Hey I'm back from the dead people!! HAHA thank you so much to everyone who still reads this I love you all so so much you have no idea. LOL here's the next chapter I really hope you all love it!!! =)**

"_It's cool you'll figure it out." He said turning the light off again._

"_Don't tell the girls about tonight I will when I'm ready. I'll tell them everything." I said turning over on my side._

"_Okay try not to wait too long though I don't think I can keep something that big from them for that long." He said._

"_I'll come clean I promise." I said closing my eyes. I relaxed long enough to fall asleep and when I did I saw the one thing I loved more than anything._

_Brooke._

_Your halo slipping down  
Your halo slipping down to choke you now_

By the time Lucas and I technically went back to sleep it was the morning. We had spent the majority of the night before fighting about my addiction to cocaine and after that we just sat on the floor together in silence. As weird as it seems I owe Lucas my life for last night. I was so close to spiraling down again like I had in Charlotte I was lucky he was there to literally beat some sense into me.

I looked at the clock it was almost 10. Luke was still asleep I can imagine how tired he probably is. I know he didn't expect to be woken up last night by me flipping out over my intense nightmare about Dan and Brooke. I still got a horrible feeling in my stomach thinking about getting killed by my dad and having him kill Brooke. I've lived in fear for so long I just can't fully get over all of the things he did to me. I need to though if I want to live a happy life with Brooke. Of course if I wanted to do that I needed to be honest with her about doing the coke and everything.

I got up and grabbed my phone. I steeped on the icepack that fell off of my eye that was now black. I looked at Lucas and just like I predicted his jaw was bruised and so was mine from both his punches. My hand was still wrapped from me squeezing the keys so hard. I seriously looked like a drug addict right now. I had circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep and my face was bruised from Lucas and on top of that I felt like shit.

He didn't deserve to deal with that after he's been nothing but a good friend and brother to me. I was going to repay him somehow, but I would figure that out after I talked to Brooke. I sat on the steps outside Luke's room waiting for her to answer.

"Hey Scott." She said sounding like she just woke up. That made me feel worse.

"Sorry did I wake you?" I asked apologetically.

"No it's fine I was up." Brooke said not sounding mad at all that I woke her up. I had to smile at that.

"Well I'm sorry anyway, but I was wondering if we could talk?" I asked figuring she wasn't busy right now since I woke her up.

"Yeah why are you okay?" She asked worriedly. I shook my head she was always worrying about me and it wasn't fair.

"I'm good." I lied like I have so many times before. To her and to others.

"No Nathan what's wrong?" She asked knowing me too well. She would always probably know when I was lying.

"I'll explain everything when I pick you up." I said hoping she would be okay with that.

"Okay I'll see you in 15 minutes." She said clearly not wanting to waste any time.

"Great I'll see you soon." I said and hung up. This shouldn't be as hard as it was telling her about Dan abusing me. Compared to that this should be a piece of cake. Of course as soon as I do tell her she'll probably think I'm disgusting. As much as she's always loved partying we've all stayed away from drugs and just stuck with drinking.

I snuck back in and he was still sleeping so I quickly changed and wrote Lucas a note explaining where I was going and doing so he wouldn't freak out. I headed out noticing that Karen, Keith and my mom we still gone. I only wonder what those three did all night last night. I drove fast to Peyton's and Brooke was waiting outside. As always without trying she was still looking beautiful.

_Remember those walls I built  
Well baby they tumbling down  
_

"Hi." Was all she said when she got in. She was going to act standoffish until I told her what was going on. Brooke kept stealing glances at me though probably wondering why it looks like I got into a fight, and she was probably waiting for me to explain it. However, for the entire drive I didn't speak one word. I much prefer no talking, but I was just planning on what I was going to say. When I pulled up to the beach I saw Brooke gasp a little when she remembered this was where I brought her on our first date. She stayed silent getting out of the car knowing this was my plan. I smirked following her. She sat down in the sand looking up at me expectantly as I sat next to her.

"Are you going to say anything?" She asked after another minute of silence. I grinned at her she was so cute when she was irritated and I wasn't even trying to irritate her I just didn't know how to start. It was actually almost easier to begin talking about Dan, because I didn't have a choice but to tell her after what she saw.

"Umm Davis…" I trailed off struggling finding the right words. "Look I love you, but I haven't been completely honest with you about some stuff." I said looking at her. The irritation was fading from her features and was getting replaced with love and curiosity.

"Okay you know you can tell me anything." She said holding my hand. She did look a little bit worried though.

"I didn't cheat on you or anything." I said just so she wouldn't assume that. Brooke smiled slightly.

"Well that's good." She said light heartedly. I didn't want her to be disappointed in me. After everything she had so much faith in me and if she knew what I did I'm afraid she won't believe in me anymore.

_And they didn't even put up a fight  
They didn't even make a sound  
_

"This is hard to say." I said honestly. She nodded in encouragement for me to continue.

"I'm kind of doing cocaine." I admitted watching her expression carefully. My choice of words weren't exactly what I pictured myself saying, but that phrase just slipped out. Her eyes looked surprised which I expected, but it only lasted a second. That surprised me, you'd think telling someone that you did cocaine would get a little more shock out of them, I guess given my history of crazy things that's not all that shocking when I think about it.

"I'm sorry." I said after another minute of silence from her. I'm waiting here for her to say anything. She doesn't looked shocked at all she just looked a little confused and a little bit relieved.

"I kind of already knew that." She whispered looking down at her hands. Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"What?" I asked shocked. How could she know?

"When we picked you up in Charlotte I found a bag of it and I wondered if it was yours. I watched you after that to see if you'd take it with you, but you didn't and I thought if might not have been yours or just maybe you didn't want me to see you take so I never asked you about it." She explained and then I remembered that day. I was recovering from getting stabbed earlier that morning and I was high when they got there, but I was barely conscious from the loss of blood, but I remember worrying that she found it and it turns out she did.

"I don't know what to say." I said a second later. I had some sort of speech planed, but she knew all along.

"You're still doing it." Brooke stated. She knows me too well so there's no point in attempting to lie and I couldn't anyway it was too important that she knows.

_I found a way to let you in  
But I never really had a doubt  
_

"I'm stopping." I said. She waited for me to continue. I was almost positive she wasn't mad she actually looked like she wanted to help and understand. I knew she wouldn't judge me.

"See I started in Charlotte, because I needed money to pay for food and the hotel I was staying in. When I caught this guy named Brandon selling he asked me if I wanted in so I did, and when you sell to someone you have to do a line with them to prove you aren't a cop." I told her. She then looked surprised finding out I wasn't only using I was dealing.

"I know it was so stupid, but I was so pissed at myself for saying those horrible things to you and Lucas, plus everything with Dan I was scared of being around him, and you know that's why I left in the first place." I said looking down embarrassed. These past few months have been way too insane; my life has changed so dramatically.

"It was your escape." She whispered knowingly. I looked up at her and she had tears welling up behind her eyes and like clock work the tears started welling up behind my eyes. I nodded.

_Standing in the light of your halo_

_I got my angel now  
_

"Exactly I hate myself for needing it, but after awhile it numbed everything all the pain and bad memories and I became dependent on it." I admitted as my first tear fell down my cheek. My jaw involuntarily clenched since I hated crying it made me feel so weak. Dan always said 'crying shows pain, pain shows weakness, and weakness shows fear. And that is not acceptable' that was the mindset I grew up in. I didn't want to think about him right now.

"It's okay Nathan I get it." She said understandingly. It seemed like she understood completely. I knew she would get it, but not this well.

"I just want you to know every time I thought of you and it made me feel worse I didn't want to do it, but after awhile I couldn't stop." I said brokenly. I hated admitting being weak, but she was one of the only people I could be like this around. I felt her squeeze my hand.

_It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breaking  
It's the risk that I'm taking  
I ain't never gonna shut you out  
_

"You're not a bad person Nathan you've been through so much and numbing yourself off is probably something anyone in that situation would do." She said sounding like she was holding something back. I would have asked her what it was, but she started sobbing. I gathered her into my arms apologizing for upsetting her.

"I'm sorry baby I'm done with it now after last night it won't happen again I promise." I said kissing the top of her head as another tear fell on her forehead.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
_

"What happened last night?" She asked pulling away wiping her tears trying to stop crying. I sighed as another pool of tears welled up.

"Brooke…" I whispered ashamed. She brought my hand up to her lips and kissed it softly as I felt one of her tears fall on top of my hand.

"Tell me." She said softly.

"That Brandon guy had me sell to his brother Mike, but when I made the deal he ripped me off and we got into a huge fight. He's the one who stabbed me before I called you." I said regretting every lie I ever told her.

"So you didn't get stabbed beating a local at pool while you were visiting your mom." She said as her voice cracked wiping her tears away again with her free hand.

"No I left because of Dan I never saw my mom." I said clarifying that. "Mike stabbed me before I gave him the drugs Brandon gave me to sell him, so I still had them at the hotel when you guys came, but by then I was almost passed out from exhaustion and the stab wound." I said placing my hand on her cheek wiping away her tears. I hated myself for making her cry, it was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away  
_

"Go on." She said knowing I wasn't done.

"The other day Brandon showed up at the river court wanting to know why I suddenly left Charlotte and because his brother lied and said I tried to rip him off and stole the drugs when I didn't." I started. This whole thing was sounding beyond ridiculous.

"Brandon believed me and offered me more drugs. At first I didn't think about it that much, I mean things were good with everyone I had you and I was happy, but then Dan called from jail." I said and her eyes widened as another set of tears and panic settled behind her hazel eyes.

_I can't feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
_

"Oh my god he called you?" She asked in disbelief trying not to cry again.

"He did, but I was at Brandon's motel room buying more it was like as soon as I saw him again all the memories of why I ran away and what Dan did came back so then I needed it again. When I got home Lucas told me Dan called so I went to see him and told him I hated him and would never forgive him." I had to stop this was becoming too much like before. All of this confession stuff needed to stop. I couldn't handle all of this.

"Baby I'm sorry you should have called me I would have gone with you." She said bringing me in to hug her. I held on tightly afraid if I let go she'd leave and I couldn't have that at all.

_Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light  
_

"I needed to do it alone." I said into her hair. "But last night after you girls left I had a nightmare while I was sleeping and when I woke up I lost it." My voice cracked as my nightmare came back to me and how real it felt being trapped with Dan with no where to turn until he killed me.

"What happened?" Brooke asked pulling away enough to see my face and how lost I was becoming thinking about this.

"Uh I was trapped with Dan in a jail cell and he beat me to death." I told her leaving out the part where I had been blamed for her death. I could see her heart break for me right there. I cupped her face in my hands wiping her tears.

_I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't begin  
To pull me back to the ground again  
_

"He can't hurt you Nathan he's gone so you don't have to worry about that ever happening there's no way you'll ever end up in jail like him." She said reaching up to wipe my shed tears.

"In the dream I was in jail because Dan killed you and I got blamed for it." I said intensely afraid of her reaction to that. Her mouth dropped slightly before she pulled my face to hers and kissed me hard on the mouth. I held onto her for dear life never wanting to let go, but she abruptly pulled back because she started crying again.

_Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breaking  
The risk that I'm taking  
I'm never gonna shut you out  
_

"I'm not going anywhere Nathan." She sobbed out putting her face in her hands. My chest started aching watching her in so much pain. Brooke was feeling miserable because of my fucked up dream, my fucked up life.

"I know it's just my worst nightmare would be for us to be separated and if he ever took you away from me I would snap I wouldn't know what to do." I said gently taking one of her hands away from her face and kissing it like she had done to me.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
_

"I won't leave you and your dad will never take me away." She whispered trying to calm down. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close so she was sitting on my lap. Brooke laid her forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry." I said again I've thought this too many times that I could never say that enough for her to know how truly sorry I was for doing this to her. I wanted her to be happy at this point that was the only thing that mattered.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

"It's not your fault he ruined you because he was sick and took all of his anger out on you when you didn't deserve it!" She said angrily desperately trying to stop crying when I knew it was only a matter of minutes before she started again. This was too much for anyone to handle.

"It's still hard I can hear every threat and still feel every punch I don't think I can get over it any time soon." I whispered honestly. She nodded biting her lip, as she choked back a sob.

_I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
_

"The night you came to my house when we had sex for the first time and I woke up because you were shaking so hard and saying my name…" Brooke trailed off letting me fill in the pieces of that nightmare.

"That dream was similar only I saw him beat you to death." I had to stop after saying that. I couldn't lose her and even talking about it was messing with my head.

_Halooooo ouuuu  
Halooooo ouuuu  
Ouuuuu ouuuuu ouuuuu  
_

"You begged me to help you and I couldn't so when he killed you I ran over and repeatedly begged you to wake up and you wouldn't, but you woke me up right after that so Dan wasn't in it that much." I said closing my eyes taking deep breaths.

"It's okay Scott everything will be okay." She said placing her hand on my cheek softly.

"Both nightmares scared the shit out of me. The first night I tried to leave so I could make sure that it never became a reality." I explained opening my eyes to find hers closed.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

"It won't so you don't have to worry." Brooke said opening her eyes letting the tears spill out.

"I know and it's because of you." I said rubbing my hand up and down her back. She was shivering and I wasn't sure if she was cold or just from the raw intensity of this conversation.

"I love you." She said looking right at me while her eyes shimmered with pain. I wanted to take it all away from her, and as I looked at her closely her vulnerability was showing more, but her inner pain was beginning to mirror mine. It worried me, a lot.

"Brooke what's wro-." Before I could finish that question she interrupted me again by crashing her lips into mine. Not that I minded I swear I could live off of that for my whole life, but something was wrong I could feel it. I pulled away from her first this time looking worried.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away  
_

"Can we just lay here please?" She asked looking so fragile I couldn't deny her anything at this point I loved her too much.

_I can feel your halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
_

"Sure." I whispered laying down with her in my arms. We stayed like this for a while before she asked me about my face and hand. I told her about Lucas finding me doing the coke and how we fought after wards. I was relieved she and Peyton weren't there to see me like that, because I couldn't be completely sure I wouldn't hurt them in the state I was in. I'm so glad to know I have something worth fighting against the addiction for.

_I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
_

I just knew she'd never leave me. She's my angel.

Forever.

_I can see your halo halo halo_  
_You know you're my saving grace_

**So that's all for now! I'm sorry for taking so long between updates I am trying to find more time to do so. Please leave a review it means so much to know what you think of it!! 'Halo' By Beyonce best song ever! Ha ps I added the extra lyrics at the end just for dramatic affect and because it's my favorite part of the song.**


	30. Belief

**Hello to all my favorite reviewers!! So sorry it's been a long time since there's been an update for this. I'm really trying here and it's difficult with two other stories up and running so please forgive me! Huge thanks to all the wonderful people who still read this! I love you all!!**

_I just knew she'd never leave me. She's my angel._

_Forever._

_I can see your halo halo halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

After our talk at the beach we went to get breakfast at the café. When we walked in Lucas, Peyton, Haley and Jake were there sitting in a booth.

"Hey guys." Brooke said in a more cheerful voice. I was still struggling to keep my shit in check so I didn't break down in front of everyone; there was always a reason why I never did the emotional thing.

"Hey." The four of them said.

"Do you want to sit down?" Lucas asked trying to move so we could fit. They did and I sat across from Brooke who was next to Peyton and Lucas I was next to Haley and Jake was on the other side of her. I noticed they were holding hands that must have meant their date went well.

"So how did it go?" Brooke asked reading my thoughts looking at the couple next to me. Lucas's eyes hit mine wondering the same thing, because he knew I was telling Brooke about the drugs. I nodded slowly indicating it went okay and she knew everything.

_Belief makes things real_

_Makes things feel _

_Feel alright _

Haley couldn't contain the smile from her face and Lucas had to make fun of her for it.

"Hales you're blushing." He taunted. She kicked him from under the table.

"Damn Haley I was kidding." Lucas said smiling while rubbing his shin.

"Do not taunt me Lucas or I'll show everyone the pictures of you with braces and headgear." Haley warned and Lucas's face with priceless.

"I'm sorry headgear?" Peyton asked with the biggest smile on her face and Brooke and Jake were already gone laughing. Lucas hung his head for a second.

"Haley we already agreed that we weren't going to talk about that ever again." He said in a tight voice. She glared back.

"Aw what's wrong Luke are you embarrassed?" She asked smiling knowing she was torturing him. He shook his head.

"Fine, I never wanted anyone to know about that the same way you never wanted anyone to know that your middle name is Annabelle." Lucas said with a triumph smile and Haley's mouth dropped.

"Haley I never knew your middle name was Annabelle." Jake said speaking for the first time since me and Brooke had gotten there. She ignored him and kicked Lucas again.

"Haley!" He exclaimed in pain.

"You're a jerk Eugene!" She said pointing at him. She was met with a kick of her own from him.

"Oh my god Lucas you're middle name is Eugene?" Brooke asked clapping her hands with laughter. I just sat back watching this war take place between these life long best friends in amusement.

_Belief makes things true _

_Things like you _

_You and I _

"Why did you kick me?" Haley asked.

"You told them what my middle name was!" He said angrily.

"What is going on over here?" Karen asked rushing over noticing her son and daughter were fighting.

"Haley kicked me." Lucas said quickly.

"Lucas told them what my middle name was." Haley retorted quickly.

"Then she told them what my middle name was." He pointed out.

"And he kicked me!" She said exasperated looking at Karen. I looked at her noticing her shaking from laughter.

"Karen just let it out." Peyton said smiling from her own laughter at the childish scene that just took place.

"You two." Karen said smiling. "Before you Peyton I thought Lucas and Haley would get married." She finished looking at all of us. I noticed Lucas and Haley were both wearing the same horrified look on their faces.

"No." They both said at the same time causing the rest of us to laugh.

"What's so funny over here?" My mom and Keith asked approaching our booth. This was the first time I'd seen any of them since they had left the night before.

"I think an even better question is where have you three been?" I asked looking at the adults. They all glanced at each other and laughed.

"Wouldn't you like to know sweetie." My mom said sweetly before bending down to kiss me on the cheek.

"Ew mom get away." I said trying to dart away from her kisses.

"Oh Nathan take that kiss like a man." Peyton joked and I mock glared at her and sat still while my mom kissed my forehead.

"You really make me feel loved you know that?" Deb said smiling and I grinned back at her. Next we saw Karen sneak a kiss on Lucas's cheek and he just sat there and didn't put up a fight.

"Momma's boy." I mumbled looking at him.

"Don't be jealous." He said and then told his mom what he wanted to eat.

"So Haley and Jake how was your date?" Karen asked writing down Peyton's order.

"It was great." Jake said smiling at Haley. Normally I would be giving him shit right now since I could already see it happening. Haley would have him whipped in no time.

"You two are so cute!" Brooke exclaimed and I had to smile at her. She ordered bacon and eggs, as did Peyton and Haley. Those three were the closer than half of the other girls I knew were with their real sisters. It just goes to show water is thicker than blood. Except in mine and Lucas's case for us blood is thicker than water. I ordered pancakes and bacon, as did Jake and Lucas. At this point we all spent so much time together we were morphing into one person.

_Tonight you arrested my mind when you came to my defense_

_With a knife in the shape of your mouth In the form of your body _

_With the wrath of a God _

_Oh You stood by me _

"Where were you guys before this?" Jake asked looking at me and Brooke.

"At the beach." She answered. I didn't what Lucas had told them about why we both look like we just got into a fight. He looked up at me.

"Nate do you want to help me get everyone's drinks?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah for sure." I said getting up with him and following him behind the counter to get drinks for the rest of them.

"I didn't tell anyone about last night." He said grabbing cups and handing me a few of them.

"Thanks." I said appreciative. "Don't you think they're wondering why your jaw is bruised and why I have a black eye and a bruised jaw?" I asked. Then I wondered why Keith, Karen and my mom didn't ask. Maybe they were waiting for us to come to them and explain.

"They asked and I said it was a long story and they stopped asking after that. As soon as you and Brooke walked in I know Peyton put it together and I'm assuming the other two did too. You can tell them or we can just assume that they know we got into it, but we're obviously fine now." He said shrugging leaving it up to me. At this point I was so fucking tired of lying I thought I might as well tell them.

_Belief builds from scratch _

_Doesn't have to relax_

_It doesn't need space _

"I'll tell them and when we get home I'll tell our moms." I said thinking that was easier than telling all of them here in public. At least we were in a corner booth away from the other customers.

"You want to tell my mom?" Luke asked as we slowly started back to the table.

"Yeah of course she's like my mom now too." I said and I'm pretty sure I surprised him. Maybe he didn't like that I said that.

"Or not." I said from his look.

"No I'm sorry but I didn't know you felt that way about her." He said with a small smile.

"If you don't want me to…" I trailed off thinking that this would be weird if he wasn't okay with this.

"I do because I know she feels the same." He said and it was my turn to look surprised at him. "She told me the other day that now she feels like she's raising two sons it's just like she always felt like she was raising twins with me and Haley." Lucas explained. I had to smile at that.

"So what are we like triplets now?" I joked at the strangeness of this entire situation. Lucas laughed.

"Yeah sure you, me, and Haley can be triplets." He said laughing as we approached the table with the drinks for everyone. Haley and I had become closer through tutoring and Lucas has told me lots of funny stories about the two of them I think at some point if we all kept going like we were I really could look at her like a sister and I was definitely fine with that. I could only hope I could be with her like I was with Peyton. Minus all the sexual jokes and friendly flirting me and Peyton do.

"Why are you boys laughing?" Haley asked.

"We decided that me, you, and Nathan were like triplets because my mom feels like she raised me and you together and with Nathan living there he's like her second son." He said and Haley smiled.

"And why would I ever want to be related to either one of you?" She asked sarcastically.

"Well first of all I'm the best looking guy you'll ever meet so that's just a given." I said arrogantly as Lucas elbowed me in the ribs. I rolled my eyes.

"I mean _we're _the best looking guys you'll ever meet." I said gesturing between Lucas and myself. He chuckled nodding and Haley just shook her head.

"Hey guys I'm feeling a little left out here." Jake said pointing to himself.

"Aw don't worry Jake all the girls think you're cute." Brooke said grinning with her dimples showing at him. Haley kissed him on the cheek.

"Yeah Jake if we included you in our situation and became quadruplets it would just be weird because of you and Haley so we'll just stay triplets if that's cool." I said sticking my fist out for him to pound which he did grinning.

"It's fine the rest of us will start our own family twin-esq thing and it will be better than yours." Jake said looking at Brooke and Peyton who nodded agreeing with him.

"Yeah if you three want to be triplets then we'll be rival triplets and start our own gang!" Peyton said excitedly which caused uproar from the rest of us.

"Nice idea P. Sawyer we'll be cooler than you guys so you better watch out." Brooke said putting her head next to Peyton and nodding with her.

"Good luck with that girls and Jake." Lucas said going around to slide back in next to Peyton while I sat down by Haley again.

"Here you guys are." Keith and Karen said coming to us with all our food. I saw Karen struggle with too many plates and jumped up to help her steady them.

"Thank you Nathan I thought I was going to drop these plates all over the floor." She said laughing embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it." I said putting the plate of bacon and eggs in front of Haley and the other one in front of Brooke. The last one had pancakes and bacon on it so I set it in front of where I was sitting.

_Long live the queen and I'll be the king in the coller of grace_

"Nice Nate you should be a server here." Lucas said after he thanked Keith for his food.

"That's a great idea then all three of us could work here." Haley said digging into her food.

"Aw so then the Scott triplets could all work together how cute!" Brooke said with fake excitement. I nudged her under the table and she stuck her tongue out at me.

_Oh Tonight you arrested my mind when you came to my defense_

_With a knife in the shape of your mouth In the form of your body _

_With the wrath of a God Oh You stood by me _

_Belief _

"What are you talking about?" Keith said standing next to Karen.

"Basically Nathan, Lucas, and Haley are triplets and so are me, Brooke, and Peyton and we're in rival triplet gangs." Jake explained after finishing his bite of pancakes. I saw Keith and Karen smile nodding in understanding.

"Okay so is Haley just magically a Scott now?" Karen joked always thinking of her as a daughter.

"Yeah we adopted her." Lucas said throwing his arm around Peyton.

"Well I'm fine with that seeing as you three have all turned into great people I'd gladly take credit for having all of you at once." She said laughing.

"And to top it off Keith can be our dad." Haley said smiling at the man she always considered as her dad.

"Amen to that." I said honestly wishing sometimes that I knew what it was like to grow up with him as a father the way Lucas did. Keith looked at me and grinned.

"At this point you're all my kids basically so like Karen said I'll take that credit of saying you were mine." He said placing his arm around Karen and I noticed Luke smile at that scene.

"Well I'm glad your guys' family is all settled out we still need to decide who our parents are and whose last name we're all getting." Brooke pointed out.

"Oh we're all going to be the Sawyers." Peyton said like the it the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ha sorry Peyt but I think we should all be Davis's." Brooke said grinning in triumph assuming she had just decided everything.

"Um what about Jagelski?" Jake asked.

"See our gang is better because we all get along." Lucas said earning a slap in the chest from Peyton.

"Okay we all need to stop with the hitting because I am still recovering from the bed attacks." Lucas whined.

"Oh so I pushed you off twice big deal." I said rolling my eyes smiling at the memory.

"I don't even want to talk about it." Lucas said when he finished eating.

"I'll have you know Broody I'm still bruised so I feel your pain." Brooke said grabbing his hand that was on Peyton's shoulder and squeezing it.

"At least someone understands me." Lucas said wistfully.

"I'm not so sure these sleepovers are a good idea anymore if all of you end up injured." Karen said concerned like a good mother. I looked and saw my mom talking to a customer paying for a scone. It was a tall guy with light brown hair and I knew flirting when I saw it and he was definitely flirting with my mom.

_I'm gonna yell it from the roof tops_

_I'll wear a sign on my chest _

"I'll be right back." I said and got up and went behind the counter to stand next to her.

"Oh Nathan honey this is Stan he just moved here." She said gesturing to him as I put a protective arm around her.

"Hi." He said pleasantly holding out his hand for me to shake. I held onto his squeezing it like Dan had taught me until he jerked it away.

"Hey I'm Nathan." I said cordially. After all we've been through with my dad I was going into protective overdrive with my mom. Fortunately her bruises from him were healed and mine were to I just had the ones from Lucas.

"So this is your son?" He asked looking between us.

"Yep." I said shortly and my mom smiled slightly.

"Nathan it's okay he was just buying a scone you can go sit back down." She said hiding a nervous smile facing me.

"Are you sure you don't need help up here I think Karen just hired me to work here." I said to her.

"That's great now we can all work here and you can buss tables and serve like Lucas and Haley." She said happily and I leaned down to hug her.

"Yeah so I'll be here a lot." I said looking at Stan who was intimidated, the look on his face said it all. "Come back soon." I added when we fell into silence. He nodded.

"I will. Bye Deb and Nathan." He said turning around walking out the door.

"I can take care of myself." My mom said knowing what I was doing.

"I know you can I just want to make sure some creepy guy wasn't scamming on my mom." I said defensively. She smiled appreciatively.

"Thank you but he was a nice guy who is probably too scared to come back." She laughed. "And you don't need to worry I'm in no shape to date anyone my husband is in prison." She added and I nodded.

"Yeah well maybe if Stan ends up being an okay guy I might let him take you to dinner." I shrugged grinning.

"Oh so you'll let him take me to dinner?" She asked laughing while wiping the counter.

"Yes no dessert though he'll need to have you back by eleven." I said playing the dad role.

"It's sweet that you want to look after me, but I'm the mom it's my job to take care of you not the other way around." She said off handedly. I knew she still partially blame herself for all that went down with my dad.

"We can take care of each other." I said honestly and she looked up at me smiling in understanding.

"Deal." She said then gave a smile to Peyton when she walked up.

"Hey Mrs. Scott who was the hottie?" She asked and I scoffed at her choice of words.

"Please call me Deb." She insisted. "His name is Stan and he just bought a scone and Nathan all about chased him out of here telling him to never come back." Deb said swatting me lightly with the towel.

"Me and Brooke agree that he is definitely rebound guy material you should go out with him." She said and I got wide eyed at her.

"Oh please Sawyer don't encourage her." I whined and the girls laughed.

"I can't just start dating because Dan is in jail, we're still married and even after what he's done and the mistakes I've made in the past he's still my husband so until we end it I can't date anyone." She explained.

"I understand but I still hope that you and Stan keep talking and hey is it too much of a coincidence that his name rhymes with Dan?" Peyton asked picking up a doghnut and eating it.

"See I told you he was creepy." I realized and pointed it out to my mom before snatching Peyton's doughnut from her mouth and eating the remainder of it.

"Hey that was mine!" She exclaimed.

"Too bad Peyton." I said rubbing my hand on top of her head messing up her hair.

"It's great that you two could become such good friends after having a relationship." My mom said grinning at us.

"I don't have a choice she's my brother's girlfriend and girlfriend's best friend." I joked earning a whack from Peyton.

"No I don't have the choice he's my boyfriend's brother and best friend's boyfriend." She retorted and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"That's why we never worked out she won't agree with me on anything." I said turning away from her.

"Maybe it's because you're never right." Peyton said and I turned around looking at her disbelieving.

"Oh that was cold." I said squinting at her and walking back to the table.

_That's the least I can do_

_It's the least I can do_

"Who was the guy talking to your mom?" Lucas asked when I settled back and started eating again. Karen and Keith had gone back into the kitchen already.

"Some guy named Stan I think my mom might go out with him after she divorces my dad." I said with a mouth full of food. Everyone at the table looked at me.

"What?" I asked taking a sip of my water. Peyton had come back and sat back down where she was before.

"Your mom is going to divorce Dan?" Lucas questioned. I looked at him like he was crazy. Of course she would who could ever stay married to a man like that?

"Yeah would you want to be married to a child abuser?" I asked them and saw the sympathy in their eyes. That kind of shit pissed me off I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I knew that what happened to me sucked and if I heard of it happening to someone else I'd probably feel bad, but I didn't want this pity.

"Guys it's fine I can sort of talk about it, just not go into details." I explained pushing my plate away when I finished.

"We don't want to pressure to talk if you're not ready." Peyton said. I nodded appreciatively.

"Well I don't really want to talk about it right now, but my mom made the decision to get divorced and then we'll go back to our house and try to live a normal life. As normal as can be I guess." I told them.

"You don't have to leave." Lucas said and truthfully I didn't want to. Living there made both me and my mom feel safe. Our house was so big it would feel like if I did something wrong or didn't live up to the expectation then out of nowhere Dan would pop out and finish me. My jaw involunatarily set and I know they noticed.

"At some point we'll have to." I said quietly shrugging it off trying to show that I didn't care. "And I have some other issues I need to deal with and it would probably be dealt with better alone." I said and saw Brooke's eyes widen with worry. I was talking about the cocaine and I had already told her.

"Whatever else you're going through I'm here." She said and I smiled lightly at her.

"I know." I said reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.

"Look as you all know I'm not great with openeing up it's just been hard with everything that happened with my dad." I admitted looking at all of them. They were waiting for me to continue. I figured it was now or never.

"When I ran away it wasn't to visit my mom it was after Dan attacked me and I went to Charlotte and became a drug dealer." I said quietly and quickly. Brooke and Lucas didn't look surprised they each had understanding in their eyes but the other three looked very surprised.

"I know for Jake and Haley it might seem weird that I'm telling you guys, but I'm so sick of lying to everyone I've been doing it for so long. Jake we have known each other since elementary school and we've always been cool honestly you've always been one of the most non judgemental and understanding people I've ever met so I feel more comfortable telling you because of that." I said looking at him.

"You can tell me anything man I'm always here to listen." He said lifting his fist and I pounded it. I knew he wouldn't judge me.

"And Haley at this point you already knew about Dan and you're best friends with Lucas and my tutor plus now you're dating Jake so it would probably get to you eventually. I just thought since we'd be spending a lot more time together with the group or when you're tutoring me so it would be better if I wasn't holding onto to all this baggage and all the secrets." I told her honestly. I think she was surprised but she also nodded in understanding. She and Jake were perfect for each other neither of them judged and they were both so nice.

"Like Jake said I can listen to you. Hell I'll even be your therapist if you need it." She said jokingly and I smirked at her.

"After all this I'll probably need therapy for the rest of my life." I said trying to joke knowing it was probably true.

"I'm just wondering how you knew I wouldn't judge you when you told me. I know we've gotten to know each other better since I started tutoring you, but how did you know?" She asked with a curious expression.

"You tutored me after I got back knowing what I said to Lucas and Brooke. You attempted to see past the asshole that I played myself out to be and helped me stop flunking so I could keep playing basketball and not get held back a year. You are a genuinely good person." I shrugged explaining my reasons. For a moment I thought I saw tears in her eyes like she was so touched by my comments to her, but they went away a second later.

"Thank you." She whispered. I looked at Peyton who looked hurt and surprised. I didn't want her to think she wasn't more important than Haley and Jake because I had told her at the same time as them. Truth be told she was my best friend besides Brooke and Lucas but they held other positions in my life too being he was my brother and she was my girlfriend. So all in all Peyton was my best friend.

"Sawyer..." I trailed off not wanting to upset her. I knew the wrath of Peyton Sawyer well and she was a bitch when she wanted to be.

"You sold drugs while you were there?" She asked disbelieving.

"I only did it because I needed money and I caught this guy doing it and he let me in so I did it so I could try to make it on my own away from Dan." I tried to explain.

"Did you use?" Peyton asked. The shade of my eyes got darker remembering the previous night's events. I glanced at Lucas miserably.

"Yeah you have to so the person who's buying from you knows you aren't a cop." I said clenching my fists. I saw her heart break right there.

"Is that why you were stabbed when we found you?" She asked and I nodded confirming it.

"So what it was like a deal gone bad?" Peyton asked.

"That's exactly what it was. I'm done with that now I don't want to have to depend on a drug to forget about what Dan did and be happy I have to be able to do it on my own." I said determined more to myself than them. It would be hard, but I had to try my hardest not to turn to that again.

"Okay so now that we know that why do you and Lucas both look like that?" Jake asked and I almost smirked.

"Lucas caught me doing it last night and beat some sense into me..." I said. "Literally." I added. I wouldn't let my mind think about why I had to do it again. That nightmare wasn't real Brooke had told me earlier at the beach that no matter what that wouldn't ever happen. My fists still clenched and I saw that look in Brooke's expression. She knew I was hurting talking about this but it was part of the deal. Once Dan was caught the secrets would start pouring out, it was only only a matter of time.

"You've been back from Charlotte almost a month and you're still doing it?" Peyton asked and before I could answer she asked another question. "And what is it? What have you been selling and using?" She asked concerned. I looked around to make sure no one had heard any of this and then answered.

"Cocaine." I looked down embarrassed at my hands in my lap.

"I'm sorry Nathan." Haley said from beside me. I didn't respond I just glanced up at everyone.

"I freaked out last night and I needed an outlet so I did and Lucas stepped in and now I don't have any anymore so I won't slip up again." I promised them. I needed them to believe me.

"We'll be here for you we'll help you when you get a craving or whatever." Peyton said with an encouraging smile.

"Thanks." I said quietly looking at all of them. When my eyes found Brooke's I felt like she was keeping something from me. It was like earlier at the beach she seemed to have a lot of surpressed pain behind those gorgeous hazel eyes and I had to find out what it was. Our eyes locked and I could have sworn she wanted to tell me without saying the words. Unfortunately I wasn't a mind reader so I couldn't know right now.

_Tonight you arrested my mind when you came to my defense _

_With a knife in the shape of your mouth In the form of your body _

_With the wrath of a God _

"Do you guys want to get out of here?" I asked still keeping my eyes on Brooke's. I heard them say yes and they all got up but me and Brooke stayed put.

"We should go." She finally said and stood up. I did and we walked out the door to meet with the rest of them. Everyone said goodbye to the adults before leaving.

"What do you guys want to do?" Haley asked.

"We could always go to the river court." Lucas suggested.

"That's good with me, Nate?" Jake asked grabbing Haley's hand.

"Yeah we'll follow you there." I said throwing my arm around Brooke pulling her in close. They nodded and headed to their cars. We rode together in silence.

"You know you can always tell me anything right?" I asked as we approached a red light.

"Of course." She said in a different tone. It sounded cheery, but it was forced. Thinking back that was the tone she always used with people I just never noticed how it really sounded until now. I didn't have much of a reason before to listen for it.

_Oh _

_You stood by me and I'll stand by my belief _

"You know I love you right?" I asked and she turned and smiled at me. I could tell it was a real smile not forced like the tone in her voice.

"I love you Nathan." She said so softly I almost didn't hear her. We arrived at the river court just behind the others.

"Ready to watch me kick some ass?" I asked with a cocky smirk getting out of the car, she followed suit. She grinned in response with her dimples showing and I pulled her in and kissed her passionately. She put her hand behind my neck to bring me closer to her as I pinned her against the car. She ran her hands up and down my stomach and I seemingly forgot we were in a public place and that there were other people around. I lifted her up and placed her on the hood of the car.

"Can you guys keep it PG this is a public place and Haley isn't old enough to witness that!" Lucas yelled from the center of the court. I heard Haley yell at him and I could guess how that would end.

"He has a point we could get arrested for this." Brooke said breathlessly as I kissed her neck.

"If they put me in a cell with you I would literally go crazy." I said attacking her lips again. She giggled pushing me away.

"We need to continue this when we're alone and not outside in the public eye." She said hopping off the car and dragging me toward everyone.

"You're no fun." I whined and she gave me a devilish smirk.

"I'll show you how fun I am later." Brooke winked and I automatically got very excited thinking of what she would do.

"Gross PDA." Peyton joked tossing me the ball.

"Just admit that you still want me Sawyer I think Luke will forgive you." I said smiling, but in the back of my mind I was still worried about Brooke.

"I'll admit it when Brooke admits how much she wants Lucas." Peyton said giving Brooke a grin. She skipped right to Lucas and threw her arms around him.

"Oh he already knows right Luke?" She asked and he laughed.

"Sorry you had to find out like this Nate." He said giving her a hug.

"We'll see who they both choose when I beat all of you." I said pointing to him and Jake.

"Leave me out of this I'm not trying to steal your girl I already have one." Jake said pulling Haley into his side and she giggled into his chest embarrassed.

"Peyton can I talk to you for a second?" I asked walking to the end of the court.

"Are you okay? You've shared a lot in the past few weeks." She said leaning against the basketball goal.

"I'm fine. I just need to make sure that you aren't upset with the way I brought up running away and the drugs. I told Brooke this morning and didn't really have a choice but to tell Lucas because he caught me." I explained. She nodded. I figured she wouldn't really be mad I just didn't want her to be hurt.

"I understand you had to tell them seperately." She said looking down.

"I wanted to tell you alone also, but I am done with the lying and hiding I just wanted to get it off my chest and not have to repeat it over and over." I said and she looked at me.

"It's fine I'm not mad at you. I'm happy you told me at all. It means a lot to me that you can trust me with that information." She said honestly.

"I trust you Peyton I know we couldn't quite work as a couple but I feel closer to you now than I did then." I admitted hoping she felt the same. We weren't ever that close emotionally before.

"I feel the same." She agreed smiling. "And I thought we didn't work because I don't agree with everything you say." Peyton shot back. I smirked at her.

"Would you let that go?" I asked pulling her in for a side hug and walking back to the court dreading having to tell mine and Lucas's moms the whole story with that, but for now I relaxed hanging with my friends feeling better than I had in a long time.

_Oh I'll stand by my belief_

**Ah sort of lame ending but I couldn't come up with anything better. LOL as always reviews are greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading! 'Belief' by Gavin DeGraw.**

**xxoo Marissa Davis**


	31. Drive

**Ahhh okay so I know I suck at life but school started and seriously life has sucked since then so there's been no time at all to write!! I'm sorry but I need to thank haylee, kay0340, brathan 23, Tamarindo, CloisDestiny, Rachtree, butterflies xo, and lukenpeyton4ever. I love you all you're the best!!! =)**

_"I trust you Peyton I know we couldn't quite work as a couple but I feel closer to you now than I did then." I admitted hoping she felt the same. We weren't ever that close emotionally before._

_"I feel the same." She agreed smiling. "And I thought we didn't work because I don't agree with everything you say." Peyton shot back. I smirked at her._

_"Would you let that go?" I asked pulling her in for a side hug and walking back to the court dreading having to tell mine and Lucas's moms the whole story with that, but for now I relaxed hanging with my friends feeling better than I had in a long time._

_Oh I'll stand by my belief_

"I'm like 99 percent sure I told you guys I'd be the winner." I said arrogantly as we stopped playing after a few hours. At least it felt like a few hours to me honestly I didn't know what the time was anymore.

"Um Nate you know the final score was 21-18 me and Lucas winning." Jake informed me taking a seat next to Haley at the pick nick table. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever two against one isn't fair anyway." I said keeping my tone light. Brooke intertwined her fingers with mine smiling up at me.

"You will get your reward later for playing so hard Mr. Scott." She said with a cheeky smile. I leaned down and captured her lips quickly.

"That's my girl." I winked.

"Where exactly will you be giving him this reward?" Lucas asked with a smirk. I just shook my head at him.

"My house of course." Brooke said smiling brightly at the idea. "You and Peyton can have your room back for a few hours."

"Wow my own room back?" Lucas said sarcastically. Peyton nudged him grinning.

"Imagine all the fun we can have without the bed hogs." She joked.

"Excuse me Sawyer?" I asked with a teasing smile. "I believe you practically attacked all of us so don't go blaming anything on us." I said throwing my arm around Brooke.

"Please Nathan keep telling yourself that." She dismissed smiling.

"You know I'm not exactly sad we missed out on this." I heard Jake say to Haley who laughed and nodded.

"At least we aren't injured." She said leaning into him.

"You two can be jealous I mean come on who wouldn't want to share a bed with Nathan Scott?" I asked rhetorically with my same arrogant tone all of these people came to know and love.

"Honestly little brother I never thought I would share a bed with Nathan Scott." Lucas said imitating the way I said my own name.

"That's for damn sure." I agreed. 6 months ago this conversation would have never taken place and I would probably still hate Lucas.

"What a few months can do right?" Brooke said and we all nodded knowing how much could happen in a short amount of time.

"So are you ready to go back?" Lucas asked me. I nodded because he knew that when we got back home I would talk to my mom and his mom about Charlotte and why I lied about what I was doing there.

"Now or never." I spoke quietly so only Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas heard me.

"It'll be okay." Brooke whispered in my ear. I sighed contently. Telling the same story this many times in one day was going to really fuck with my head. But I've done it this many times I can do one more and be done.

_Sometimes I feel the fear and uncertainty stinging clear_

_And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear_

_Take the wheel and steer_

"It was really fun man." I said opening my arms to Jake. We hugged quickly and I turned to hug Haley.

"You'll be fine Nathan." She said as we released. This was the smartest girl in school and the pure honestly in her voice as she said those words had me believe her.

"I hope so." I muttered to her. "Don't get into too much trouble with my twin." I warned Jake. He and Haley both burst out laughing.

"I'll take good care of her." He promised taking her hand. It was good to see them acting so close after only one date. I still don't know the details, but just looking at them I got a feeling they would last a while.

"Bye twin brother take care of Brooke." Haley said trying to sound threatening. I nodded back trying not to laugh at her lack of toughness.

"I will." I said with a certainty that she knew how serious I was about that statement even inside the joke we were sharing.

Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke said goodbye to them as I headed back towards the car. Even standing there waiting for Brooke I could hear Lucas and Haley arguing about something. I could see in their body language that this was like breathing to them. When Haley punched him in the arm and he put her in a headlock Brooke hugged Jake then started coming towards me.

"So superstar you ready to score?" She asked and couldn't have sounded sexier even if she tried.

"Trust me I've been ready." I said in all seriousness. It had been a little while since we had had sex and honestly I was really looking forward to it. I missed being so physically close with her.

"Do you want to go straight to my house or do you want to stop by Luke's first?" She asked placing her hands on my sides.

"I have to go to Luke's." I said sounding depressed. Brooke gave me a look telling me to continue.

"I need to talk to my mom and his mom about what I did in Charlotte. I'm hoping to catch them since they're closing the café early because Thanksgiving is tomorrow." I explained. She nodded in understanding.

_It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague_

_Haunting mass appeal_

_Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the weel_

"Yeah I get it. I'll be right there with you while you talk to them." She said smiling reassuringly.

"Thanks, but I need to start being independent again. Ever since we got together and I moved in with Lucas I feel so dependent on all you guys and I used to be so independent. It's weird." I said trailing off. Truthfully before I got together with Brooke I never depended on anyone because I didn't feel like there was someone to lean on. I pushed everyone away before they even had the chance to know me.

"That's why I'm here though. You spent so much time thinking that no one loved or cared about you that now you have so many people who do you're not used to it." She said placing a chaste kiss on my chest where my heart is. I wonder if she felt it skip a beat the second her lips touched the material of my shirt.

"I know and I'm so much happier with you guys, but I still think that I should tell them alone. I thought about asking Luke to be there since it's his mom I'm also telling, but I might not." I said hoping she wouldn't be mad.

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to do this alone, because you're not alone anymore Scott." Her hazel eyes were looking right through me and I stared back hoping I could get the answers I was looking for from earlier.

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there_

_With open arms and open eyes yeah_

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there_

"I have you Davis." Was all I said not breaking our eye contact.

"Forever." She whispered. That word brought a smile to my face.

I heard the door to the car next to us open and I averted my eyes seeing Lucas standing there with his door open receiving money from Peyton.

"Lucas you should be paying Peyton for her services not the other way around." I joked as Brooke turned around to look at them. Peyton didn't even respond she just flipped me off while Lucas laughed.

"Well she owed me I won a bet." He explained and I tried to think if he had told me anything about a bet.

"What were the terms of this bet?" Brooke asked standing in front of me I put my arms around her waist.

Lucas and Peyton shared a look of amusement.

"Well…" Peyton trailed off.

"_Maybe if they can be friends their relationship will work out better next time around." She said looking at him._

"_How long do you think it will take for them to get back together?" He asked grinning. He was still hurt from Nathan's words but he was fine before he and Nathan became close so he was going to give him space and be fine like he was before._

"_Hmm probably a week or 2." She said smiling._

"_I'll bet you 20 bucks they'll be back together in some way by Friday." He said smiling bigger._

"_It's Saturday that's a week smart one." She said playfully hitting him._

"_Correction its 6 days I'm not counting today so what do you say?" He asked._

"_You're on I'll go with 2 weeks you go with one." She said holding out her hand, which he shook before pulling her in for a kiss._

"You bet on how long it would take us to get back together?" I asked disbelieving. They nodded their heads together.

"So Lucas you won?" Brooke asked and he held up a crisp 20-dollar bill.

"I said one week she said two." He shrugged. I had to think back and remembered that party where Brooke and me had sex after that argument because she went with some guy from the baseball team. I definitely remembered the next day she found out my secret about Dan.

"I'm so glad we're amusing enough to have bets placed on us." I said dryly.

"We both knew it was only a matter of time and once you told her everything there was nothing standing in your way." Peyton smiled and I smiled back at her.

"Next time I want in on the bets around here." Brooke pointed to them.

"Deal B. Davis." Peyton said leaning on Luke's truck.

"Are you sure you want to tell them now Nate?" Lucas asked and I nodded like before.

"Lets go now and get it over with." I said thinking ahead to my plans with Brooke afterwards. That was incentive enough to make this go quick.

"I'll meet you at the house." He said and got into his car. I opened Brooke's door for her then went around to my side.

"Are you nervous?" Brooke asked as we pulled away from the river court leaving Jake and Haley to themselves.

"At this point I don't think anything will shock my mom." I muttered going into my revelation mode. "I feel bad Lucas's mom has to be exposed to all this."

"She's a tough woman though." Brooke added.

"Yeah she's pretty great." I agreed. I don't think my mom and me could find better people to help us out of our bad situation.

"I wish my mom was like her." Brooke whispered and I almost didn't hear her. I stole a glance at her and she was zoned out looking out the window.

'There's something going on with her.' I thought and was aching to know what it was. I hoped she knew she could always trust me. After all we've been through I didn't want there to be secrets between us, especially since it destroyed us the first time we were together.

We pulled in behind Lucas and walked inside to find Karen, my mom, and Keith in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

"Smells so good." Lucas commented.

"I'm making your favorite stuffing." His mom said happily when she saw Lucas's smile. I noticed my mom looking at them then she looked at me and grinned. She had never made me Thanksgiving dinner before. She had no idea what my favorite anything was.

"Good to see you cooking mom." I said kissing the top of her head.

"Thanks I know this year will be very special." She said and I nodded sharing a look with Lucas.

"Hey is there a chance that I can talk to you guys?" I asked looking at all the adults. They all looked at me and noticed my serious expression and stopped what they were doing.

_So if I decide to waiver my chance to be the one of the haive_

_Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh_

"Do you want us to stay?" Peyton asked and I thought for a minute and figured they've all heard it a dozen times by now, why not one more? Besides I could always use the support even if I didn't necessarily want it.

"Yeah if you don't mind." I said softly and they all immediately went and sat on the couch. I sat next to Brooke and the three adults sat on the other couch.

"Nathan are you okay?" My mom asked worriedly. Since we had stayed here and I confessed to what Dan had done directly to her I started the conversation the same way.

"I'm going to apologize right now." I started and they all looked very attentive.

"After my fight with Dan I ran away to Charlotte as you know. When I came home I told everyone I went to see you." I said gesturing to my mom.

"That was a lie obviously and I didn't see Cooper either. I was hiding out and when I was there I caught this guy Brandon making a drug deal and at that point I was almost out of money so when he offered me a job I took it." I explained watching them all look surprised. I kept getting the same reactions every time.

"I know it wasn't a good time I was in a really dark place. But it didn't stop at dealing I was also using and after a bit I became addicted." I confessed and my mom gasped softly. Fault crossed her features since she has an addictive personality. She had just gotten out of rehab for attempted suicide for overdosing on painkillers.

_It's driven me before, it seems to be the way _

_That everyone else gets around_

"Oh Nate are you still using?" Keith asked in that understanding tone he always used. Becoming closer with him these past few weeks I've been living here has helped me realize that not all Scott men are monsters.

"As of last night no." I caught a look with Lucas who nodded pointing to his jaw.

"You might wonder why me and Luke look like this and it's because last night I had a bad nightmare and wanted an escape so I used and he caught me. We fought, but ultimately he won and helped me see how bad I was and he helped me stop." I said softly. All their eyes showed worry and concern.

"The whole story is when I was in Charlotte I was involved in a deal gone bad and it turned ugly so I called them." I said pointing to Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas.

"They were already looking for me so they were close and they brought me home and helped heal me." I smiled at Brooke who returned it squeezing my hand like always.

"I lied to everyone and when I left Charlotte I never talked to Brandon about the deal going bad or anything so the other day he showed up and things had been going so well after we moved in here, but seeing him brought all the memories back, then Dan called.-" I had forgotten no one else knew about that so when the three adults interrupted it startled me.

"Dan called?!" They all asked alarmed.

"I wasn't here I said I was going to the store when I was going to get more drugs from Brandon, but I got home and Lucas told me so I went to see him.-" Again the interruptions.

"Lucas you knew?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"When did you see him?"

"What did you say?" All of the questions came at once I almost laughed, but the seriousness of this talk prevented me from doing so.

"Yesterday I went, and Lucas didn't tell because I asked him not to and I just told Dan he was a sad excuse for a man for abusing me for so long and I left. I didn't let him say anything, but that really messed me up so last night when I dreamed about him I used what I had just bought from Brandon and Luke saw me." I told them and my mom had tears threatening to fall and I felt bad, but with the exception of that one time Dan hurt her she had no idea what I've been through.

"Oh god we could have gone with you or helped you." Karen said and I shook my head.

"I've been dealing with this on my own for so long I don't know how to get help and I needed to see him on my own. He looked like shit I think prison is doing it's number on him." I told them.

"Honey I'm so sorry." My mom said wiping her fallen tears.

"Nathan do you need professional help?" Keith delicately asked. I was prepared for these kinds of questions. Anyone in my situations would need lots of professional help.

"I hate myself when I'm using. The only reason I did it was because it helped me forget about Dan and how awful I was to Brooke and Lucas. The truth is it's a great escape, but cocaine will kill me if I don't stop and after the intense fight last night I'm done I can't let myself go back to that place." I said darkly shocking everyone.

_Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found_

"I don't want to send you away." Mom said. "But sweetie I've been there and they can help you stop being addicted."

"I'm never using again since he's out of my life I don't need the escape. I thought I would every time I had a nightmare but I won't deal with it that way I'll do something healthier and safer. I don't want to get sent away." I said vulnerably. Brooke rested her head gently on my shoulder. Lucas and Peyton were looking more determined than ever to help me and I loved them for it. They were spending their whole lives babysitting me and I didn't want that.

"I think as long as you keep talking to us and let us know how you're doing and feeling we can help you fight this." Karen said gently and I gave her a hopeful look. I loved my mom, but she wasn't any role model. Karen was the super mom and I knew how dedicated she was to her family.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Nathan." My mom got my attention. "That guy Brandon is he still here or are you two still in business?"

"No he's gone and I'm done. I won't deal or use he's out of my life gone back to Charlotte." I told them.

"That's pretty heavy son are you sure you're alright?" Keith asked wrapping an arm around my mom.

"I will be. I know I can get past this I've just haven't dealt with it for so long then I had to suddenly because it all got worse so it really screwed me up." I explained and he nodded.

"Did you all know?" Deb asked the three I was sitting with.

"I just found out last night." Lucas said.

"This morning." Brooke's raspy voice responded.

"This morning at breakfast after Brooke." Peyton said.

"Is there anything else you need to tell us?" Karen asked. She like Jake or Haley held no judgment in her features. She was so unbelievably kind.

"That's about it. I think I could write a 1,000 page book of my life at this point." I tried to joke making everyone smile.

"You've been through too much." My mom came up to me and gently wrapped her arms around me.

"Addiction can ruin you and I'm sorry I wasn't around to stop the abuse before it got this far." She had done nothing but apologize since that day in the police station. I used to resent her for always leaving me, but at this point we were staring over with these people who cared about us so I was done holding grudges.

"Just don't leave anymore." I whispered and I felt her head nod against my shoulder.

"This is a lot of emotion for one day." She attempted to joke as we pulled away.

"You have no idea." I said looking at Brooke who blew me a silent kiss. Little things like that made me fall in love with her more and more.

"We want to help you any way we can." Keith said standing up as did I. I shook his hand then he pulled me into a hug.

"I promise I'll tell you if I need help." I swore and would try my hardest to keep that promise. No more introvert I had to learn to talk to these people.

"At least tomorrow we all know what we're thankful for." Karen said approaching me and giving me a hug.

"I'm thankful for being alive." I said releasing her.

"I'm thankful that you're alive too." She said smiling and lightly patting my cheek in a motherly way. I almost broke down and cried at that gesture.

"Thanks." I said softly and she nodded giving me a smile.

"I need to get back into the kitchen to make you all the best meal ever." She said happily and Keith giving me a wink followed her into the kitchen. I knew they wouldn't stop worrying, but they were giving me space.

"Is there anything you need from me?" Mom asked.

"I just had to tell you that for now I'm fine." I said honestly and I was. Now everyone knew except for Whitey, but if he knew about the drugs I'd get kicked off the team and I couldn't survive if that happened.

"Please talk to me if you ever feel like you want those drugs I am going to be the good mother you deserve." She said looking hopeful. I smiled at her.

"We'll be okay mom." I said. She smiled and retreated back to the kitchen to help leaving the four of us.

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there_

_With open arms and open eyes yeah_

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there_

"So you admitted that I won our fight." Lucas said approaching me with a cocky smile. I rolled my eyes.

"That will never happen again." I punching his shoulder.

"Sure you think you're so much better than me." He taunted. I did the same thing to him that he did to Haley. I wrapped my arm around his neck putting him in a headlock.

"Not cool Nate." Luke said. I laughed looking at the girls who were smiling.

"Boy toy if we don't leave now we won't have enough time…" Brooke trailed off raising her eyebrows suggestively. I released Luke immediately.

"So we're gonna go." I said grabbing her hand.

"Have fun." Peyton said looping her arm through Lucas's.

"We will." Brooke promised. I was very excited for this.

"Bye mom!" I yelled from the doorway.

"Where are you going?" She popped her head out from the kitchen.

"Me and Brooke are going to hang out." I said hoping she wouldn't press for details. As much as she knows about me now we don't discuss my sex life.

"Okay be back by dinner we're going to order pizza." She said and Karen came up behind her.

"I hope you don't mind I can't cook for dinner tomorrow night and tonight." She apologized.

"It's fine I love pizza." I said.

"Same that's great." Brooke said smiling pushing me out the door.

"Those two need some time." Deb said to Lucas and Peyton.

"They've been through a lot and it's great he can confide in her." Peyton said.

"The whole situation is stressful emotionally and physically. I'm so thrilled he has you three to lean on." She said appreciatively.

"We won't give up on him. It's going to be tough but we'll be here every step of the way." Lucas said to the woman who had slowly become a second mother to him. He had never imagined getting to know Deb, but since she had lived there he saw that she like anyone else had flaws and imperfections, but she truly cared for Nathan even if in the past she had trouble showing it.

_Would you choose water over wine_

_Hold the wheel and drive_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"You have no idea how much I've missed this!" I said pinning Brooke to the front door. We barely made it out of the car before we were all over each other. She shut the door and I attacked her lips.

"Oh me too I need this." She desperately admitted and for only a split second did I imagine her needing an escape like I used to. And too often I used girls for sex to erase the pain from my dad. As soon as she took my sweatshirt and t-shirt off at the same time all thoughts went out the window and all I could think about was her.

I hurriedly carried her up the stairs with her legs tightly wrapped around my waist. She was practically dry humping me the whole way up it was a miracle I didn't drop her or fall down the stairs. She took her jacket off leaving it on the stairs. I pushed her against the wall of her room kissing her harder leaving both of us breathless.

I tossed her shirt off of her feeling every curve; getting reacquainted with this body of perfection.

"Bed." She moaned out as I sucked on the sweet spot on her neck. I laid her down never breaking contact from my lips and her skin. I wanted to kiss every inch, I had to feel everything it had been way too long.

We slipped her jeans off quickly and she got to work on mine. She pushed them down and I didn't even push them to the floor I was in such a hurry to be with her again. I knew where she kept her condoms so I pulled one out of the drawer in her bedside table she practically ripped my boxers off and put it on for me. One of the hottest things she could do, then she took her own laced panties off and placed a soft kiss on my bruised jaw.

"I need you inside me now, Nathan." She breathed and I shivered and thrusted into her. I didn't want to make it go too fast I wanted all these feelings to last so I started slow. I took my time trailing kisses covering her entire face, and she squeezed my muscular arms as I dug a little deeper. She kissed me hard on the mouth while running her fingers through my hair I moaned as she massaged my scalp.

"Brooke." I moaned looking at her flushed face. Her eyes were closed and she had a smile playing on her lips as her hips moved with mine.

"Faster Scott." She quivered and I complied. My hands roamed her thighs that were locked around my waist.

"You're so beautiful." I said in a hoarse voice. Being with Brooke there was always lots of moaning and there were times we both down right yelled. Her eyes opened and had tears in them. I thrusted harder.

"I love you." She whispered reaching her end I could feel her walls close around me. I put my forehead on hers intertwining our fingers and placed them over her head.

"I love you too." I said with intense sincerity the tears spilled out of her eyes. I trailed soft kisses down her wet cheeks up until the very last second when we both reached our climax.

"Oh god." She gasped wrapping her arms around my neck. I grinned in satisfaction knowing I had pleased her. I kissed her shoulder before kissing her lips.

"We really need to do that more often." I said and she laughed shaking her head.

"I almost forgot how good you are." Brooke's raspy voice whispered seductively in my ear.

I was still inside her and we immediately repeated our earlier actions only she changed it up by rolling us over so she was on top and she made it pretty damn impossible to forget how good Brooke Davis is in bed, and I was lucky enough to have her.

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there_

_With open arms and open eyes yeah_

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there_

**Finally an update!! So now that everyone who needs to know about Nathan and Dan and Nathan and drugs we can move forward! Haha next chapter will be Thanksgiving, then we're going to move ahead a month so the story won't get boring. Please please review I love them and I do need to know what you think of the story. I can always take ideas or suggestions please let me know. Thank you so much for reading!! =) 'Drive' by Incubus**

**xoxoxoxo**

**Marissa Davis**


	32. Let Me Sign

**Holy crap it's been almost 2 years! I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for the long gap between updates. I graduated high school I'm going to college in a month haha oh wow okay so a huge thanks to anyone who still is interested in this story please read and I really hope you like it! **

_I was still inside her and we immediately repeated our earlier actions only she changed it up by rolling us over so she was on top and she made it pretty damn impossible to forget how good Brooke Davis is in bed, and I was lucky enough to have her._

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there_

_With open arms and open eyes yeah_

_Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there_

It was Thanksgiving Day and since Peyton's dad was working and so were Brooke's parents they were invited to spend the day with us at Lucas's house. His mom with the help of my mom and Keith made the best Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had, maybe the best dinner I've ever had period. We were all seated in the dining room passing the dishes around. Keith carved the turkey and we all had to go around and say what we were thankful for.

"I'm thankful for second chances and new beginnings." My mom said smiling at me. I smiled back; glad we didn't have to hide anymore.

"I'm thankful for my dad's safety." Peyton said. "I'm also thankful for the incredible adults who put up with us and for the great friendships I have with Brooke and Nathan and the amazing love I've found."

Lucas was already holding her hand but I saw him squeeze it and smile.

"I'm thankful for getting to know my brother and expanding our family with him and Deb." Lucas smiled to my mom. I was happy those two became as close as I had with his mom.

"I'm also thankful for the beautiful friendship I've created with Brooke and finally getting to go out with Peyton after 11 years of liking her!" Lucas said exasperated. The whole table laughed and she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't know!" Peyton defended.

It was Karen's turn next and my mind quickly flashed to the day before right after I told my mom, Karen, and Keith about what went on in Charlotte.

_"At least tomorrow we all know what we're thankful for." Karen said approaching me and giving me a hug._

_"I'm thankful for being alive." I said releasing her._

_"I'm thankful that you're alive too." She said smiling and lightly patting my cheek in a motherly way. I almost broke down and cried at that gesture._

_"Thanks." I said softly and she nodded giving me a smile._

My form was overwhelmed with comfort thinking of her and how she took me in and my mom in without hesitation. I had an idea of what I was going to say when it was my turn.

"I'm thankful for having Nathan and Deb here and them being safe." She started, "For the wonderful girls that have made our boys so happy." Karen smiled warmly at Lucas and Peyton before smiling at me and Brooke. "I'm also thankful for Keith who has been there for us since day one." Keith brought Karen's hand to his lips and kissed it gently before placing it back on the table. We all knew those two were in love they just needed to finally admit and get together.

"I'm thankful for this amazing family." Keith said looking at each one of us. "I know it's been terribly painful for Nathan and Deb to go through what they did, but in the end I was able to know my nephew," He looked at me and I knew he would never think of me as Lucas's asshole half-brother or Dan's jerk of a son again, I was _his _nephew and he loved me. "And my sister-in-law." He finished sending a smile to my mom.

"I'm thankful for everyone in this room." Brooke started, "Deb you gave me Nathan who I never thought I'd date because he dated Peyton." She paused to laugh as did all of us. "But somehow he found his way to me." She squeezed my hand and my pulse sped up. "I'm thankful for Karen for being so kind to me by letting me be here while my parents are gone. And you and Keith raised Lucas to be my best friend." Brooke smiled appreciatively at Karen, Keith and Lucas. "Lastly I'm thankful for Peyton who's been my sister since we were 8." I saw Peyton's eyes water momentarily while she and Brooke had their own moment. There was so much emotion in this room right now and we all know how I don't usually do well with that.

But it was Thanksgiving and I sure as hell had a lot to be thankful now, every other Thanksgiving I usually ate Ramen Noodles by myself watching ESPN classics while my dad drank before beating me and my mom was gone. This year was different and I was going to let these people know what they meant to me.

_Oohh  
Oohh_

"Every single person in this room contributed to saving my life." I said as they all looked at me waiting for me to continue.

"Keith you being there unconditionally for Lucas has always made me believe that just because I was related to Dan, it didn't mean I was going to be like him. Truth be told I wanted to be like you." Keith reached over and put his hand on my shoulder.

"You'll never be like him." He said seriously. I nodded grinning. I'd make sure I was never like him.

"Karen you've been unbelievably nice to me even after I was a jerk to Lucas for so long. If I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. Living here has been the best time of my life." I admitted sheepishly, "This is the first time since the abuse started that I've felt safe and I know a huge part of that is because of you. You gave us a place to live, you're giving me a job at the café and you are giving me the best chance to hang out with my brother. I couldn't ask for a better place to be." Karen had to wipe her tears away as she looked at me with pure adoration, the same way she looks at Lucas.

_Standing there by the broken tree,  
Her hands were all twisted, she was pointing at me._

"There's always a place for you here Nathan you're my son now too." She said and my mom briefly held onto Karen's hand as the women shared a silent bond of sharing me and Lucas as sons.

"Mom I know we've gone to hell and back but we have both come out on top and stronger." I said as she reached across the table to grab my hand for a moment.

"I love you and after all our talks I have never felt closer to you and I'm so thankful for this second chance we get to have a real family."

"I love you too." She said quietly. I turned to Sawyer.

"Peyton after all the drama from our relationship I never thought we'd be able to be here having this amazing of a friendship." I said as her eyes shined smiling at me.

"Sawyer you've been amazing, you've known me a long time and you haven't judged me at all and I love that we can joke around all the time and give each other crap. You mean the world to me and I couldn't have picked someone better for Luke." She mouthed the words thank you to me and I reached behind Brooke to gently nestle Peyton's hair.

"Lucas there is no way that I've ever done anything to deserve a brother as good as you." I said as he shook his head saying no while laughing. I smirked knowing he was joking.

"I couldn't have gone through what I have without knowing you had my back, and even after I got back and said we shouldn't move forward and be brothers you still had my back. I know that we have issues because of Dan but knowing that I'm not alone and that you'll be there makes it bearable and I can't tell you what means." I said breaking eye contact for a second to prepare myself for pouring my heart out to Brooke.

"And lastly Brooke," Just saying her name does indescribable things to me.

_I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes.  
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky._

"You never gave up on me and through all of my problems you have stood by me. By being with me you've taught me the value of telling the truth and that once you find love you shouldn't run from it you should embrace it." Brooke's face was lit up by my compliments but like the past few days her eyes held secrets behind them.

"I love you more than I thought I could love anyone and it's been the most rewarding experience getting to know you and being able to call you mine. I don't have to be afraid anymore and I couldn't have reached this point without you." She leaned in to kiss me. Since everyone was around we didn't take it too far but it was sweetly passionate.

_She said 'Walk on over yeah to the bit of shade,  
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved'_

"I love you." She whispered as I copied Keith's actions by kissing the top of her hand. There were countless hand gestures of love during this dinner and it amazes me how such a small thing can mean so much.

"Wow that was a lot of deep emotion." Lucas said bringing lightness back to the table after everyone's speeches.

"That was beautiful sweetie." My mom said to me.

"I try." I said slyly.

"Don't you dare get cocky, it's Thanksgiving." Peyton playfully warned me.

"I would never." I said sounding offended.

The rest of dinner was great. We all ate tons of food while me and Lucas tried to pester our moms about what they really did while they were out all night, but they were keeping their time a playful secret.

"We treated ourselves to a night on the town." Karen said shrugging her shoulders.

"I feel like there's more to the story ma." Lucas said raising his eyebrows.

"You'll never know." She said sticking her tongue out at him.

"Hey Luke at least our moms aren't boring and still know how to party." I pointed out.

"That's true we can't have that." He said.

"Good I'm glad we can still impress our boys." My mom said sarcastically.

"That's our job in life." Karen said immediately after. Me and Lucas laughed at them. I was actually thrilled my mom went out and relaxed. Everyone keeps saying I've been through so much, but so has she. I can't even imagine what it'd be like finding out my spouse was a monster.

After me, Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke volunteered to do the dishes. We tried to help out since the adults did all of the cooking.

"That was amazing." Peyton said collapsing on Lucas's bed.

"So good." Brooke said following suit.

"I might pass out." Lucas said landing on Peyton.

"Oh god so will I." She barely breathed out. His back was right on her torso.

"Aw Lucas you're squishing Peyton." Brooke said amused.

"I'd like to see you have to deal with this." Peyton gasped out being as Lucas still hadn't moved.

"I can make that happen." I said making myself comfortable lying on Brooke.

"Dear lord Nate how much do you weigh?" She asked laughing.

"I'm 180 pounds of pure perfection." I said turning my head to kiss her quickly.

"More like 180 pounds of pure turkey and pie." Brooke said wrapping her arms around me from behind and rolled us over so my face was in the mattress as she laid on my back.

"While your back there how about a massage?" I suggested and she reached down to my sides and squeezed them knowing I was ticklish.

"Not cool Davis!" I yelped turning us over again to tickle her.

"Are we doing this again?" Lucas asked as Peyton maneuvered to gain the upper hand.

"Why do we all always end up fighting?" Brooke asked cracking up while trying to get away from me.

"Tell me you love me and I'll stop." I said smiling at her flushed face.

"Never gonna happen Scott." She giggled.

"Oh really?" I said reaching down to her foot.

"No not my feet!" She squealed.

"Tell me." I demanded.

"I love you!" She said before I could even place a finger on her foot.

"A deals a deal." I said moving so I wasn't on top of her anymore.

"Don't you just love our time together guys?" Peyton joked as we all four laughed. Being here with these people, my true friends and family was all I could ask for; there would never be a better holiday than this one.

_Let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

As more weeks passed we were back in school and the basketball season continued. I loved getting back into things. No amount of depression, fear or drugs were ever going to keep me from this game again. During practices Lucas and I demonstrated how we would lead the team to state and it didn't hurt that during every break we got to run over to Brooke and Peyton to talk to them for a minute.

My mom and I started gearing back up to move into our house again. My nightmares had subsided, thank god. There had been a few nights I woke up sweating, but one of the nights the girls stayed over and Brooke woke up when I did and she calmed me down as we sat on the porch together watching the sun come up as she sat on my lap wrapped in a blanket. The other two nights it was just me and Lucas and like I knew he would he talked me through it and reassured me he was here and wasn't going anywhere.

_I was out for a drink in a soho bar  
The air was smoked out liked a cheap cigar_

Haley was able to get my completely caught up from when I was in Charlotte and helped me understand my current work a lot better. That girl was a genius and very patient with me. One day while we were in the tutor center Jake popped by to see his girlfriend.

"Hey guys how's it going?" He poked his head through the door.

"It's great I just graded Nathan's practice math test and he got a B!" Haley exclaimed excitedly. I smiled at her enthusiasm she was the only one who could make me even remotely happy to be studying or doing homework. Brooke and I had attempted to study together alone and it always ended with us having mind blowing sex, not that I minded of course I didn't but it didn't accomplish anything educational for me.

"Nice job man." Jake said sitting down as we clapped hands.

"I'm learning who knew that was possible." I said laughing as I gathered my backpack together. Study Hall was almost over.

"At least we don't have to worry about you going on academic probation like we did last year, which was not okay when we thought you couldn't play anymore." Jake grimaced at the memory.

"Aw were you worried you might lose a game?" Haley teased him while placing her hand on his cheek.

"Haha make fun of me all you want but us basketball players take it seriously." Jake said gently biting Haley's finger before she pulled her hand away giggling. They had come a long way and were happily together.

"Yes thank god I got that one kid to do all my homework for me so I passed." I said remembering what kind of person I was back then. I used the fact I was king of this school to get anything I wanted, including all my work done by some random nerd who I threatened.

"But now that you're doing all the work yourself don't you feel good?" Haley asked hopeful and honestly I did.

"Yes thank you for putting up with me." I said standing up when the bell rang.

"No problem. I wasn't about to have the starting point guard fail on my watch." She said sternly. I reached over and pushed her shoulder.

"Good you better not." I threatened when we all walked out.

"Hey don't touch my girlfriend." Jake warned with a smile.

"She's my twin I can push her if I want." I said nudging Haley again.

"But we aren't complete without Lucas." She said laughing and just then Lucas came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"I always knew I completed you Hales." He said putting his chin on her shoulder.

"You complete us being triplets." Haley said patting his head as he stood up straight.

"Oh right Triplet Gang Scott is kicking Triplet Gang Sawyer/Davis/Jagelski's ass!" Lucas said fist bumping Jake who shook his head.

"Not true our gang is so such better we just haven't chosen a name yet." He defended.

"It's been over a month dude you might want to get more organized." I pointed out.

"Whatever this would be better if my other two halves were here to defend with me." Jake pouted.

"Aw hun it's okay your gang isn't as awesome as ours." Haley said giving him a hug.

"Haley your hugging the enemy get back here." Lucas demanded. I laughed at how serious we all took this.

"Hey check out the party in the hallway." Peyton said to Brooke as they walked up, arms linked.

"Well Peyton it can't be a party since no one invited us." Brooke said bumping her hip as she released her arm and came up to greet me with a kiss.

_She rose out of her seat like a painted ghost  
She was the woman that I wanted the most_

"Very true never mind." Peyton said doing the same with Lucas.

"Hey you." Brooke whispered.

"Hey beautiful." I said snaking my arm around her waist. She fit perfectly against me.

_As she reached for my arm I gave her my hand  
I said 'Lay me down easy let me understand'_

"Are you boys excited for the game tonight?" Peyton asked as we all moved toward the exit to go to the parking lot.

"We plan on kicking some Bear Creek ass!" Tim yelled running up to us having heard Peyton's question.

"Of course!" Lucas said joining in on Tim's enthusiasm.

"Stephen Richards will wish he wasn't playing us tonight I'm gonna make him cry tonight when we beat them at their home court." I said arrogantly.

_Let me sign, let sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

"Not to mention our cheerleaders are way better looking than there's." Lucas said. I scoffed.

"There's no competition." I said running my hand up and down Brooke's arm so she wasn't cold.

"Haley why don't you cheer?" Peyton asked.

"Oh I've never been the type, I'm too clumsy." She admitted embarrassed.

"You guys Haley can barely walk across the café without bumping into tables, chairs, or even customers." Lucas didn't miss a beat and I had to laugh because I could remember numerous times seeing her do that since I started working there.

"Shut up Lucas!" She replied hitting his arm.

"You hit like a girl." He taunted which earned a slap on each arm, one from Haley and one from Peyton.

"I just can't win apparently." He said throwing his hands up in the air.

"Shouldn't be sexest Luke than you wouldn't get hit." Brooke said pointing a finger at him.

"It is what it is, Haley hits like a 6 year old girl." He shrugged.

"That's it!" Haley said and started toward Lucas. He ran in between cars to get away from her but she caught up to him and jumped on his back. We all watched laughing at them. He carried her back giving her a piggy back ride.

"The things I do for you." He said as she got off him.

"Whatever it was the least you could do." Haley said smiling.

"You know tutor girl you have some athleticism in you I think you should try out for cheerleading." Brooke said loving the idea. I enjoyed watching her eyes light up, it was rare these days.

_As I walked through the door she was still in my head  
As I entered the room she was laid there in bed_

"I don't know you guys.." She said unsure.

"We do." Peyton said sure of herself and Brooke.

"I'll think about it." Haley agreed. "I'll be at the game tonight so if you impress me I might join."

"P. Sawyer we need to be on our A game so Haley will be willing to join." Brooke said with a dimpled grin.

"Don't worry we will." Peyton said as we all reached our cars. We parked literally right next to each other. We were that friend group who never left each other's sides.

"One more hot girl on the squad I'm down." Tim said and we all laughed because it was Tim.

"I like the idea of dating a cheerleader." Jake said throwing his arm around Haley.

"I'm a tutor first no matter what." She said saluting me. I did the same back.

"Good to know you won't be slacking on me." I said unlocking the car for me and Brooke. We took turns driving depending if she spent the night or not.

"Never in a million years." She promised.

"We'll all be seeing each other here in about 2 hours." I said doing the goodbye routine. Hugging all the girls and fist bumping the guys.

"I'll see you back at the house Nate." Lucas said nodding to me from his car.

"Yeah I'll be there soon." I said getting in my car. I pulled away holding onto Brooke's hand.

_She reached out for me all twisted in black  
I was on my way down, never coming back_

"I wish you could ride with us to the game." I said pulling up to a red light.

"Aww you can't go an hour without me can you?" She said leaning over to kiss me. Being alone we made out until the car behind us honked because the light turned green.

"Damn they weren't being very nice." She complained I laughed at her adorableness.

"Your just mad because they interrupted our kiss." I said knowingly.

"I don't like being told when to stop kissing you." She said looking at me.

"Trust me I don't either." I said honestly. I was taking her to her house so she could pack more clothes to stay at Luke's this weekend. When we pulled up she gasped and I saw her eyes cloud over. In the drive way was a black Jaguar and a silver Mercedes. I stayed looking at her.

"My parents are home." She whispered brokenly, just as I had many times before. I knew fear when I saw it and there was definitely fear in my girlfriend's eyes.

I was damn sure going to figure out why.

_let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign.  
let me sign, let me sign, can't fight the devil so just let me sign._

**That's all for now! Hope everyone liked it! Thank you for putting up with my absence some serious drama is coming up so stay tuned! That song was 'Let Me Sign' by Robert Pattinson. **

**Xoxo Marissa Davis**


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